Who has an interesting joke?

8 most special jokes (take responsibility after reading)

First, when I was a child, I ate dishonestly. In order to educate me, an old farmer said to me, "Sixty years is hard. I have no food, and I never spit out my booger. " .

Second, there is a rich man looking for a servant. The topic of the interview is going to the toilet. The first few came out without washing their hands. So the rich man sent them away, and only one person washed his hands, so the rich man left him. But one day, the rich man found that he didn't wash his hands when he came out. The rich man asked him why. The servant replied, "I brought toilet paper today ..."

A man saw a big sale in a shop and went in. "What do you want?" "I want to buy dog food." "We have a rule that you must prove that you have a dog." "Where is such a rule?" "This is the case with goods on sale." The man has been grinding with the salesman for a long time, but the salesman still refuses to sell it to him. No way, the man had to go home and bring the dog before buying dog food. A few days later, the man went to this store to buy cat food. "Give me two boxes of cat food." "We have a rule that you must prove that you have a cat." It was the same shop assistant, and the man dawdled with her for a long time. As a result, he still has to go home and take the cat to buy cat food. A few days later, the man came to the shop with a big cardboard box with a hole and found the salesman. "What do you want?" "Just put your hand in and you'll know." The salesman put his hand in: "What is it? Very sticky. " "I want to buy two rolls of toilet paper."

A man and a friend went to visit his grandmother. While he was talking to his grandmother, his friends began to eat peanuts on the coffee table and ate them all. When they left, his friend said to his grandmother, "Thank you for the peanuts." Grandma replied, "Oh! Hmm! Alas! Because all my teeth have fallen out, I can only suck out the chocolate. Old, cough. . .

Some people like the dish "spicy vermicelli pot" very much. Once, he went to a restaurant and ordered this dish again. But the waiter told him that the dish was sold out. "Is it really sold out?" He asked in disappointment. "Sir, really sold out. You see, the last one was sold to the gentleman at that table. " The waiter replied. According to the waiter's instructions, the man saw a very decent gentleman sitting next to him. The gentleman's food has been eaten almost, but the "spicy vermicelli pot" is still full. The man thought that a gentleman had wasted delicious food, so he went up to the gentleman and pointed to the "spicy vermicelli pot" and politely asked, "Do you want more, sir?" The gentleman shook his head gracefully. So the man immediately sat down, picked up the spoon and wolfed it down. After a while, he swallowed half. Suddenly, he found a little mouse lying at the bottom of the casserole with all its hair. In a fit of nausea, the man vomited all the fans he had eaten back into the casserole. When he had a stomachache there, the gentleman looked at him sympathetically and said, "It's disgusting, isn't it?" I'm like this ... "

6. On this day, the hotel owner is patrolling the lobby. A beggar came forward and said, "Can the boss give me a toothpick?" The boss gave him one and sent it away. After a while, another beggar came and asked for a toothpick. The boss thought, why do beggars want toothpicks instead of rice now? I also gave him one to send away, not too old, and another beggar came. The boss said to him, "Are you here to get a toothpick, too?" The beggar said, "Someone threw up and I came late. The first two beggars ate everything they could, and now there is only soup left. " Can you give me a straw?

Seven, boss, the second flight, the second airsickness, vomiting. A bag is full, so the boss has to get it. When he came back, he found that the whole plane was vomiting. The boss asked the reason, and the second child said, "I think this bag is full, so I had to drink half of it and throw up."

8. If you see that you haven't vomited, I have to admit that you are a master, so I will try my best-

Killing skills-

One day, the eldest brother and the second brother went to the theater to see the play again. When they saw that they were in the middle of an argument about the plot development, they made a bet. The boss pointed to a row of spittoons in front of him and said, "The loser should take a sip of what's there." Unfortunately, the boss lost and took a sip with a frown. The two went on to bet on the next plot. This time, the second child lost. I saw the second child pick up the spittoon and swallow fifteen mouthfuls in one gulp. Surprised and envious, the boss said to the second child, "You are so amazing that you can even drink fifteen mouthfuls!" " "The second one shook his head." No, I want to drink. The sputum in that spittoon is too thick. I really can't stop biting! " "

This is a classic story of my mother putting me to sleep when I was a child. ...

