Are there any funny, short jokes or text messages?

A lady called the architect and said that her bed would shake whenever the train passed by.

"This is nonsense!" The architect replied, "Let me see."

After the architect arrived, his wife suggested that he lie on the bed and experience the feeling when the train passed by.

Hardly had the architect gone to bed when his wife's husband came back. Seeing this, he snapped, "What are you doing in my wife's bed?"

The architect replied trembling, "I said I was waiting for the train." Would you believe it? "

Epiphany some words are true, but they sound false; Some words are false, but there is no doubt.

Step 2 seduce

An English gentleman and a French lady share a box. The woman tried to seduce the Englishman. She took off her clothes and lay down.

Then I complained that I was cold. Mr. Wang gave her his quilt, but she kept saying it was cold.

"How else can I help you?" Mr. Wang asked in dismay.

"When I was a child, my mother always used her body to keep me warm."

"Young lady, I can't help you. I can't jump off the train to find your mother, can I? "

A man who knows amorous feelings is a good man, and a man who doesn't know amorous feelings is a good man.

ladle

Mike went into the restaurant and ordered a soup. The waiter brought it to him right away.

As soon as the waiter walked away, Mike shouted, "Sorry, I can't drink this soup."

The waiter brought him another soup, but he still said, "Sorry, I can't drink this soup."

The waiter had to call the manager.

The manager nodded respectfully to Mike and said, "Sir, this dish is the best in our shop and very popular."

Welcome customers, don't you ... "

"I mean, where is the spoon?"

Correcting mistakes after an epiphany is certainly a good thing. But we often remove the right ones and leave the wrong ones, and the result is wrong and wrong.

Step 4 wear it wrong

In the restaurant, an extremely humble man timidly touched another customer, who was wearing a big one.

Clothes.

"Excuse me, are you Mr. Pierre?"

"No, I'm not." The man replied.

"Ah," he breathed a sigh of relief, "then I'm not mistaken. I am him. You are wearing his coat. "

It is not easy to be proved in an epiphany. People who are straightforward tend to feel inferior; And unreasonable people, heroes are like cattle.

Step 5 take it back

A scotsman went to London and wanted to visit an old friend, but he forgot his address, so

I sent a telegram to my father: "Do you know Thomas' address? Quick report! "

On the same day, he received an urgent call back: "I know."

Epiphany When we finally found the most correct answer, we found it was the most useless.

6. Sad stories

Three people went to new york for a holiday. They booked a suite on the 45th floor of a high-rise hotel.

One night, the elevator in the building broke down and the waiter arranged for them to spend the night in the lobby.

After discussion, they decided to go back to their rooms and agreed to tell jokes, sing songs and tell stories to the children in turn.

Reduce the fatigue of going upstairs.

After telling jokes and singing songs, we finally climbed to the 34th floor, and everyone felt exhausted.

"All right, Peter, tell a humorous story."

Peter said, "The story is not long, but it is extremely sad: I left my room key in the hall."

Epiphany is our pain, so humor; We are humorous, so we are happy.

Step 7 sell books

A famous writer is coming to visit the bookstore. The bookstore owner was flattered and quickly withdrew all the books.

Next, put all the writers' books on. When the writer came to the bookstore, he was very happy to ask, "Does your store only sell my books?"

Of course not. "Bookstore owner replied," other books sell well, all sold out. "

I suddenly realized that "flattery" is a strange word: you seem to flatter him and insult him.

Step 8 help

In the lobby of the post office, an old lady walked up to a middle-aged man and said politely, "Sir, please help."

Can I write the address on the postcard? "

"Of course." The middle-aged man did as the old man asked.

"Thank you!" The old lady said, "Write me another short paragraph, will you?"

"all right." After the middle-aged man finished writing according to the old lady's words, he smiled and asked, "Is there anything else?"

Really? ""Well, there's one little thing. "The old lady looked at the postcard and said," Please help me add another sentence below: I'm sorry for the scrawl. "

If you don't help, people will hate you for a week. If the help is not perfect, it is best. ...

A law school in the United States, one day took the criminal law exam. The first question the professor asked the students was: "What is the crime of fraud?"

The student replied, "If you don't let me pass the exam, it's fraud."

