Please tell me funny jokes. The funnier the better. The more the better.

Cold joke

1. "Ah, give me a cup of forgetful water." Who gave me this forgetful water? It was sent by "ah". Then who is this "ah"? "Ah, this person is my mother."

2. A black horse is called a black horse, a white horse is called a white horse, and a black and white horse is called a zebra. What is the name of the red and black horse? Called "Shy Zebra".

3. A medium-rare steak and a medium-rare steak met on the street. Why didn’t they say hello? (Assuming they can speak) Because………………..because …………Because they are not familiar with it~~~~~~~~ 4. Which plant or animal is most like a chicken? Trees and horses. Do you know why? Because "trees and horses are like chickens" (digital camera).

5. Who is Faye Wong's "Legend" sung to? Nezha. Do you know why? Because when I miss you, you are in my mind (Nao Hai) (Nezha Nao Hai)

6. One day, my mother asked Xiao Ming to kneel in front of the Buddha statue and said, "You can't leave until the Buddha says you can leave." Then he went out to do some work for a while. When he came back, he found that Xiao Ming was missing. After that, his mother grabbed Xiao Ming and said: "The Buddha said you can leave?" Xiaoming replied: "The Buddha said it was OK (ok refers to the placement of the Buddha) Gestures)."

7. One day in class, Xiao Ming was listening to Liu Huan's "Song of a Hero". Then the teacher asked: "Xiao Ming, let me ask you, where does the river flow?" Xiao Ming replied: "The river flows eastward." The teacher asked again: "How many stars are there in the sky?" Xiao Ming replied: "The stars in the sky are all involved. Beidou." The teacher said, "Xiao Ming, are you sick?" Xiao Ming said, "I have everything you need." The teacher said, "Xiao Ming, let me go." Let’s go.”

8. Why are ants’ teeth black? Because "horses are babbling (ant teeth are black)."

9. That day on the Beijing Metro Line 13, as soon as I got off Wudaokou Station, a ragged old man came up to beg. I was about to take my wallet. . The old man suddenly said: "#￥…………×￥￥amp;" (Korean). Seeing that I didn't respond, he immediately said: "￥￥amp;￥￥" (Japanese). Seeing that I still didn't respond. He said helplessly: "Chinese... I told you earlier! Please give me some money." I fainted~

10. Once upon a time, a man answered a phone call. Hang up.

11. A fat man fell from the twelfth floor, and the result was, dead fat man!

12. A piece of candy, walking in the North Pole, felt so cold, so it turned into rock candy.

13. The mother picked up her daughter from the kindergarten and asked on the way home: "What English did the teacher teach today?" The daughter said: "Big Sprite." The mother was puzzled and arrived the next day. I asked the teacher in the kindergarten, and the teacher said: "Yesterday I taught you the capital 'B'." 14. I went shopping with two bananas in front of me. As I walked, the banana in front felt very hot, so I took off my clothes. Guess what happened? - The banana behind fell down.

15. A black cat rescued a white cat from the river. Do you know what the white cat said to the black cat later? It said: "Meow——" 16. Once upon a time , there was a steamed bun walking on the road. It walked and walked and suddenly became hungry...so it ate itself...

17. A polar bear was bored, so he pulled out his own One hair, two hairs, three hairs... all were plucked out, and the polar bear suddenly said: "I'm so cold!"

18. There was a matchstick. I felt my head was itchy, so I scratched it, but I applied too much force and caught fire... I went to the hospital for emergency treatment, and when I came out, it turned into a cotton swab...

19. When did Chen Shui-bian Would you like to unify? When buying instant noodles.

20. An egg went to a teahouse to drink tea, and it turned into a tea egg; an egg went to swim in the Songhua River, and it turned into a pine egg; an egg ran to Shandong, and it turned out It turned into a Lu (stewed) egg; there was an egg that was homeless and turned into a wild egg; there was an egg that accidentally fell on the road and fell to the ground and turned into a missile; there was an egg that turned into a missile. An egg ran into someone's yard and turned into an atomic bomb; an egg ran into the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau and turned into a hydrogen bomb; an egg got sick and turned into a bad guy; an egg got married and turned into a hydrogen bomb There was an egg that ran into a river and swam and turned into a nuclear bomb; there was an egg that ran into flowers and turned into a bastard; there was an egg that rode a horse and held a knife, and it turned out that He is Dao Ma Dan; one of the eggs is female, but it is very ugly, and turns into a dinosaur egg; there is one egg...

