Funny sentences with humor

Humorous and funny sentences.

Humorous and funny sentences. We will encounter many funny things in life. Whenever we encounter these interesting stories, we always think of our friends. Or others have shared, Humor is a talent that can make people happy. Look at the humorous and funny sentences. Humorous and funny sentences 1

1. I really want to put my size 37 shoes on your size 42 face right away.

2. I think you have finally forgotten that I have appeared in your life

3. When a bad person does a good thing, he will be saved, and a good person does a bad thing. Called bedwetting at dawn.

4. Although the bird is small, it really covers the entire sky.

5. Why do you fall in love with one person, not the next person?

6. In the past, the woman who cooked the raw rice into cooked rice was yours, but now, even if you turn the raw rice into popcorn, it is useless.

7. There are always people who have been with each other for twenty years, but lose to an innocent or charming face.

8. Whenever I meet you, my heart always beats fast. I don’t know why you always nod and smile at me.

9. You only know how strong I am, but you don’t know that I am also a girl and I also need love

10. One day your name will appear in my family’s household registration book !

11. Age is not a gap, and height is not a distance.

12. I love you only through the mouth, but not through the heart﹋

13. Count money until your hands cramp, sleep until you wake up naturally.

14. The traffic in Beijing almost starves people to death!

15. First line: I didn’t bring my student ID card, admission ticket, and ID card. Second line: I didn’t do the listening, reading, and composition questions. Hengpi: The important thing is to participate!

16. Student: Teacher, you are so beautiful today. Teacher: Thank you. Student: You’re welcome, I lied to you.

17. Everything about us has become the past, and our memories have been forgotten by time.

18. Three o’clock and one line every day: meeting and dinner, changing rooms to have a small banquet.

19. I left as gently as I came, waving my sleeves and taking away only a bunch of cabbage

20. If I were not smart, How can it be shown that you are mentally retarded!

21. You love him deeply, but I love you deeply. I have had enough of this triangle relationship.

22. Question: How did the pig die? Answer: How do I know if you are not dead yet?

23. If I could celebrate Children's Day again, would there be anyone who would accompany me to play games to my heart's content?

24. The beauty rolled up the bead curtain, and all traces of people disappeared. The apes on both sides of the bank couldn't stop crying, and the frogs were startled.

25. Those obstacles that you cannot overcome are not because of your short legs!

26. Today someone said I was handsome and I laughed. But they said I was even more handsome when I smiled. I shouted to the sky: Me! No! handsome! A flash of lightning came down from the sky, and God said: You lied!

27. Parents, please pay attention. Recently, a new type of fraud has appeared in the society. Scammers will forge a transcript with a very low score to communicate with the school. In the name of the class teacher, they lied about their children's problems and sow discord, causing serious family disagreements. Parents should delete the text messages about the problems immediately after receiving them and do not believe them.

28. “Brother, bring me my headphones” “I think you should say please” “Bring my headphones here”

29. There is really no jacket that can compare. If you have passed the school uniform, you can hide your mobile phone in your sleeves, you can put books in your pockets, you can roll it up as a pillow, spread it out as a blanket, and you can rub it anywhere.

30. One day, a patient went to the hospital and the doctor told him: "You must test your blood first, then your urine, and finally your stool.

After a while, the patient came over sadly: "Doctor, I swallowed blood and urine, but I couldn't swallow stool!" ”

31. Do you have any friends who have traveled abroad? For example, you have been to Saipan, the Maldives, etc. Please tell me about the detailed travel cost guide. I recently had a class reunion and we were chatting. It may be used...

32. Goddess: "If you can stand 18 centimeters away from me, without using your hands or feet, and touch me with some part of your body, I will do it." Your girlfriend. "So, without saying a word, I took off my pants and peed all over her.

33. You were frozen to death in the north, while I exposed my thighs in the south.

34. Today a male colleague I was being chased and beaten by a female colleague, and when I saw that it was really bad, I stepped forward to stop her. After asking, I found out that it was the male colleague who had posted the photo of the female colleague eating fried dough sticks to the circle of friends. I quickly persuaded him that it was a bit inappropriate to post this. She’s just a lady, so there’s no need to make such a fuss in the company. The female colleague burst into tears and said, “You know what? He mosaicd the dough sticks! ”

35. I have a husky at home. Every time it yawns, I will suddenly put my hand in it, and then see the surprised expression on its face. Until today, when I yawned, it actually put its paw Put it in my mouth...

36. Today I saw a post from Yishen: Are defecation and peeing good friends? The first floor answered, no, they are not on the same path. The second floor answered, Yes, but peeing is more about loyalty, and you don’t always accompany me when you pee, but you always support me when you urinate!

37. If you are rich and have the face, you will be called your husband. Those who have face but no money are called Lan Yan. As for those who have no money and no face, I’m sorry that you are a good person... What a painful realization!

38. During the evening self-study, I wrote something that I felt very good about: I am a good person in this life. Have fun! I asked my deskmate to read it, but unexpectedly, he started to read it backwards...

39. Classes in elementary school cost money, classes in junior high school cost money, classes in high school cost brain, and classes in college cost money.

