How boring! Tell some jokes!

I am 23 years old and come from Urumqi. Since I was four years old, I have discovered one of my hobbies.

When I was four years old, my cousin took me to the park to play. We were both hungry until noon. I want to go to the bathroom first. I just walked into the toilet and found that the ground was full of shit. What happened next became an important milestone in my life. . .

When I walked into the depths of the toilet, different types of shit caught my eye. Corn shit, Flammulina velutipes shit, sea pepper skin shit, black dried, and even a lump of shit, at this time, an unprecedented feeling arises spontaneously! This feeling is like a ray of sunshine in early winter, which makes me feel like I am in a fairyland.

I first grabbed a lump of corn shit, picked the corn on it with a toothpick I carried with me and held it in my hand. When I took it all off, I stuffed it all into my mouth. The first bite was soft and sour, and it tasted good. Of course, I will throw away the shit after picking corn, because the essence of corn shit lies in the corn on it.

Next, I actually found a piece of dried black tofu brain, which is difficult to satisfy. It takes two days for a person to eat hot pot without drinking water or defecating to pull out this dried black bean curd. When I saw this lump of dried black bean curd, it really brightened my eyes. I grabbed this 2 cm long treasure in one hand and found some leaves on the air-dried black tofu brain. I'm going to use this to soak in water, otherwise the dried black tofu brain won't swallow, so I'll put it down first.

I looked at my watch. It's almost noon 12. I'm going to find my cousin first. In the afternoon, when I went to the movies with my cousin, I took a few pieces of shit for snacks.

The above is my first experience of eating shit, and I will talk about me now later.

Now I'm 23 years old, and my demand for shit is getting higher and higher. Now I won't go to the ordinary toilet to find my food.

Now I will only go to some five-star hotels to find my love. As the saying goes, food stinks. Although it really stinks, it really stinks and tastes good ~ ~ ~

For example, some guests are full of delicious food every day. I can even tell what they ate today from the appearance and taste of the stool.

I remember the best time to eat was in my hometown, a remote mountain village. Once I got up after taking a nap and wanted to go to the toilet, I went to the big toilet at home, next to a pigsty. When I first came to the toilet, I found that the ground was full of wriggling white maggots, and dozens of excrement were rolling at the same time. I grabbed a lump in surprise, hesitated a little and put it in my mouth. When I was chewing, a white juice came out of my mouth.

These maggots are all in winter. If they are in summer, they will be very big, as big as a little finger There is no water in this big maggot, and it will shrivel up when bitten.

It's dangerous to eat so much shit and never eat three kinds of shit.

The shit is delicious. . But you can only eat if you have life!

The first is: cow dung.

Cow dung can't be eaten because it is sticky and difficult to swallow and digest. Although there are many dung worms in cow dung, it is rich in high protein, but I advise you to eat less.

The second is rabbit shit.

Rabbit shit can't be eaten because it's too hard. Like a stone, rabbit shit is pulled out after eating.

The last one is blood excrement, which is usually pulled out by people. First of all, it makes me sick, but after eating it last time, I decided to blacklist it. Tm shit not only has blood on its surface, but also hides after biting it. Almost all of it is blood, and the blood inside is red and black, even stinking.

Let's talk about some impressive experiences.

I remember one time I was suddenly thirsty and hungry. I came to a roadside toilet at random. The toilet is small, with only three compartments. The first grid I opened was three black stalks, which was not attractive to me now because I was thirsty. The second grid turned out to be a black stem. Finally, when I opened the third carriage, I saw the muddy shit I dreamed of. I took out the straw I carried with me, sucked up the water first, and then squeezed the rest of the water into a ball and swallowed it.

I remember when I was a child, I once ate shit without finding a hobby.

When I was a few years old, I just started kindergarten.

The old house now has a toilet, so I have to follow my mother to brush the toilet early in the morning.

I wonder if 4 19 has such an experience?

