My mother-in-law separated me from my husband before we were married (the daughter-in-law who has not yet married is getting along with her mother-in-law)

Women all hope to marry a good husband, but do you know that a good mother-in-law is also very important. The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is the most delicate relationship in China. Mother-in-law loves her son very much and is afraid of treating her son badly. So how should you get along with your mother-in-law? Let’s take a look.

Unblessed love

When I met Wang Yu, I didn’t know that he was one year younger than me, but love came unexpectedly. I don't care much about the age gap, but this is one of the reasons why Wang Yu's mother strongly opposes us. Wang Yu is 1.80 meters tall and I am just 1.60 meters tall. He is a college student and I am just a hotel cashier... There are too many reasons. In short, his mother is interested in his family's family friend and Wang Yu's former female colleague who now works in Shenzhen. The elegant and sensible Chen Mei.

Wang’s mother called me more than once, telling me that I was a big girl and hoped that I could regard Wang Yu as a younger brother and treat him well instead of focusing on the environment of their family. Every time I hear these harsh words, I can't help but hold my breath and get angry. However, when I see Wang Yu desperately insisting on picking me up from get off work in the middle of the night, arguing with my mother, and providing money to help me open a store and start a business, I always feel soft and go back to him.

On Sunday morning, the time has already reached 11 o'clock. Wang Yu, who promised to help me purchase goods, has not come yet. Has something happened? I called, but no one answered. When I called again, the phone was turned off.

For three days in a row, there was no news from Wang Yu for no reason. I was so anxious that I had to call his cousin Rosa and ask her to go undercover and help me find out. In the afternoon, Rosa rushed to the store, "Sister Xiaoguo, there is no one at Wang Yu's home. I called my aunt. She said that Wang Yu went out, but she refused to say where."

Mom "Trap"

My heart was hanging and my mind was in a mess. The next afternoon, when I was about to go out, Wang’s mother suddenly came uninvited. "I'm here today to say sorry on behalf of my son. He's young and ignorant, and he's too impulsive. You see, he's embarrassed to break up now, so he has to let me, the mother, do it for him." After saying this, she went straight in. He walked in and said, "Oh, by the way, I'm here to help him pack his luggage. He will never show up here again."

I stood there dumbly, with silent tears running down my cheeks. Slip, break up? Is this Wang Yu’s meaning or his mother’s? If it was his mother who was causing the problem, where is he hiding now? I persisted for two years, but I didn't expect this ending. Could it be that the promise Wang Yu made to me was all deception and lies?

On the fifth day after losing contact with Wang Yu, I accidentally left my phone on the bus. After learning from this painful experience, I simply changed my phone number to a new one, determined to forget the past and start over.

In the early morning of June 2, before I got up, the rolling shutter door downstairs was knocked loudly. I went downstairs and opened the door and saw that it was Wang Yu. He stood outside and refused to come in. "Xiaoguo, forgive me, I was deceived." As if the newly healed wound was being opened again, I lowered my head, turned around and went back to the store.

"Xiao Guo, this was all arranged by my mother..." It turned out that on Saturday night, after Wang Yu came home from my milk tea shop, his mother scolded him a few times. Finally, she suddenly mentioned Wang Yu's work. She said that a friend of his father had opened an Internet company in Shenzhen and was short of manpower. She hoped that he could come over. Wang Yu thought of me and refused on the spot. "How about this, let's make a one-year agreement. If you can establish yourself in Shenzhen within a year and let us two see your ability to be independent, I will no longer interfere with you and Xiaoguo's affairs. You can take her to Shenzhen Everything is fine." This is the only chance. Although he hesitates, Wang Yu is still willing to give it a try.

When Wang Yu took out his mobile phone and was about to contact me, his mother snatched it away, "But for this year, you can't contact me. Let's see if your relationship can withstand the test." . ”

Early the next morning, before Wang Yu got up, Wang’s mother had already packed his luggage and bought the ticket.

Without his mobile phone, Wang Yu boarded the train going south alone. However, when he looked for the address written by his mother, he was surprised to find that the so-called dormitory address left by his mother turned out to be Chen Mei's residence, room three. In a house with one living room, Chen Mei and he each live in one room! Isn't it obvious that this is creating opportunities for them to cultivate feelings?

Can’t find a way out

Wang Yu had no intention of living there. He called me as soon as his work arrangements were settled, but he couldn’t get through. At that time, I had just changed my number.

Wang Yu had a premonition that something was wrong, so he found an excuse to trick his mother into putting some money on the card, then bought a ticket and rushed back overnight.

When I learned the truth, I felt even more confused. I couldn't bear to see him get wet in the rain, so I quickly coaxed him in. He said angrily that he didn't want to go home, but that would only deepen the conflict between his mother and me. After finally seeing Wang Yu off, an angry Wang's mother rushed over, stood at the door and cursed loudly.

