Does anyone have the words for Guo Degang’s version of The Great Bodyguard?

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The text of "The Great Bodyguard" by Guo Degang and Yu Qian

Guo: There are a lot of people coming. Very pleased.

Yu: Old Ci

Guo: Today we will perform for everyone

Yu: Yes.

Guo: (referring to Yu Qian) He is also a little brother.

Yu: No, no. You haven't asked how old you are.

Guo: Have you rinsed your mouth? How many festivals do you have?

Yu: Can you speak human language and horse language?

Guo: No, how old are you?

Yu: age.

Guo: Yes, how guilty are you?

Yu: We need to be sentenced.

Guo: How old is the crime, how old is the crime?

Yu: I’m 37

Guo: Little brother!

Yu: How old are you?

Guo: I’m 32

Yu: Just pick up your mouth and say it! I am older and you are my brother.

Guo: No! I am older and you are brothers

Yu: Everyone has heard that you are 32 and I am 37, my brother and you are brothers. Is this still wrong?

Guo: You don’t know how to count! If you don’t believe me, let’s count.

Yu: How can we count this?

Guo: I am 32 and you are 37, ah. 30, 31, 32, there is me; 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, there is you, my brother.

Yu: Oh ``````According to you, you came first, then your father?

Guo: (turns around and looks at Yu Qian) I hate it, I hate it!

Yu: In this movie, did you say that a newborn baby is bigger than anyone else?

Guo: Look at this face, it looks like a bun.

Yu: Don’t talk about my face yet.

Guo: Don’t bully me! Fortunately, I have a good temper. If you encounter the hot temper of our colleagues, you will be dead in one click.

Yu: Why are you guys so angry? What do you do?

Guo: Me? (Slumping shoulders) I am a martial arts practitioner. (covering his face with joy) Where is the logic? I practice martial arts!

Yu: These martial arts practitioners are so playful and smiling!

Guo: This is what our family does. My father practices martial arts. If you ask, there is no one in the world who doesn’t know about it.

Yu: What is it called?

Guo: Flying on the grass!

Yu: Is your father a snitch?

Guo: Your dad is a hedgehog!

Yu? : No, how come you got this name?

Guo: He is good at Qinggong! On this second floor, you can go up with a somersault; from this side to that side, you can get there with just one leg. There is no door that can stop him, no lock that can stop him!

Yu: Still a thief! The locks are up.

Guo: What are thieves doing? My job is to open locks. As for the safe in the bank, my dad got a piece of celery and poked it open.

Yu: Huo!

Guo: Get up every morning, stretch your legs, and hold on for 30 minutes (raise your toes). After practicing for 30 years, are you right?

Yu: I can do this too. Is this called leg-wasting? !

Guo: Tell me this. Although my father is so capable, my two brothers wanted to learn martial arts, but my father couldn’t teach him and had to be sent to study outside.

Yu: Why is this?

Guo: I can’t do anything to my own child.

Can you bear to wake up with good legs every morning?

Yu: What’s not to be tolerated? (Click your toes) What’s not to be tolerated?

Guo: It’s hard for a layman like you to explain! This is the same as when you talk about cross talk: For example, I talk about cross talk, (pull Yu Qian) My son also wants to learn cross talk

Yu: Point over there!

Guo: After many twists and turns, my father finally found my old mentor

Yu: I respect him quite a lot

Guo: An eminent monk who has attained enlightenment and is an outsider. The master lives in Xiakan, Xuanpingpo, northwest of Beijing. This place is called Huling.

Yu: Oh, Huling? I haven't heard of any martial artists there. I heard old people talking about the rice dumpling seller.

Guo: I will chop you to death with Jiangmi!

Yu: You can’t find anything else.

Guo: He looks down on people! Are all the rice dumpling sellers in Huling? Disgusting!

Yu: Anyway, there are many people selling rice dumplings.

Guo: Are all the people living in the dormitory of your folk art troupe talking about cross talk?

Yu: That’s not necessarily true

Guo: Yes, oh! My teacher is a monk named Wei Mi! Live there in seclusion. That day, my father took me and my brother there to visit his old man. The old man was stroking the leaves.

Yu: Stretching the iron leaves?

Guo: Stroke the reed leaves.

Yu: Still selling rice dumplings!

Guo: What is selling rice dumplings? What should I do if I get injured while practicing? Wrap some reed leaves around it.

