A sentence with a sense of humor?

Which sentences are very humorous to read? I have compiled some sentences, and those who are interested can read them! Encyclopedia

1. Move When I arrived at a new place, I asked the landlord: "Is there a TV in the house?" The landlord said: "Yes, but it seems to have been broken recently and I can't find the TV." "Is there an air conditioner?" "There's really no time. ”

2. I am very timid. Once I accidentally clicked on a scary website while surfing the Internet, and a ghost face popped up across the screen. It scared me so much that I clicked on the webpage for a long time. I would shrink subconsciously for a moment. One time when I was shrinking and surfing the Internet at home, my father silently observed for a while and said: Girl, are you turning on the vibration mode?

3. Whenever I wanted to buy something expensive, I would beg my mother to provide me with funds. One time she said impatiently, "Go to your dad. You are his daughter. He will definitely agree." I said, "Go to your dad. You are his daughter." It’s better that you apply for funds for me. We’ve known each other for many years, and I only kissed him later. Besides, I could barely talk to him in the first few years when I met him.”

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4. Many times you are just someone’s love object rather than a love object.

5. Spring is the season when colds and emotions are most common. Some people accidentally catch a cold, while others accidentally fall in love. I belong to the former.

6. Do you know that your casual words can affect my mood for the day?

7. As long as your thinking does not slip, there are always more solutions than difficulties.

8. We have a lot to talk about in KouKou, but in reality we can’t say a word when we meet, just like strangers.

9. Make your photo black and white, take it out and look at it because I miss you, and then tell yourself that you are dead.

10. I wish I could wake up and open my eyes one day and find myself sitting on a desk and chair in a primary school classroom. The chalk tip thrown by the teacher hit me right on my forehead.

11. I am like a fly lying on the glass, with a bright future but no way out

12. It has been a long time since anyone has made cowhide look so fresh and refined.

13. My wife went to Spain on a business trip. She asked me if she wanted to bring me anything. I said, "Bring a Spanish girl back to me!" Half a month later, I went to pick her up at the airport. "Did it go well this time?" "Yeah, great." "What about the gift you gave me?" "Hey? What gift?" "Spanish girl." "Oh," she laughed, " I tried my best - it will take nine months to know whether it is a girl!"

14. The traffic jam on the Beijing-Guangzhou-Aao Expressway lasted for more than ten hours, and my friend who returned to Zhongshan finally couldn't bear it anymore , he opened the car door angrily and took out a long baseball bat. All the people in the traffic jam looked at him in surprise. They saw him yelling and smashing a snail on the ground to pieces. While banging, he cursed: I have tolerated you for a long time! You have been following me from the toll station, and now you dare to pass me. Got my car.

15. Funny sitcom: North Korea: Brother, I’m so angry, I want to attack South Korea. China: Well...North Korea: Then you have to help me! China: Well...North Korea: Then I'll go! China: Well...***minutes later...***China: Damn, I just went to the toilet. That's an automatic reply! Are you crazy? North Korea: I'm busy right now and will contact you later. The situation on the Korean Peninsula is tense. I hope my friends’ lives will not be tense.

16. A: Who loves you the most in your family? B: It has to be my grandfather. A: How does it hurt? B: A few days ago I was debating whether to get a new mobile phone. The next day, the old man smashed my mobile phone screen into pieces as soon as he fucked me.

17. "Mom, I talked about an object. It's from Henan." "Son, you are crazy! You are the only son in our family." "What's wrong with the one from Henan? The one from Henan is very good!" She is kind and gentle to me. ""Go away, I don't have a son like you." "Mom." "Go away!" 18. "Just come back. How did you get caught?" student asked. "I entered the club in disguise, and within ten minutes of sitting down, a group of thugs rushed in, shouting that they were going to catch Holmes," Holmes said.

"Didn't you change your disguise? How were you recognized?" Watson asked. "I thought they didn't recognize me until they sang a song," Holmes said. "What song?" Watson asked. "If your surname is Fu, clap your hands," said Holmes.

19. Zhuge Liang wrote to Liu Chan during his Northern Expedition to the Central Plains: "The late emperor was not halfway through his business, but the middle road collapsed. Today, Yizhou is exhausted. Your Majesty, are you listening?" "Ah? Oh, oh, I'm listening. Today, I have three servings of sweet shrimps and fish porridge with green skin. This is the time when my stomach is hungry and my life is at risk. However, the fresh persimmon flavor is added to the crab, and cheese is grown. My dear brother, continue to read your "Chef's List". "."

20. "What matters when cooking is the ratio of rice to water." He wrote this sentence in his diary. When his mother saw it, she sighed and said, "You." Look at you, you wrote a typo again." Then he added the prefix "corpse" to the last three words, and the little dung beetle laughed happily.

21. After the date between the snail and the slug failed, the snail said to everyone: "That guy is so poor that he can't even afford a house, yet he dares to go out to pick up girls! Damn!" This word reached the slug. In the ear of the slug, the slug cursed angrily: "***~ I bought a house and I wouldn't show off like her carrying the house on her back every day! Virtue!"

