A paragraph with positive energy

Complete works of positive energy jokes

Jokes are short in length, simple and ingenious in story, often unexpected, giving people a wonderful feeling of being suddenly enlightened. The following is my complete works of positive energy jokes, welcome to read.

Have a positive energy joke 1 1, and have dinner with relatives. Dally with the children of relatives: "Baby, do you have a girlfriend in kindergarten?"

He immediately pulled down his face and said, "Don't mention her to me!"

2. My six-year-old son fell naughty and wiped his scalp.

The next day, I took him to take a bath, refused to wash his hair, and asked him why: I was afraid of going into my brain.

3. Dad: "You have one orange, I'll give you two more. How many do you have? "

Son: "I don't know, the teacher taught us to use apples."

Dad: "Well, how much are three catties of apples?"

Son: "You must first find out how many apples there are in a catty."

In midsummer, the room is very hot. The son muttered in bed, "It's too hot in the mosquito net. Mom, please open a hole to cool off.

There is a positive energy joke 2 1. A child in the zoo asked his mother, "Why are pythons kept in a big cage and there are so many holes?"

Mom: "that's to ensure air circulation, and it won't run out at the same time."

Child: "What if it loses weight?"

2. One day, her mother took her to the store, and the salesgirl smiled and said to the girl, "Little beauty, you are so beautiful!"

The three-year-old girl raised her face, touched her hair and said, "I forgot to comb my hair this morning!" " "

After watching TV, I suddenly asked my mother doubtfully, "Mom, how big will the eggshell be when you hatch me?"

4. In the bathhouse, an adult rubbed his son's back and asked, "You are still young, and dad will help you rub your back. What should you do when dad is old? "

The son said, "Don't worry, I'm not as stingy as you. I'll find you a glue, only 5 yuan. "

There is a positive energy joke 3 1. A colleague asked his son, "Who are you, little friend?"

The son replied solemnly, "Uncle, I am an egg."

Colleagues were shocked and asked, "Why eggs?"

The son said plausibly, "My mother is a chicken, I am her son, and of course she is an egg!" " "

2, a couple quarreled, and the woman returned to her family in anger.

The man teased his five-year-old son and said, "Son, your mother has left. I'll find you another mother."

The son asked, "Will she hit me?"

The man said, "No."

Son: "Will she not let me play games?"

Man: "No"

The son immediately said, "change the lock and don't let mom come back."

My wife and colleagues have a little boy who can't eat well at home. His grandmother said to him, "If you don't eat well, you can't marry a beautiful wife."

The child looked up at his grandmother and said, "Did my grandfather eat badly before?"

4. I went to work by bus today. A little girl came to me and said, "Uncle, can you give me a seat?"

Seeing the little girl in MengMeng, I gave her my seat as a gentleman, expecting her response.

Unexpectedly, she said, "Uncle, although you are not good-looking, you are quite sensible."

There is a positive energy joke 4 1. Another day has passed. How was your day? Did you dream?

As long as it is a stone, it won't shine anywhere.

I have a friend, whose family is average, who always feels happier with money. Later, his mother made a fortune doing infant education. I met him almost ten years later and asked: Now that you have money, are you really happy? He replied: It's awesome! I walked away silently.

4. Only those with strong ability will be regarded as pure technicians; But only social flattery, will be considered to have no real talent; Therefore, in order to stand out in the unit, the most important thing is the relationship.

My parents always pay attention to my moral education. In society, I treat people and things according to what my parents taught me, but I find myself unpopular.

6. I have a friend who stopped complaining and feeling sorry for herself a few years ago and started trying to change himself. To this day, his material life and mental state have not improved.

7. Many times, an optimistic attitude and nice words can't help you.

Looking back on my youth, I found that I lost many precious things. But I am not sad, because I know I will lose more in the future.

9. Autumn is the harvest season. The harvest of others is success and happiness, and your harvest is to realize that not everyone will be successful and happy.

There are positive energy jokes 5 1. Life is like a news broadcast, and you can't escape by changing the channel.

2. I wanted to turn around and smile at the male god, but I didn't expect it to be too cold and laugh with a runny nose.

3, nervous and orderly, efficiency is the key.

4. Love, love, the upper part is taken from Metamorphosis, and the lower part is taken from Metamorphosis.

5, smart girls are generally fatter, because the latest scientific research proves that women use adipose tissue to store IQ, and the thicker the adipose layer, the higher the IQ.

