So depressed. . . I want to hear a cold joke. . . Classic funny, the more the better!

1. It is said that there is a penguin whose home is far from the polar bear's home. It will take 20 years to walk.

& gt here you are. One day, the penguin stayed at home and was bored. He was going to play with a polar bear, so he went out, but walked.

& gt I found myself forgetting to lock the door in the middle of the road. It's been 10 years, and the door still needs to be locked, so

& gt Penguin went home and locked the door again. After locking the door, the penguin set out again to look for the polar bear, which means it took him 40 years to arrive.

& gt The polar bear family ... Then the penguin knocked on the door and said, "Polar bear, polar bear, penguin wants to play with you!" " As a result, the North Pole

& gt After the bear opened the door, guess what he said ... "Let's go to your house to play ~"

& gt

& gt2. The little white rabbit skipped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns?"

& gt boss: "Oh, sorry, not that much."

& gt I see. . . "The little white rabbit left in dismay.

& gt The next day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns?" "

& gt boss: "Sorry, there is no more."

& gt "hmm. . "The little white rabbit left in dismay again.

& gt On the third day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns?" "

& gt The boss said happily, "Yes, yes, we have one hundred steamed buns today! ! "

& gt The White Rabbit took out his money: "Great, I'll take two!"

& gt

& gt Ming Dow Jr.: "Kang, ask you," a shark ate a mung bean. What has it become?

& gt"? 」

& gt Kang said, "I don't know. What is the answer? 」

& gt Xiaoming said, "Hey! Hey! The answer is "green bean paste (mung bean shark)", you idiot! 」

& gt

& gt4. The teacher asked a classmate how to reduce white pollution.

& gt Make the lunch box blue.

& gt

& gt5. One person has a bad stomach. One day, he went to the Stomach Hospital and said to the doctor, "What do I eat, Rush?"

& gt Yao, eat western food.

& gt Guala watermelon, eat cucumber and pull cucumber! "

Dr.> thought for a moment and said to him, "I think you have to eat shit!" " "

& gt

& gt6. On the plane, a stewardess asked a little girl, "Why can't the plane fly so high?"

& gt Where are the stars? "

& gt The little girl replied, "I know, because the stars will shine!" "

& gt

& gt7. A polar bear is playing with a penguin, and the penguin plucks his hair one by one.

After & gt, he said to the polar bear, "It's so cold!" The polar bear listens, plucking his hair one by one.

& gt Come, turn to the penguin and say, "It's really cold!"

& gt

& gt8. There is a loaf of bread. I was hungry when I walked, so I ate by myself.

& gt

& gt IX

& gt Q: What do African cannibals eat?

& gt A: People!

& gt Q: Then one day, the chief fell ill and the doctor told him to be a vegetarian. What did he eat?

& gt A: Eating vegetables! ~~

& gt

& gt 10

& gt American: Have you ever seen a cup made of wood?

& gt China: No!

& gt American: Then why is the Chinese character "cup" beside the wooden character?

& gt China people: Isn't there a word "No" next to the word "Cup"? In other words, it is not made of wood.

& gt

& gt 1 1

& gt Xiao Bai+Xiao Bai =?

& gt White rabbits (two) ~!

& gt

& gt 12

& gt Q: What happens when a fat man falls from the 12 floor?

& gt Pangzi

& gt

& gt& gt 14.

& gt When a millionaire drove past a village in a luxury extended Lincoln, he saw two beggars on the roadside.

& gt Millionaire pulls weeds to eat, and stops the car immediately.

& gt "Why do you eat grass?"

& gt "We really have no money ..." A beggar replied.

& gt "Really, get in the car and go to my house."

& gt "I have a wife and two children at home ..." A beggar complained.

& gt "Call 1, and the rich man points to another beggar." And you, call your family. "

& gt "My family has a large population. Besides my wife, there are five children. " Another beggar said.

& gt "It doesn't matter, call all of them and go to 1.

& gt In this way, two beggars and their families got on the bus. Fortunately, it was an extended bus. On the way to exercise, a beggar

& gt The beggar's wife said gratefully, "Boss, it's very kind of you to invite even poor people like us to our home."

& gt The millionaire replied, "Nothing, I just came back from abroad, and my home has been left unattended and my yard is empty."

& gt The lawn may be more than one meter high, so you can eat enough.

& gt

& gt 15.

& gt One day, when the national war was in full swing, the guild leader came to the grassland front to boost morale. ...

& gt The guild leader asked: What's the situation?

& gt member archers report: report to the head! There is a Bezos archer next to the tent 20 meters ahead.

& gt However, his accuracy is very poor. He fired many shots these days, but he didn't hit anyone.

& gt After listening to this, the colonel asked: Since we have found the enemy archer, why not kill him?

& gt member archers said: report to the team leader! No, don't you want them to exchange it for a more accurate one?

& gt

& gt 16.

& gt Soldier: "Thirst ... Thirst ..."

& gt Cao Cao: "Hold on a little longer! I have been to this place before. I remember there is a Merlin nearby. Go there again.

