Lin Ming, a transgender girl who "self-consecrated": was pushed to the edge of despair by the violence of public opinion

“It is impossible to go through formal channels, and it is actually not safe to find a ‘private’ doctor.”

On the morning of March 31, in a rental house in Guangzhou, Lin Ming operated on herself and cut off the male genitalia that was the fault of her birth. She was a transgender girl and had sex for the first time. The idea of ??"cutting off" came about two years ago, when she was 16 years old and in her first year of high school.

But the operation failed.

Lin Ming then called 120. When she arrived at Zhongshan No. 6 Hospital, her lower body was still bleeding. After treatment by a doctor and four days of hospital observation, she returned home. She was lying unconscious on the bed in the rental house. She did not expect that Two days later, "I'm afraid not many people in China know about it."

At noon on April 5, the Sixth Hospital of Zhongshan University, without informing Lin Ming or getting her consent, published on its official Weibo account "In the early hours of the morning, the 17-year-old actually committed suicide." The article was accompanied by several pictures of the day's surgery, and a picture of her bleeding lower body was set as the cover.

"Although the pictures are coded, people around me can tell they are me at a glance," Lin Ming told nonideallife (ID: nonideallife) on April 7, her personal Weibo , QQ, Tieba IDs, etc. have all been exposed by "human flesh" one after another, and "private messages have exploded."

"I am on the verge of emotional collapse now." Lin Ming said that the above-mentioned report was not only without her consent, but also contained a lot of fabricated plots. She will contact a lawyer and prepare to report it to the Sixth Academy of Zhongshan and the paper version. A newspaper media took the matter to court.

On April 5, without the consent of the parties concerned, the official Weibo account of Zhongshan Sixth Hospital published text and pictures of Lin Ming’s surgery, which have now been deleted.

Can’t wait any longer

Non-ideal life: How is your situation now and how is your recovery?

Lin Ming: My health is fine. Now I no longer need to pay special attention to the wound when taking a bath or doing things. There will be further surgeries that will cost 30,000 to 40,000 yuan in China, so you have to save up money for it.

Now I rent a small single room in Guangzhou, the rent is less than 1,000 yuan, and I work part-time in a charity organization, and my life is not bad.

Non-ideal life: You performed the surgery yourself. What was it like that day?

Lin Ming: Around 12 noon on the 31st, a man did it by himself in a rental house. He did it for 40 minutes. When he was suturing the outside, he saw blood oozing from inside, and he knew that the spermatic cord ligation failed. , and then called 120 for help;

At that time, I also contacted my two sisters (note: both are transgender women), and the three of them got into the ambulance together and went to the Sixth Hospital

Ideal life: When did you come up with the idea of ??having surgery on your own and what preparations were made?

Lin Ming: In November last year, I decided to have the surgery myself. After that, I learned about the distribution of arteries and what anesthetics and tools need to be used. Most of them were learned through Baidu. I also taught myself pharmacology and anatomy;

The anesthetics were bought directly from the pharmacy. The tools were ordered on Taobao, a medical student internship package for about 100 yuan.

Non-ideal life: Don’t you worry about safety and professionalism when you perform surgery by yourself?

Lin Ming: Worried, but unless I find a regular doctor to do it, it is impossible because I am under 18 years old and does not comply with the "Technical Management Standards for Transgender Surgery (Trial)". This is why I decided to do the surgery myself. The main reason;

In fact, it is not safe to find "private" doctors to do it, and they are not necessarily professional.

Non-ideal life: Why not wait until adulthood?

Lin Ming: I can’t wait any longer. I started taking hormone drugs in March last year. The last time I went to the hospital to check my normal functions, I already had mild signs of liver poisoning. If I take it again, it may worsen within three months. Became liver toxic, so gender reassignment surgery was urgent for me.

In fact, in July last year, I wanted to have this surgery. At first, I wanted to find someone else to do it. Coincidentally, in January last year, a doctor who performed "private incision" came in and was accused of illegal practice. After that incident, I couldn't find a doctor willing to perform this operation.

Non-ideal life: How to find a doctor who performs "private excision"?

Lin Ming: Usually in QQ groups, but doctors were no longer on QQ at that time. From January to September last year, no one dared to come forward, and it was impossible to contact doctors in this field.

I also checked the hospital fees, which start at least 6,000. This does not include the cost of the subsequent recovery period. After all, I gave up after understanding it for a while.

Many plots are fabricated

Non-ideal life: When did you see the news about you on the Internet?

Lin Ming: At noon on April 5, when I went to the hospital to remove the drainage tube, I turned on my phone in the hospital and saw it. At that time, WeChat had just pushed it. At that moment, I felt like: This hospital is really amazing. Yeah, shitty hospital.

Non-ideal life: You happened to be in the hospital, did you go to ask for an explanation?

Lin Ming: Gone. It was almost noon when I got off work. I went to the attending doctor Ma Bo and asked why my information and pictures were posted. He also said that they were all mosaic and used pseudonyms. In the afternoon, I was in the medical department. At that time, the medical department and the hospital Everyone from the External Propaganda Department was there, and they agreed to delete the article at that time, and would try their best to delete media reports. I also recorded it;

However, a correspondent may have sent the article to the media, and the media still did it in the evening When the report came out, the hospital said one thing verbally and another behind its back.

Non-ideal life: The pictures are mosaic and pseudonyms are used. What do you care about?

Lin Ming: In the picture, you can clearly tell it’s me, and the people next to me can also tell it’s me. With information on various websites, who can stand it? I checked some information on Baidu, and the second person in the information column was me. Do you think you will feel comfortable? Open Weibo, UC, it’s all there, who can stand it?

