Recent humorous classic news

1. Once a reporter went to interview the scene of a car accident, the driver was stuck in the cab, covered in blood. The male reporter ran over and asked with great concern, "Master, are you in pain?" 2. Once, a man with mental problems jumped off a building. His parents are coming. After his mother cried enough, the reporter ran over and asked her with a microphone, "What do you think now?" 3. On one occasion, Tan Qiao of Tantan Traffic stopped two people who were carrying ladders and ran a red light. Just after educating them a few words, the honest-looking one pointed to another person and said, "This was our boss's idea!" " Then the boss silently looked at the naive worker next to him with very sad eyes. . . 4. Once, a female anchor in Sichuan and Taiwan pronounced methodology as methodological (Xu). I made the same mistake in primary school, but. . . 5. Once a family caught fire. After the reporter arrived at the scene, the fire had been put out. The reporter interviewed the hostess, who said that there was a fire at home when cooking, such as balabala. After listening to a passage, the first sentence of the female reporter was: "So your meal is not cooked yet?" 6. It's the scene of the car accident again. When the unconscious injured person was rescued from the severely deformed car, it was obvious that his calf had been severely deformed and tilted to one side. The female reporter ran over and asked foolishly, "Doctor, is he broken?" Doctor: "...-_-hmm." The female reporter asked again: "Is it serious?" Doctor: "-_-"Female reporter: "Is his life in danger?" Doctor: "... anytime." . . . 7. It was released in sctv. Once a couple quarreled, and the man was so angry that he jumped off the building (I forgot what floor it was). As a result, he got up after jumping and was knocked down by a passing car. His wife ran downstairs to see how he was. As a result, he got up and gave his wife ear wax. Then everyone sent the man to the hospital for examination, and the doctor said it was just a skin injury. . . 8. Once, a swindler's shop in the lotus pond was destroyed. The reporter picked up the pinhole camera and pretended to be a passerby. He was tricked into it and then exchanged fake money. Then I pretended to see through the results and was beaten several times by the people in the store. Then he retired. After getting the certificate, the police took action and arrested all those people. Then the male reporter ran to the woman who started hitting him, more excited and gnashing his teeth, saying, "You hit me!" " How crooked you are! " .。 . 9. Once a reporter made an unannounced visit to a kid selling Tibetan macaques, a second-class protected animal, and went to his roof to discuss the deal, and the little monkey was running around. As a result, the baby's mother ran over and shouted that he seemed to be eating or something. The baby said, "Oh, we are talking about something, come down quickly!" " "His mother is angry:" You are amazing! I will lick your toes! " . . . 10, the couple were fighting, and a female reporter interviewed the beaten woman (Sichuan dialect): "Why did your man hit you?" Woman: "He said I stole someone." Reporter: "Then you didn't steal it." Female: ". . . . . . "。 . . Reporter: "You said. You said you didn't steal it! -_-||||||11A friend of mine had an accident and was in a semi-coma at the scene, waiting for an ambulance. Suddenly, she felt that someone had been poking her gently but persistently. She struggled for a long time, opened her eyes and asked her how she felt in front of a microphone. She cried completely and fainted. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12, I saw the strongest. I don't know whether it's the news scene or full contact. The police cleaned up the beggars and pulled them into the police car. At this time, the reporter came forward to interview the beggars, who were very experienced in the interview. The police uncle was impatient and wanted to pull them up. A male beggar calmly said to the police, "Don't worry, can't you see that I am being interviewed?" The police comrades are speechless ... haha, our family laughed 13, oh, I'll add another one! What 960 is to shoot some programs to cultivate people's sense of morality and public morality! The guest once invited was Joker Xue! Let him pretend to be a passer-by and pick up a bag of documents, pass by somewhere, and then ask him to put them down without knowing it, to see if there are any kind passers-by to help him, and the camera secretly takes pictures in far away places. Ok, here we go ~ Xue GG walked back and forth on that street n times! Things have dropped n times! But few people told him! The result of the nth time is still the same. The director said: This place is no good. Let Joker Xue do the last test here, and then change places! At this time, something brilliant happened! There is a canteen on the street where Xue GG goes! There is an old girl sitting outside, knitting a sweater or sunbathing! At this time, she whispered a meaningful sentence: "Mom has this doll's skull and pong rope! Things are too tight to fall off, melon rope. "14, Tan Tan Traffic, there was a section where Tan Traffic Police caught a cyclist. My little daughter is squatting in front, my father is riding a bike, and my mother is sitting behind. Police officer Tan asked people if they could sing auspicious Sambo, saying that he changed it into a dangerous Sambo and sang it to others. The full text is as follows (please sing it in the tone of auspicious three treasures). No, then why did you drive me and mom? I was wrong, our whole family is a dangerous one, ah! ! Our whole family laughed on the spot. It was so rape! 15, or Tan Tan traffic. At one stage, Tan traffic police caught a man riding an electric car, who was carrying several super-wide and overloaded heavy planks. Tan Qiao called him down and asked him: How can you keep it from falling on this small electric car? The man said honestly: good palm? Tan Qiao said? Ann? Hello, boss? The man replied: hands, palms. Tan Qiao was puzzled at that time and said: I am a policeman, not a director ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ` I smiled on the spot. . 