Jokes about wives

I think it's funny. Everyone laughs when I post it ~ ~ ~ ~ It's hard to work and study all day ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

About getting up

Husband: Get up, get up. You said you had to get up early for a meeting today.

Wife: Don't talk, I'll sleep for a while.

Husband: Get up quickly, or you will be late.

Wife: Don't touch me! I want to sleep! !

Wife: Ah! It's time to be late! Why did you call me! ! !

About eating

Wife: I ate half of this plum. It is delicious. I will give you the rest.

Husband: I don't like plums.

Wife: No, you just like it! Don't you like what I eat?

Husband: This fish is delicious. Let's go

Wife: Who did you touch with your dirty chopsticks?

Husband: Then I'd better eat half. I don't hate you. How can you not like me?

Wife: That's right. I don't like you, which means I am cleaner than you. I am cleaner than you. Why don't you like me? !

About divorce

Wife: If we divorce, the house is mine and I want to take my money.

Husband: What about my money?

Wife: All your money is my money. Huh, how much money you got there?

Wife: Besides, 80% of your monthly income will be given to me after the divorce. Well, if you get married again, just give me 60%.

Husband: Wife, I will never divorce you!

About doing housework

Husband: Let's divide the housework.

Wife: OK. First of all, men should do dirty work, such as cleaning floors, toilets and tables. ...

Husband: That's right.

Wife: You study science and engineering, and I study liberal arts. You should make charged things, such as washing machines, refrigerators, rice cookers and electric irons. ...

Husband: It doesn't matter!

Wife: The man is outside and the woman is inside. The work of dealing with outsiders depends on you, such as buying food, paying utilities, taking newspaper milk …

Husband: OK, OK, then what are you doing?

Wife: Don't worry. There is a lot of smoke in the kitchen, which will ruin your skin. You must cook.

Husband: Tell me what you do.

Wife: I have a lot to do, too. I can accompany you, supervise you, praise you and comfort you. ...

About children

Wife: Let's have a baby.

Husband: OK.

Wife: Do you like our children?

Husband: Yes.

Wife: That won't do! You have to like me alone!

Husband: OK, OK, I like you alone.

Wife: Then why don't you like my children?

Husband: Let's not have children.

About drinking water

Wife: Honey, I want to drink water!

Husband: I'll pour it for you.

Husband: Hey, isn't this cup at your hand? Can't you see it?

Wife: Yes, I just want you to pass it to me.

About leadership

Wife: I am not a leader outside, but I should be a leader at home. When you are a leader outside, you have to be led at home.

Husband: What if I can't be a leader outside?

Wife: A man who looks at people's faces outside and goes home to show off his wife is nothing!

About sleeping

Wife: Let's cover that double quilt.

Husband: No! Then it will be wrapped up by you the next morning. I can't report anything.

Look at that. Let's build your own, be practical.

Wife: Hum, even if you build it yourself, you will still be wrapped up by me tomorrow morning!

About the center

Wife: I have always been the center in our family, and I have always been the center in your family.

Husband: Then I have always been the center of our family.

Wife: But my center is more important than yours.

Husband: Why?

Wife: Because I am a daughter and you are just a boy.

About making a phone call

Wife: Why didn't you call me? !

Husband: A waste of time! I thought you agreed to call me today. As a result, I waited all day, and I called you.

Wife: I did, but I changed my mind again. Zhang Ailing said: Women have the privilege of changing their minds.

Husband: Then you changed your mind and didn't tell me!

Wife: I said, what I said in my heart, who told you that you and I have no contact?

About heterosexual friends

Wife: I can have a boyfriend. You can't interfere with me.

Husband: Well, I have a girlfriend, too.

Wife: No!

Husband: Why can you do it and I can't?

Wife: I have a boyfriend. If people who can't do it can do it, I won't always find fault with you, which is conducive to family happiness. You have a girlfriend, so I'm petty. Being jealous and quarreling with you is not conducive to family stability.

Husband: Then I am also narrow-minded.

Wife: Men are as narrow-minded as women. How dare you say that!

About taking things

Wife: You can take this bag, too.

Husband: I have four bags. You don't take anything. Are you embarrassed?

Wife: Then I still hold you! You weigh more than 100 Jin. What I take is not much heavier than what you take.

About walking

Wife: Let's go straight to that street.

Husband: It's too far to get there. I won't be able to walk back for a while.

Wife: Nothing, you carry me back.

About extramarital affairs

Wife: There are always extramarital affairs on TV now. Do you think you will have an affair?

Husband: No.

Wife: Why?

Husband: I regret having you. I can't have another one! If you laugh, don't forget to adopt me! Hope to be adopted, thank you!