I think they are unscrupulous media

Non-Ideal Life: Did you notice that you were being photographed when you went to the hospital on March 31?

/p>

After placing the order, I went for a B-ultrasound, and the person taking the photos followed me throughout the process. I talked to him, but he just ignored me. Later, on April 5, I went to the hospital to remove the drainage tube and saw him again. , he was wearing a white coat and was indeed from the hospital.

Non-ideal life: In media reports, you refused to face the media. So, is the statement relayed by the doctor true?

Lin Ming: I compared the reports and found that many of the plots were false and fabricated. From beginning to end, the only thing I said was that I had the surgery myself and started taking medicine in March last year. , dropped out of school, nothing else was said;

Some doctors and nurses asked me, and I always said, "Can I not answer?" and refused.

Non-ideal life: Which plots do you think are fabricated?

Lin Ming: Many. The report said that I have a WeChat group of 58 people, all of which discuss transgender-related content. “They all don’t have money for gender reassignment surgery.” This is fabricated. I don’t have it. As I said, I don’t have this group; also, in the report, “(I) repeatedly emphasized that I don’t want to be a man, but want to be a woman.” I never said this at all, let alone emphasized it;

There are many others, "I have long hair." My hair covers my ears slightly, my bangs are above my eyes, and my hair is under my eyebrows. It is not "long hair";

According to the report, "I have no Adam's apple." , is also wrong. Hormone medicine cannot make Adam's apple disappear at all. It is also said that I drank alcohol that day. In fact, I am allergic to alcohol and will sleep for a long time after drinking even a little alcohol. This is all fabricated.

Non-ideal life: So far, the report has not been deleted, but has been forwarded a lot. Will you continue to negotiate with the hospital?

Lin Ming: I have not gone to the hospital since April 5, and there is no need for it. I plan to find a lawyer and sue the hospital and Guangzhou Daily, because only Guangzhou Daily published it in the newspaper.

A local Guangzhou media report on this matter

It’s useless to read the book, don’t read it

Non-ideal life: the people around you now , does anyone know about this?

Lin Ming: Yes, because I called 120 that day and the ambulance drove to the rental house. Some neighbors knew about it. Because I was under 18 years old, the hospital called the police at the time, and I was still the landlord afterwards. My father informed me;

The relationship with my family is relatively weak, as light as a thread, as if there is nothing there.

Non-ideal life: Did you come out to your family?

Lin Ming: Yes, I came out to my family in October last year, and things started to change slowly (the family ties faded away). I thought of me every day for a few months because of the transgender issue. I was like this, always staying at home and not working; and after I came out, they said I was like this and stopped reading books. So in November, I packed up my things and left school.

Non-ideal life: When did you realize that you were a transgender woman?

Lin Ming: It started in 2013, when I was in the first and second grades of junior high school. Every night, I fantasized about turning into a girl the next day and having changes in my physical structure;

When it comes to clothing, it just depends on whether you like it. If you like it, I will wear it regardless of whether it is men's clothing or women's clothing.

Non-ideal life: At that time, would you be looked at differently in class?

Lin Ming: All my classmates think I am a sissy. After graduating from junior high school, at the class reunion, the girls did not shy away from me and treated me as a similar person. (Laughs)

After I entered high school, I agreed to wear school uniforms, but I have always been a girl. In this process, my understanding of my gender became more and more firm.

Non-ideal life: Have you ever felt uneasy?

Lin Ming: It was okay at first, but then when I was a freshman in high school, I felt that I couldn’t go on like this anymore. I thought about becoming a girl every day, and it was a very bad experience for my sexual awareness. I feel very uncomfortable when I have an erection, such as a morning erection.

The first time I had the idea of ??cutting was when I was in the first year of high school. I had never told anyone about it at that time, and I had no close friends.

Non-ideal life: Trying to build relationships with others in the past?

Lin Ming: I tried it. I went to a boys' or girls' group, but I couldn't talk to each other. The boys play games every day and talk about games and sports, which doesn't interest me at all. The girls talk about how the boys in the class are doing, and they say to me: "Why are you, a boy, discussing this with us?" ;Although it is a joke, for me, these jokes are very serious and have an impact, passively becoming a loner.

I lived on campus in both junior high and high school. The school’s bathhouse had no partitions and was open to the public. But when I took a bath, other boys avoided me and avoided me automatically. I don’t know why.

Non-ideal life: It sounds like I feel isolated from a group, what do you think?

Lin Ming: Yes.

An extra carton of milk and a piece of bread

Non-ideal life: After the accident, did your parents come to see you?

Lin Ming: My father is here, but my mother is not. He arrived at noon on the day he was discharged from the hospital, that is, April 3. His return ticket was in the evening of the same day. After accompanying me back to the rental house, he left at 7 pm and returned to his hometown in Hunan.

Non-ideal life: He came to see you from your hometown. How did you communicate that day?

Lin Ming: There was almost no communication. He walked into the ward with a dark face and asked me who signed the surgery. After that, he took the order to the doctor and went through the discharge procedures. There was no comfort. There is no blame either.

After returning to the rental house, I went to bed and felt very dizzy. I had not yet removed the drainage tube. When I woke up, he was still there, and asked me if I was going back. I said no, wait, and that was all we talked about, and he left at 7 p.m.

Non-ideal life: What was he doing when you were sleeping? Are there any other changes in the house?

Lin Ming: I fell asleep. I don’t know what he was doing. There was an extra carton of milk and a piece of bread.

Non-ideal life: What was it like for you to get along with your father that day?

Lin Ming: I don’t know how to put it, but I am touched, a little bit.

(Lin Ming is a pseudonym in the article)

Text: You Hai

Photo: Photo provided by the interviewee Network Comprehensive