What should I do if the child cries? How to discipline a crying child?

Many parents are at a loss when their children cry, and even get upset because of their crying, blaming and scolding. Every time a child cries, do you try to understand why he cries? And what can you do at this time?

Why do children cry? Crying is an emotional catharsis. Many parents get upset at the sight of their children crying. Some make children stop crying, some satirize "boys have the face to cry", some reprimand "so delicate and worthless", and some threaten "I won't like you if I cry again" ... But crying is a natural expression of human feelings, even adults will cry when they are hit by lovelorn and unemployment, let alone weak children. Tears are not weakness, nor do they represent incompetence and retreat. Crying is the right of children and a means for them to express their emotions. Parents don't hug and comfort in cold blood, nor can they "force" independence, but they will leave a shadow in their children's hearts. The excessive suppression of children's emotions by "not crying" can not only help children understand their emotions correctly, but also let them learn to control their emotions.

Parents are always dissatisfied with their children's crying, which will make children think that parents like their clever self and learn to hide negative emotions. At the same time, it forms the impression that parents can't be trusted and can't share their inner feelings unconditionally, which leads to the alienation of parent-child relationship. Secondly, children will think that their closest parents can't accept their emotions, and others certainly don't like them. Over time, you learn to be depressed, which may lead to depression. Finally, bad emotions are like floods, which should be dispelled rather than stopped. Negative emotions have been suppressed for a long time, and children may take inappropriate venting methods, such as beating and cursing, throwing things, etc.

Therefore, parents need to give their children the right to cry. Remember four principles first: when a child cries, first, don't interrupt the crying; Second, don't rush to express your opinions; Third, understand and communicate with your heart; Fourth, tell your child that you care about him by behavior, such as handing paper towels and water.

Is the child crying caused by innate temperament or improper education? For young children, crying is a way of communication. They are not fluent in language and often cry to express their feelings and frustrations. Therefore, children will cry less when their language ability is enhanced. However, if children still cry after that age, they need to attract parents' attention.

Generally speaking, children cry for two reasons. One is "congenital type", that is, the child's natural temperament is sensitive and crying; The second type is "acquired type", that is, parents' improper family education methods. Let's analyze these two reasons in detail.

Congenital temperament causes children to cry. In terms of innate temperament, children with different temperament have different types of expression. Some children are quiet, some children are active, some children cry, and some children can accept all kinds of changes. ...

Some children are naturally sensitive and cry, and often lose their temper and complain about small things. Even if there is nothing unpleasant, it is not easy to make him laugh. Sensitivity, like shyness, aggression and sociality, is a person's personality characteristic and is innate.

Sensitive children cry a lot, such as falling, having a small hole in their knees to cry, and crying when something they play with is taken away. Although they often cry, a sensitive child will not be unhappy. They tend to be very concerned about other people's feelings, sympathize with others, have good observation and obey the rules, which makes them benefit all their lives.

Crying is not a bad thing for sensitive children. You will feel better after a cry. Some researchers also found that people who cry are healthier emotionally and physically than those who don't, so don't think crying is a bad thing.

However, fear of failure and frustration is the result of fear of difficulties and a sign of lack of self-confidence. In the absence of substitution, it is solved by crying, which is a reflection of the negative emotional nature of infants. When children with negative emotional nature encounter unsatisfactory feelings, they usually use negative emotions to express them, such as crying and losing their temper. This is his personality tendency, but parents don't understand it, and it's easy to get angry with their children, so that parents and children often get upset and can't teach them calmly.

If the child's crying is caused by innate temperament, parents can take the following measures to help alleviate it:

1, we need to understand that these children are highly sensitive, because sensitive children do feel pain more strongly than other children, and it is unwise to forbid them to cry. Parents should gradually strengthen through understanding, sympathy and encouragement.

2. Children who lack self-esteem are prone to cry, so improve their self-confidence and self-esteem and make them good at self-awareness and have a sense of accomplishment. You shouldn't expect too much of your child and ask him to do things beyond his ability.

3. Teach children to express their pain clearly in words instead of crying.

Don't label such children as "sensitive and crying", otherwise it will be difficult to remove them in the future.

5. Because children are particularly sensitive, they are easily influenced by adults' anxiety, tension, anger, depression and other emotions. Therefore, adults should relax themselves, control their emotions and not affect their children. If the emotion has been revealed, it is best to give the child a simple explanation immediately, so as to prevent the child from constantly guessing and aggravating sensitivity.

