Thirty little jokes

1. A female friend's birthday, the four of us discussed sending her a "Happy Birthday" at 0: 00, each of us sent a word, and I got the second one.

As a result, they didn't send it

2. Students go to the toilet between classes, and when they are finished, they find that there is no paper, they can't wait for people, and their mobile phones are in arrears. In desperation, he called 10086 for help. . . It is said that there was silence for a long time, and later ... his classmate received such a short message in class: Hello, China Mobile User, your classmate is in the toilet and asked you to send him toilet paper. Please contact 10086 for details.

3. I got up in the morning and saw a Netease comment. The original is a screenshot.

First floor: Everybody calm down. Come and listen to the fifth floor. ! ~

Second floor: I think the fifth floor is very reasonable.

The third layer: the fifth layer speaks the voice of the people.

Fourth floor: The fifth floor is really nice!

Fifth floor: upstairs are full of idiots.

The bedroom is on the sixth floor. When I climbed up, I found that I didn't have my key. I went downstairs and asked my aunt for it. Then I climbed up to open the door, went down to return the key and climbed up again. I found the door closed. A classmate next door passed by and asked, "You see your door is open, I'll close it for you." …

5. The student who blew the north wind took a fancy to a mother-daughter combination. That girl is amazing. After a fierce ideological struggle, the north wind followed them all the way to the parking lot and finally moved.

Beifeng: Hello, Aunt!

Mom: Hmm. ...

Beifeng: Well, I want to know your daughter.

Mom: She is my daughter-in-law ~

The north wind fainted on the spot, and the girl blushed, but her mother was very open-minded: "Young man, you have a lot of courage, hehe ..."

Then the mother-in-law drove away.

7. A big brother in the dormitory said one day who is this wma? He sang many songs in my MP3.

8. A classmate, his computer will automatically turn on every morning (probably because the dormitory suddenly opened when he called in the morning).

As a result, his old man took a symbol and posted it on the computer. . .

9. Dad hates foreign singers. But one day, when I was watching Mike Jackson's mtv, I suddenly found my father standing behind watching it with a thoughtful expression on his face. "Dad, do you like this, too?"

Dad shook his head: "Mao Amin is really getting ugly."

10. A female friend and a homosexual share a house. One night she was very depressed, and that gay gave her a bowl of noodles very thoughtfully. She suddenly felt very warm and said, "Why don't we make do with it?" Unexpectedly, Guy's face changed greatly:' You don't have a man, I do! "

…………

1 1. I'm an ambulance doctor. Today, a patient told me that he had only six months to live. I want to say something encouraging! Comfort: six months, soon passed, be strong!

12. On the eve of Singles Day, I received a short message from my girlfriend, "Happy Singles Day". I replied: I have a girlfriend, and I am not single! Another: When you receive this message, you will be.

13. I once rented A Jin Tianyi in Manba, and I burst into tears when I saw the second page. I don't know who drew a circle on a character with a blue ballpoint pen and wrote, this is the murderer. ...

14. Our math teacher always likes to tell jokes that nobody laughs at.

Our whole class discussed making fun of him. When she said the first sentence in class, we all laughed in unison.

He came that day and was silent for a while, saying that her father had passed away.

I laughed at once, and everyone else was silent.

15. Fei Yi and his wife went to the Reclining Buddha Temple to play, but his wife couldn't walk on the road, and Fei Yi carried her.

An old woman saw it and said seriously, you see, you are also a scholar. My wife is ill, so it's no use going to the hospital earlier.

16. When visiting the supermarket, I saw a cashier counting a pile of coins carefully. A child ran over and sang: There are a group of ducks at the downstream of the front bridge. Come and count, 24678. . . . Then the cashier was very depressed and poured the half-counted coins back and counted them again. ....

17. Chatting with a sister, she said: The day before yesterday, my boss, a man, looked behind my computer for a long time and said, "Xiaoke, do you grow vegetables?" This is working time! "I took the melon seed skin, glanced at him and said," Mr. Li, this is my desktop. Where did you see Super Mary standing on the vegetable field? "

18. The funeral procession downstairs is playing "Go Home Often".

I wonder what that family thinks.

19. I met a great man by subway in the morning.

On the subway, suddenly a buddy's phone rang loudly.

All the passengers heard: Grandpa, that grandson called you again. . . . Grandpa, that grandson called you again. . . . Grandpa, that grandson called you again. . . . .

I saw that the buddy slowly took out his mobile phone and answered: Hello, manager, what's up? . . .

20. Think of one thing in college.

In the final exam of the university, the test number is required on the test paper.

I wrote the fucking QQ number

2 1. A male colleague has been pestering his best friend to develop a relationship with her. Have the cheek to ask her phone number all day to make excuses. My best friend has no choice but to feel her pockets. Last week, the fifth anniversary of the old man, she went to the cemetery and happened to buy a pack of paper towels with the phone number of the crematorium on it. So I told my male colleague the number.

The next day, a man was puzzled to tell everyone that he called to ask if Miss XX was in. The other party replied: Was it sent before yesterday? The day before yesterday has been burned, and today's has not been put into the furnace.

I remember going to the swimming pool with my parents once. Just entering the gate, I saw a social youth with a tattoo, shaved head and a big gold chain around his neck! When we got into the water to get used to the temperature, we watched the brother swagger past a stop point in the water, and lightning happened. . . The big gold chain around his neck floated on the water. . . . .

23. What clothes we wear to go will be accosted. Answer: red or white cheongsam. So he twisted gracefully to the restaurant in cheongsam.

I came back to report at night and was accosted countless times today. Topics of conversation include: hasn't the food on our table been served yet? Miss, please provide some rice. Two bottles of snow beer! Excuse me, where is the toilet? Is this XX and XX's wedding banquet?

24. When Amway takes the bus, there is always a beautiful girl watching him on the bus. Amway thought: Girls may be interested in themselves, but they can't help being happy. The girl got off at the station. Amway followed. The girl walked in front and looked back from time to time. Amway got up the courage to run forward and said humorously, "Miss, why are you always looking at me?"? Is there a grain of rice on my face? " The girl glared at him and said, "Are you sick? I know I still don't wipe. "

25. My colleague had a quarrel with someone and opened his mouth in a hurry. "Do you think I grew up eating?" I've always wondered what he grew up eating. "

26. A friend worked as a personnel officer in the company and later resigned. A friend called him. As a result, his colleague said, "He resigned!"

27. When telling a case, the criminal law teacher said, "At that time, blood was called blood flow. From the first floor to the second floor, it is simply a river of blood ... "

28. A leader patiently said to an employee who made a mistake: "I tell you, making mistakes is not terrible. I'm afraid you won't do it again after you do it! " An employee who made a mistake carefully explained to the leader, "Boss! I know my fault, but I really did it on purpose! "

On the stage, the actor who plays the police chief proudly said to his subordinates, "Now, their fox tail is finally exposed!" "

30. A gentleman read a poem: "In the morning, I opened the window and saw the green leaves covered with glittering street lamps ....."