Contribute the funniest jokes

Contribute the funniest jokes

Sometimes our lives can be dull and we need jokes to mediate. Jokes can entertain people around us and adjust the atmosphere. Below are the funniest jokes that I have compiled for you. You are welcome to share them!

Contribute the funniest joke 1

1. A large bookstore organized a meeting between well-known writers and readers. The manager ordered that before the writer arrived, all his works should be put on the bookshelf, and the works of other writers should be put aside for the time being.

Great, great! After the writer arrived, he looked at it and said. Unexpectedly, my works are deeply loved by the majority of people! What about books by other authors?

The manager panicked and said without thinking: They are sold out, sold out.

2. In the Chinese class, the teacher asked the students to make sentences using "loud", "quiet" and "silent" based on the model essay.

Xiaohua was the first to raise his hand: "Whenever my mother loudly reprimanded my grandfather, my grandfather always said in a low voice: Yes...yes..., while my father always said silently Sitting on the sofa and reading the newspaper. ”

3. My classmates interviewed for a large company and accepted two people, but dozens of people signed up.

The test question is: Let the examiner remember yourself in the shortest possible time.

My classmate didn’t say a word, gave the examiner a slap in the face, turned around and ran away.

Notify him to go to work the next day. He thought for a long time. Still gave up

4. Wang is going to pay his birthday to his father-in-law, but he doesn’t know how to say nice things. His wife taught him: I wish my father-in-law to be as blessed as the East China Sea and live as long as the Southern Mountains.

He was afraid that he had forgotten the good words, so he read them while walking. When crossing the single-plank bridge, he felt a little flustered, swaying from side to side, and sweating all over. Crossed the bridge, oops! I forgot both sentences! Go back and ask again, the road is too far. He suddenly thought: The words were lost while crossing the bridge. They must have fallen into the river. Go into the water and touch them! But after touching it for most of the day, where can I find it? I had no choice but to move forward in a low spirit.

The banquet had just begun, and the eldest son-in-law was the first to get up and toast: I wish my father-in-law to be as blessed as the East China Sea and live as long as the Southern Mountains! At this time, Wang happened to arrive. When he heard this, he became furious. He rushed forward, slapped the eldest son-in-law, and cursed: It turns out that you picked up my words and made it difficult for me to touch the river. bitter!

5. The county magistrate is illiterate at all. Whenever something is purchased, it is recorded by drawing. If you buy a horse, draw a horse; if you buy a bowl, draw a bowl.

Once, his boss came to inspect, but the county magistrate was not at home. The boss opened the shopping book and looked through it. He felt that this accounting method was ridiculous, so he erased it with a red pen.

When the county magistrate came back and saw the account book, he was angry and said: Why did the superior Yamen buy red candles and record them in my account! A complete collection of jokes

6. A: Did you buy a copy of "Aesthetics"?

B: Yes, after we established diplomatic relations with the United States, we have had more and more contacts in various aspects. It is time to get to know the United States seriously. Therefore, I bought this book about American culture and came back to read it carefully.

A: ...

7. In order to catch up with an order, everyone in the company has been working overtime for several days and nights. The boss said to us: "Look at how hard everyone is working. , I’ll give you something exciting tonight to get you excited!”

After hearing this, everyone screamed and went to work as if they had been given blood.

Late at night, there was a pack of espresso and a bottle of Lao Ganma on each person's table.

8. After lunch, I was puffing out cigarette smoke.

The beautiful female colleague came over and asked a little embarrassedly: "Can I smoke it?"

I hesitated: This... is not appropriate...

The female colleague looked expectantly: "Okay?"

I nodded: Yes, and handed over the remaining cigarette butt in my mouth.

So, bang! She slapped me hard and ran away laughing. Contributing the funniest jokes 2

Old Qin had no other hobbies in his life except playing chess.

When he was young, Lao Qin often forgot about the farm work in the fields while playing chess. For this, he was often scolded by his wife. He must be old, but he still loves to play chess. He often brings a set of chess around the village looking for people to play, and everyone calls him "Chess Basket".

This year, Lao Qin suffered from rheumatism in his legs and could not get out of bed. His habit of playing chess did not change at all. Lao Qin's hands were itchy, so he would pester his son to play a game with him every day. If it took a long time, Lao Qin would scold his son for being unfilial. The son had no choice. No matter how busy he was with his work, he had to accompany Lao Qin to kill a game every day.

Ten years later, Lao Qin left. On the day of the burial, his wife put the chess set that Lao Qin often used in the coffin and said that Lao Qin had no other hobbies in his life, so let the chess set accompany him.

When my son found out, he firmly objected and refused to put the chess set in the coffin no matter what. The mother was angry, crying and scolding her son for being unfilial, saying that Lao Qin Bai loved him so much that he even built him a house and got a wife. There was no such son in the world.