Type it out so that everyone can hear it. ...

It's long, very, very long. ...

Growing up, I tried to listen to this story n times before going to bed. ...

But it never worked. ...

I wonder if you can be stronger than me. ...

The story goes like this. ...

There used to be a mountain. ...

There is a temple on the hill. ...

There is an old monk in the temple. ...

And a young monk. ...

The old monk told a story to the young monk. ...

The story goes like this. ...

There used to be a mountain. ...

There is a buddhist nun on the hill. ...

There is an old nun in buddhist nun. ...

And a little nun. ...

The old nun told a story to the little nun. ...

The story goes like this. ...

There used to be a mountain. ...

There is a temple on the hill. ...

There is an old monk in the temple. ...

And a young monk. ...

The old monk told a story to the young monk. ...

The story goes like this. ...

There used to be a mountain. ...

There is a buddhist nun on the hill. ...

There is an old nun in buddhist nun. ...

And a little nun. ...

The old nun told a story to the little nun. ...

The story goes like this. ...

There used to be a mountain. ...

There is a temple on the hill. ...

There is an old monk in the temple. ...

And a young monk. ...

The old monk told a story to the young monk. ...

The story goes like this. ...

There used to be a mountain. ...

There is a buddhist nun on the hill. ...

There is an old nun in buddhist nun. ...

And a little nun. ...

The old nun told a story to the little nun. ...

The story goes like this. ...

There used to be a mountain. ...

There is a temple on the hill. ...

There is an old monk in the temple. ...

And a young monk. ...

The old monk told a story to the young monk. ...

The story goes like this. ...

There used to be a mountain. ...

There is a buddhist nun on the hill. ...

There is an old nun in buddhist nun. ...

And a little nun. ...

The old nun told a story to the little nun. ...

The story goes like this. ...

There used to be a mountain. ...

There is a temple on the hill. ...

There is an old monk in the temple. ...

And a young monk. ...

The old monk told a story to the young monk. ...

The story goes like this. ...

There used to be a mountain. ...

There is a buddhist nun on the hill. ...

There is an old nun in buddhist nun. ...

And a little nun. ...

The old nun told a story to the little nun. ...

The story goes like this. ...

There used to be a mountain. ...

There is a temple on the hill. ...

There is an old monk in the temple. ...

And a young monk. ...

The old monk told a story to the young monk. ...

The story goes like this. ...

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

... there used to be a mountain ...

There is a buddhist nun on the hill. ...

There is an old nun in buddhist nun. ...

And a little nun. ...

The old nun told a story to the little nun. ...

The story goes like this. ...

……

……

There used to be a mountain. ...

There is a temple on the hill. ...

There is an old monk in the temple. ...

And a young monk. ...

The old monk told a story to the young monk. ...

The story goes like this. ...

……

……

New, new

This is really a big story I heard since I was a child.

The hypnotic effect is absolutely effective

Putting the child to sleep is absolutely a miracle.

After listening to it at least a few times.

On hearing it

"Once upon a time there was a mountain. ...

There is a temple on the mountain ... "

It's time for bed.

Don't pester mom to tell stories.

You can try.

An unexpected birthday celebration

Today is my birthday. My girlfriend called early and said that she would come home for my birthday at night. Give me a surprise! Hear the good news! I began to look forward to this wonderful evening. I worked hard and ran away from more than a dozen customers at once! Back to the company. It is three o'clock in the afternoon. When I went to the canteen, I found only one miserable dish and one soup, three beans fried with meat (fried soybeans, green beans and peas) and radish soup. No way, after running all morning, the customer's stomach has been growling for a long time, so he had to order a big plate of meat, fried three beans and a big plate of radish soup to eat! Unexpectedly, after work, my stomach is like the engine of a cross-country jeep-I started a violent piston movement! In a flash, puffs of gas rushed out of my body! I rushed to the place where no one was there, and my stomach began to sing softly, but it immediately turned into a rapid-fire poop-poop! My stomach is so swollen! While sleeping, my girlfriend called and said she had arrived home. Let me hurry home. Alas! I have no choice but to go home. I hope she won't see me in such a mess. . . . .

