My growing jokes.

As soon as Peter's mother came home from work, Peter complained to her, "Mom, dad played today.

I've done it twice! "

"Why did he hit you?" Mom asked.

"The first time I showed him a score book with 2 points."

"What about the second time?" Mom is anxious to ask.

"The second time my dad found out that this book was from his middle school."

Don't ask about grades.

Menstruation, Jr., visited his home, met Henry and said to him, "I think it's Henry."

Give you a gift to make you happy! "

"Thank you very much! Aunt. " Henry replied.

"However, before giving you a gift, I want to ask how your exam results are."

"Come on!" Henry said, "If you really make me happy, don't ask me about my success."

Performance. "

Teachers' difficulties

"Teacher, how did you give me zero in this exam? This is a bit unfair.

All right! "

"Yes, Hansen, I think so. But I really have no choice, I can't find it anymore.

A lower score than this! "

Teachers' foresight

Before school was over, the teacher called the students to the office, took out a painkiller and said, "You put it.

Eat it. "

The student didn't understand what he meant and said, "I don't hurt anywhere!" " "

"It will hurt in the future. I have told your father that you failed the exam.

Yes "

Personal notification

A professor is distributing test papers to his students. He distributed them in a special way-he got the highest score.

He held the tall newspaper above the students' heads; The papers with lower scores are placed on the students' desks.

Open; Almost on the students' knees; The rest are on the floor. Then he also

He said, "There are still two or three pieces of paper to be dug underground at night, and the buried places will pass one by one."

Got it. "

What about their mother?

One day, Peter came home from school and gave his report card to his mother. Mother said angrily:

"I was proud of you last year. What happened to you this time? You used to take exams in your class.

The best! "

Peter thought for a moment, smiled and said to his mother, "every classmate's mother wants to be a teacher."

Your own child won the first place in the exam, so do it proudly. If I always come first, what about their mother?

Do it. "

The teacher is unqualified.

Father: "You failed the physics exam again."

Son: "It's not that I'm unqualified, it's that the teacher is unqualified."

Father: "Why?"

Son: "Today, atomic energy is widely used, but the teacher asked me about the structure of the steam engine."

Build. "

Notice of achievement

"Mom, listen, Xing Zi next door changed'1'on the report card to' 5'.

His mother found out and is scolding her severely! "

"That boy is ridiculous. You are not like this, are you? "

"I'm not as stupid as her! I only changed it to' 4'! "

Magical use of report card

"Where's your report card?" Father asked cheerfully about the girl who had just returned from school.

Kid.

"I lent it to Valenka to scare his parents!"

The signature is here.

The teacher distributed the test paper to each student and asked them to show it to their parents.

Sign it and give it back to me.

The next day, the teacher asked George, "Didn't you show your parents the test paper?"

"I have seen it." George replied.

"Why didn't the parents sign it?"

George held out his hand full of whip marks: "This is the signature."

Think about mom.

The minibus has gently walked up to the math teacher and begged him to say, "Although it's me this time.

You didn't do well in the exam Please give good grades when grading your grades. "

"Why? This is not very good. "

Little Barbara's voice softened: "Teacher, my mother had a heart attack and her score was low."

Counting will stimulate her to look. "

report the good news but not the bad

The mid-term exam papers were handed out, and Jack didn't get good grades. He doesn't want to see his mother.

The expression of his bad grades. So he decided to report the language.

To put it mildly.

As soon as he ran home, he raised his test paper and said to his mother, "I got a hundred points!" " "

Mom was glad that he said, "Really? Which door? "

Jack replied, "Mathematics is 23 points, composition is 40 points, history is 30 points, and dictation is 7 points."

Save so much money

At dinner, Anna said to her father:

"Dad, if I save you a dollar every once in a while, you must be very happy.

Right? "

"Yes, good boy!" Dad touched her head.

"I saved you a dollar today." Anna said, "You said I would give it if I passed the exam.

I paid one yuan, but I failed again. "

Advanced score

David likes to play, and his exam results are always poor. Father warned him that if he continued like this, he wouldn't

He was allowed to spend his holiday in Italy with his family.

