Who will tell a joke?

1. Female: "I can marry anyone as long as I have money." Man: "Will you marry the safe in the bank?" When arguing, the difference between a man and a woman is like the difference between a pistol and a machine gun. My wife wants to lose weight, so she goes cycling every day. As a result, the horse lost 40 pounds in a month. 4. Patient: "Doctor, you left your scissors in my stomach." "Never mind, I have another one." Judge: Why do you print counterfeit money? The defendant said innocently, because I can't print real money. 6. Wife: "Men are timid." Husband: "Not necessarily, otherwise why should I marry you?" 7. Part I: Hahahahaha Part II: Hehehehehehehehehehehehe. Horizontal criticism: mental illness 8. The first year: he said, she listened. The following year: She said and he listened. The third year: they said that the neighbors listened. 9. If the cold world we live in is still hard to change, at least I still have your face to melt the ice and snow. 10. Thief A: "How much did you rob today?" Thief B: "No, just read the newspaper tomorrow." 1 1. Teacher: "Peter, do you know how many years a mouse can live?" Peter: "It depends on the cat's mind." 12. Kangaroo said to the dog, "I can put my mobile phone in my bag, and you can only hang it on your ass!" 13. Pig Bajie: I changed my name to Sai Pan An, and many beautiful women are waiting for me! The Monkey King: Unless you surf the Internet, you idiot. 14. The daughter asked her mother, "Was Dad shy before? ""If he wasn't shy, you would be at least four years older now! "15. Father: You are so old, it's time to find a wife. Son: Yes, but there are too many people. Whose wife am I looking for? 16. Female: "Why do you always chew candy when you talk to me?" "Man:" How can there be so many sweet words without chewing sugar? 17. Female: "Does your fiance know your age? "Woman B:" Yes, he knows part of it. "18." I regard her as the North Pole! " "How?" "She is as cold as ice and attracts me like a magnet. 19. It's hard to realize that Mahaha and his family are driving along a country road. Suddenly, he found a frog crossing the road. Mahaha quickly stopped the car, stepped down and put the frog on the side of the road. The frog thanked haha very much and promised to realize haha's wish. So Maha said to the frog, "There will be a dog selection contest next week, and I want my dog to win the first place." "The frog asked to see the dog, and Ma Haha took the dog out of the car. The frog saw that the dog was stupid and fat. It only had three legs. "I'm afraid this wish is difficult to realize. You'd better change your wish! "The frog said guiltily, OK, let my wife win the first prize in the next beauty contest! "Ma haha demanded. The frog let Mahaha's wife get off the bus, looked at it and said, "Can I see that dog just now?" "20. Such an ugly woman One woman is so ugly that men avoid it. A woman's greatest wish is to be kidnapped by traffickers, and then ... so, whenever night falls, she lingers on a sparsely populated country road, waiting for that moment. Many things happen. Late that night, she was finally kidnapped by kidnappers and stuffed into the car. The kidnapper came to see the kidnapper leader with his "victory fruit", ready to ask for a reward. However, when the kidnapper saw the woman's appearance, he could not help cursing the kidnapper for his lack of vision and ordered him to let the woman off at once. The kidnapper told the woman to get off at the boss's order, but the woman didn't mean to get off at all. After a long stalemate, the kidnappers used threats, intimidation, beatings and other means to let the woman get off the bus, but the woman never gave in and just didn't get off the bus. When the kidnapper leader saw it, he shouted helplessly: "Forget it! No car! "2 1. It's unfair that a priest and a bus driver died at the same time, but the bus driver went to heaven and the priest went to hell. The priest devoted his life to the church, but went to hell, which was unfair. So he complained to god. Father: "Lord! I have devoted my life to the church and take your followers to pray every Sunday. Why am I not as good as a bus driver? Go to hell? "God:" Yes! That's why you went to hell. You take your followers to pray and preach every Sunday, but they are all sleeping on their heads! But the bus driver rampages in the street every day, while his passengers are praying! "22. As soon as the drug dealer came out from the drugstore to buy medicine, the drugstore boy hurried over. Dude: Sorry, what you want is tonic water. I gave you poison by mistake. Customer: Look at you, something terrible almost happened. Dude: Yes, the boss will definitely scold me when he finds out. Poison is twice as expensive as tonic. 23. avoid asking questions A famous botany professor and his teaching assistant are studying new varieties of plants. One day, the teaching assistant asked the professor, "What should you do when you go to practice in the field and meet an unknown plant?" "The professor replied," I usually walk in the front, and then trample all the plants I don't know to death to avoid students asking questions. "24. A worker of the activity factory director asked the factory director's secretary," Why does the factory director always sit in the front row at the theatre? " "lead the masses." "But why did he sit in the middle at the movies?" "Go deep into the masses." "When the guests come, why is there always our factory director at the table?" "on behalf of the masses." "But he sits in his office every day ..." "Fool, trust the masses! "25. Assassin Two gangsters were lying in wait, trying to plot against someone, but they never saw him. One of them was anxious and said, "What's the matter? He hasn't come yet, I hope nothing will happen to him! "26. One Tooth John:" Your father is like a miser. You see, he is a shoemaker, and you are still wearing such worn-out shoes. Tom: "What about your father?" He is a famous dentist, but your little brother has only one tooth! "27. Conscience can't bear it. One day, a poet and his friends were drinking. They ordered an appetizer and four sparrows. His friend ate three in a row and was about to eat the last one. The poet said, "Is it my turn to eat this one?" My friend sighed and said, "I wanted to give it to you, but I really couldn't bear to break them up." Let them reunite. " After that, he ate the last one.