Selected classic animal jokes

There was a serious accident on the expressway. A car crashed into a lamppost, and both men and women in the car were seriously injured and unconscious. When the police were investigating at the scene, a monkey jumped out of the bushes by the road. The police officer at the scene saw the monkey wearing a collar and thought it might be a human pet, so he asked it, "Are you also a passenger in the car?"

The monkey actually nodded, as if it were human. The policeman tried to ask again, "What were the people in the car doing when the accident happened?"

The monkey put two fingers on his mouth.

"Are they smoking?" The police officer guessed.

The monkey nodded his head.

The police officer then asked, "What else did they do?"

The monkey clenched his fist in one hand and pretended to pour something into his mouth.

"You mean they are drinking?"

The monkey nodded.

"What else?"

The monkey pursed his mouth and kissed the back of his hand hard.

"Oh, are they making out?"

The monkey also nodded.

The police officer read aloud: "When the accident happened, the passengers were smoking, drinking and having intimate activities in the car ..." Write everything down in the notebook. Finally he asked the monkey, "What are you doing?"

The monkey reached out his hands and made a gesture of holding the steering wheel.

2. Bears and Rabbits

A magical frog is walking in the forest. The forest is so big that frogs can hardly see other animals. One day, it happened to see a bear chasing a hare and preparing to use it for dinner. Frog stopped them and said, "Because you are the only two animals I have seen so far, I will realize your three wishes at once ... Bear, you go first."

The bear thought for a moment and said, "I hope all the bears in this forest are female except me." The rabbit wanted a hard helmet, so he put it on him at once. Bear didn't expect the rabbit to be so stupid that he wasted the opportunity to realize his dream.

The bear proudly expressed his second wish: "I hope all the bears in the nearby forest are females." The hare's second wish is to get a motorcycle. Soon it got on the motorcycle and started the engine. The bear was surprised that the rabbit had such a foolish wish. After all, rabbits can ask for a lot of money and buy motorcycles!

Last wish, the bear thought carefully for a while and said, "I hope all bears in this world are females, except me."

The hare grinned, started the engine and left a message saying that the smoke was gone.

That sentence is: "I hope this bear is gay ..."

3, persistent rabbit

One day, a rabbit jumped into the shop: Boss, do you sell carrots?

Boss: No!

The next day, the rabbit jumped in and asked, Boss, do you sell carrots?

Boss: No!

On the third day, the rabbit jumped in and asked, Boss, do you sell carrots?

Boss: No! If you come in and ask me again, I'll cut off your ear!

The fourth day, the rabbit jumped in and asked, Boss, do you sell scissors?

Boss: No!

Rabbit: Do you sell carrots?

4. The story of the parrot

Causes of baldness

A beautiful girl keeps a parrot. One day, the girl was taking a bath in the bathroom. The parrot said, "Yes, yes."

The girl said angrily to the parrot, "If you bark again, you will be plucked."

The next day, a bald guest came home, and the parrot sneaked on the guest's shoulder and whispered, "Did you see it, too?"

(2) Complaints

It is said that the owner of a shop keeps a talking parrot. Whenever a guest steps into the store door, the parrot will say: Welcome. One day, an unbelieving guest deliberately went to the store to see if the parrot could really talk, so he went into the store. As soon as he stepped in the door, the parrot said, welcome. So he felt curious and wanted to try again, so he went out and tried again. The parrot still said, welcome. Curious people find it interesting, so they immediately go out and step in. The parrot kept saying: welcome ... after five consecutive times, when the guest stepped in for the sixth time, the parrot turned to the owner and said: boss! Someone is playing with your bird!

(3) Call the police

One day, the police station received a phone call, and the other party's voice was very urgent.

"sir! Help! Help quickly! "

"Young lady, take your time. What's the matter? "

"A cat climbed into my house!"

"It shouldn't be a problem for a cat to climb in!"

"no! No way! This cat is dangerous! Cats are dangerous! "

"Young lady, don't be afraid, cats are really not dangerous ..."

"Sir, are you here 1 10 police station? If it's a police station, I'll call you and you can save me! Hurry up! ! The cat is coming in, it's dangerous! ! "

"Miss, who the hell are you?"

"I am a parrot! I am a parrot! ! "

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