21. What kind of ice cream will a unicorn turn into if it flies to the North Pole? .

22. A wolf came to the North Pole and accidentally fell into the ice sea. What did it become when it was picked up? .Betel nut...

23. Four people were playing mahjong in the house. The police came and took away five people. Why? Because the person they play is called "Mahjong".

24. Chongchong: Xiaohua, did you use my pencil? Xiaohua: No, I’m useless. Chongchong: Are you really useless? Xiaohua: I’m so useless! Chongchong: Alas, you are the 17th person to admit that you are useless

25. One day Xiaoqiang asked his father: "Dad, am I a stupid boy?" His father said: "Silly boy , how can you be a stupid kid? ”

26. Xiaobai, Xiaohuang and Xiaolan, who will get carsick when taking a long-distance bus? Answer: Xiaobai, because Xiaobai can vomit (little white rabbit)

27. There was a male deer. He walked faster and faster, and finally it turned into a highway (deer) ~!!!!

28. Xiaobai + Xiaobai =? Answer: Little White Rabbit (two)

29. Five Fuwa dolls gathered together to chat. Beibei suggested: Let’s give ourselves a nickname, I’ll call it “Beiva”! Jingjing: Then I’ll call you “Jingwa”! Huanhuan: My name is "Huanwa"! Nini: My name is "Niva"! Yingying stood up and said: "You guys chat, I have something to do, so I'm leaving first..." By the way, in 2058, the five Fuwa got together again to chat. Beibei: Let’s talk about my nickname again. People respect me very much and call me “Master Beibei”! Huanhuan: People call me "Master Huan"! Nini: People call me "Niye"! Yingying: People call me "Yingye"! Jingjing stood up and said: You guys chat, I have something to do, I have to leave first...

30. Question: What are you afraid of cloth and paper? Answer: Cloth is afraid of ten thousand, paper is afraid of nothing. Reason: Don’t be afraid of ten thousand (cloth), just be afraid of something unexpected (paper).

31. "Towel" said to "Coin": You will be worth a hundred times as long as you wear the doctor's hat. "Chen" said to "Ju": I have the same area as you, but I have three bedrooms and two living rooms. "Jing" said to "Pin": Isn't your home decorated? "Zi" said to "Mu": Your company has laid off employees? "Do" says to "We": balance is the last word. "Bing" said to "Qiu": Look how cruel the war is, both legs were blown off. "Zhan" said to "Dian": Have you bought a car? "Qi" said to "Dan": You are so timid, why do you still hire a bodyguard? "Yue" said to "Yue": It's time to lose weight. "Cha" said to "You": When did you get plastic surgery? What about that mole on your face?

32. Once upon a time, there was a mountain, and there was a temple in the mountain. There were three children in the temple. The eldest brother was called a gangster. The second child was called a kitchen knife. The third child was called Trouble. One day, Trouble disappeared, and the eldest brother took the second child with him. Go to the police station and say "My name is a gangster and I bring a kitchen knife to cause trouble."

33. What happens to a cute pig when it goes abroad? Answer: Pig (English for "pig")

34. In a history exam, there was a question that asked students to choose any ten countries or regions and briefly describe them. One student answered like this: Once upon a time, there was Cambodia, and there was Arabia in it.

One day, he took Mexico to go mountain climbing. When he climbed to Singapore, a Panama with a Cape of Good Hope on its head suddenly appeared. He was so frightened that he looked like an Afghan. He ran into Nagoya and hurriedly closed the door. As a result, he knocked off a Portuguese.

35. As soon as Xiao Wang came home, his mother asked: "In this English test, Xiao Yang scored 85 points. What is your score?" Xiao Wang: "I have a little more than Xiao Yang." Mom was surprised asked: "86 points?" Xiao Wang: "8.5 points." Mom was furious!

36. Why does the rooster jump higher than the tree? Answer: Because trees cannot jump.

37. What do mung beans become when they fall? Answer: Red bean (because the mung bean bleeds)

What kind of bean does a red bean turn into after being punched? Answer: Black Eyed Peas (with black eye circles)

38. A rabbit runs. It jumps with its left foot and then jumps with its right foot. Then it squats down and runs slowly. For a moment, why? Answer: Because it wants to.

