Ask for a long joke

Campus joke turn

1. It's really funny to record it in class.

In the math class of senior three, the teacher wrote on the blackboard, and the bottom was in a mess. The teacher couldn't bear it: students, keep your voice down!

A buddy said: Teacher, you will get used to it!

Teacher (helpless)!

All high schools must wear school uniforms, and some repeat students never wear them. The teacher in charge of this field squats at the door every day to check.

One day, the teacher saw that the classmate didn't wear a school uniform and asked him why he didn't wear it. The classmate was furious and said, my mother is not dead. Why should I wear mourning clothes?

Teacher (backward)!

The teacher put it off again and again. "I want to say one last thing ..." A strong man in the back shouted, "Twisted melons are not sweet!" , silence ...

"The teacher's face was livid ... class is over."

I remember when I was doing geometry in junior high school, the math teacher was furious and smashed two books on the podium: "* * * *, your answers are all the same, plagiarism!" "

I only heard the following whisper: "Great minds think alike."

When I was in junior high school, I liked a few boys to shoot butterflies after class (it's really boring to think about it now). As a result, a classmate was so excited that when the bell rang, the math teacher asked him several times but didn't answer. Five minutes after class, the classmate ran to the door and shouted at the teacher. He said angrily, "I call the dog and it wags its tail!" "

The classmate whispered, "I don't have a tail …" The whole class burst into laughter, and even the teacher couldn't help it …

One of my brothers was in an advanced mathematics class, and the teacher asked, "Calculus is a very useful subject. What is the goal of our study of calculus? "

My brother: "No cavities!"

In Chinese class, the teacher said: In fact, weasels don't eat chickens, which is obtained by scientists through experiments. Once put a chicken and a weasel together, guess what will happen the next day?

The classmate replied: The chicken is pregnant.

Yesterday's exam, we copied it casually in the examination room. Copying is not allowed on the fourth floor. As a result, we all waited outside Someone secretly handed the answer to the students inside through the back door. Teacher pp, who is invigilating, stared at the student at the back door and looked at the student in a hurry. He said, "What are you looking at? Aren't you someone? "

One day, I had two political lessons in succession. No one cleans the blackboard after the first class. The political teacher saw it in the second class and asked angrily, "Why don't the students on duty clean the blackboard?"

At this time, a very confident voice said, "whoever pollutes will be treated!" " "The whole class laughed, and the teacher's face was like a cooked crab.

In the third grade, there was a painting teacher who was very famous. A newspaper had a large-scale report with photos, so he boasted in class: "Recently, some students always told me that you are really good. You have published photos in the newspaper ..."

Me: "Looking for inspiration?"

Results: The teacher stared at me for at least 5 minutes, and then gave a lecture.

Senior three, geometry teacher, an old lady, likes to brag, which is really annoying. One day in class: "I am highly valued by the Municipal Education Bureau. They always invite me to study the problem together, and every time I pick up the car-send it by car" (note: the old woman from the south deliberately paused here to emphasize the tone).

Me: "Three rounds?"

Results: I was banned from geometry class from now on.

In high school, my English teacher (a middle-aged woman in her fifties) thought that we boys wouldn't listen, so she scolded, "What are you thinking?"

"I miss you!" So I answered.

After the teacher was silent for half a ring, he pointed at me and cursed: you smelly rascal!

In a photography class, a classmate photographed two children playing around the fountain. The teacher asked, "What is this picture?"

A sentence came from below: "Yuanyang plays in the water."

Everyone laughed wildly ~ ~ ~

2. University funny poems

Boys' Dormitory: In Qi Fei with fallen leaves and socks, the walls of waste paper are the same color.

Sleep in class: stand still and never fall, even if your mouth is full of water.

Corridor garbage: From one side of the mountain, the distance is different.

Wait for GF downstairs: The sun is purple, and the lady on the ninth floor won't come down.

GF has already paid the bill: the old people have gone by Mercedes-Benz, so there is no time to worship books here.

Preparation for the final exam: the questions are similar year after year, and people are different year after year.

Make-up exam at the beginning of school: 60 doors are impregnable, and now participate from the beginning.

Go home in the middle of the night: sneak into the night with the wind and wash your feet silently.

Dining room meals: cabbage floating in green water, red pepper and radish.

Boys' hair: From the grass on the head, it will dry up and shine every season.

Boy's beard: the knife can't be cut off, and hormones can make it grow back.

Distracted in class: look up at BOSS and look down at mm.

When the school began to call the roll, a class teacher was ingenious and said to the students, "I'll read the student number, so you can give your own names and get to know each other, okay?"

"No.0065438 +0!"

"Teacher, my name is Jiao and my name is Jiao Pei." The teacher was a little dizzy and asked, "Who gave this to you?"

"My dad." "What does your father do?"

"Open a pig farm!"

"No.002!"

A girl stood up and said, "Teacher, my name is Zhang and my name is Zhang Dekai."

"No.003!"

"Teacher, I am Zhang Dekai's twin brother. My name is Zhang. "Who gave you this name?"

"It's my dad. He sells pliers. " The teacher quickly took a sip of water.

"No.004!"

"Report teacher, my name is Qu (pronounced" ou "), and my name is Qu Ye (oh yeah). This is the name my mother gave me. She said that when she gave birth to me, a computer game exploded. " The teacher felt a little uncomfortable.

"No.005!"

"Report to the teacher, foster mother!" "How do you call names? ! "

"no! Teacher, I mean my last name is Gan, and my name is foster mother. My father makes wine. " The teacher took a pill.

006! "

"Teacher, my surname is Gou, and I am told to ignore it."

"Your dad is a steamed stuffed bun shop? ! "

"Teacher, you are so smart!" The teacher has been a little shaken.

"No.007!"

"My name is Kuai (read fast, send the third sound. ) This is called goods. "

"Don't tell me your father runs a warehouse."

"Teacher, you are too old-fashioned. My father is a pimp. " Blood oozed from the teacher's mouth.

"No.008!"

"Teacher, go to hell!" "What? what did you say ? /Excuse me? ! "

"I mean, my name is Ni, and I'm going to the temple. My mother is a Buddhist. Is my name interesting? "

"Interesting, interesting." The teacher is about to cry.

"No.009!"

"Teacher, let's talk about it next time." "Why do you want to say it next time, you say it now!"

"no! Teacher, my surname is Xia, and my name is Xia Huishuo. My father is a storyteller. " The teacher felt dizzy.

"0 10! "

"Teacher, my last name is Gao."

"My name is Mei, and my name is Mei Conscience."

"My name is Wu, and my name is Kate."

"My surname is Mao, and my name is Mao Rongrong." …………

The teacher turned to the sky and growled, "God, I met a group of students!" " "The teacher spurted blood and fell to the ground.

Do you know why there is the word "tortoise"?

I don't know.

A: Then can you recite hundreds of surnames?

Oh, it's former Sun Zhaoli, Wu Zhou Zheng Wang. ...

Stop and see ... where is Wang ranked?

B: Oh. ...

The one upstairs copied my version.