6. I want to sleep first thing when I wake up every day.

7, talk about a love, one less friend.

8, hooligans are not terrible, but they are afraid that hooligans have culture. ...

9. My emotions can be roughly divided into four categories; Eat too much, sleep too much, think too much and spend too much.

10, wealth is like sea water, the more you drink, the thirsty you get; Fame is actually the same.

1 1, only to find that when I can't get through to you, the person who said "sorry" to me is always moving.

12, don't be lazy with me, I'm too lazy to compare with you!

13, some girls who seem to be quiet for many years have no extra money behind them and even owe ants flowers.

14. After the sports meeting, some people won the ranking, while others became expression packs.

15, I want to fall in love, please advise me quickly.

16. Behind every successful man, there is a woman who is full and has nothing to do.

17, your face is to present God's most precious gift to mankind-smile, which must be the greatest wealth of your work.

18, pregnancy is like pregnancy. It takes a long time for people to see it.

19, only single dog will feel lonely when the second cup is half price, but single pigs will not. Single pigs can drink two cups by themselves.

20. Every time you wait in bed after quarreling with others, you will know how to scold at that time.

2 1. Now students are so rude that they don't even talk to me in class.

22. I am like a fly lying on the glass, with a bright future and no escape.

23. There is no free lunch, so I usually go to bed in the afternoon and get up.

I once naively thought that money was everything. Later, I discovered that money is not everything, but everything.

25, nonsense is the first sentence of interpersonal relationship!

26, give the dog a steak, the dog ran out to dig a hole, thinking that it wanted to hide the steak, but unexpectedly dug up a pack of black pepper sauce!

27. Don't make excuses for failure, just for success. Don't look for the reason of failure, look for the method of success. )

28. The teacher asked a classmate how to reduce white pollution. Make the lunch box blue.

29, ups and downs, I taste it myself, both happy and sad; I am my own sun, and I don't need anyone's light.

30. Some people used to be friends, but they can't even be friends after confession.

3 1. The person who makes you laugh heartlessly is the one who loves you the most. The one who makes you cry your heart out is the one you love the most.

32. Mr. Bao, why is there a moon on your forehead? Because I don't understand the darkness of my day.

33. It is better to retreat into a net than to fish in the forest.

34. I need a boyfriend now, and then I will be green, make me miserable, make me angry, make a lot of money, and finally win the Gao Fushuai and reach the peak of my life.

35. It doesn't matter without Lori's face, but do you dare to have a man's heart?

36. A man's proudest person is not how many women he has, but how many men his women are willing to reject for him.

37. Other people's money and wealth are things outside their bodies!

Don't feel inferior, you are no more stupid than others. Don't be complacent, others are no more stupid than you.

39. People's minds will change: they used to want to get rich, but now they just want to get rid of poverty.

40. Uncle policeman, I lost my bag. Don't worry, I'll take care of it. Then you can pay me back.

4 1, San Xiao thanks you for taking away a man who is not worthy of Russian love, and San Xiao thanks you for revenge for Russia.

42. Apart from tears, time is the only thing that can wash away everything. The longer the time, the weaker the conflict, just like tea that is constantly diluted.

43. Go straight to the point and don't challenge my blacklist with your ignorance.

44. You add me, don't chat with me, don't praise me, don't hook up with me. Are you looking for opportunities to plot against me?

45. Thousands of blows are still strong, and the wind is east, west, north and south.

46. I always believed that I would lose weight. I'm just playing fat now, but I didn't expect to be embarrassed when I played.

47. The bus driver braked suddenly, and the passengers can learn pole dancing immediately.

Don't treat me like a rival in love. Don't worry, I don't like your partner.

49. I don't know why you laugh all day. You smile like a broken cloth shoe.

50. When two people are together for a long time, there will be an inexplicable tacit understanding. For example, if you ignore me, I will ignore you.

5 1, people should not be afraid of death, what they should be afraid of is not really living.

52. Don't keep loading and loading like a trash can.

53. How many beats can there be in life? Don't be grey yet

54. Learn more, be less proud, take advantage of opportunities and get rid of laziness.

55. My deskmate said: A person is something other than himself. I dumped a sentence: life does not bring, death does not bring.