"I sent my son to Shenzhen and you were able to call him back. Why don't you think of yourself and cling to my son..." The yelling became more and more unpleasant, and I had to give in. Yu called and told him truthfully, and he picked up his luggage and rushed back to the store that night, "I just want to stay here and never go back!" I didn't want to make the matter a big deal, but I couldn't persuade him to leave.

Who would have thought that Mother Wang, who didn’t wait for her son all night, completely lost control. The next day, she came to my door again and stood at the door of my shop. The mother and son were having a huge quarrel. For seven days in a row, I couldn't do business at all and had to close the business.

It is said that two people will learn to cherish their relationship only after going through many dangers. However, if this endless struggle continues, I can't find a way out, and all I see is deep disappointment.

Tips: How to deal with mothers-in-law with different personalities

1. Nurse-type mother-in-law

Portrait: Taking care of everything at home and abroad, no matter how big or small, you can sleep in on Sundays She couldn't wait to bring breakfast to bed. He regards his son and daughter-in-law as children in kindergarten or seriously ill patients, and feels that the sky will fall without him.

Case: Chongqing Mrs. Gu, 34 years old

My mother-in-law is a very capable person. At first, I felt very lucky to have such a mother-in-law. However, as time went by, I felt that she was a bit too much. As a middle-level manager of a foreign company, I was treated like a baby at home, and I felt uncomfortable. For example, I always tell her that I wash my underwear and socks myself. But as soon as I took it off, she washed it off in the blink of an eye. To be honest, I feel embarrassed for my mother to wash these things. One time, I was combing my hair on the balcony after taking a shower. My mother-in-law held up my thong and while drying it, she whispered: "Such a small piece of cloth can't be covered. I'm afraid I might get gynecological diseases." Oh my God, I'm dying. So ashamed.

On Sunday, I really wanted to go to the kitchen, but my mother-in-law always disapproved, saying that my hands were for typing on the computer, how could I hold a spatula? Once, I finally convinced her to let me cook, but she came over every other minute to take a look, "Qinqin, be careful not to cut your hands." "Qinqin, the cabbage needs to be opened and washed, otherwise it won't be clean." She said. I was so upset that I finally cut off my hand. From then on, I gave up the idea of ??cooking at home and often went to help the company’s hourly workers.

Analysis: A nurse-type mother-in-law is not only capable, hard-working, but also has a dedicated heart. You are really lucky to have such a mother-in-law. Everything has pros and cons, don't exaggerate your troubles infinitely, communicate seriously, and many troubles can be solved.

Tips: Practice your skills hard

Don’t just blame your mother-in-law for being too busy. She has her own reasons for being worried about what you do. You might as well secretly practice some housework skills. One Sunday, let your husband take your mother-in-law out to play. You can keep the house in order and cook the food well. Such a persuasive move will make your mother-in-law embarrassed to take care of you too much.

Fully communicate your thoughts: If you simply and rudely refuse your mother-in-law's "care", she will be confused and very sad. You might as well communicate with your mother-in-law carefully in advance and tell her that you really want to learn the skills of being a housewife from her, and hope that you can be as good as her when she is her age. In this way, your mother-in-law will be very willing to teach you how to do housework.

Asking your husband to come forward is more convincing: If you are sure that you don’t want to be taken care of like this, you can ask your husband to come forward and do the work.

If he tells his mother that he doesn't want his wife to be incapable of doing anything, and he doesn't want his wife to be like a kindergarten child forever, her mother-in-law will be willing to relax her care for you out of long-term considerations.

Division of labor with your mother-in-law: If you are afraid that your mother-in-law will interfere in everything, you might as well divide the labor with her and agree in advance that we will not interfere with each other when doing things, and then strive for more "autonomy" after the completion.

2. Cadre-type mother-in-law

Portrait: Like the grandfather in the indoor drama "I Love My Family" and like the Tang Seng in "Journey to the West", taking ideological and political work as his own responsibility, And can experience the fun from it. Their greatest ability is to elevate all the little things in life to a theoretical level, and to explain them with reason and move them emotionally. They will not give up until they convince you, unless you faint in front of her.

Case: Beijing Mrs. Guo, 31 years old

Before her retirement, her mother-in-law was a division-level cadre, and ideological and political work was her forte. Now that I'm retired, I can go home and use my "remaining energy". I speak casually and am often the target of being reformed. But the interesting thing is that my mother-in-law usually does not reform me, but my husband, but I feel more pressure.

One night, my husband and I were sitting on the sofa chatting. My husband said that the son of the family across the street had recently replaced his Passat with a BMW. It was probably a gift from someone else. I said that you have worked hard for a year to open a company, and it is not as good as a red envelope for others. You might as well give up business and join politics. A joke was heard by the mother-in-law upstairs. She called her husband over with an excuse. Half an hour later, my husband came back to our room, covering his mouth, and said with a smile: "Mom has taught me at least ten cases of corrupt officials being sacked this year."

