Do you want to accompany you to do your homework? A good mother is better than a good teacher.

"Link" audio: Do you want to accompany your homework? Adzuki bean told a book "A good mother is better than a good teacher".

There are many jokes on the Internet that parents accompany their children to do homework, saying, "If you don't do homework, your mother will be kind and filial. If you do homework, chickens fly and dogs jump."

I believe that parents who accompany their children to do homework hope to cultivate their children's good study habits from an early age and lay a good foundation for learning. But why does it often backfire?

Teacher Yin Jianli told us in the book "A good mother is better than a good teacher" that children don't need to accompany them when they do their homework.

She told the story of her daughter Yuanyuan doing her homework when she was a child. Yuanyuan has just entered primary school, and it feels fresh to do her homework. The first thing she did when she got home was to do her homework. She looks like the doll she just bought. But after a while, the novelty passed. So when I get home, I eat, play, watch TV, fool around and don't do my homework. I need to be reminded to do my homework by adults for several days in a row. After realizing this problem, Yin Jianli decided not to remind him, so he reached a tacit understanding with his father, pretending to forget to do his homework, and let the children play enough before doing their homework.

Soon, Yuanyuan screwed herself up. One day, I didn't remember to do my homework until I went to bed. I was so anxious that I began to cry. Teacher Yin and the child's father were anxious for a long time, and they didn't blame the child at this time. The child will cry, indicating that he has realized that he has done something bad. If parents blame their children, they will forget to blame themselves and begin to resist their parents' criticism. So the couple just said in a calm tone, "Don't cry. Everyone forgets things sometimes. Now think about what to do. "

At this time, the child's father couldn't help saying, "Then sleep late for a while and write quickly." Yuan Yuan was sleepy at this moment, and he was very unwilling to listen to his father. It is wrong for parents to make decisions for their children in a hurry. Human nature is willing to refuse other people's orders according to their own ideas. The last book we talked about, Positive Discipline, also has the same view, that is, encourage children to find their own solutions to problems, and their decisions are more willing to be implemented. So, Teacher Yin said to her, "If you want to write today, you can stay up later." If you want to write tomorrow morning, mom will call you 1 hour in advance; If you don't want to write in the morning, tell the teacher when you get to school that you forgot to do your homework. I won't write this time. "

Usually, children are responsible for their homework and are afraid of teachers' criticism, so Yuanyuan has only two choices: writing at night or writing in the morning. Although Yuanyuan wants to sleep, she hasn't finished her homework and decided to write it now. My parents didn't say anything, so they went back to their room to sleep when it was time to sleep. In fact, it is also pretending to turn off the lights and sleep, and the ears are still listening to the child's movements. Some parents will say: Why not accompany the children? Teacher Yin Jianli pointed out that this has three disadvantages: First, the child will deliberately show his pain in front of his parents and win their sympathy, which will affect his attention and speed in doing his homework. Second, it will make children feel that doing homework is not his own business, but his and his parents' business. After a long time, they will kidnap their parents psychologically and become dependent. Third, the parents sitting next to them can't help nagging, whether it's blaming or kindly reminding, it will annoy the children. Therefore, parents should do what they should, and their mood should be the same as usual. Don't blame their children.

Yuanyuan finished her homework, packed her schoolbag and went to bed. This happened again later, but it never happened again. Yuanyuan also learned to arrange her time reasonably and do her homework consciously.

In the process of cultivating habits, if children can always feel initiative and sense of accomplishment, they will form good habits in this respect; If children often feel insecure and guilty, they will form bad habits in this respect.

After all, children are children. It is normal that things go wrong and mistakes are made. Some parents like to accompany their children to do their homework because they don't believe that their children have the ability of self-improvement and self-management, and think that children can only do well under their own supervision. Under the constant control, correction and guidance of parents, children's self-esteem level will decrease, they no longer believe in their own abilities, but rely on their parents' management. Once they leave their parents, they have no self-control at all. In real life, there are indeed some children who will take the initiative to ask their parents to accompany them in their homework. However, this is not a child's nature, nor is it a normal demand. This shows that children are extremely insecure about self-management and have to turn to external forces to restrain themselves, but their hearts are full of powerlessness and helplessness. In this case, parents should gradually pull away, otherwise the child's independence will never be produced, which will affect his life and work.

Parents accompany homework for two purposes, that is, to improve efficiency and quality. The words should be written properly, and the calculation of the questions should not be wrong ... It seems that as long as the perfect homework is written, the child will be perfect. However, under such severe criticism, children will be emotionally opposed to their parents. It is not surprising that they are "screaming". At this time, homework is no longer interesting in children's eyes, but has become a nuisance. How to cultivate good habits in this situation? .

Human nature is the pursuit of freedom. When everything children love becomes supervised, their interest disappears. The longer parents and children study together, the closer they are to supervisors. The child doesn't like an invigilator in his bones At most, he gives in temporarily on the surface, and his heart will never obey. Therefore, accompanying children to do homework is not to cultivate children's good habits, but to disintegrate good habits, which is an increasing wear and tear on children's self-control.

There is another disadvantage of accompanying children to do their homework. Some parents have a debt collection mentality because they have spent time and effort on their children. When their children's grades are not good, they will say, "I spent so much time and energy, but you learned like this!" " This kind of words will make children lose confidence in self-management and feel guilty. Over time, it will also affect the parent-child relationship.

Then how can parents not accompany them? First, be patient and allow children to make mistakes. Just like Yuanyuan forgot to do her homework, but she learned from her mistakes and finally found a reasonable way to arrange her time. If parents always remind and supervise, children have no chance to grow up from mistakes. The second is to create children's sense of pleasure and satisfaction as much as possible. For example, don't point out which word is not good-looking, but point out which word is improving. In this way, the next time the child writes, he will consciously move closer to the well-written words. Often seeing children's progress will give them a sense of accomplishment to overcome their weaknesses and help them have a sense of responsibility and consciousness.

In the process of children's growth, we should learn to let go moderately and let children have room for free growth, because a person is a free person first, and then he can become a conscious person. This is also the topic we will talk about in the next section: whether it is the best management.

Reading opens a wise life. I am adzuki bean, I love reading, and I will accompany you to learn and grow for life!