David said to the teacher after the exam, "Would you please give me 100 this time?"

The teacher said, "How can this be done? You can only get 20 points. "

David thought for a moment and said, "Tell you what, give 100 this time, and then deduct 10 every time."

Stop in 80 minutes. "

Who was slapped?

Jefferson's father is a primary school student. He warned: "If the score does not exceed 60, someone will be beaten."

Palm! "

Jefferson came to school worried and said to the teacher, "teacher, I didn't scare you!" "

My father said that if I failed the exam, someone would be slapped. "

Stay with dad

Kate squatted in front of Fangda's window and shouted, "Come out and jump rope with me."

"No," Fonda replied, "if I don't keep my father, he will do something wrong to me."

Mom is too busy.

Teacher: "Why does your father do your homework?"

Student: "I don't want him to help me, but my mother is always busy."

Dad writes about grandpa

When the teacher attacked the text, he asked Tom:

"Your father is only 40 years old this year. How did he participate in the Second World War? "

Tom replied, "That's my grandfather."

"But the topic of the composition is my dad."

"Yes," replied Tom, "it was written by my father."

Dad is too busy.

Tom's homework is always full of holes. Once, the teacher found that he had done all his homework correctly.

Yes He called him to his side and said, "You are all right this time. What happened? it's you

Dad made it for you, right? "

"No, sir, he is very busy at night, so I have to do it myself."

The assistant left.

In math class, the teacher said to Anna, "Why don't you hand in your homework?"

Anna replied, "My father has left."

"How can you ask your father to do it?" The teacher asked angrily.

"Teacher, haven't you always said you want to help each other?" Anna said, "I help my father wash his feet."

Dad helps me with my exercises. "

to tell the truth

In the composition marking class, the teacher distributed the corrected composition to everyone. When he reached the bay,

West seat, ask:

"Bessie, did you write this composition?"

"I don't know." Bessie replied.

"How can you not know!" The teacher said angrily, "To tell the truth, who will help you?"

what's up "

"I really don't know," Bessie answered. "To tell you the truth, I went to bed early that night.

Yes "

Dad can't keep up.

Teacher: "I really don't understand, Didier, you have always been my favorite student, everything."

First of all. But it's been half a month, and suddenly you're in a mess and you can't do any homework. reach

What the hell is going on? "

Titie: "It's very simple, teacher. Now my father can't keep up. "

That's a real pity.

Father: "Did the teacher assign homework today?"

Son: "No, not a problem."

Father: "It's a pity that I have to wash the dishes again."

Waiting for the secretary

The teacher gave a topic, "If I were a millionaire", and asked the students to write a composition.

The students wrote and wrote and fell into a beautiful fantasy, but John didn't sit down.

Move it.

The teacher asked strangely, "Why don't you write a composition?"

John said proudly, "Millionaires don't need to write any composition. They have secretaries. "

brief and to the point

The teacher assigned a composition to the students, entitled: "What is laziness?"

After class, when the teacher approved Jack's composition book, he found a word on the first and second pages.

No, on the third page, the teacher found such a sentence: "This is laziness!" " "

-

Don't understand English.

One of the students got poor grades. Before the exam, his mother took him to the Confucius Temple for Confucius' protection.

A few days later, Sukeyoshi's grades were issued, and other grades were ok, except English. mother

Mother said, "No wonder Confucius doesn't understand English. If you ask God for help, "

It's gonna be okay. "

Say "Ming"

The son pointed to the word "Ming" in the book and asked his father:

"Dad, what is this word?"

"Birds." The father answered affirmatively.

"Why is there a mouth next to the word bird?"

"Fool, can a bird without a mouth live? A bird with a mouth is a living bird, but a bird without a mouth is.

Dead bird. "The father explained.

Father and son ask each other

Laozi asked his son, "Boy, after studying for several years, you will know why people's feet are moving forward."

Isn't growth backward? "

The son replied, "Because the back skull has no eyes, you can't see the road, if your feet are born backwards."

Long, walking will hit a wall ... "

"Stupid boy! Feet are long backwards. When you start running, people in front will step on people behind you.