56. Have you ever seen everything others say but never commented?

57. I have spicy strips and wine, so I asked you if you would like to go with me.

58. Is there anyone like me who has nothing to do with the computer but doesn't want to turn it off?

59. There are thousands of wardrobe clothes in Qian Qian, and only the new ones are the most beautiful.

60. I hate myself for waiting for your news for a long time, and the result is "Oh". Do you think I'm telling a story or a joke?

There are positive energy jokes 6 1, rich people have no talents, and talented people have no money. After years of hard work, I found the unity of the two; I have neither money nor talent.

You are not a true man until you reach the Great Wall. When you arrive at the Great Wall, the hero will not suffer immediate losses. Don't hit the south wall, don't go back, hit the south wall, but the wall is pushed by everyone; Never die until you reach the Yellow River. When you get to the Yellow River, you can't wash it if you jump in! Trouble will not stop, the most important thing is happiness.

3. Wear cloth, be a vegetarian, and find a wife to do housework at home.

4. Ten years of hard work, only for Peking University Tsinghua, but finally admitted to Peking University Jade Bird.

5, fishing for three days, the rest of the time online.

6, talent+material+wealth = new ideal man.

7. When people are unlucky, they all order a cup of tea. When you are unlucky, call a cupboard full of cups and tableware! !

There is a positive energy joke 7. An old man was fishing by the river, and a child passed by to watch him fish. The old man is very skilled, so he soon caught a basket full of fish. Seeing that the child loves to eat, I want to give him the whole basket of fish. The child shook his head, and the old man asked in surprise, "Why don't you want it?"

The child replied, "I want the fishing rod in your hand." The old man asked, "What do you need a fishing rod for?" The child said, "This basket of fish will be finished soon. If I have a fishing rod, I can fish by myself and eat it for a lifetime. "

I think you will say: What a clever boy. Wrong. If he only needs a fishing rod, he can't eat any fish. Because he doesn't know the tricks of fishing, it's useless to have a fishing rod, because the most important thing in fishing is not the fishing rod, but the fishing skills.

There are too many people who think that they have a fishing rod on the road of life and are no longer afraid of the wind and rain on the road, so they will inevitably fall on the muddy ground. It's like a child looking at the old man and thinking that as long as there is a fishing rod, there will be endless fish, just like a worker looking at the boss and thinking that he can make a fortune as long as he sits in the unit.

There is an apt classic saying: "I give you a candy, you are happy." When you see me giving two to others, you will have a problem with me. " But you don't know that he also gave me two sweets, and you never gave me anything. "

There is a positive energy joke 8 1, I don't know, sir.

Naughty Brown is often absent-minded in class and always speechless when facing the teacher's questions, so he is called "Mr. I don't know" by his classmates.

Once, Brown wanted to get back at his teacher, so he asked, "I saw something without legs and slipped across the kitchen floor. What did you say, teacher? "

The teacher thought for a moment and finally said "I don't know".

Brown explained seriously, "That's water."

If you realize that a wise man has a thousand troubles, you lose; A fool may give advice to a wise man. Don't always laugh at people who don't know. There are many things in life that you don't know. Learning with an open mind is the most important thing.

2. Want too much

One night, the husband came back from dinner and happily said to his wife, "Today, the manager of our company invited several employees to dinner, and everyone enjoyed themselves." During the dinner, the manager took out three bottles of whisky and said to everyone,' Everyone here who has never betrayed his wife in his life, these three bottles of wine will be his'. Do you think it's strange that no one raised their hands? "

The wife asked curiously, "Then why don't you raise your hand?"

The husband said in a panic, "You know, I always prefer beer to whisky."

Feeling that they want too much, are dissatisfied with the present, or for various other reasons, many people finally choose not to be honest with others.

Step 3 retreat for progress

Marbury, a French political commentator and philosopher, was suggested to run for the National Research Institute, but Marbury resolutely refused.

He said: "If I am really elected as an academician, people will say,' Well, how did he get elected as an academician? It must be …' But I'd rather let people say,' He should be an academician. '"

I feel that when you can't have both fame and status, honest people choose fame and greedy people choose status. Therefore, the former is respected and later generations are reviled.

4, beauty makeup

The company is in a remote place outside the customs. Colleagues living outside the customs go to the Window of the World site and take the company shuttle bus to work at 6: 40 on time, but Xiaoli, a beautiful woman living near the Window of the World, is almost 2 or 3 minutes late to get on the bus every day.

