Horrifying humor jokes

Selected humorous jokes

My boyfriend often ignores me while playing games. Today I bought a wireless mouse and secretly plugged it into the back of the computer. When he was playing at night, I After occasionally moving, he actually smashed the computer. . . Life needs jokes, here are the selected humorous jokes I have prepared, let’s laugh together!

Selected humorous jokes (1)

1. Today A girl said that I look very sunny. Hey, do you think you are interested in me?

Come on, what she actually means is that you look very dazzling and you are too ugly to look directly at. ?

2. My girlfriend was in a bad mood and suddenly asked me: Do you still remember what I said to you that time?

?Which time?

? You really don’t remember, get out!?

Damn it, if a woman wants to make trouble, even God can’t stop her!!

3. When I went out to play with my best friend, she suddenly Say: Your partner is quite handsome. ?

I said: ?Really?

Best friend: ?Well, he is indeed handsome. ?

My heart suddenly burst into joy. Unexpectedly, my best friend said again: ?I have always wondered, why does he fall in love with you when he is so handsome?

4. Men and girlfriends Chatting on QQ, man: Wife, I cheated on you.

Girlfriend (holding back her anger): With whom?

Man: I couldn’t hold it back just now, and I committed a crime with my right hand.

Girlfriend (exhaled): Well, it’s okay, we’re on our own. . .

This is the joke I just saw. . .

I made a joke with my girlfriend on a whim. Just after the fight, did I cheat? The avatar there turned dark...

Now the phone is also turned off. . . Damn it. . . . Selected humorous jokes (2)

1. Malatang contains many carcinogens, and often adds a lot of flavoring agents and even poppy. Many unscrupulous shops use one pot of bone soup for several days. The ingredients cannot be washed thoroughly and are exposed to the air for a long time. Eating Malatang for a long time can easily lead to serious gastrointestinal diseases. Please pay attention to your health at all times and avoid eating Malatang at the place with many families at the entrance of the school, otherwise I won’t be able to grab a seat every time.

2. I am really scared when I see that Swiss banks no longer keep customer information confidential! This way others will know that I have no deposits at home or abroad.

3. Stubborn Girls are the cutest, especially when A cup insists on wearing B cup bra and locks the bicycle with head down.

4. Even though I was sitting in a car worth millions and there was a driver, I was still unhappy as I stared out the window in a daze. I sat and stood again...

5. I feel very worried when I see that people with peculiar fetishes, such as foot fetish and stocking fetish, are treated unfairly by society, ridiculed and discriminated against. I wonder if I am the only one who has a fetish for money. addiction.

6. I have seen a lot of girls who mess around, and they all have one thing in common: they don’t mess around with me.

7. As long as a woman is beautiful, she will be said to be a beauty if she sells tofu, and an ugly woman will feel like she has cramps when playing the violin. I have seen through this world.

8. When one person says I’m ugly, I don’t believe it; when ten people say I’m ugly, I half-believe it; when everyone says I’m ugly, I understand that it’s my hallucination. Listened.

9. After drinking in a restaurant, on the way home, I saw police lights flashing in front of me in the distance. I felt nervous. I was checked for drunk driving. I was mostly awake at the time, so I hurried back. Withdraw, after walking for five minutes, I suddenly thought, what am I afraid of walking? Selected humorous jokes (3)

1. It was my first time to visit my girlfriend's house. I was careful in speaking and doing things. The next day, I asked my girlfriend about her mother’s impression of me.

She said: My mother said that you are too meticulous in eating, not like a man. ?

The next time I went to her house for dinner, I wolfed it down, not wanting my mother-in-law to walk away in a hurry.

I learned my lesson and will simply say I feel sick to my stomach when I go to her house in the future.

The mother-in-law-to-be shook her head: Oh, I didn’t expect you to have stomach problems at such a young age! Sleep on it. Later, when it grew up, I found that the bed was becoming more and more crowded, so I stopped letting it go to bed. Its screams were worse than being killed by a pig. I had no choice but to make a bed with it on the floor and hold it to sleep to let it get used to it.

But when I woke up, OMG! Why is this guy on my bed?

3. When I go to the toilet in the morning and feel comfortable, I find that there is no paper. Should I do this? ?Mobile phone, I didn’t bring it with me. Call for help, no one is home.

There was paper in the living room, and then I raised my butt and moved to the living room step by step like a thief. I just got the paper. . .

Yes, you guessed it right, my parents brought my cousin and her family to visit. Let me die, I have no shame to live anymore!!

4. Today a buddy went to the bank to withdraw money. There were many people in the bank. The lobby manager saw that the buddy was not queuing up and asked: "Sir, what do you want to do?" business.

Brother said: Withdraw money.

The lobby manager said: You can go to the cash machine to get it, there are many people queuing up here.

My buddy said: I can’t withdraw money from the ATM.

The lobby manager asked: How much do you want to withdraw? Large withdrawals require a plan.

The buddy said weakly: 5. . . 50 yuan. ;