Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - Gao Zonghe Qin Zongzong
Gao Zonghe Qin Zongzong
Mr. Gao and Mr. Qin are both in their sixties. They can't keep up with their careers and their annual sales are 567.8 billion yuan, but they are still unhappy.
it's the first time I met Mr. Gao. I've been working for a week. When Mr. Gao came back from a business trip, he went to the equipment department to check. We got off the production line and talked to the equipment director about the fault. On the chair next to him sat an old man who was thin and sick, with white hair and black face but gloomy face.
he asked: how is the equipment debugging?
at that time, I couldn't think straight, so I asked, who is calling, please?
he said, I'm manager Gao.
naturally, I didn't take it to heart, and casually replied, it's okay, but I have a little trouble from time to time.
when I first joined the company, I got to know many "managers", Zhang Wang and Li Zhao, all of whom were called managers. Naturally, there was no respect in their tone and manner. When Mr. Gao went out, I turned to other colleagues and asked, Who was that old man just now? Everyone laughed and said: he is the big boss of the company, and the whole company is his!
I feel remorse in my heart, blaming myself for not knowing how old I am. Lao Gao is the nickname given to him by all of us, which is kind and warm, like calling his own uncle and greeting the doorman at the door.
Lao Gao is actually very poor. He is said to be a billionaire entrepreneur and a big boss, but he is actually more like a salesman who is on the run. His education level is not high, he didn't graduate from primary school and wrote a junior high school diploma. The business sea has been ups and downs for decades. When it was poorest, it was blocked at home to ask for debts. Finally, it found a way to make money and propped up a private enterprise. When he is old, he is in poor health, and his children are abrasive and unable to take on the burden on his shoulders. He is not willing to retire, but he can only hold on and concentrate on going public to make money. The teacher invited a dozen, each of whom only taught him some fur, pampered himself with a high salary of tens of thousands of yuan, and coaxed him around.
At the beginning of each year, the company holds not only the annual meeting, but also the sales conference. As the "sales director of China", Lao Gao has new goals every year. Just as Martin Luther King shouted, Lao Gao also had a dream. For this dream, he makes policy adjustments every year. The company's internal production, equipment and personnel arrangements are fully entrusted to Mr. Li, who is bent on sales and listing. Listed for several years, from the beginning behind closed doors, to the later, he issued shares to mobilize the whole people, and finally agreed to merger and acquisition backdoor bundled listing. For various reasons, the listing failed, but he was still "listed". Therefore, every year, the company will raise a few more experts who can call-the "pretend" family who specialize in the pit.
let's not talk about listing. If we just talk about sales, Lao Gao is still very successful. After all, he has been selling all his life. Domestic sales are generally inseparable from the dining table. When a meal is finished, the business will be discussed. Lao Gao doesn't drink, but he smokes a lot. At the dinner table, people push a cup for a change. He just leans back on the chair and smokes, regardless of the contract amount. Lao Gao is also a teetotaler in tens of millions of businesses.
while smoking, Lao Gao pulls the other boss to complain, talking about raw materials, investment and policies. I can't wait to cry with the other boss. This is a good idea. With the old and sick body, even a man made of iron can't stand such tenderness. Moreover, no boss has a hard past, and no rich man has any grievances in his heart. This move is both affectionate and heart-to-heart. After making a heart-to-heart, the next thing is easy, the price is settled, and this business is not just a sale, it is friendship, it is a brother!
after smoking half a pack of cigarettes, the customer was dizzy by Lao Gao, and the meal was finished, and the list became.
Lao Gao always taught us not to talk about price with customers, but about value and emotion. But we are humble, and our customers only talk about the price with us. For this reason, Mr. Gao licensed us to print our business cards "bigger" and call them sales managers and regional directors, but still no customers are willing to call us brothers. Later, Lao Gao also knew that our personality charm was not good, so he told us to quote a low price first, and then earn the profit back when we added it later. Of course, this is also a routine.