At 6: 40 this morning, Xiaoli called the driver again and waited for 2 minutes. It will arrive soon. Colleagues living nearby can't help complaining about being late. It's outrageous that they can't get up a few minutes earlier.

Liu Hui said, "I live opposite Xiaoli. She gets up much earlier than me every day, but she has to put on makeup 1 hour every morning. "

On his first day at work, Wang Gang was very surprised and asked, "Is she ugly? It takes so long to make up every day. "

Perception pays too much attention to superficial form, which often backfires.

Step 5 give up your seat

A lady got on the tram and all the seats on the tram were full. A gentleman stood up and offered his seat, and the lady sat down without saying a word.

At this moment, the gentleman turned around and asked, "What did you say, madam?"

"Sir, I didn't say anything!"

"Oh, I'm sorry, madam. I thought you said' thank you'. "

I feel that a cultured person is not only good in mentality and optimistic in outlook on life, but also a grateful person.

Step 6 cover up lies

A blind beggar is begging a passerby in the corner. When there were no passers-by, he picked up the coins on the ground one by one and put them in his pocket.

"Stop pretending!" A passerby saw through his trick and said angrily, "You are not blind at all."

"Yes, Sir. I'm just here to replace the real blind man who sits here every day. He went to the movies today, so please let me take his place. I am really not blind, I am just dumb. "

I feel that in order to cover up one lie, people often have to tell another. As a result, the sea of Wang Yang, caught in lies, cannot extricate itself and get rid of endless pain and troubles. It is best to be sincere, at least you can get mental peace and psychological peace.

7. Go your own way

A woman casually parked her car under the no parking sign.

The traffic police rushed to her car and asked, "Madam, do you know what this sign means?"

"I don't know," the woman replied. "If you are interested in it, you might as well ask the salesgirl at the roadside stall."

People who are used to going their own way will probably feel that there is something inappropriate about themselves.

8. The patient is very poor

There is a doctor who is always unlucky, and the person who comes to see the doctor will never be cured.

His wife said to him, "I said, why do you always take people seriously?" So, your medical skills are terrible. "

"No, no, my medical skill is very good. But the patients are all poor, so there is no cure. "

"Specifically, how do patients receive basic strength therapy?"

"I did the treatment as written in the medical book, but the patient did not get sick as written in the medical book."

Realize that the fact is the only starting point at any time, otherwise you are an empty and useless person.

9. The work was exhibited.

"I drew something for the exhibition. It has been hung up, just next to the population office. "

"Congratulations, what is it?"

"A sign, a road sign on the left."

People who feel really strong are often quiet, because they know that strength is the most powerful voice; On the contrary, the most superficial guy is very ostentatious, because he is poor and empty, so he has to talk to his shallow soul to comfort himself.

10, narcissism

Woman: "Honey, do you really like me?"

Man: "Hmm!"

Woman: "You think I'm beautiful, don't you?"

Man: "Hmm!"

Woman: "You think my eyes are as bright as the stars in the sky. My appearance is as beautiful as cherry blossoms in full bloom. The posture is so light and moderate. The voice is so beautiful, I don't know how many times more beautiful than Miss World, isn't it? "

Man: "Hmm!"

Woman: "Oh! Thank you very much I'm so glad that you can praise me so much! "

Feel confident, but don't be narcissistic. Narcissists must feel sorry for themselves. They are the most vulnerable.

1 1, showing off wealth

A rich man traveled abroad and stayed in a big hotel. It's just that he found that no one there seemed to notice that he was a rich man.

So, when he had breakfast again, he deliberately shouted, "Waiter, please have a breakfast of 20 francs.

"The waiter came over and said," Sir, we don't sell half breakfast here. "

I feel that when a person is too self-righteous, his unconventional means will become a catalyst for getting him into a more serious embarrassment. Therefore, a low-key nature is always the simplest and best way to maintain self-esteem.

12, clever

Tom came to ask Jim for the bill, and Jim hid at home and didn't dare to show up. He saw Jim's shoes by the door, and knowing that people must be at home, he knocked on the door.

But there was no movement in the room, so he said loudly, "Jim, I know you are hiding at home, and your shoes are still by the door?"

A voice inside said, "No, I can go out barefoot."

What you think is smart may not be smart to others. Cleverness always gives away the clues, so it is better to be kind.