Every day, it's really aunts, aunts and grandmothers who brush toilets in rows, and the whoosh sound resounds through the streets.

When I was a child, I had a strange habit, that is, I had to sit on the freshly cleaned toilet and shit.

Mom always thought I liked to accompany her to clean the toilet, but it wasn't.

I remember one time my mother worked the night shift and came back to sleep soundly.

As a result, I was in a hurry and had to brush it myself ...

I'm not big, and it's quite interesting to queue up with a group of female compatriots at the market.

Because of inexperience, the place where the toilet is brushed is wet and slippery.

As a result, it was done the first time I ate shit.

I opened a sentence and plunged into the shit and urine ~ all over my face. ...

In fact, eating shit is also very good, with high nutrition and anti-cancer. If you don't think shit looks good, you can knead it into balls, triangles, squares, etc. before eating. It's really delicious. Whoever eats it knows. But also can be recycled.

We'll talk about cat and dog shit later

I'm going to eat early shit. Wait till I get back. Look at the bathroom first.

I forgot to mention that I moved to the public toilet on purpose, so it was very convenient.

Suddenly remembered the story of eating booger when I was a child. . .

I had a crush on boogers when I was six or seven years old. I often dig in the middle of walking. Every time I dig a sticky booger, I am very happy and then I eat it. . .

I remember the smell. When I bite, the mucus sticks to my tongue like phlegm, and then my teeth bite. . . .

After the tooth is bitten, the middle part is a little harder than plasticine and a little brittle, but it will split in half with a little force.

I remember the taste after chewing. . . . It's hard to describe. I believe you may remember what you ate. .

Besides booger, I liked one thing at that time. .

Nose, my hometown is very cold. When I was a child, I was often too cold to go to school. I caught a cold, and then my nose ran. Anyone who believes in a cold knows that a runny nose is the worst. It's inconvenient to keep sucking and sticking your nose. . .

I don't know if it's because of this, but later I developed a habit.

Every time I have a cold and a runny nose, I stick out my tongue to lick it. Sometimes a runny nose comes to people and I lick it directly through my nostrils.

My runny nose is light gray, I don't know why.

Occasionally licking something hard and sticky, I was very happy at this time until I won the prize.

In fact, eating shit is the same as eating, but it should be hot. If it is cold, the taste will be much worse. Take dried black food as an example. If it's hot, it tastes delicate and it's wet outside. Although there is little water in it, it is as soft as steamed bread that has just come out of the cage. On the contrary, when it's cold, the bag will spread out in your mouth, and the shit will flow out of your mouth uncontrollably.

The most disgusting shit I have ever eaten makes me feel sick. It was a summer in July, when I lived in a farmhouse with a poor environment. At dinner time, I want to go to the toilet to find something to eat. As soon as I stepped into the toilet, I saw a small piece of shit at the door of the toilet. I'm still wondering who is so incompetent. At the same time, I found this shit is different from usual. It is covered with a layer of yellowish green liquid. I picked it up out of curiosity and put it in my mouth. After chewing for a long time, I found that this layer of liquid was still a little tough and kept biting. Only then did I react with thick phlegm, which made me sick and lost my appetite. I went back to sleep angrily.

Tell me about my favorite water. My favorite water is "fruit orange". My "fruit orange" is different from everyone's. I made it myself. I first find an empty bottle of fruit orange, then put 3 to 5 pieces of excrement in it, crush it with chopsticks, and shake it in boiling water. It tastes very good!

Everyone must be curious about the smell of cat shit and dog shit, so I'll tell you about it. Cat excrement generally contains a lot of water, but it is very sour. Give a person who sleeps to death a hundred times of instant energy. Cat excrement is generally not recommended for you to eat directly, but can be used to drink with water. The effect is the same as that of apple vinegar, or even better.

The shit is smelly and thin, but it's a good cold meal. Crispy and crisp, it's also good as a snack.