The professor was surprised: "How to explain? Which student can answer this question. "

Another student added: "According to the criminal law, anyone who takes advantage of others' ignorance to make them suffer losses is guilty of fraud. "For example, the teacher said," You should have heard that pain in medicine is divided into 12 grades. The first level refers to the pain when bitten by mosquitoes. The twelfth level is also the most painful level-the pain during childbirth. "Student A:" Do you have any pain in grade 13? "Student B:" I was bitten by a mosquito during childbirth! "

guandi temple

A friend sent Guandi's idol home. If you put it on the luggage rack, for fear of disrespect to Guan Di, my friend bought a seat for the idol, put it away, fastened the seat belt and waited for the plane to take off. But ..... the plane didn't take off. When my friend was impatient, he heard the stewardess's broadcast "Mr. Guan Yunchang, Mr. Guan Yunchang, please board the plane as soon as you hear the broadcast."

Plug removal

The reporter interviewed the director of the mental hospital, how to make sure that the patient has been cured and can be discharged. The dean said, it's very simple.

Single, fill the bathtub with water, put a spoon next to it, and ask to empty the bathtub. The reporter said: Oh! I see. Normal people can use spoons. The dean said: No, normal people will unplug the bathtub. ...

An exciting game.

One day, the physics teacher of a female middle school called in sick, and 40 female students were expecting who would take the class. In physics class, he turned out to be a handsome male teacher. A female student jokingly said, teacher, can we skip class and play some exciting games?

The male teacher was silent for a while and said, "All right, students, put away your textbooks. Now it's time for the exam! "

borrow books

A man went to the library to borrow books. He asked the female staff in the library, "Excuse me, where is the book Happy Marriage?"

"This is a fantasy novel. Go to the third cabinet on the right.

""So where are the books about how couples get along?

"This is a martial arts novel. Look in the first row of cabinets on the left! "

The story of an honest man

An old man was chopping wood by the river, and his axe fell into the river. The old man was crying on the shore. He Xian appeared and asked him why he was crying. The old man said that the axe fell into the river. He Xian jumped into the river and came up with a golden axe in his hand.

Q: "Is this yours?" The old man shook his head and said no. He Xian jumped into the river again. This time, he took a silver axe and asked your former boss if he said no? He Xian jumped into the river for the third time. Iron axe asked your old man, okay? He Xian wants to reward him.

His honesty gave him three axes.

This old story has just shrunk recently. One day, he accompanied gf for a walk by the river. His girlfriend fell into the river. He cried on the shore. He Xian appeared and asked him why he was crying. He said that his girlfriend fell into the river. He Xian jumped into the river and hugged Michele Monique Reis, asking if this is your gf. He nodded and said yes. He Xian got angry and said you were dishonest.

Shrinking feels wronged. He said that if I said you wouldn't bring Kelly Chen up, you would bring my girlfriend up and give me all three of them. I'm just a student. How can I support these three women without money? So I can only say yes.

Shennong

One day, the teacher asked everyone, "Does anyone know Shennong's achievements? 」

The monitor immediately raised his hand: "I see, teacher, it's a hundred herbs." 」

The teacher was very satisfied and said, "well, yes, it's the monitor. Everyone is studying."

Xiaoming raised his hand and asked unconvinced, "Teacher, do you know what Shennong said before he died? The teacher said, "Well, the teacher doesn't know ..."

Xiao Ming said, "Teacher, let me tell you! That's ... ah! This is poisonous!

Teacher: "-_-"

monkey

One day, a mother took her daughter to the zoo, and when she walked to the monkey garden, her daughter suddenly said, Mom! Look, that monkey looks like his father!

Mother taught her: How can you say that? !

Daughter: Monkeys don't understand anyway. ........

Sniper

In a war, the general went to the front to boost morale, and the soldiers in front reported to the general.

Say, "general! There is a sniper in the stone pile 20 meters ahead, but his marksmanship is poor. He fired many shots these days, but he didn't hit anyone! 」

The general was very angry and said, since the sniper was found, why not kill him? 」

The soldier said, "General! Are you out of your mind? Do you want them to exchange it for a more accurate one? 」

Three mosquitoes were showing off their flying skills. They were so angry that they couldn't tell the winner from the loser for a long time and decided to "show off" each other.

The British mosquito attacked for the first time and saw it fly to a frog. When it came back, it saw the frog's tongue tied a slipknot. He proudly said, tell you! In my hometown, if you don't have this ability, you will soon be finished!

American mosquito sneered twice: Hum! Carving worms, not to mention! ! So he flew to the two frogs and ran back and forth between them several times. When he came back, the tongues of the two frogs became a fast knot. He said, humph! In my hometown, you have to live like this!

China Mosquito replied disdainfully: Just kidding! In our hometown, we have never seen such poor technology! British and American mosquitoes said unconvinced, you said this! ? How capable do you think you are?

As a result, mosquitoes in China flew to a group of frogs and shuttled through them several times. When they came back, they saw the frog's tongue pulled together and became a "Chinese knot". ...