Foot board, understand? "

New scar

My son doesn't know the word "yuan" Ask his father.

Father didn't know him either, but in order not to lose face, he studied it and taught his son a lesson.

Say, "I don't even know this? Read' hey'. "

The son pointed to an article in the newspaper entitled "A Wonderful Flower in the History of Literature-Class Teacher".

Zhang asked his father, "Dad, what do you mean when you say that the head teacher is a new flower?"

The father smiled and gently scraped his son's nose: "silly child, what do you mean?" ban

The director is a masterpiece of scar literature. There are scars and scars. Of course, this book has just been published.

New scars! "

long-nosed pit viper

Father and son went to the countryside for a picnic.

Dad: "Be careful, there is a poisonous snake called' Agkistrodon' here, which will bite you five times."

You will die. "

Son: "I was bitten by it. I won't walk again after only four steps."

Dad: "Good! Smart boy, but you are too dangerous. You are one step away from death.

One step. "

Son: "What should we do?" ! ? "

Dad: "It's safest not to take a step."

Write one more word

Jia Jia blamed her father: "You gave me a wrong answer, so you only know how to drink."

Lao Qian put down a small handleless wine cup and said, "Impossible, how wrong."

"You wrote one more word at the end of People Serving the People." Jia Jia said.

"One more word." Father asked strangely.

"coins." Jia Jia simply replied.

Dare to call me Lao Zi?

Xiao Ming reads history, "Lao Tzu was born more than two thousand years ago ..."

Dad came in from the outside: "What? What did you say? "

"I was born more than two thousand years ago."

Dad suddenly got angry and gave him a slap in the face. "Look at your hard mouth, dare to weigh it for me?"

Lao Tzu, you were born thirteen years ago ... "

There are many assistant drivers.

Son: "Dad, why are there so many Russian names?"

Dad: "silly boy, that's because there are many cars there;" Of course, there are many co-pilots.

All right. "

Long and short

Qingqing insisted that her father tell a story. Dad asked, "Do you want to listen to a long story or a short story? …

"Listen long!"

Dad began to talk: "There is a dung beetles flying, hum ... hmm ... hum ..."

Dad closed his eyes and hummed endlessly.

Qing Qing was anxious: "It's not good-looking, it's short-listening!"

Dad smiled: "There is a dung beetles flying, hum-pa!" Hit the wall and die.

Yes! "

help

Dad: "What did the teacher say about the homework I helped you with yesterday?" Son: "hmm." ...

The teacher immediately found out that you helped me. He said, I'll come alone. Never.

Will make so many mistakes. "

Carve a boat for "fish"

Father and son rented a boat to go fishing and gained a lot. When I was ready to go back, my son told his father.

Dear said, "Dad, let's go fishing here tomorrow. There are many fish here. "

Father asked, "We must try to remember this place. What do you think? "

The son said, "It's not difficult. Isn't our ship here? " ? I already did it on the boat.

Made a mark. "

After hearing this, the father scolded, "You little fool, what's the use of marking the ship, Wan?"

What if someone rents this boat tomorrow? "

Go to Jiuquan to play.

Mingming's father is an alcoholic. One day, father and son watched the movie Liang Shanbo and Zhu together.

When Yingtai came back, she clearly asked, "Dad, people in movies often say that we will meet under the grave. this is

Where is Jiuquan? "

Dad said: "Jiuquan, in Gansu. That's a good place. Spring is full of old wine. archaic

Everyone loves to drink, so we must meet in Jiuquan. Dad will take you to play when you are free. "

Deny all knowledge of an event.

Dad asked Feifei about her homework, but Feifei couldn't answer. Dad was angry: "Always ask three no's."

Know! "Feifei asked suspiciously," Dad, what are the three unknowns? " Dad was stunned by this question.

I had to ask my mother, who shook her head. At this moment, Feifei's father suddenly woke up and pointed to her mother.

Mother said to Feifei, "Three unknowns means you don't know, I don't know, she doesn't know."

exceed

"Why did the painter write his name at the bottom of the painting?" The little boy asked.

"In order to let people know where the top is!" The father replied.