However, you should learn how to mix excreta reasonably (if possible). The most nutritious way to mix excrement is a lump of dry black, a lump of corn excrement and a lump of Flammulina velutipes. Soup can be muddy excrement, and a lump of excrement can be used as dessert, which not only absorbs the rich nutrition of corn and Flammulina velutipes, but also fills the stomach and grows taller.

Now let's talk about foreigners' shit. Once I made a special trip to America to eat shit. After arriving, I first went to a fast food restaurant, went directly to the toilet and came to the stool pool. A string of yellow excrement appeared in front of my eyes, which showed that it was very bright, like being coated with oil. I picked up the longest one and put it in my mouth. I bit it down, and all the oil in the shit sprayed into my mouth. I swallowed this yellow excrement with this oil.

There is also a kind of shit, which tastes terrible. That shit was later washed by someone's urine because it didn't flush the toilet. I have tasted it once. After this shit is washed away by urine, the original smell of shit no longer exists, and only the thick smell of urine is replaced.

Actually, think about the war years. If I were a cook, everyone would have no food to eat. You can collect all your shit (no matter what shit), roll it out with a rolling pin, and expose it to the sun for two days, and it will become a shit cake. Everyone has two in their pockets. When he is hungry, he will take it out to eat, just Rainbow Wangxue cake! Unfortunately, it depends. I'm afraid nobody will buy it.

However, if I fight with Japan, I will do my bit.

Now the hamburgers in KFC and McDonald's are getting worse and worse. I have an idea. First, collect the corn in the corn excrement and the Flammulina velutipes in the Flammulina velutipes excrement, and then wrap them in two pieces of shit cakes. That's absolutely delicious!

Whoever wants to eat, I will sell it very cheaply!

There is also a kind of shit that tastes good, but of course it is rare. I remember one time I went to a parent-teacher conference for my brother. I went to the school toilet to play with my mouth first. When I came to the toilet, I was surprised to find that there was a wriggling worm in every excrement. Originally, the school distributed ascaris medicine to every student, which made me full. First, I picked the long, thick excrement of ascaris lumbricoides and bit it down.

Once, through a friend's introduction, I met a man with smelly shit. Generally, the worse the shit, the better the taste. This man said that he could fart and jump out of shit at any time.

I asked him to jump a bowl for me first, just like pumpkin porridge, but it was full of all kinds of things, such as watermelon seeds, sea pepper skins, and a little white bubbles, like milkshakes. I took a sip first, and the sea pepper skin was sticky all over my mouth. Because it was too much trouble to gargle, I let him take it away and drink it himself.

Shit can also be used to stew soup. I did it once at home. First put two or two fresh corn droppings in the pot, pour 500 ml of tap water, boil, take 5g of nose droppings and put them in the pot to refresh yourself. Five minutes later, I vomited thick sputum instead of salt and monosodium glutamate, and the pot was cooked.

There is another kind of shit that everyone must have seen. This is a kind of shit. Dogs don't clean up after pulling street signs. After many days of exposure, shit can be ground into powder with one foot. In fact, this shit can be used to treat colds and coughs when it is ground into powder.

You must be curious what it looks like if you just eat shit, but it's still shit, but it's hard, usually shot and a little bloodshot. This shit is chewy in your mouth and suitable for drinking.

I have eaten more or less 100 kinds of shit and 19 years. There is nothing unusual in the body, and it is still strong.

Now let's talk about one thing that I ate shit in junior high school. I was in a junior high school in a mountainous area. The conditions are very poor, so everyone eats some vegetable leaves every day. Basically I eat meat once a month. Under this condition, the shit that students pull is "green" and basically odorless. It's refreshing, refreshing and has a faint fragrance. It is really satisfying to chew it completely before swallowing it in your mouth! But I'm a little tired of eating junior high school for three years.

Next, I will introduce a kind of pasta that I often eat: shit noodles.

