Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - The complete works of six joke phrases

The complete works of six joke phrases

00 1- The mouse is angry, and everyone is a sick cat.

002- arguing with MM about whether whales are fish, and finally I said, "I'll bring my own words", and she agreed that whales are not fish.

003- Men have gold under their knees. I cut off my whole leg and didn't even find a copper coin!

004- I bury corn in the soil in spring, and I will harvest a lot of corn in autumn. I bury my wife in the ground in spring, and I will be shot in autumn!

005- If you see a shadow in front, don't be afraid, it's because there is sunshine behind you!

006- You're not old enough to visit brothels. Please use Huiren Shenbao.

007-Listen to you and leave me ten books!

Debut at the age of 008-0, every day 10. 20-year-old dream, 30-year-old effort. At the age of 40, it is basically oriented, and at the age of 50, it is full of popularity. Playing mahjong at the age of 60 and wandering around at the age of 70. 80-year-old lesbians are very common, and 90-year-old lesbians are hanging on the wall!

009- Take off your clothes. I am an animal. Put on your clothes. I am the devil wears Prada!

0 10- Teacher, just follow the old lady! ... after a long time ... teacher, please give me a break!

0 1 1- "Honey, I'm ... I'm pregnant ... for three months, but don't worry, it's not yours, you have no responsibility ..."

0 12- We have a little disagreement: she wants me to turn dung into gold, and I want her to treat gold as dung.

0 13- read 10 years of Chinese, let's talk about QQ for half a year.

0 14- I was lazy in bed in the morning and took out six coins from my pocket: if all six were heads, I would go to class! Think for a long time, forget it, don't take the risk. ...

015-I spent 80,000 yuan on a pottery jar of the Western Zhou Dynasty. I went to Jianbao column for appraisal yesterday. The expert said seriously, "Where is this from the Western Zhou Dynasty?" This is from last week! "

0 16- I can tolerate fake bodies, fake faces, fake breasts and fake hips! ! ! But I just can't stand that money is fake! ! ! !

0 17- The scholar plays dead for his bosom friend, and the woman has plastic surgery for her lover.

0 18- I want to marry Tang Priest when I grow up. If I can play, I will eat him, if I can't.

0 19- Two tigers are not allowed in one mountain unless there is a male and a female.

020- Don't wait until everyone says you are ugly before you realize that you are really ugly.

02 1- If my friends can sell them for five dollars each, I can make a small fortune.

022- personals: The requirements are as follows: A is alive and B is female.

Give me some sunshine, I will rot.

024- Eat a little to lose weight.

025- Shake, shake, shake to Naihe Bridge.

026- fate shuffles, but it is ourselves who play cards!

027- Q: What do you like about me? A: I like you to stay away from me!

028- Come back, I can't fool you alone!

029- Life is the mouth of Song Like Zude, and you never know who will be unlucky next ~ ~ ~

030- Fall, get up and cry ~ ~ ~

03 1- Besides teeth, there is love.

032- A dinosaur went to the toilet when passing by Xi Jiaotong University. When she came out, she sobbed, "555, I finally don't have to worry about getting married in my life ..."

033- raw, simple. Live, relax. Life is not easy.

034- My cousin is over forty years old. Starting from the text, I failed in the exam for three years. Then I practiced martial arts, and as soon as I made a move in the martial arts field, I was fired from playing drums. Change the medicine, write the prescription, eat it, and die.

035- How sad can you be, like a group of eunuchs who go to a brothel? ...

036- My life is limited and my food is limited ~ ~ ~

There are two ways to pollute a place: garbage or money!

038- When we were young, we often made faces in the mirror; In old age, mirrors are flat.

039- Are you blind? You can't see such a big shield, but you want to throw stones at my head!

040- If something goes wrong, look for the reason from yourself first. Don't blame the earth for its lack of gravity when you are constipated.

04 1- clap your head to make a decision, clap your chest to make sure to leave.

042- We walk so fast that our souls can't keep up. ...

043- Don't be as knowledgeable as the earthlings ~ ~ ~

044- Girls only need to succeed once from a virgin to a woman, and boys need to be trained repeatedly from a virgin to a man!

045- Come out, your wife will change sooner or later!

046- When I was a child, I thought I could save the world when I grew up. When I grow up, I find that the whole world can't save me. ...

047- rich people are grandfathers! But there are even more people who owe money and don't pay it back!

048- Even if I were a toad, I would never marry a mother toad.

049- Why do you sleep before you die? After death, you will fall asleep. ...

A tailor who doesn't want to be a cook is not a good driver.

05 1- Time is the best teacher, but unfortunately-in the end, he killed all the students.

052- On the way to Xi 'an on business, a Dalian man bragged about how good Dalian was, then said that Dalian held a grand celebration at the centenary of the founding of the city, and then asked the people next to him, "Is there any celebration for the centenary of Xi 'an?" A few Xi 'an's buddies next to him were shocked. After a while, they forced out a sentence: "I remember when Xi' an established its capital 600 years ago, there was a' bonfire emperor' ..."