16, there was a program on Chengdu TV, asking people questions in the street. If they answer correctly, they will be rewarded by 10 yuan. I remember once, the host asked an uncle across the street, "Do you know whether Li Bai or Zhuge Liang was commemorated in Du Fu's Caotang?" Uncle casually said "in memory of Li Bai", and the host said "ha, no, in memory of Du Fu", and then hurried away, leaving a crazy uncle 17. Once a farmer's cow ran out like crazy. Then he was finally forced into a corner of an abandoned clearing. At this time, the armed police dispatched. They took a gun and were going to kill the cow three times. Then the TV station was filming. There's a chance. The cow didn't respond. Got shot twice. The cow didn't respond. Got shot three times. The cow didn't respond. Shot four times. The cow didn't respond. Got shot five times. The cow didn't respond. Got shot six times. The cow didn't respond. Shot seven times. The cow didn't respond. Got shot eight times. The cow didn't respond. Quiet. . . . Then a leader who looked like an armed police turned to the camera and said, "Ah, they don't usually use this kind of gun. This gun has not been calibrated. "18, then I also want to contribute one. At a certain time, I caught a man riding an electric motorcycle with a pole, and I was arresting him, saying that you thought you were Zhang, others were holding a knife, and you were holding a pole. When you see a man riding an electric motorcycle with a ladder, say uncle police, and that man says he has a ladder. Caught the man with a ladder and said that you thought you were Zhang, too ... 19, and watched the traffic once in Tantan. Police officer Tan has just caught a criminal and is conducting education. As a result, a group of spectators pushed three rounds of fire. Suddenly, one of them recognized Tan Qiao and pointed to Tan Qiao while laughing wildly: "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, I recognize you, ha ha ha ha ha, you are that # #% #%, ha ha. Turning to this comedy role, the man continued to laugh wildly, pointing to Tan Qiao and saying to his colleagues around him, "Ha ha ha ha, I know him ....................................................................................................................................... Another time, it seems that Chengdu and wow are in full contact. There is an old woman who is simply a female version of Stephen Chow, which is very funny. She was a bystander at that time, but it was a bit fierce to see two people fighting. When the reporter came, everyone was sent to the hospital to be cut. The reporter is definitely reluctant to leave. Just when the old woman appeared, she drooled and described what had just happened. At the same time, she is very dedicated. When the victim was lying on the ground and cut, she lay down without hesitation. After lying down, I have been talking about ... 2 1. I saw a funny story the other day, which seemed to be "Fat Sister Help". A couple divorced after a month of marriage. The reporter asked the woman: Why divorce? The woman said: this fucking pervert, he said he would do it twice a day, and he said he was not allowed to wear clothes at night. The man said: Did you do it? The woman said: I didn't do it. The man said, I did it once on the table. . -_-||||||22. Tan Qiao once grabbed a bicycle with a motor and changed it into an electric car. He asked him, how can you brake so fast? The man said, I have a foot brake ~ Tan Qiao: What foot brake? Cyclist: I put my foot out and stopped ~~ 1. Once, police officer Tan stopped a woman who was talking on the phone, and there was a puppy beside her. After the education, the woman hugged the dog and said, "Good boy, call my brother for a hug." Give the dog to Tan Qiao. Tan Qiao said, "Call uncle." 23. In the opening joke of an issue of Hearsay, Shao Shi said, "The young couple are watching Channel 33 at the head of the house, the man is soaking his feet and the woman is eating a small tomato. Ask the man, husband, has the little tomato been washed? The man glared at her and said, nonsense! I watched my TV, and that woman was so happy. The man thought for a long time and suddenly stared at the woman and said, I washed the footbath three times. . . "24. The bone-washing project in Tan Qiao once saw a man holding several big boards with batteries and then washing other boards for a long time:" You really pulled mountains out of the world. " The man said innocently and blankly, "I don't understand." . . "25. On Christmas Day, Tan Tan caught two young sisters breaking the rules. One little sister rode her bike to find another and got an inflatable stick. After stopping education, my little sister was very dissatisfied and cried and dragged on. To ease the atmosphere, Tan Tan said that this label on your clothes was not cut. The little sister said, this is popular now, tide, do you understand? Speaking of talking, I picked up an inflatable stick and hit it on Tan Tan's skull. I smiled and said, Merry Christmas. Tan Tan was angry and said helplessly, You assaulted a police officer like this! This is assaulting a police officer!

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