Now, even the five-year-old My son knows not to talk nonsense at home, otherwise he will be looking for classes. When my mother-in-law is not at home, we are very casual and sometimes deliberately spread "reactionary remarks." But as long as my mother-in-law is around, we are all careful.

Analysis: A cadre-type mother-in-law is often strong and arbitrary, with a somewhat stubborn personality and superstitious about the experience of others. But on the other hand, with such a mother-in-law, you are indeed less likely to "make mistakes". And the reason why she speaks so earnestly is often for your own good.

Tips: Follow her likes

You must first mentally admit that your mother-in-law’s education has a positive side, and praise her accordingly. The old man has a strong rebellious mentality. The more you don't listen to her, the harder she will educate you. When she feels that you are actually very close to her thoughts, she won't worry about following you and preaching all day long.

Provide her with a platform: Sometimes, her preaching is due to professional inertia or because her life circle has narrowed after retirement. You should encourage her to expand her social circle. When her eloquence improves, With a broad performance stage, I won’t be staring at you all day long.

Communicate with your mother-in-law selectively: It is normal that your mother-in-law cannot understand some of your ideas. You do not need to change yourself, and you should not force your mother-in-law to accept it. Hide these things that she cannot accept and communicate with her using viewpoints that she can accept. As you communicate more and more, she will trust you more and more, and she will naturally not teach you lessons without any trouble

3. Child-type mother-in-law

Portrait: Under the care of her husband A charming woman who grew up under a child will still look like a child even if she becomes a mother-in-law. She is willful, has a bad temper, has the whole family to surround her when she gets a minor illness, has a minor conflict with her daughter-in-law, and can act coquettishly and shed tears to seek life and death.

Case: Mrs. Wang of Guangzhou, 32 years old

My father-in-law is tall and has a good temper. My mother-in-law has spent most of her life under his care and is now 60 years old. , still like a child. The year before last, my father-in-law passed away, and my mother-in-law lived with us, becoming more like a child. Today I want to eat carrots and beef offal, and tomorrow I want to eat Tingzai porridge. I also specified that I want it from Guangzhou or Baiyun Mountain. We had no choice but to take a detour after get off work to help her buy it. When watching TV at night, she would often be moved to tears by a bad plot, and would force us to watch it with her. Just after I finished crying, I started watching cartoons again and laughed happily. Her mood changes so quickly that we can't keep up with her mood changes.

She damaged her teeth from eating fried soybeans. I told her that she was too old to eat such hard things. She didn't say anything at the time, but when her husband came back, she actually started crying sadly.

My husband thought I had bullied her and had a big fight with me. As a result, she came to beat her son again and said that my son had wronged me. She just thought that she was old and couldn't even eat soybeans, which made her very sad. I always say that I have raised two children, one is my daughter and the other is my mother-in-law.

Analysis: A woman who is favored by her husband and lives a happy and smooth life is likely to become a child-type mother-in-law. They are kind and innocent, but have poor ability to take care of themselves and often cause trouble to their wives.

Tips: Obey her and educate her at the same time

A child-type mother-in-law will often make some childish little requests. If you don’t obey her, she will be sad and even make a fuss regardless of everything. Open a deal. It's better to obey her first, and then try to reason with her when her requirements are met and she feels calmer. When reasoning, it is best to use other people as examples, just like telling a fable to a child, making up a mother-in-law who is similar to her, such as "How is my colleague Ms. Wang's mother-in-law doing today..."

Let the children Force her to grow up

For the mother-in-law who refuses to grow up, you might as well let your children force her to grow up. Let the children ask their grandma to help them; work with them or complete various tasks assigned by the school; and provide them with good suggestions for their study and life. It is difficult for her to refuse the request of her grandson (granddaughter). At this time, she must deal with the problem like a real elder, which can effectively curb her childish tendencies.

When she has a tantrum, leave her alone to calm down

When she has a childish tantrum, she is often just upset and needs to vent. Your best way is to deal with it coldly, do your own thing, don't take any action, let her vent enough, and she will naturally calm down. If your husband is not at home, call him promptly to report the situation and ask for his opinion on how you should handle it.

Learn to refuse to treat your child-like mother-in-law appropriately. If you blindly accommodate her, you will easily condone the weaknesses in her character. Learning to refuse at the appropriate time will help her understand that some things cannot be done casually, but the method must be clever, otherwise new conflicts will arise.

Conclusion: The elderly cannot be stubborn with them, they most want to be coaxed. As the old saying goes, people become more like children as they get older. In life, if you are more tolerant, understanding and considerate, life will go more smoothly, and the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will be more harmonious.