053-Diamonds last forever, and one goes bankrupt!

054- In a harmonious campus, cyclists may be doctors, while Mercedes-Benz drivers may be logistics. ...

055-it is gold, which will always be spent; This is a mirror. It always reflects light. ...

056- The reason why my girlfriend is not a nun is that she failed Grade 4, and buddhist nun refused to accept it.

057- A star can be more famous by taking off a little, but I got caught by taking off all my clothes!

058- looking at a beautiful MM, but there is no way to strike up a conversation. I picked up a brick by the side of the road and stepped forward. "Classmate, did you drop this?"

059- When I was a child, my dream was not to be a scientist, but to fantasize that I was the master of the landlord's family, and the land was fertile, with thousands of hectares. I am in a daze all day, and it has nothing to do with leading a group of dog slaves to flirt with a good girl on the street. ...

060- don't talk to me about ideals, quit!

06 1- roses for you, chocolates for you and diamonds for you. You, mine!

062-The so-called surprise is that the rabbit you are waiting for comes, followed by the wolf!

063- What is luck? Happiness is that cats eat fish and dogs eat meat, and Altman hits small monsters!

064- Two farmers brag: "The chickens on our farm eat all the tea leaves and lay all the tea eggs." "Yes, our farm gives chickens wallets to lay poached eggs."

065- Cockroaches are not afraid of cockroach medicine, but we can't even handle vitamins!

066- Don't blame the dog for looking like a steamed stuffed bun!

067- Men's cheating IQ is second only to Einstein!

068- Study hard for China! A pack of China cigarettes is a lot of money. ...

069- If you can't dress your woman in a wedding dress, don't stop you from unbuttoning her clothes!

070- Don't think that wearing dirty clothes can become a tainted witness; Don't think that wearing wooden slippers can be a witness to clogs. ...

07 1- The cause belongs to the country, the honor belongs to the unit, the achievement belongs to the leader, the salary belongs to the wife, the property belongs to the children, and the mistake is your own.

072- Phoenix rebirth is nirvana, pheasant rebirth is corpse change.

073- If one day I become a hooligan, please tell others that I am innocent. ...

I have not only a car, but also my own car. ...

075- Women have countless QQ numbers just to flirt with a man. Men often use a QQ number to fill in all kinds of women. ...

076- I accidentally read the so-called contemporary female mate selection standard in the book: "If you have a car and a house, your parents will die." Depressed. I wrote down the imaginary criteria for choosing a spouse: "The family property is over 100 million, the beauty is the best in the world, the virtuous and gentle, and the father-in-law has terminal cancer ..."

077- Most people only do three things in their life: deceive themselves, deceive others and be deceived.

078-Sleep is an art-No one can stop me from pursuing art!

079- In order to avoid domestic violence, I decided not to get married!

080- You can live like a pig, but you can never be as happy as a pig!

08 1- As fast as lightning, it's not worth mentioning that if you don't sweep a house in the storm as a symbol of our love, why can you sweep the world invincible? When the sun rises in the east and the rain falls in the west, when I look up, I find it is moonlight. How can you kill a chicken, how can you try it with an ox knife, how can you save Zhao Baokui, goodbye very much, gossip?

082- Anonymous's blog diary: One day, I got drunk and reached out and touched it-my mobile phone and chastity are here, so go to sleep!

083- A beautiful, pure, gentle, sexy and lovely virgin is like a ghost. Men are talking about it, but no one has ever seen it with their own eyes. ...

084-I remember the primary school teacher scolding me: "I'll kick you out with a slap!" "I wanted to laugh at that time, but I was afraid to laugh. Now, I dare to laugh, but I can't. ...

If happiness is a cloud, if pain is like a star. Then my life is really cloudless and full of stars in Wan Li …

086- Effect of contraception: If you don't succeed, you will become a "person".

087- Loneliness is a person's carnival, and carnival is the loneliness of a group of people.

088- The most tiring thing in this world is to see your heart broken and have to stick it on yourself.

089- The tragedy of life lies in: I worked so hard to have a sweet dream all night, but I woke up the next morning with no memory at all!

090- My father asked me what kind of life I wanted. I answered money and beauty, and my father punched me in the face; I answered career and love, and my father touched my head appreciatively.

09 1- men are lewd. A stronger one is called a pervert, a stronger one is called a pervert, and a stronger one is called a pervert. Especially strong, they become perverted perverts and are called human aesthetic artists.

092- I remember one day shortly after graduation, my girlfriend sent me a short message: "Let's break up!" Before I could feel sad, my girlfriend sent another message: "Sorry, I sent it wrong." This can be very sad. ...

093- It is forbidden to urinate here, and tools will be confiscated.