Primitive fixation of short legs

Son: "Dad, why are hen's legs so short?"

Father: "Fool, if the hen's legs grow, won't the eggs break when laying eggs?"

get good results

Farmer Lao Wang never cares about his children's study. When the child comes home from school, he will be asked

He does this, lets him do that for a while, and never lets the children be free. As for children's homework, success

He never asks about grades.

One day, he heard that the school was going to have an exam. As soon as the child came home, he suddenly had a whim.

Quietly asked: "How many points did you get in the exam today?"

"20 points." The child replied in dismay.

Lao Wang patted his thigh and said, "Good boy, not bad! After a hard day, I earned 10. What about you?

I got 20 points at once. "

Not for love.

Son: "Dad, I want to go to the movies with my classmates."

Father: "Don't go to see those romantic movies."

Son: "No, Dad, today's movie is called Not for Love."

Father: "not for love ... then you can go and have a look."

Left and right minister

This place is the Temple of Heaven, where father and son come to pay homage.

"Three too, you see this god master more power and prestige. Admirable! "

"Hey, dad, who is that with a bow and arrow beside Master Shen?"

"That? That's the right minister, Zuo Chen. "

"Which side is the right minister and which side is the left minister?"

Then dad said:

"This child is really bothersome. I'll teach you now, remember: well, it's not Minister Zuo.

On the side is the right minister; Either the right minister or the left minister. Do you understand? "

donate

Hei Hu's father heard that writing articles can make a lot of money, so he asked Hei Hu to write articles.

Hei Hu didn't know how to write, so he had to copy an article from the textbook, but his father couldn't understand it anyway.

I see. Just ask Hei Hu to deliver it. Hei Hu doesn't know where to send it. His father thought for a moment and said, "Where?"

Send money wherever there is money. "

Hei Hu found the envelope, put the article in, sealed it, stamped it, and wrote it in the letter.

Seal the workers and write down:

"China People's Bank."

You can only see red.

Father: "What book are you reading?"

Son: "Red and black."

Father: "What?"

Son: "A world famous book."

Father: "Then you can only look at red, not black." ,,

Almost cheated

Son: "Dad, give me fifty cents."

Dad: "What do you need fifty cents for?"

Son: "The math teacher said to buy a copy of Triangle. ,,

Dad: "since it's a triangle, what do you need fifty cents for?" You almost cheated me of two cents. "

A new interpretation of musical instruments

Jiajia followed her mother to the concert.

Jia Jia: "Mom, what is the man standing in front of the band doing with a stick?"

Huh? "

Mom: "My good boy! Did you see those instruments? They send out all kinds of no.

With the sound, the man mixed them together with a stick! "

Mybook= buy poker

Xiaoming didn't learn the international phonetic symbols well, so he often wrote Chinese characters under English sentences. One day,

He also filled in Chinese characters under my book is red: my note "buy" and the book's note "jump"

G "is the note" I "and the red note" Come and play ". It is his responsibility to be seen by his father when he comes home.

Ask him: "Xiao Ming, no wonder your grades are poor." How many decks of playing cards did you buy outside? " Xiao Ming

Somehow he said, "I've never bought playing cards." "Still mouth shut," father lighter.

Fire, "you clearly wrote in the book' buy poker and I'll play', and I can play poker, can't you?"

There are 90 out of 100 vice presidents, right? "Xiao Ming looked at the English book and was speechless.

answer

Son: "I took an ancient history test today and asked who I was. I can't remember."

Yes "

Father: "Idiot, do you forget when you meet every day?" Lao tze is me! "

Determination of gender

The mother bought a parrot for her son and then went home by bus. In the car, the son asked his mother.

Pro: "Is this parrot a male or a female?"

"female." Mom replied.

"How do you know?" The son asked again. There was silence in the carriage, and all passengers wanted to hear it.

How does mother answer? I saw her unhurriedly replied:

"Can't you see that this mouth is painted with lipstick?"

Who can do it?

Once upon a time, there were two mothers and daughters who often quarreled endlessly. Mother said, "each generation is worse than the next!" " woman

The son said, "Every generation is stronger!" "

One stitch and one thread, mother sews the quilt and daughter sews the trousers. Mother sewed the quilt cover and packed it.