The method is to cook the vermicelli, put it in a bowl, cut the pimple into small particles, and roll it in a hot oil pan for 2 minutes. When the surface of excrement particles is golden yellow, it is sprinkled on the cooked noodles as scorpions. Take off 5g booger and sprinkle it on the surface to enhance the color. You're finished. It tastes crispy and delicious!

There is also a snack that can be eaten when watching movies in the cinema. Put the dog shit that has been exposed to the sun for more than 2 days on the table and press it into powder. Sprinkle it on the bought popcorn to make it more crisp.

The best choice to eat shit before going to bed is a thick yellow shit and a glass of milk. First soak the excrement in a milk cup for 30 minutes. When the yellow excrement becomes soft, crush it with chopsticks and heat it in the microwave oven until it is warm. Take a sip and you will be stronger tomorrow.

When I was in my hometown, I caught domestic chickens and ate the shit on their butts when I had nothing to do. Most chicken droppings are sweet and smell like eggs. Sometimes it's hard to beat chickens and shit. I ate it for more than a year.

Last week, I went to my hometown. On the mountain road, I found a piece of shit at least 20 days old. It is full of flies, and some flies are laying eggs on it. You can also see some small maggots coming in and out of this stool. This time, after I caught this shit and put it in my mouth, these little maggots actually got out of my teeth. I immediately took out my "fruit orange" and swallowed it twice, then I felt it. Piece by piece. . And white juice.

Stool can treat some diseases in many cases.

For example, apply the muddy excrement with high water content (almost all water and a little foreign matter) to every corner of the face for 10 minutes every day until it dries naturally, and then wash it off. This can treat youth bean for a month. At first, my skin was a little bad, but then I ate too much and gradually got better. . .

So many people say I'm disgusting. Laughed.

It's not that you don't like shit I just can't appreciate its delicacy without eating it. I forgot to take the shit cake on the coffee table just now. My friend ate all three at once and kept asking me where I bought them. He said it was delicious, which embarrassed me to tell him. When you eat this delicious food, you will definitely beg me.

You may all have washed milk, but you certainly haven't washed shit. The excrement basin can only be washed in the big cesspit in the countryside. There are all kinds of excrement in this cesspit, including pig excrement and cow excrement, most of which are human excrement. After the jump, I was immediately wrapped in shit. When I dived to the bottom of the water, I found a dead chicken that had begun to rot, covered with maggots. Finally, I went home disappointed.

There is another kind of super smelly shit in the world, but it is delicious when you go out.

This shit can only be pulled out by people who are constipated all the year round.

You must hold your nose when you eat this shit, or you will spit it out. Once I forgot to hold my nose and spit it out in the middle of eating. In order to avoid waste, I ate the spit back.

Because of constipation, this shit stayed in my stomach for several weeks. After eating it, it tastes like Shuanghui ham sausage, but it's a little dry.

It's hard to find such things in public toilets. I haven't seen it in the public toilet several times so far.

Everyone can eat shit buns for breakfast. It's delicious.

You can also do it yourself. Run the yellow excrement around in the oil, cut it into particles, wrap it up and steam it, and you can eat it.

You can also eat shit fried dough sticks, spread a layer of flour evenly on the black stalks, sprinkle some water and fry in the oil pan until golden.

Because I have been looking for the best shit all over the country all the year round and have no fixed place to live.

Tell you a thrilling thing.

Once I traveled with my friends and was trapped in the mountains 10 days. I'm afraid I'll starve to death without shit Just when I was about to despair, I suddenly farted, followed by a tumult in my stomach. Later, I pulled a lot of fine mud and shit, at least two kilograms. At that time, I felt that I had no choice but to eat them all. . I forced my friend to lick the chrysanthemum by the way after eating, and finally we recycled it until the police found me 10 days later.

Another time, when I came home from work on 12 in the afternoon, I met two robbers who tried to rob me, but I only brought two shit cakes. When they saw that I had nothing, they said that I had eaten their shit and let me go. Then they took off their pants and pointed their anus at me. I put my mouth at the anus of one of them, sucked up the shit for him in two seconds, and then ate the other one.