13, delicious

The sow gave birth to a litter of piglets, all of which were strong, fat and lovely. The husband is thinking that he can take the pig to the market soon, which is not a small income and can't help but be complacent.

One day, the husband came home to find a little pig missing and asked his wife why. The wife replied: the wolf took it away. He was very angry. A few days later, I came back from the outside and found another one missing. My wife said the wolf took it away again.

So the husband waited at home every day, and sure enough, the wolf didn't come for several days.

On this day, the husband had something urgent to go out, so he asked his wife to take good care of him. Out of the village, I suddenly remembered that I forgot to take something and went home. Just entering the door, I saw my wife busy in the kitchen, her face covered with soot. It turned out that the pig in the pot was almost cooked, and the husband got angry and beat his wife.

The wife was still crying, and the husband stepped forward and opened the lid. He only smelled the smell of pork, tasted it, and couldn't help nodding his head in praise: it smells good! Delicious! Seeing this, the wife burst into tears immediately and said, "Ginger hasn't been released yet. It is more fragrant and delicious after it is released! " "

I deeply hate some things, but at the same time I silently enjoy the benefits brought by these things. At this time, can you still stick to your principles?

14, opinionated

A gentleman just bought a computer from a computer shop. A few days later, the computer began to smoke.

He consulted a person who knows a little about computers and was told to change batch files under DOS. He tried for a long time without success, so he called the store and asked what to do. The store manager said, "You can exchange your computer for another one."

But this gentleman insisted: "My friend said that it is enough to change the batch file under DOS. Why?"

The manager was very helpless about this "lever head" and made a joke with him: "Then I will tell you an undisclosed technology from Microsoft! You add a line of command NOSOMKE.EXE to the batch file, and there is no problem. "

A few days later, the gentleman called again and said, "No, after I joined that order, the computer still smoked."

The manager said, "Your version of NOSOMKE is too low. You can contact Microsoft service department. "

A few days later, the poor man called again. He told the store manager, "Microsoft people say that the power supply on my computer is not compatible with their NOSOMKE. EXE！”

I feel that if we are willing to treat ourselves as fools, then everyone will lie to you. Modesty is not a weakness, but stubbornness will make you lose face.

15, profiteer

Wang Weiren, a drug dealer, is a profiteer. People always dig at him and say that he eats people and drinks blood.

One day, his businessman came home and passed a dark mountain road. Suddenly, a wolf jumped out of the forest, jumped at him and tried to bite his throat.

"Don't eat me, my meat is not delicious!"

The wolf said, "Does it taste bad? People say you always eat people. It must be delicious! "

I realized that even if I don't want to be a kind person, I should leave a way out for my conscience, knowing that one day the way you treat others is the way others treat you.

16, smarty pants

Xiao Wang put the written manuscript on the table, went out to do business, and came home at noon to find that the table had been cleared, but the stack of manuscripts was gone. When he smelled smoke, he asked his wife, "What are you burning?"

The wife replied, "Do you think I am so stupid that I will burn useless paper? I burned the written waste paper. "

I feel that everyone wants to be smart, even if they often have a little knowledge or think they are smart. However, in many cases, true wisdom is not careful calculation, but discovering and confessing your ignorance!

17, swear

Once, Patrick Mahoney, a good friend, talked with Mr. and Mrs. Shaw about many problems. When they talked about the love entanglements of celebrities, Mahoney asked Mrs. Xiao, "How do you get along with your husband's many female admirers?"

Mrs. Bernard Shaw didn't answer directly, but told an anecdote. She said, "Shortly after we got married, an actress made a desperate pursuit of my husband. She threatened that if she didn't see him, she would commit suicide and her heart would be broken ... "

"So, did she die of a broken heart?"

"Indeed, she died of a heart attack." Bernard Shaw interrupted the conversation and said, "But that was 50 years later."

People who pursue fame and vanity will never really sacrifice anything for love, even when they say it. People who pursue fame and vanity will never really sacrifice anything for love, even when they say it.

18, objection

When Fulton first publicly demonstrated the steamboat he invented, no one believed that it could move. People on both sides of the strait kept clamoring and saying, "Don't move, don't move, don't move!" Unexpectedly, the ship started at once, with steam and singing.

After reading it for a long time, everyone was tongue-tied and changed their mouth and said, "I can't stop, I can't stop, I can't stop!"

People should stick to their own thoughts and actions. Sometimes, onlookers are more jokes.

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