Brother's funny speech or speech at brother's wedding

Today, as an older unmarried youth, I should have no right to speak. However, I think my brother and MC invited me to give a speech on stage, which not only made me feel happy, but more importantly, I hope I can turn pressure into motivation and invite everyone to a wedding banquet as soon as possible.

Well, I want to give my brother some advice:

First, adhere to the party's absolute leadership over the army: the wife will always come first, the children will come second, and the puppy will come third. Find your place.

Second, conscientiously implement the "four sons" principle, treat your wife as a grandson, treat your mother-in-law as a dutiful son, eat like a mosquito and work like a donkey.

Love your wife and be a civilized husband: don't fight back, don't talk back, and greet your cold face with a smile.

Fourth, sincerely accept your wife's emotional dictatorship and don't talk to strange women, except, of course, the old lady who asks for directions.

Five, adhere to the salary bonus payment system, do not alter the salary slip, do not hide money in shoes. However, you can apply for 288 yuan a month.

Six, nothing to look at his wife's face, go out and kiss his wife's face, can't tell his wife to "fuck off", and his wife is called "asshole", you know.

Finally, standing here, I am a little nervous and a little excited. As if everything is like a dream, my brother is really married. With such a beautiful wife, I also have a virtuous and generous sister-in-law. Here, I must wish my brother and sister-in-law a happy wedding, a sweet life and happiness.