As we all know, in some dirty toilets, the tiles in the excrement trough must be yellow, but in fact they are basically excrement stains. Some thick places can even be directly buckled by hand, and this shit stain tastes really like a word: crisp, because this shit stain is a combination of various kinds of shit and takes a long time to form, so it is a shit stain, not to say that you can eat it if you want.

There is also a kind of shit, which is also very good. Take the paper when you pull it. Take it for a long time. Finally released, like an egg tart.

The strip shit in summer is also very good. Drop some salt water immediately after pulling it out and leave it for three days. There will be mildew spots and hair on it in three days. It tastes good except that it gets stuck in my throat a little.

You can also make a small shit stick to cool off in summer. Pull watermelon frost's bottle when he wants to shit. Repeated cleaning, at least 5.6 shit sticks. Then I take them out and put them on the plate. Sprinkle a layer of water on the surface. I can put different juices according to my taste. I prefer mango myself. Just put it in the refrigerator for about 3 hours, which is much more delicious than all kinds of popsicles.

There is also a kind of excrement suitable for entertaining guests, "Golden House hides charming". The raw materials are generally only brought from heavy rural areas and must be yellow excrement covered with maggots. Put the yellow excrement into the oil pan and fry until golden brown. These maggots must be alive. After the yellow excrement is fried, empty it. When one is yellow, put 5-7 maggots in it and seal it. The golden house is also done.

Just went to play cards. I lost and I was in a bad mood. I'm not even in the mood to eat shit A few days ago, two of my friends took me to the Internet in the middle of the night. The result was an attempt to get us to take them to the toilet to eat shit, but I still told them that it was easy to learn and drink phlegm first. Today, I am really in a bad mood. I will continue to share my experience with you every day when I am in a good mood.

I just tasted booger. I found it salty. To tell the truth, I haven't eaten for a long time. Booger is terrible for ordinary shit.

However, there is a saying that eating booger is good for health. . .

The best feeling is dry, and you can chew it like beef jerky.

Followed by half wet and half dry, just like dog food.

The worst part is that I am sick and my nose is yellow and thick. That kind of booger with a wet nose is super bad. . But many times I still can't help but taste it.

Someone asked me if my mouth stinks when I eat so much shit.

Not smelly. Really. Try it if you don't believe me.

I went to ktv last night.

Singing all night. A few buddies got drunk after drinking a few bottles. I heard that wine has an aphrodisiac effect, but now it seems true.

After getting drunk, he suggested finding some ladies to play with. Which is a prostitute.

Later, I called two sisters, which were beautiful.

After seeing us, he always smiled at me and found a bigger ass. Look at this round ass. Shit should smell good. . . .

I wonder how long the feces in her small intestine have been in her stomach. Generally speaking, the stool wants to keep its original flavor, tastes like vegetables and pork, and stays in the intestine for two days.

It will basically dry after more than three days, unless your stomach is not very good.

Let's talk about black jobs in detail here.

The taste of black dry is not so good, it is hard and tasteless.

Because I stayed in my stomach for three days, all the salt and sugar were sucked dry. There is no nutrition here. I suggest eating less. It's not good to choke on your throat.

Go on.

Last time I talked about that ktv.

After calling the young lady, I didn't touch her and kept staring at her ass. In my opinion, the ass is the sexiest place, because it can produce a pile or a lump. . . . food

When you shit, the chrysanthemums stand out slightly and open. With the strength, a black thing squeezed out of the chrysanthemum mouth.

If it's too long to pull at once, the chrysanthemum will shrink and break that root. The rest stays in the large intestine. . . .

It's different if it's diarrhea. Before the woman's intention came, she farted a few meaningless farts in a row, and then. . .