22. My father-in-law said while eating My mother-in-law quarreled over business matters. Finally, the mother-in-law said: "I don't want to listen to your complaints. If you keep asking, I will go live in the mountains and none of you will look for me." The father-in-law put down his job and said, "Why do I look for you? You are a ginseng!"

23. The young man asked the old man for directions. He patted the old man on the shoulder carelessly and asked, "Hey old man, is this Chang'an Road?" The old man looked at him and said, "This is Chang'an Road." My shoulders."

24. The more you drink, the weaker the tea becomes, the stronger the wine becomes, the more you sleep in, and the shorter the love.

25. There is no need to argue with your girlfriend until she is red-faced. She is wrong. If you give in, she will be grateful to you. In fact, she knows that she is unreasonable.

26. Although I love my mother very much in my heart, I always keep quarreling with her. . .

27. I suddenly discovered that Valentine’s Day and Qingming Festival are the same. You have to send flowers and food, and you have to say a lot of words to coax ghosts.

28. Zhuge Liang had never led an army before he left the mountain. Why do you want me to have work experience?

29. Spring is here, the saplings are sprouting, and the stock market is turning green.

30. The psychological activities of pregnant underage girls; my mother will kill me! The fetus’s Psychological activity; My mother will kill me!

31. The happiest thing: sleeping until you wake up naturally. Counting money makes my hands cramp. The saddest thing: sleeping until my hands cramp, counting money until I wake up naturally.

32. Reality is too cruel, it changes innocence, and achieves domineering and ambition.

33. If the mask is worn for a long time, it becomes a facade.

34. When money stands up and speaks, all truth is silent.

35. I’m in a bad mood today. I just want to say four sentences, including the first two sentences. I’m done.

36. Being single is not difficult. What is difficult is dealing with those people who try their best to make you end your singlehood.

37. When I die, I will say loudly: Ben The girl is no longer afraid of ghosts!

38. Lowering your head is not to admit defeat, but to see your own path clearly; raising your head is not to be proud, but to see your own sky.

39. I had some blood in my stool for no reason, so I asked my roommate to accompany me to have a look. I am a man. When we went to the hospital, the doctor looked at us and said nothing. After the examination, the doctor said: "There is no problem. Just pay attention to it in the future." "Pay attention to what?!!"

< p> 40. Female: I really don’t understand the people who smoke outdoors now. They really don’t know how to be frugal! Just taking a few breaths of air in the capital is not cigarettes! You even buy it yourself! Male: You can’t take advantage of the country! Selected

1. You have been chasing after me. If I am fast, you are also fast; if I am slow, you are also slow.

I couldn't help it anymore, ran over, held your hand, and said softly: "Pig, please stop chasing me, I'm afraid of... bird flu"...

2. Friendship: Just play it. When I was little, I broke up with The Legend of Zhen Huan. People: I have a dream of Red Mansions, but I live in the world of Water Margin. I want to make friends with Taoyuan brothers from the Three Kingdoms, but I always encounter the monsters and monsters from Journey to the West. Don’t tell me how many people you know. First, see how many people know you when you are in trouble. Friends want quality rather than quantity. A cart of potatoes is not as good as a night pearl!

3. If one day, mathematics and physics fall in love, mathematics will fly away with physics and disappear from the campus. I love you deeply. Chemical suicide... Geography said: "Dear, I will accompany you to ***...". Then their good friend Yu Ying Shi Zhengsheng couldn't bear the blow... He vomited blood and died. Zi Xiu said to Information Music and Art: "Dear, we are the only ones left, let's live well..."

4. Work There are so many, there are so few holidays, everything is so expensive, the salary is so thin, I am so hungry if I don’t eat, I am so fat after eating, the air is so bad, everywhere I go is so crowded, I feel so miserable when I go out, and I feel so miserable if I don’t go out. I'm said to be such an otaku, what do you want from me in the world? I'll cry for you to see...

5. My confession was rejected today. The girl’s reason for rejection: “We are not from the same world, and we are not suitable.” I want to say: “Am I from Mars? I am not like the people on Earth. Not suitable?"

6. In the long road of life, who can take a few steps forward? You have to keep your family and your lover; there is a cook at home, a good-looking one at work, and a cute one outside. There is someone I miss in the distance; keep two, keep one, and develop three, four, five, six, seven!

7. There is a woman, her name is Chai Jing, the firewood of matches, quiet Jing, spent ten thousand, just After raising the daily limit of the stock market, I finally understood who Jingjing was. Don't even say: I want Jingjing...

8. When the market reaches its peak, some people enter the stock market with money in mind. When the market reaches its peak, some people leave the stock market with money in their arms. We met on the road, passed each other, and said to each other: This is a big SB.

9. You are a scumbag, judging from your liberal arts scores, you are suitable for science. Judging from your science scores, you are suitable for studying literature. Judging from your Chinese language scores, you are suitable for going abroad. Judging from your English scores, you are suitable for archeology. Judging from your total score, you are suitable for ***!

10. Recently I saw a sentence that said: "Being fat is a matter of a while, but being ugly is a matter of a lifetime." After thinking about it, I I am very happy, so what if I successfully lose weight? People who eat decisively!