Lao Gao is good at using routines. For example, he never gives employees a raise, but he just talks about the importance the company attaches to employees. Every time an employee wakes up and wants to resign, Lao Gao will take time out of his busy schedule to talk to him alone. Talk about the company's vision, the company's difficulties, and the plan for promotion and salary increase next year. Next year after next year, most people stayed, their wages didn't rise, their positions didn't rise, but everyone liked it.
why? The company values us.
Later, everyone concluded that if you really want to jump, try not to talk to Lao Gao. Lao Gao will fool you, he can fool customers into paying money, and he will fool employees into not coming, not to mention Lao Gao giving us money.
Apart from not getting a raise, the most annoying thing for employees is Lao Gao's daughter-in-law, General Qin.
manager Qin is short and rustic, with short ears and a livid face. Ears, necks, arms and fingers are covered with jade jewelry, and jade bracelets are worn in pairs, like wearing a pair of handcuffs. Qin's total figure is not good either. He is three thick for no reason, thick on the upper, middle and lower sides, like a short wooden stake, wrapped in colorful shiny clothes.
manager Qin is much higher-pitched than manager Gao, and his tone is much higher. The company is nominally Gao Zong, but in fact, all the money is in the hands of Qin Zong. Although Qin Zong is called Qin Zong in the company, there is actually no formal position, and she can only be called Ms. Qin externally. She is in charge of finance and purchasing, and even has to look at the food money in the canteen every month. The employee's reimbursement signature must also go through Mr. Qin. After reading it carefully, if she thinks that she spends too much money, it must be a sweeping scolding. For example, why do you fly? The plane is cheaper than the train. How many times have you run this list, and you haven't talked about how many orders are wasted; Why do you have so many tickets? Can't you take the bus?
Later, the salespeople tried not to go out in order not to get scolded.
manager Qin is not only high-profile about people, but also about ghosts and gods.
When the production equipment started to operate, it was inevitable that accidents often happened. When General Qin heard that the workshop would not stop, he invited a monk to do it. The ritual was done for several days. Finally, the master wrote a lot of symbols to General Qin, in yellow paper and black letters. General Qin ordered people to post them on the doors of various workshops, and asked the eminent monk to write several large ones and post them on each station of the equipment. The employees laughed, and the customers were puzzled. When asked, we said that the proprietress was particular about it, and the equipment was all polished.
on the fifteenth day of the first lunar month, the company burns paper. All kinds of yellow paper, gold ingots and silver ingots are burned for a long time, and the big iron drum with a diameter of more than one meter is quite spectacular. With so many gold ingots, the proprietress naturally didn't have time to fold them herself, so she suffered from the personnel, administration and the old aunt who cleaned up. While folding paper money, everyone lamented that the proprietress is really kind. Without the company, everyone has no salary and no money to eat, and is kind to people and ghosts.
Mr. Gao and Mr. Qin are very kind to me, because I helped foreigners when I joined the company, so they all thought I was a talent. Of course, they also want a bowl of water for talents, and their wages are naturally not raised, but occasionally they will reward me to accompany them to Sashido for dinner. Sashido is connected with the dining hall, separated by the kitchen. Sashido's meals are special. Every meal has fish and meat, good meat, soup and tea. The dishes are all in season, and the meals are not heavy. The chef's skills are as good as those of the grand hotel. In contrast, the dining hall, the same chef, makes the same dishes as pig food.
I'm an unappreciative person by nature, and I don't like eating with leaders. Besides, foreign guests are present at many meals. I have to be busy translating when I have a bite of rice. After eating a meal, I lose more saliva than I drink soup. Even smiling, swallowing, eating hard stomach and stiff face, so reward, it is better to be punished.
Before I resigned, Lao Gao naturally had a long and earnest talk many times. Fortunately, I made up my mind and resisted Lao Gao's sugar-coated cannonball.
finally left the arms of Gao Zonghe and Qin Zonghe. It's a long way to go, so I'll see you another day.
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