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40. “Boss, I want to take leave! Boss: "What's the matter?" Employee: “I’m going to my ex-girlfriend’s wedding!” "Boss: "Drive my Lamborghini!" By the way, I brought my female secretary with me..." Later, I drove my boss's Lamborghini and was waiting for him downstairs in the office building. I saw my ex-girlfriend and her current boyfriend passing by in a BMW. My girlfriend rolled down the window and said, "After all these years, you are still... Driving for someone else? I was speechless when suddenly the boss's voice came: "Mr. Zhang, your bag, please go to the airport to pick up the foreign guests." "I took the bag blankly and started the car. The boss bowed at 90 degrees from behind the car and said, "Mr. Zhang, go slow!" "At this moment, I suddenly felt that the corners of my eyes were wet...

41. I can take secret photos, but I tell you, you have to use a beauty camera. Humorous and funny sentences 2

1 , A person is not alone, he is lonely only when he wants to be alone.

2. Wear others’ shoes, walk your own way, and let them find it.

3. Really. I am very grateful to those who have hit me and taught me how to hit others.

4. When the sky falls, you are the first to bear it. I will go home and have a meal first to find a stick.

5. I am not a casual person, but I am not a casual person.

6. As long as it is not obscene, we are mainstream!

7. Don’t fall in love for the purpose of marriage. It’s just to support other people’s wives.”

8. Memory is like water poured into the palm of your hand. No matter you spread it out or hold it tightly, it will always flow cleanly from your fingers bit by bit.

9. If you cannot put your woman into a wedding dress, then never stop unbuttoning her clothes!

10. Success in life does not lie in getting a good deck of cards, but in how to play bad cards well.

11. Get away as far as you want!

12. I thought I was decadent, but today I found out that I was already scrapped.

13. I remember the first girl I chased when I was a freshman. I sent her a message that night: I fall in love with you, what should I do? She replied to me with three words: secretly in love!

14. Made fried bacon with green garlic. Named "Plants vs. Zombies"

15. Pigs have pigs, and people have people. If a pig has people, then it is not a pig, but Bajie.

16. Ever since I turned into shit, no one has stepped on me anymore.

17. Meet a writer’s personality: It may seem like it, but it may not necessarily be true.

18. The agencies are too clever in their calculations, but fools will take care of themselves.

19. Opportunity is a step that distinguishes heroes from bears. The previous step is everything, and the next step is nothing.

20. Oh my God! My clothes are slimming again.

21. I finally quit smoking and smoked a cigarette to celebrate.

22. If my friends can sell them for five yuan each, I can make a small fortune.

23. I, a college student, have a goal in life: a peasant woman, a mountain spring, and some farmland.

24. The longest love history of a person is probably narcissism...

25. The family is poor and ugly, 1.49 meters tall; primary school education , rural household registration; three dilapidated houses, one acre of thin farmland; today, we are recruiting girlfriends; on the revolutionary road, hand in hand.

26. I have completely lost in love. I talk about feelings with you, and you play games with me. In the end, it was only me who was injured

27. I remember that my brother was also a handsome guy back then, but time was ruthless and it destroyed me.

28. I recently bought a box of facial mask powder online, which needs to be mixed with honey or yogurt. When the mask arrived, I went to the supermarket and bought a box of yogurt. When I opened the yogurt, my face felt less important.

29. It’s great that you left, otherwise I would have kept you for dinner.

30. Whenever I fail to lose weight, whenever I make a fool of myself in class, whenever I am bitten by mosquitoes, whenever I am exposed to the sun, whenever I complain about the troubles in life, whenever I lament the misfortunes I have encountered , my death will always arrive in time, say to me: Hahahahaha...

31. The old tree withered vines, the crow, the air-conditioned WiFi watermelon, Ge You's same sofa, the sunset, I Just leave it there.

32. A beautiful female colleague, her husband brought her lunch, put it down without saying a word and left. The new male colleague asked: Who was that just now? She answered: Delivery food. The new guy asked again: Why didn't you give me the money? She said: No need to give it, just sleep with him at night and it will be fine. The male colleague was silent. The next day, he brought her a lunch of four dishes and one soup, and the whole office burst into laughter.

33. You can’t wake up someone who doesn’t reply to your message, but a red envelope can.

34. I went on a blind date today. The other party was a very quiet and beautiful girl, and we had a good conversation. Before leaving, I asked in a mean-spirited way, are you always so gentle? The girl said calmly: "I am usually so gentle and why do you come here for a blind date?"

35. Do you know why God is jealous of Yingcai? Because no one cares how long the fool lives.

36. On a hot summer day, looking at the sweaty courier, I handed him a bottle of cold beer. He drank it all in one gulp, burped loudly, and asked me what I wanted to send. I said: "You drank it..."

37. I can give you a gift for Children's Day, but if you don't give me a gift for Father's Day, don't blame me for turning against you.

38. Summer vacation is so long, you must find someone who can pick watermelons together.

39. In the year of the college entrance examination, I scored 200 points, while my mother’s friend’s child scored 680 points. That child went to a key university, and I could only go to work. Nine years later, that child’s My mother showed off to me that her son had applied for a job as a project manager with a monthly salary of over 10,000 yuan, but I was thinking: should I hire him?

40. Asking what love is in the world will only make people die with eyes wide open.

41. I don’t object to girls wearing skirts in summer, especially short skirts, but why should they wear safety pants underneath. I got up from the ground angrily.