094- Look at beautiful women in the street. If you look up, you will appreciate them. If you look down, you will be hooligans.

095- Son of a bitch, we still have a lot to do in this life. Don't waste time playing hide-and-seek with me, just jump out ~ ~ ~

096- Women like two kinds of flowers all their lives: one is to spend money, and the other is to spend as much as possible!

097- a hit drama-is about female artists. ...

098- The world is unfair, because God said, "I want light!" " "So there was this day. The beauty said, "I want a diamond ring!" " "So she got a diamond ring. The rich man said, "I want a woman!" " "So he has a woman. I said, "I want to take a shower!" " "The water was cut off!

099- I really don't understand that girls buy a lot of beautiful clothes just to attract the attention of boys, but what boys want to see is girls who don't wear clothes.

100- Occasionally, if you live in silence, you will feel great, but if you live in silence, you will be miserable. ...

There is a classmate named Wang Qiang, and I have to write about him. Because he is so funny, and he looks very distinctive-he has a birthmark on his left nose, so his nose is half black and half white. It's hard for ordinary people to forget him after seeing him.

Feature 1: Rogue

We studied together when we were very young. There used to be many girls who loved to wear skirts (except me). He and several other boys in the class are particularly hooligans-lifting girls' skirts and pulling girls' pants. There is a beautiful girl who once had her pants ripped off by him. The next day, the girl's mother came to school and stripped his pants in public. To paraphrase his words, "People don't waste their youth"! Up to now, I have been embarrassing him about it.

Feature 2: blind obedience

(1). Later I sat at the same table with him. Once in an exam, he said to me, "Sister ~ ~ Sister ~ ~ Sister ~ ~, let me see your answer." I couldn't stand his hesitation, so I showed him the answer. Because the first question was covered by my notebook, he copied the answer to the second question into the first question, life. Later, the test paper was handed out, and as a result, he got a row of red XX.

(2) It is also an exam, and he can't do one question. So he looked around. At that time, his seat was the best in the class (monitor at the front desk, deputy monitor at the back desk, me at the same table, and the study committee member on the left). Later, he found that the answers of the four of us were different, so he wrote an answer casually. After the test paper was handed out, I almost fainted because he wrote all four answers.

Feature 3: Stand up.

(1). Some classmates and I went to the river near our school to pull some crabs. Last night, when I was studying by myself, I put a crab on the desk of the girl in front, and she cried. Wang Qiang advised her: "I'm sorry, I was going to teach it to go forward, but I didn't expect it to walk sideways and walk to you. Hey, it's all my lack of discipline. " I almost died laughing.

(2). Once, I picked up a book and hit a male classmate, but I didn't expect to hit another classmate. The classmate roared, "Who hit me?" I glanced at Wang Qiang and he nodded and smiled at me. I thought he was going to stand up again, but I didn't expect him to say something that made me vomit blood: "Nobody did it!" "

Feature 4: make a hullabaloo about.

(1). We just finished learning Prime Minister Shili, and the teacher asked us to recite it, so from time to time, "It's gray ..."

In the science class, the teacher talked about the fine weather: "God …" Wang Qiang shouted: "It's gray."

The teacher roared, "Dead man!" Bang, a thick dictionary fell on his head.

(2) In Chinese class, the teacher asked, "What were the ways to address me in ancient times?"

The students replied, "Me, Yu ..."

Wang Qiang shouted, "I am ~ ~ ~ ~".

The teacher ignored him and asked, "What else?"

Wang Qiang shouted again: "Old woman, being original ~ ~ ~ ~"

The whole class is already laughing.

Feature 5: Nonsense

(1). There is a beautiful girl in the class, and many boys have a crush on her. One morning, Wang Qiang came up to her with a ring and got down on one knee.

With a beautiful arc, the ring was accurately thrown into the trash can by her.

Wang Qiang said: "Fortunately, this is not true. Just a dollar! "

(2). A classmate shouted: "Wang Qiang, come to the song" Don't Come Back in Autumn "."

Wang Qiang walked to the corner of sanitation, picked up a handle, stepped on the stool with one foot, and put his hand on his leg. Then imitate the way the star plays the guitar and sing: "Let autumn ..."

That scene made me burst into tears.

Feature 6: Honesty

After hearing a joke, I kept laughing. He said, "Sister, will you please stop laughing?"

I asked, "Why?"

He said, "The third floor is coming soon! '

I said, "No way!"

He said, "There's something I've wanted to say for a long time. When you cry, I want to laugh. " When you laugh, I have an impulse to cry! "

Miss, you look like a chicken.

When MM got off the taxi, the driver suddenly stuck his head out of the window and shouted at MM, "Miss, you are like a chicken!" " "

MM blushed and turned to scold: "You are like a fucking duck!"

Then the taxi left. ...

Then mm chased the car and shouted, "master, my camera!" " My camera. "