Children cry because of improper educational methods. Generally speaking, children rarely cry casually after they are 3 years old. But 4-year-old children often cry unexpectedly because they are competitive. However, in order to let children grow up smoothly in the future, parents had better let their children bid farewell to the "crying period" at the age of 4.

Children with slower physical and mental development do cry much more than their peers. It's no use stopping him from crying. There seems to be no other way but to wait patiently for him to grow up. On the other hand, children with normal development, if the family education method is not correct, the crying period will also be extended, for example:

1, the family's excessive protection, doting and relocation can easily lead to children crying, because children who grow up in this environment can't stand a little injustice and cry helplessly when they encounter things.

Crying is also a "killer" used by some children to threaten adults and meet their own requirements. At first, children only expressed their inner loss and grievances in this way, which was an emotional catharsis. However, some parents relented at the sight of their children's tears and immediately compromised. Since then, the baby has regarded "crying" as a panacea to achieve his goal.

Crying is often an effective way for children to threaten adults and meet their own demands. At the beginning, when children see that their parents don't meet their requirements, they feel wronged and have emotions, and naturally they will vent their feelings by crying. However, as soon as parents see their children crying, they immediately compromise with them, promise their children's demands and satisfy their wishes, thus giving them the illusion that they can get everything just by crying. So basically, after crying many times to meet their own requirements, they mastered the method of dealing with their parents.

Judging from the development of children's psychology, 3-year-old children have begun to accept their parents' teaching, but they still insist on their own opinions and have separation fears and anxieties; 4-year-old children can basically express their opinions and demands correctly and do some behaviors that adults appreciate. Their mood fluctuates intermittently, and they also have obvious likes and dislikes. 5-6-year-old children begin to express their emotions in words, have good ability to control their emotions, and sometimes accept criticism from others. From this process, if your child is four or five years old and still likes to cry to solve problems and express emotions, it means that parents should improve their education and training methods. Don't spoil your child, because the more considerate you are, the less chance your child will get exercise. Not only do you not have enough experience in all kinds of feelings physically, but also you are too dependent on adults and lack of experience in solving difficulties psychologically, which will also lead to immature development. In this way, when he encounters a problem, he will only feel at a loss.

If the crying of children is caused by improper family education methods, parents should reflect on their own education methods:

1, find out the specific reason why the child is crying. We should fully understand children's requirements and treat them correctly. When the child is sad, angry, wronged or crying, parents should let the child see that you fully understand his mood, so that the child will feel much better when someone understands him and will not continue to cry. When children are willfully crying because they don't meet their own requirements, parents should carefully explore the reasons why children must insist, and don't deny their requirements with their own tolerance or value judgment. We must resolutely deny the unreasonable and excessive demands, and we must not spoil them. At the same time, we must explain to them the reasons why they cannot meet them. When a child cries, you must not coax him immediately, let alone simply tell him "Stop crying, or I will …". Such threats can easily make the child rebellious, which makes him cry even more.

2. Let the children form the concept of "I have grown up and should not cry any more". Parents should let their children know that only babies who can't talk love to cry. They are old children and can't cry any more. If they keep crying, others will laugh. And because of crying, children will feel disgusted, laugh at themselves and find no friends. With this awareness, children can hold back their tears when they want to cry and gradually become strong.

3. The child is unreasonable and tries to achieve his rude requirements by crying. Parents can take appropriate neglect methods to make children feel that crying can't attract the attention of adults, thus reducing the number of times.

But in this way, parents should first reason with their children. When the children turn a blind eye to the truth, parents will take the cold treatment method to deal with it. Parents should not be moved by "tears" and be soft-hearted for a while, but meet the unreasonable demands put forward by their children, otherwise it will cause their children to be lazy again and again in the future.

4. If you want to change your child's crying personality, parents must work hard on the usual family education, don't spoil, pamper and pamper the child blindly, don't replace everything, and give the child more opportunities for autonomy.

In order to help crying children face setbacks bravely, parents should start from cultivating their children's ability and enhancing their self-confidence. When encountering difficulties and setbacks, we should try our best to overcome them. Parents should give timely and clear affirmation to their children's little achievements in the struggle against difficulties, so that children can feel the joy of success and have the confidence to further overcome difficulties on their own. Then parents give their children some difficult tasks to complete.