Yu: Wrap it with reed leaves?

Guo: How do you know this? Yes or no? When my father told me the purpose of his visit, the old man was very happy: "Second Xiao! Okay! It's nothing. Why don't you eat? You go out early and come back late. It's time to add water and add water, and it's time to refuel the fire. Do you know?

Yu: I Why doesn’t it sound like practicing martial arts?

Guo: My father said you should cultivate more. The teacher said: To do this, you must first make a life-and-death contract.

Yu: Oh, this Is it still a contract?

Guo: I have to make a contract! I studied with the teacher for 10 years and 8 years, and I deserved it when I got hit by a car in the middle.

Yu: Oh, there is no teacher.

Guo: It’s none of your business. The teacher said you were so angry that you deserved to die!

The teacher didn’t care? >Guo: Take responsibility for yourself!

Yu: Ouch!

Guo: My father is in tears, but he grits his teeth for the future of his two children: Teacher, you Let’s write!

Is this true?

Guo: The teacher said: Put the incense burner and wax candle holder in the front, and hang our ancestors in the back. Portrait of a master

Yu: Is there a master in your profession?

Guo: Yes

Yu: Who is it?

Guo? : Qu Yuan!

Yu: That’s right! Without Qu Yuan, there would be no zongzi.

Guo: Look at that face.

Yu: Don’t look at me

Guo: The pens, ink, paper and inkstones were placed in front of me. The teacher picked up the pen and burst into tears

Yu: What’s the matter?

Guo: If the pen is not written, the lives of the two children are on the line; if the pen is written, the burden of a thousand dollars will fall on me! How can I explain to my parents that there is such a thing? The atmosphere in the room is solemn and silent. No one spoke for more than 20 minutes. Finally, the teacher put down the pen and sighed: Stop writing

Yu: Oh, I feel soft

Guo: I don’t know the words! /p>

Yu: Nonsense! What can you write if you don’t know the words?

Guo: My father is very touched

Yu: Still touched?

Guo : Learn from the teacher, he is both civil and military, ah.

Yu: Don’t mention this.

Guo: After that, my father went straight to the southwest with a red light.

Yu: Your father is a fox fairy?

Guo: Your father is a white-bone spirit!

Yu: Why is there a red light?

Guo: I set fire to the back of my father’s leather jacket.

Yu: What son!

Guo: From now on, I will learn skills from the teacher every day: first practice palms, then boxing, and finally weapons.

Yu: Oh

Guo: Practice palms first: Iron Palm. I'm good at inserting my hand into the iron sand, like this. Of course, you can't stand it at first and you'll be easily injured, so insert the glutinous rice first (make a rice-washing shape)

Yu: Oh, just insert the glutinous rice?

Guo: There are stones picked out.

Yu: Where are you picking up rice?

Guo: Do ??you practice martial arts?

Yu: What kind of martial arts do you practice?

Guo: Practice boxing again, and get good at punching iron beans with your hands, and smash the iron beans into pieces!

Yu: Ouch!

Guo: Of course you can’t use iron beans at the beginning, use red adzuki beans first. In order to enhance the friction, brown sugar is added inside.

Yu: Where are you doing the bean paste?

Guo: Finally practice the weapon: practice the Qi Mei stick! Is it okay to hit someone? First hit the tree: "嘡嘡嘡" three times, rest for a while, then hit again, three times and one time, three times and one time.

Yu: Why do you take a break every now and then?

Guo: Grandmaster taught us: If there are dates but there are no dates, it will take three poles!

Yu: Qu Yuan is crazy with greed.

Guo: Don’t insult our ancestor! I am very happy to learn my skills from the teacher

Yu: I am still craving for food

Guo: Look at this face ````

Yu: Here we go again!

Guo: Teacher often teaches us: practice hard, learn martial arts, and sell your goods to the emperor's house. Remember the teacher’s words: Refugees know martial arts and no one can stop them!

Yu: What master!

Guo: Thank you, teacher! After hearing your righteous words, I suddenly felt filled with emotion and wished I could find a dark evil force to die with him!

Yu: Okay!

Guo: The teacher nodded: Well, your shameless look is very similar to mine~

Yu: Hi! Don’t pass it on!

Guo: I really hoped that I could learn skills with the teacher for a long time, but I didn’t expect that an episode happened in the middle.