& gt later.

& gt Can you get there? "

& gt soldier: "Oh! There are plums to eat! Oh! "

& gt Half an hour later-Coss: "Master! The expedition found a lot of water! "

& gt Cao Cao: "Ha ha ha ha, did you hear that? Finally, there is water to drink. "

& gt Soldier: "If you don't go ... you must find Plum ..."

& gt

& gt& gt

& gt 18.

& gt A medium-rare steak and a medium-rare steak meet in the street. Why don't they say hello?

& gt and then what? (assuming they can talk)

& gt Because ....................

& gt Because ........................

& gt Because they are all strangers ~ ~! Ha ha laugh

& gt

& gt 19.

& gt Little Snake nervously asked Brother Snake .. "Brother, are we poisonous?" The serpent said, "Why do you ask?

& gt Really? The little snake said, "I accidentally bit my tongue just now." "

& gt

& gt20.

& gt tortoise and rabbit race ... the rabbit quickly ran to the front. ..

& gt The tortoise saw a snail crawling slowly .. and said to him, Come on, I'll carry you. ..

& gt Then, the snail came up. ..

& gt After a while, the tortoise saw another ant and said to him, Come up, too. ..

& gt So the ants came up. .

& gt When the ant comes up, he sees the snail on it and greets him.

& gt Do you know what the snail said?

& gt Snail says, Hurry up, this turtle is so fast. ...

& gt

& gt2 1.

& gt every time? When wearing stockings ...

& gt There will be an indescribable feeling in my heart.

& gt that is ...

& gt Radish is also wrapped in plastic wrap!

& gt

& gt22.

& gt One day, a mother-in-law took a bus.

& gt Sitting halfway, my mother-in-law doesn't know the way.

& gt grandma spanked the driver with a stick and said, where is this?

& gt Driver: This is my ass.

Title: Once again

& gt

& gt Child: My mother is short, tall, fat and thin.

& gt

& gt Teacher's comment: Is your mother a deformed diamond?

. The beauty of an adult gentleman, _ _ _ _ _ _ _

& gt Classmate A: Little people succeed.

& gt (faint directly)

. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _, everyone in the world knows you.

& gt A: As long as it looks like Saddam Hussein.

& gt (Khan ||| ...)

Egrets fly in front of Mount Cisse, _ _ _ _ _ _ _

& gt Classmate A: Climb the tortoise by the East Village River.

& gt (Yes, it's quite neat)

I suggest that God stand up again, _ _ _ _ _ _ _

& gt Classmate A: God yelled at me three times.

& gt (The positive solution is "Don't stick to one pattern and drop talents", Gong Zizhen)

If the sky is sentimental, it will get old, _ _ _ _ _ _ _

& gt classmate A: People don't waste their youth!

& gt (The positive solution is "If you don't hate the moon, it will be long and round", Li He's "Golden and Bronze Immortal Ci Han Song")

Relatives and friends in Luoyang ask each other, _ _ _ _ _ _

& gt classmate a: please don't tell him.

& gt (The positive solution is "a piece of ice in the jade pot")

The foot of my bed is shining with such bright light, _ _ _ _ _ _ _

& gt A: Li Bai slept soundly.

Peeking at a leopard in a tube, _ _ _ _ _ _ _

& gt Classmate A: You scared me.

& gt (Ha ha ha! The positive solution is "visible")

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _, pedestrians on the road want to die.

& gt the representative work of junior one students: ghost knocking at the door in the middle of the night

Another time, I took an examination of Tao Yuanming's "Five Doors of Rice Can't Bend", and my classmates filled in "Just give me six Doors".

Think that year, Jin Ge iron horse, _ _ _ _ _ _

& gt Classmate A: Look now, watch and fight.

& gt (The positive solution is "swallowing Wan Li like a tiger")

. Who hasn't died since ancient times, _ _ _ _ _ _

& gt classmate A: Who has no paper in his stool?

& gt (No language ...)

I once tested a sentence from Mr. Lu Xun: "_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _, I spilled my blood on Xuanyuan."

& gt Classmate A: He stabbed me with a knife.

In the Chinese exam, there is a revolutionary poem in the blank: "People's doors are locked, _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

& gt, a voice shouted: _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ I long for freedom, but how can a person's body crawl out of a dog's hole?

& gt appears

& gt…"

& gt classmate a: the holes for dogs to climb out are also locked/damn, they are all locked!

There was a monthly exam in the first year of high school, and the last sentence said, "Laugh to the sky. (Positive solution) Is my generation Artemisia? " .

& gt class

& gt someone in the newspaper wrote: I accidentally twisted my waist. There is another sentence, the last sentence: "Clear water produces hibiscus, (positive solution) natural carving."

& gt Decoration "

& gt。 Some people write that mud gives birth to lotus roots; Some are even more unique, saying: heroes come from troubled times.

Ask how much sadness you can have, _ _ _ _ _ _ _

& gt A: It's like a pot of Erguotou.

& gt (The teacher criticized "You drank too much again ...")