The chrysanthemum turned red, and a pile of yellow paste was ejected from the chrysanthemum, some of which stuck around the ass. . . .

Actually, there's nothing disgusting. Everyone will have bad luck.

Go back to ktv . I missed the point several times.

As soon as I touched this woman's ass, she slipped over and stuck to me like a loach.

I made it clear to her that I want to eat shit.

She looked at me in surprise, as if shocked beyond measure. This is also a normal reaction. There are many people who eat shit online in society, and she should have met them. A bunch of people who spit shit in their mouths are sicker than me.

Later, I directly stuffed a few hundred dollars into her bra, and there was nothing to say.

After the discussion, I lay on the ground with my mouth open, and the young lady squatted down across my body and pointed the chrysanthemum at my mouth.

After waiting for a long time, when the sound of "poof ..." sounded, I only smelled a stench, which could not be dispelled by my nose for a long time, and I almost suffocated.

Smell it! It smells delicious.

I'm worried about looking at miss. It should be free. . .

A moment later, there was a movement in the young lady's backyard, accompanied by an unpleasant smell. Her chrysanthemum is getting bigger, and her stool is coming out bit by bit. At first, it was just a small group, and then it was pulled more and more, and a whole thick stool slowly fell and discharged into my mouth. The mouth can't hold back, and the shit is piled up on the face in circles, and the pungent smell goes straight to the nostrils. I can't help tilting my head. That shit fell to the ground, but I still have a big lump in my mouth.

I chewed it up. Swallow it, but it's too much. I can't eat it all at once, but I don't want to throw up. I put out my right hand to block my mouth, and I chewed the shit in my mouth again. That shit has a rancid smell. It's stuck in my mouth and I can't get it out. It cut my stomach and came out of my nostrils along the trachea. The strong smell paralyzed my olfactory nerves, and soon I could not smell anything. I want to knock over the seasoning bottle in my mouth. It smells like everything, and the more I chew it, the stronger it gets. I had a hard time chewing up the stool before swallowing it.

I bit down in the middle of the stool and bit it off. There is liquid in the middle of stool. As soon as you bite it off, the yellow-green liquid will flow out, sticky and mixed with some sundries, which seems to be what the young lady ate tonight and has not been digested.

Shit, as I said before, there are good and bad.

This thing can be seen from the outside, but there is more inside.

For example, some shit, for example, black dried, tastes bad and has poor nutrition. As can be seen from the appearance, the kind that loses its stickiness and has a pile of wrinkles on its surface, flies rarely lay eggs on it, so there are no maggots.

This shit can only be eaten as a snack, once every two or three days, and it can't be digested once a day. Eating it is dark and dry, and it comes out as a pile of slag.

This is for beginners.

The best thing to eat is wet shit, that is, it has moisture and just came out of the chrysanthemum. But it's not shit. The nutritional level of thin excrement is the highest, because there are no jokes in the small intestine, and most of the nutrition is on it.

There is also thin shit, I recommend the thicker one, like water is not like water. Water accounts for the majority. It's like vomit.

I forgot to mention that vomit can also be eaten.

Eating too much will spoil your mouth.

My family has a dog, which was raised the year before last. When I first raised him, I saw that his shit was yellow. Just call him Huang. Now that he has kept it for so long, he is worthy of me and has made great contributions to me.

What specific credit, leave a suspense first, and talk about it next time.

I have no appetite these days, so I made some shit buns in the morning, which tastes very good.

I made it myself. I run yellow shit around in the oil, take it out of the pot, cut it into particles, wrap it up and steam it, and then I can eat it.

It is very nutritious.

It must be steamed, or the smell in the excrement will not come out, and the maggots will be delicious when cooked.

I remember last time I said the smell of cat shit, and this time I said shit.

You know, cat shit stinks worse than dog shit.

But stool can't dry muscles, there is no water, and nutrition is not good. Because the dog's digestive system is good, there is nothing left.

Haha, I saw it in space one day.