Yu; What episode?

Guo: One day, the teacher came down from the mountain and went out to play jumping.

Yu: The teacher still does this?

Guo: No, I went to meet netizens

Yu: Hi! Might as well dance to the disco

Guo: I accidentally met the daughter of my childhood confidante. From the moment he met her, the teacher knew that his career in the arena was over, and he was destined to stay away from those people dressed in white like snow. The days are gone like the wind. At the age of 80, the old man resolutely put on a wig and returned to secular life! ~

Yu: Oh, ran away?

Guo: If love lasts for a long time, how can it be about pork and pork?

Yu: What kind of knowledge! Day and night!

Guo: What will we do if he leaves? First, I haven’t learned enough from the teacher. Besides, it’s almost May Day, so I’m busy.

Yu: Yes, it’s time to stock up.

Guo: We brothers have been working extra hard in the yard all day long. How can we have time to think about anything else (making rice dumplings)

Yu: Okay, don’t do it. This is the line.

Guo: We were busy working that day, and suddenly we heard someone knocking on the door outside. What is household registration?

Yu: I don’t know

Guo: The chicken eats chili paste!

Yu: Hu explains!

Guo: Someone knocked on the door.

Yu: Hey, just knock on the door

Guo: Two people came in: Hello, you two. We are from the Huiyou Escort Bureau outside Qianmen, Beijing. Our old shopkeeper specially called I've come to invite you two to come and discuss something important.

Guo: (As if making rice dumplings) We are so busy, how can we have time to go?

Yu: Don’t do it when someone comes

Guo: I said that since people are coming to invite me, it’s better not to go. I told my brother to seal the fire, wrap it up and put cold water on it. When I went out, I saw, ho! The car is also ready!

Yu: That’s so polite!

Guo: That’s so polite! I said, brother, you go up there, and I'll go up this way, one piece at a time, so as not to tip over, and it's hard to sit on a wheel!

Yu: A unicycle?

Guo: OK, OK, as long as you have a car.

Yu: Didn’t I bring you 50 kilograms of glutinous rice?

Guo: The driver pushed us, "Ziniu, Ziniu" to the front door.

Yu: Oh, here we are.

Guo: The old shopkeeper and these heroes are waiting at the door. As soon as he saw us coming, he immediately greeted us with a smile: "The presence of you two really makes the fennel and the hut more beautiful!"

Yu: Even the hut has been painted.

Guo: When we got inside, we saw a two-story building facing us. There was a loess path underground, and there were racks of swords and guns on both sides.

Yu: Lian Jiazi

Guo: The old shopkeeper pointed with his hand: 2 people are drinking in the bar upstairs. I'm worried!

Yu: What’s wrong?

Guo: Can’t take the stairs, making people laugh! At this time, it depends on how your Qinggong is, you have to jump up.

Yu: Look at Kung Fu!

Guo: Shall I take the stairs? Shame on you! What to do? Suddenly, I was so anxious that I pouted at my brother and said, "Hmm" My brother took out the concealed weapon from his arms and threw it to the southeast corner. I shouted: "There is an assassin!" The old shopkeeper heard this and said: " Where is it? Look!" They were running over there, and I hugged my brother: "Let's go upstairs."

Just go up there?

Guo: After a while, the old man came back and his face was blue: "Who threw the rice dumplings?"

Yu: That's all you can do

Guo: I said you come up! You can't take the stairs to make people laugh, ah.

Yu: Still at Xialeng’s house?

Guo: The old man came up with a somersault. A big banquet: animals in the mountains, swallows in the clouds, cattle and sheep on land, fresh food from the sea, monkey heads, bird's nests, shark fins, bear paws, scallops and deer tail tips. Shaohuang and wine are all ready---eat, what are you waiting for? Shake off your cheeks and open your back molars, the food is like water from the Yangtze River, like the wind and the remaining clouds, just like the earth in the box: "Crackling, crackling````````"

Yu: Ouch! So enjoyable!

Guo: After eating and drinking, the old man pointed down: You two, you must have been sweating downstairs!

Yu: Have you ever sweated?

Guo: Downstairs, practice stretching.

Yu: Oh, practice.