Gai, people went in through the seal, and even the quilt cover was sealed inside. Daughter never

I've never sewed pants, so in order to sew my body, I wrap cloth around my legs to sew. I can't take it off after sewing.

When she came, she shouted, "Mom! Can't you take off your pants when they are sewn? " Mother is sleeping in the quilt.

In desperation, when I heard my daughter yelling, I scolded, "If I can crawl out of the quilt for useless things,

Do you feel better? "

-

Yes, Dad.

The magician told his son before the performance, "During the performance, when I finish, I want to invite you."

When the child comes on stage, you should come up at once, but don't let the audience know that I know him.

You "

"All right, then."

The performance has already started. As soon as the magician's voice fell, his son immediately ran to the stage to help.

Show.

The performance was a great success. At this time, the magician proudly said to the audience:

"Ladies and gentlemen! I have never known this child. With his help,

I finished the performance. "

Then he turned to the child and said, "Don't you think so, son?"

"Yes, Dad." The child replied.

heavy losses

Sam, a kindergarten child, said to his mother, "Mom, please forgive me. I put dad

Our wine bottle was broken. "

"Oh" Well, as long as you honestly admit it, no one will blame you. But what did you hit with the bottle?

So what? "

"Well, smash mom's watch."

Eat cake

Mom: "There are two cakes in the cupboard this morning. Why is there only one left now? "

Stop. "

Son: "How should I know? The sideboard is tall and dark, so you can only find it yourself.

Find a piece. "

come out victorious in every battle

Stoke encouraged his son when he saw him wrestling with his neighbor's strong children.

Say: "Come on! If you win, I will give you 50 cents. "

Later, the son went home and told his father that he had won and Stoke gave him 50 cents.

Money. After his son won several times, Stoke still gave 50 cents each time.

But Stoke thought twice, and always felt that his son was inferior to the neighbor's children, so he again

Q: "Can you really beat him?"

"Of course, every battle is victorious." The son is very proud, he said.

"What technique did you use?"

"It's simple," the son replied. "Every time you give him 1 point, he loses."

a person of integrity

The father asked his son:

If you find 50 kronor on the road, what will you do with it?

Then I'll take it as pocket money.

Complain on the path

Student: "Teacher, Tom often goes to the melon garden to steal watermelons during holidays."

Teacher: "How do you know?"

Student: "He gives it to me every time. Also, what did Tom do in the self-study class?

Nothing, just sitting there. "

Teacher: "How did you find out?"

Student: "I have been observing him."

Watch your tongue.

Jack has a stomachache, so his mother takes him to the hospital to see a doctor.

Doctor: "Jack, open your mouth and let me see your tongue."

Jack said in panic, "most of the cakes in the cupboard are eaten by my brother, which can't be entirely his fault."

Me. "

Why treat?

Tru's family invited some good friends to dinner. Friends came, and Tru's wife made him five years old.

My 18-year-old daughter said a few words of welcome to the guests. The youngest daughter was too shy to say anything, muttering.

He added: "I don't know what to say!" Then a writer friend suggested:

"Your mother is very talkative, just learn a few things she usually says!"

The little girl nodded and learned to say without thinking, "My God! Why should I?

Pay for a treat? Where all my money has gone! "

honest

Dad: "Have you asked your mother about eating apples?"

Child: "I asked."

Dad: "You must be careful. If you lie again, I'll beat you. " . You asked mom.

Mom? "

Child: "Really, Dad, I asked Mom. She told me not to eat. "

etc

The father said to his son, "The bottle is filled with Chili powder, which is used by mother for cooking and seasoning."

If you break the bottle, I will sprinkle Chili powder on your tongue. This is your punishment.

"Dad, what if I break the jam bottle?"

keep goal

When Qiqi came home from school, his mother saw that his hat was broken and covered with mud.

"What is this?" Mom asked.

"All classmates ..." Qiqi replied hesitantly.

"How are the students?"

"They played my hat as a football."

"Then what are you doing?"

"I'm guarding the goal."