Relatives and friends present also advised my son that an ordinary chess set was not worth much, let alone an old one, even buying a new one would not cost much.

But the son still disagreed, saying that it was not about money. He didn’t feel bad no matter how much it cost to bury his father, but he just couldn’t let the chess set go.

Everyone couldn't resist their son. Although they all called him a white-eyed wolf in their hearts, they had to give up in the end.

In the evening, after the guests had dispersed, the wife couldn’t help complaining to her husband: "You said, what you did today is too outrageous. Isn’t it just a broken chess set? Why are you standing in the way? Are you not allowed to put it in the coffin?”

The husband looked aggrieved and said to his wife: “It’s not like you don’t know that our father loves to play chess. If you let him take the chess with him, he will definitely have to do it. Tiantianxia. But if he can’t find someone to marry him there, why don’t you ask me to go?" Contributed the funniest jokes 3

1. Wearing a cotton coat and eating ice cream

Spring has arrived, and everyone has taken off their winter clothes. Xiaolu wanted to eat ice cream, and his mother said, "It's too cold to eat ice cream!" After a while, Xiaolu came out of the back room wearing a cotton jacket and said, "I'm sweating, can I eat it now?

2. Pig

In the English class on Xiaolu, Xiaolu went to the blackboard and wrote "big" in English. The teacher said, "Pig?" How dare you scold me! "Then he was made to stand for half an hour.

　3. A pencil

In order to encourage himself to study hard, Xiaolu wrote "You must study hard" on the side of a pencil. That's right! But after using the pencil for a while, it became "can't study hard", which was wrong. After using it for a while, it became "don't study hard". My mother was very angry when she saw it, and Xiaolu's butt became swollen again. Funny Joke 4

1. The couple chatted in bed at night, and the more they talked, the more hungry they became!

The man said: "I really envy women. I will be hungry when you have children in the future!" When the time comes, you can drink milk by yourself! "

The woman smiled and said: "Envy it, this is called self-sufficiency! "

The man said: "Wrong! This is called taking your own milk! "

2. When my wife came home from the night shift, she saw her husband still lying on the sofa playing with his mobile phone. He hadn't cooked anything yet. She even shouted confidently: "Why did you come back? I want to starve to death." ! "

This wife was so angry that she threw her coat on the ground and cursed: "If I don't show you some color today, you really don't take me seriously!" Just wait for me! After saying that, he slammed the door and left...

Three hours later, my husband was at home holding a stick and kept mumbling: "Where did those prodigal old ladies go to find someone?" ”

3. Because I drank too much and missed things, my wife asked me to avoid drinking.

My son’s best friend often eats at my house. Yesterday, he said that his father invited me to have a drink. He hasn’t had a drink in a long time...

I was so excited that I was about to agree, but my wife said next to me. : He can’t drink, so let me go!

I...

4. My wife sent me a text message asking me: Honey, what are you doing?

I replied: I’m at work, I’m almost exhausted. When will you be back from your business trip?

Him: I’m back, standing behind you. That all-colored beard you had just now was so great!

Oh, let me go...

5. I don’t want to tell lies with my eyes open

Wife: "Husband, am I beautiful?"

Husband: "Beautiful."

Wife: "Why don't you open your eyes and look at me?"

Husband: "I don't want to open my eyes and tell lies!" The funniest contribution Joke 5

1. Wife: I think back then my figure and figure had beautiful mountains and clear waters on the front, cliffs on the side, and dark flowers on the back, right?

Husband: Yes, it’s a pity that soil and water conservation is so poor.

2. He is not a romantic person. Under her guidance, he began to send her roses, eleven each time.

One day, after reading the language of flowers in a book, she learned that 11 represented "a lifetime". It seemed that he had really put in the effort.

She still hoped to hear him say what the eleven roses represented, but he hesitated for a long time and finally said: "Eleven roses is a flower shop activity, buy ten and get one free. ..."

3. The witness asked the groom: "Do you really love the bride?"

The groom: "Of course, it is true."

" Bride, are you willing to follow your husband until death? ”

“No, I don’t want to follow him door-to-door to deliver mail every day.”

4. In order to make my husband quit smoking. I bought him melon seeds, preserved fruits and potato chips. Seeing that the snacks were getting less and less, I asked my husband how the effect was. He said: "Eating snacks and smoking at the same time really feels much better than dry smoking."

5. I bought one The hairpin set with white rhinestones is the same as the one Kim Hee Sun often wears. After buying it, I immediately put it on my head and asked my husband happily: "Do I look like Kim Hee-sun?" My husband took one look and said: "It really looks like me when I cover my face."

After I got home, the more I thought about it, the angrier I became, and I continued to pester my husband relentlessly: "Then who would I look like if I didn't cover my face?" My husband said excitedly: "Sister Ma, an idler!" ;