I farted a lot on my way home Almost home, my stomach feels much better. I think there should be no more problems. I saw my girlfriend waiting at the door from a distance. She looks a little excited. She shouted, "honey, I have prepared a wonderful gift for you tonight, which will definitely surprise you."

Before entering the door, my girlfriend covered my eyes tightly with a piece of cloth and said that she would give me a surprise! He took me to the chair in front of the dining table and made me swear not to peek. Suddenly, I want to fart again. Just then, my girlfriend's cell phone rang. This saved my life! I made an excuse that it was too messy and asked her to answer the phone in the other room! She insisted that I couldn't open the blindfold and made me swear! Then I ran to the other room to answer the phone. As soon as she left, I seized the opportunity, put all my weight on one leg and let my fart out. This fart not only rings, but also smells like rotten eggs. I could hardly breathe, so I touched the chair cushion and fanned it hard to get rid of the bad smell. Just when my mood improved, another fart came again. I raised my leg again and started to release it! It sounds like the rapid rotation of a diesel engine, and the smell is even worse this time. In order not to suffocate myself, I climbed up with my arm waving the chair cushion, hoping that the smell would dissipate as soon as possible. When everything is going back to normal, another fart can't wait to rush out. So I stood up, bent down, pursed my ass and leaned back! Let it out. This fart is really first-class, and even the newspapers behind it are blown to the ground. . . . .

I listened to my girlfriend's voice in the other room, and I was afraid to open the blindfold because I had to keep my promise not to peek. I can only fart in the dark, in order to quickly expel the gas from my stomach without making the room worse! I unbuttoned my trousers, took off my underwear and pants under my mourning clothes, exposed my ass, groped for the door of the balcony behind me, almost extended my whole ass to the balcony and began to fart wildly. . . . . . Ah! I feel much better. After that, I jumped around the room with a mat and prayed that the stench would dissipate quickly. . . . In this way, for the next ten minutes, I kept farting and fanning the chair cushions. Finally, when I heard her say goodbye on the phone, the air in the room and my stomach were much better! I quickly tied my pants and arranged my hair, and began to wait for my dear girl to surprise me gracefully and with a smile.

When she approached, my face showed a satisfied smile and warm eyes. My girlfriend first apologized for calling me for so long, and then asked me if I had secretly opened the cloth. After I assured her that I didn't peek, my girlfriend took off the cloth that covered my eyes and said to me, "What a surprise! My girl friends insisted that I bring them to see you today. They say you are very graceful and handsome in the photo! You see, the five people sitting at the table are my good sisters, and the six people standing on the balcony are my best friends at school! " At this time, I was extremely shocked and horrified to find that there were a lot of girls sitting on the table opposite me, while there was another pile standing on the balcony behind me. They all came to this birthday party that surprised me very much.

Now, every one of them is looking at me with a speechless expression. . . . . . . . . . . . . .

How to tell the authenticity of RMB?

Prepare 100 yuan. Fold in half and then fold in half, put it on the ground and step on it n times. Pick it up and see if the people above have nosebleeds. If it is, it is true. If not, it's fake.

A county magistrate with a strong accent went to the village to give a report: "rabbit, shrimp, pig tail!" No pickles, pickles are too expensive! ! 」

Attention, comrades and villagers! Stop talking and have a meeting now! ! )

After the county magistrate finished speaking, the host said, "Sausages and pickles, please!"! 」

Now, please talk to the township head! )

The township head said, "Rabbit, the dog ate today's meal, and everyone is a big jerk!" 」

Comrades, that's enough for today. We are all big bowls! )

No pickles, I'll pick up a piece of shit and lick it for you. ...

Don't talk, I'll tell you a story.