39. A cow, a pig and a sheep went to a convenience store. The cow went in to buy beer and was beaten by the clerk. It ran out and asked the pig to buy beer for it. Who knew the pig They were also beaten up by the clerk and ran out. Finally, they asked the sheep to buy beer for them. The sheep went in to buy beer and came out with the beer after a while. May I ask why the sheep was not beaten? Answer: Because it is 24 hours a day. Not closing (sheep)

40. Why do people go to bed? Answer: Because the bed will not come over for you to sleep on.

41. For example, if there is a car, Teacher He is the driver, Luo Zhixiang is the co-pilot, and Xie Na is in the back seat. Whose car is it?

Answer: For example ("For example" is a personal name)

42. A rabbit fell into a box and a duck came out. Why is this?

Answer: Because there is a transformer (duck) in the box.

43. Among all the numbers, which two numbers are the brightest? Answer: 1 and 3, because one (1) flashes (3) and one shines brightly.

44. Question: How to make a sparrow quiet? Answer: Press it. Reason: total silence (overwhelming silence).

45. Two tomatoes were crossing the road, and a car was passing by. One of them couldn’t dodge and was crushed. The other tomato pointed at the squashed tomato and laughed: Dig hahaha, tomato. Sauce... 46. The big bad wolf said: "I'm going to eat you!!!" Guess what happened? In the end, the big bad wolf ate the lamb.

47. Once upon a time, there was a pair of lovers who were privately committed to life, but the boy had to perform military service, so he made an oath with the girl, gave her a diamond ring, and promised Today, three years later, I met the girl. When the time comes, that ring will be used as a wedding ring. After three years, the girl has been waiting for the boy, but she has not been able to wait. She was so sad that she threw the diamond ring away in despair. Entering the sea and leaving for a foreign land. However, the boy had actually been waiting for the girl. However, the girl misunderstood the date, so it became a regret forever. The boy was heartbroken... A few years later, the boy went fishing, guess Guess what he caught? Rice cakes!!! 48. There was a duck named Xiao Huang. One day he was hit by a car, and he yelled: "Quack!" From then on, he became a little cucumber!! 49. Ah Song and Abo chatted about nothing and told each other that time is not forgiving. A Song: "Looking back on my childhood, the happiest thing I have ever celebrated is Children's Day." A Bai: "In ten years it will be Youth Day." A Song: "In ten years it will be Father's Day." A Bai: "In another ten years it will be Father's Day." It will be the Old People’s Day in a few decades.” Ah Song: “In another few decades.” Abo: “Qingming Festival.

50. Zhang Liangying said: "The fans who admire me say - my idol is called Ying" He Jie said: "The fans who admire me say - my idol is called Jie" Zhou Bichang said: "The fans who admire me say - "My idol's name is Chang." Li Yuchun said, "You guys chat, I'm leaving first!" "

51. A college student was unfortunately caught by the enemy. The enemy tied him to a telephone pole and then asked him: "Tell me, where are you from? If you don’t tell me, I’ll electrocute you! ! ! "This college student replied to the enemy and was electrocuted to death... He said: "I am from the Radio and Television University! 52. Wang Xiaoya, host of the Happy Dictionary program, interviewed an audience member on the spot and asked: "Which female host do you admire most in your mind?" The audience said: "It's you." "Wang Xiaoya asked: "Why do you say that? The audience said: "Because you look a bit like Yang Lan!" "53. Do you know what color Spider-Man is? Red, wrong! It's white. If you don't believe it, read Spider-Man in English: spider man (white person)

54. Why did Xiao Ming fall? Please think twice... Because the floor is slippery. 55. The glass and the coffee cup were crossing the road together, and suddenly someone yelled: The car was hit! , but the coffee cup is fine, why? The coffee cup has ears

56. Celery was walking, and suddenly felt a pain in his stomach, and then he made a "porphyry" sound, and you said he pulled out something. ~~? That’s celery dung (diligence)!!! What is the color of celery (vegetable) dung? Answer: yellow because: Qin Shihuang (celery excrement yellow)