Guo: Look at the old man again. He stood firm and somersaulted down again. What should we do? It's easy to serve when you go up, but it doesn't work when you go down to throw the rice dumplings. I kicked my brother: Get down! Going down the stairs "GuluGulu", I chased after him: "Hey, hey, ``````"

Yu: Okay, all my brains are used up here

Guo: When we got downstairs, the old man said: Who among the two comes first? My brother said I should come first! I'll practice the Liuhe Gun!

Yu: Okay!

Guo: This Liuhe Spear is not easy to practice! There are praises to prove it: one eyebrow pricking can save 2 heart pricks, three eyebrow pricking can save 4 heart pricks, five eyebrow pricking can save 6 heart pricks, seven eyebrow pricking can save 8 heart pricks!

Yu: All in one place?

Guo: This is not easy to memorize. I have a bad memory and can’t do this!

Yu: Nothing hard to memorize! What’s so hard to memorize in just one sentence!

Guo: My brother was just about to practice. I told him that you just had a cold, so don’t do it again! My brother nodded: That makes sense! Put down the gun, your anger will not change, your face will not change!

Yu: Nonsense! He didn't practice breathing!

Guo: I said I would come.

You have seen guns and knives, but you have never seen knives and guns and played with them! Today I have a pistol and a knife to show you what I am capable of!

Yu: Good job!

Guo: I went to the weapons shelf and picked up a big iron gun, weighing it weighing more than 120 kilograms. I slammed the gun tip down on the ground and said, "Old man, hold on, I'll pick my mouth." Take the knife." The old man was really obedient: "There are knives over there, pick it up." I picked a knife, and before I could pull it out, a cloud appeared halfway in the sky from the northwest, followed by a "click" of thunder, and then I saw the old man lying on the ground like this (convulsing)

Yu: What a loss for you!

Guo: I said you are wrong, old man. You have not grasped the porcelain. Come again!

Yu: Haven’t grasped the porcelain yet? Otherwise it can't be like that!

Guo: When the old man heard this: "no, no, no!"

Yu: He was so scared that he even spoke foreign words

Guo: Then I will just practice Knife Bar

Yu: Okay, you practice swordplay

Guo: I hold the knife in my hand and do a "Night Fighting Hidden Knife Style" (wipe it on my neck and fall to the ground )

Yu: (Pull him up) Where to hide? Are you committing suicide?

Guo: Hidden Knife Pose (place it on the left side of your neck), Hidden Knife Pose (place it on the right side of your neck) ````

Yu: Okay, stop being so arrogant .

Guo: The old man is very happy: I would like to ask you two to provide us with bodyguards. Let’s check the bodyguards later. When we get to the back, each old melon is filled with gold and silver treasures. This is called a secret escort. Nowadays, it is difficult to protect the escort. You two have a hard time!

Yu: Wow

Guo: It would be disrespectful for me to say otherwise. We brothers came out of the Escort Bureau, went out of Deshengmen, and walked to Qinghe Xiaheying Kangzhuangzi, Shacheng Baoan Kangzhuangzi, Zhangjiakou Xiaheying Kangzhuangzi, and Nankou Changping County Kangzhuangzi``````

Yu: Just wait. Are you just hanging around Kangzhuangzi and not moving forward?

Guo: I am the only one here

Yu: I can’t just stand here

Guo: It’s getting late now, I said, brother, let’s Heading or staying in a hotel?

Yu: You said?

Guo: Eat noodles!

Yu: Okay, I’m hungry now.

Guo: Since my brother wants to stay in a hotel, I said we should go forward as soon as it gets dark and then rest after this. Although the road is rugged, there is this hazy moonlight

Yu: What a great idea!

Guo: As we were walking forward, we suddenly heard the sound of a gong, followed by 20 soldiers, all dressed in short skirts and small skirts, with wings spread out and flashing out from the middle. A big black man with a big black head: "Hey! I drove this mountain and carried this tree. If you want to live forever, leave your pants!"

Yu: Take off your pants?

Guo: I said: Bold thief! Not only do you rob wealth, you also rob sex!

Yu: What a mess!

Guo: Brother, I can’t beat him alone. Let’s fight him in doubles together!

Yu: Come on

Guo: We two brothers each brandished swords and guns and fought with the thieves. Swords and guns come and go, guns and knives come and go, and when I see a flaw, I say to myself, just stay here! With one move of the sword, there was a "click". The big head was rolling on the ground, and I was crying loudly.

Yu: Why are you crying?

Guo: Kill my brother!

Yu: Fuck you!