Collection of little jokes

The truth is revealed

The teacher has been pregnant for some time, but the children in her kindergarten seemed not to notice the little guy who was growing vigorously like them.

One day, the dental hygienist was invited to teach the children how to protect their teeth, and said that eating sweets and chocolate will not only be harmful to the teeth, but also make people fat. On the way back to the classroom, a little boy caught up with the teacher, pointed at her belly, and said, "I know what you have been doing, teacher!"

Do one good deed every day

The teacher said to the students: "Each of you should do one good deed every day."

The next day, the teacher asked: "Husange, what good deed did you do yesterday? "

"I helped an old woman cross the road."

"Good boy! Fan Lidong, what about you?"

"I helped Hu Sanger. An old woman crossed the road."

"That's good too. Manucher, what about you?"

"Teacher, I helped Hu Sangge and Fan Lidong cross the road. "It's strange! Are the three of you helping an old woman across the road?"

"It's not strange!" The old lady didn't need to cross the road, so we had to help her across with great difficulty. "中

Men's Style

Mrs. Seawood drove a new convertible. Driving on the highway, he had already violated all traffic laws in just 5 minutes, and finally knocked down a man who was coming towards him. Mrs. Seawood got out of the car and said apologetically to the man: "I'm so sorry, sir. This is entirely my fault. I drove the wrong route. I hope you didn't suffer any damage?" The man smiled bitterly and said: "No, ma'am. It's my own fault." He picked up two fallen teeth from the ground. "Because I saw you 300 meters away, and I had time to get to the tree."

Driving too fast

A driver was about to drive back after drinking. At home, he saw the cars in his reflector speeding past again and again, and thought: No, the cars are going too fast! So he prepared to slow down. However, the car in my reflector is getting faster and faster. No, slower, he thought. So prepare to go slower.

At this time, he saw a policeman knocking on the glass of his car. He thought, no, he must have been driving too fast and the policeman saw him. So he opened the car door and said apologetically: "I'm so sorry. I wasn't paying attention just now, so I drove too fast again." The policeman angrily pulled him out of the car: "Did you know that on the road? You can’t park casually! The fine is 50!”

Fortunately

One day, Xiao Neng, Xiao Tian and Xiao Gui were walking in the park when they saw something in the middle of the road.

"Looks like poop!" Xiao Neng said, "We'd better check it out." He bent down and took a deep breath. "It smells like poop." He said.

Oda walked up and put his finger in and felt, "It feels like poop." He said.

Xiaogui poked it and put it in his mouth, and then said, "It tastes like poop."

The three finally breathed a sigh of relief and said, "Fortunately we didn't step on it. !"

The more he spoke, the more he showed his disdain

A driver was driving through an intersection, and a traffic policeman came over and said, "Sir, congratulations, you are the first one to pass this intersection. For those who did not violate traffic rules, I decided to reward you with a hundred yuan." After hearing this, the driver said happily: "Great, I can use this money to get a driver's license." The policeman said, "What? No driver's license?" The driver's wife quickly said, "Don't listen to his nonsense. He drank too much." The policeman said, "What? Are you still drinking?" The driver's mother said, "Tell you to be careful when driving a stolen car." ."

Me in 30 Years

The teacher assigned a composition topic "Me in 30 Years" in the fifth-grade composition class.

Xiaomei, a girl in the class, wrote: ...The weather is good today. I took my child to the park to play. I drove the luxury car my husband bought for me and wore it on my finger. Wearing the big diamond ring he just bought me, and hanging around my neck is the gold chain he gave me just last month. I was walking in the park with my lovely child, and people looked at me with envy everywhere. Suddenly, a homeless old lady with a stinky body and mud on her face rushed out on the road. I took a closer look, Oh my God! She turned out to be my fifth grade Chinese teacher.

The tour guide’s eloquence... sigh!

Passengers: Hello! On behalf of Somersault Travel Agency, I would like to welcome everyone! Now, let me introduce our car situation.

The car you are riding in has been a scrapped car for 13 years. Since it has no brakes, it must collide with other objects when parking. This is our master driver. He set an accident record of 12 minutes. He usually only needs to drink two bottles to get on the bus.

This car does not have a speedometer. If your upper teeth knock out, the speed is 40 kilometers; if the glass window flies out, the speed is 80 kilometers; if the wheels fall off, the speed is 140 kilometers ; If the roof of the car flies out, then we will reach the last place - heaven.

I sincerely wish you all a happy trip and good health. Now let’s start writing our last words...

The reason for going to jail

One day, a new person came to the prison prisoners, the old one asked the new one: "Hey, what crime have you committed?"

"Oh, it's nothing, I just fried fish in a place where fishing is prohibited, and then it floated on the water How many fish?"

The old one said: "Is this going to jail?"

The new one said: "I haven't finished yet, there are 6 divers who came up after me. "

A girl who is jealous of ants

A girl who likes sweets and is very fat has a hobby: she hates ants and will kill them whenever she sees them. When asked why, he replied: "This little thing likes sweets so much and his waist is so thin. It really pisses me off!"

Aunt driving

A 70-year-old The aunt drove a car and drove three elderly people who were also aunts slowly on the provincial highway. The traffic police stopped her and said: "Aunt, you drive so slowly, it will affect the traffic."

The aunt who was driving said: "Don't that sign say 20?"

The traffic police said: "That's Route 20!"

The driving aunt said: "Oh! Oh! That's Route 20, not the speed limit!"

Traffic The policeman said: "Right, suspicious? Why do the other three aunts behind you look so ugly?"

The aunt who was driving replied: "We just drove over from Highway 245!" Middle

The fish drowned

One day I went to a kindergarten for an interview and saw a goldfish tank in front of the window of a class with only some water plants in it, so I asked, "Hey! Where is the goldfish in it?"< /p>

"Oh! He just died two days ago," the teacher said.

"He drowned!" A child next to me explained eagerly when he saw my confused face.

Little Sharpshooters

The coach of the shooting team found a series of bullet holes in the street wall, each of which hit a small chalk circle. He thought to himself that this must be a sharpshooter, and he should be found no matter what.

After investigation, he discovered that the shooter was actually a seven-year-old child.

"Kid," the coach asked with great admiration, "where did you learn your shooting skills?"

"It's nothing," the kid said nonchalantly, "very good." It's simple. I shoot at the wall first, and then draw a circle with chalk around the bullet hole. "中\

Thirsty

After the father put his son to bed, he returned. Get ready for bed in your own bedroom.

"Dad!" the son shouted.

“What’s the matter?”

“I’m thirsty, can you get me a glass of water?”

“Didn’t you drink just now? Go to bed, I've turned off the light!"

Five minutes later...

"Dad! I'm thirsty, can't you get me a glass of water?"

"Didn't I just say it! You ask me to beat you again!"

Another five minutes passed...

"Dad!"

"What's the matter?"

"Be sure to bring a glass of water when you come to beat me!"