What are the funniest jokes?

1. In high school, a teacher (female) was very strict. During a certain exam, he found a white corner on the back of a female classmate and suspected it was a cheat sheet. Although he walked up behind the student silently, he pulled out a scarf and said, "Haha! You must have been caught by me!"

2. When I was a child, I wasted food. My mother said: I used to be poor. Ah, let alone eating, I couldn’t bear to throw away the boogers I dug out.

3. My mother said to me sincerely: I must practice calligraphy well, your mother and I... At this time, there was a shout from downstairs: Bald Ying, three are missing and one is missing, hurry up. Come on! I suddenly understood what my mother said. My mother’s name is Xiuying...

4. In winter, when I was withdrawing money from a bank, robbers suddenly raped the bank. When he put the knife to a man's neck, the man shouted: Cool! cold! cold! The whole bank was filled with internal injuries.

5. Cooking in the cafeteria: Oh, fish, give me some food!

This one will probably die miserably, hahaha.

When I was a child, my family was poor and there was only one lock on the door. Every rainy day, I would say to the lock: Please stop showing off

Share three, two It seems that a friend of mine personally experienced it.

What a friend experienced:

That day he went out for dinner with a few colleagues. It was summer and the ceiling fan was turned on in the restaurant. Halfway through the meal, he felt a stomachache. He had been having diarrhea recently, so he looked at the signs for the bathroom and went straight to the second floor. He saw that the bathroom on the second floor was very simple, with lime everywhere on the floor. It looked like it was being renovated and he didn't care about it. Solve it quickly. When he finally felt comfortable, he came down and found that the restaurant was completely empty. It had been bustling with people just now, and only their table was left. He walked over suspiciously, and his colleague said he has been waiting for you for a long time, let's go. Why didn't he say you didn't want to eat? ? My colleague said that the food is full of shit, so why should I eat it?

1 My friend told me that since I started trading stocks, I have been sleeping like a baby. I'm very envious, wow, my God, you sleep so soundly. My friend said, what does it smell like? I fell asleep crying, then fell asleep and woke up crying again.

2. My friend was trading stocks and had no time to take care of his pet cat, so I had to help him take care of it, but then something happened. His cat actually fell to his death from a height of thirty stories. I called him and told him tactfully that his cat accidentally fell to his death while walking on the roof of the building. I casually asked him what happened to his stocks? He said, my stocks are walking on the roof, walking, walking... Do you want me to continue?

3 My friend failed greatly in stock trading. He lost all his money and even his girlfriend ran away. So he wrote a couplet,

The first couplet.... He looked coldly at the beautiful woman.

The second line.... I bow my head and become a bachelor.

Horizontal batch....that's it!

4 When I was a child, my friends always said that he had no freedom, that his father was like the king of hell and his mother was like the wife of the king of hell. One day, this word reached his father's ears. It happened to be a rainy day, and my father had nothing to do, so he wanted to beat him. Dad grabbed him, pointed to the two sticks on the back of the door and said, "I will give you freedom now. You can choose for yourself. Do you want the stick on the left or the one on the right?"

5 A friend failed again in stock trading. He had no choice but to go to fortune telling. The fortune teller asked him to draw lots. He drew a lot, and the word "Express" was written on it. He felt a little happy, express delivery, doesn't it mean that I will get rich quickly? The fortune teller explains it this way. Express delivery means running errands. Errand runners used to be called porters.

Feet, just feet, bearers, no matter how you look at them, they look like they have fallen. Brother, you have to be careful of the slippery road.

6 Because of repeated failures in stock trading, my friend was filled with grief and anger, and finally became seriously ill. The doctor told him, brother, you should write your last words. My friend figured it out and took it lightly, so he asked Dr. Yu to give him a pen and a piece of paper. He wrote on the paper,

First, I used all the stocks for medical expenses.

Second, I want to find a better doctor.

Third, I want to eat lychees.

I just saw one today,

Santa Claus: What do you want?

Someone: I want a dragon.

Santa Claus: Could you be more fucking realistic?

Someone: I want a girlfriend.

Santa Claus: Tell me what color dragon you want.

A math problem. Say the two ends of the railway are 5,000 meters apart, and the two trains are running opposite each other. Car A is traveling at 100 meters per minute. Car B travels 80 meters per minute. A dog travels between two trains at a speed of 50 meters per minute. Then here comes the problem. Ask, how did this dog die?

I ate fake fast food

One of my buddies told me that he went to eat fast food for 300

I think I usually eat fast food for 12 or 20

Did I eat fake fast food?

I went out to eat with my friends. It was cold, so I wore a coat. After passing a small road, which was too narrow to walk side by side, my friend walked behind me. . . . . . Then, my friend looked up at my clothes and said, "There is a dog behind you." I was stunned for a moment and asked, "Huh?" (Actually, it’s fun. I want him to repeat it.) My friend repeated,,, there is a dog behind you, so I could only silently agree (the pattern on the back of my clothes is a dog)

Smoking damages the lungs, drinking alcohol damages the liver, and if you don’t smoke or drink, you will be sad. My high school geography teacher said it.