Children are children after all, and crying is normal. Parents should never completely limit their children's crying, especially when they hear their children crying, they will show disgust, bring heavy psychological pressure to their children, and their emotions will not be vented, resulting in depression. Actually, crying is not necessarily a bad thing. Children can feel relaxed after crying, because crying can reduce the production of chemicals after brain tension. People who cry are physically and psychologically healthier than those who don't, so don't completely ban children from crying.

Don't hurt the child with this sentence when he is crying.

When a child is young, it is normal for him to run and jump, or get sick or feel uncomfortable, or the injection hurts. But we always like to say:

"Nothing, nothing, no pain."

Invalid, still crying, then the next sentence is-

"You are a man, you are the best! Men can't be bear bags. "

It's no use. How can I stop crying?

"Don't cry, cry again and your mother will leave!"

This is what I will say. Slowly, little Jo bumped into me, but she looked at me with tears in her eyes and shouted, "It doesn't hurt!" " "Nothing!" It seems that I made a mistake, just like that little girl.

I quickly ran to comfort him, and he would push me away and shout, "I don't want my mother!" " "

I think little Jo has always been a sensitive and emotional child. Maybe it would be better to be older until I see the same child around me. When the pain happened, their mother stood on the opposite side of his emotions and told them that if it doesn't hurt, you shouldn't hurt.

Then I read an article written by a foreign mother. Her child suffered from asthma in his early years. She teaches her children to use a metaphor to express discomfort, so that when she is sick, she can judge the severity of the illness in time. For example, when a child feels an elephant stepping on his chest, she knows that this is a first-class alarm and it is time to send the child to the hospital. And other expressions, she knew that the child's symptoms were not that serious.

Look what I'm doing. Not only did I not teach the baby how to express pain, but I also hinted that your pain was wrong, although I didn't say it directly.

I know a child who grew up under such a hint.

A colleague suddenly fainted at work, which startled us all. After a while, she woke up and we asked her what was wrong. She just held her stomach and said weakly, "Nothing, nothing ..." We called 120, and we didn't know that the girl had a gynecological cyst until she was sent to the hospital. The doctor said: this disease is not serious, but it hurts 100 times more than dysmenorrhea, a bit like baby contractions!

That girl endured for hours in the office, and we didn't know until she fainted! After being hospitalized, her mother came to see her and told us, "My daughter taught her to be strong since she was a child, and she didn't tell me what happened. She insists on going to school. " The girl was admitted to the National People's Congress with the top score.

At that time, I didn't feel anything wrong. Now I think about it. If there are no colleagues around me, the girl will not take the initiative to ask for help. Will it be dangerous? Is it right to suppress your pain and not express it?

When a child cries in pain, of course we know that he is in pain and uncomfortable. We certainly need to comfort him and respond to him. However, it is wrong to blurt out the comforting words of "nothing, no pain, no crying".

The correct way is:

You run to make sure that the baby is injured. If there is no serious trauma, you just need to hug him gently and say, "Mom can feel your pain when she sees you fall. You can cry for a while if you want. "

After I tried several times, Little Jo stopped rejecting me. He will cry on my shoulder for a while, and soon he will focus on other things.

In this way, the crying time is often much shorter than before.

This practice is called "* * * love" in psychology. The key point is to turn what happened into children's psychological feelings and emotional needs. But at the same time, we don't make any evaluation, and we don't evaluate the right or wrong of his fall or bump, which makes him feel that his mother is "standing with me."

Back to the case at the beginning, our first step is to fall in love, and the most important thing is your communication with your children; The second step is to solve the problem. Children under 2 years old are more trivial frictions. It is not necessarily the fault of any child, nor is it necessarily the intention of any child, but they simply can't control the strength. Communicate with each other's parents and pay attention to each other's children. My parents will be there next time we play together. After the friction occurs, the baby's mood will be relieved in time and we will have fun together tomorrow.

I heard a beautiful story about the power of love.

An old man sat in a chair in the park sobbing. He just lost his wife. Seeing this, the boy ran to see what had happened. He climbed onto the old man's lap and sat there quietly. Strange things happened, and the old man suddenly felt much better and his mood was stable. Later, the boy's mother asked him what he said to the old man. The boy replied, "I didn't say anything, just helped him cry."

Dear mothers, are you willing to help your children "cry"?

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