Please tell me a joke! Urgent!

The most disgusting joke is recommended to be read after eating

First, when I was a child, I was dishonest in eating. In order to educate me, an old farmer said to me: Sixty years have been hard.

If you don’t have food to eat, you will never throw away the boogers you pick out.

Second, there was a rich man who was looking for servants. The interview topic was to use the toilet. The first few people didn’t wash their hands after using the toilet. They came out, and the rich man sent them away. Only one of them washed his hands, so the rich man kept him. But one day, the rich man found that he came out without washing his hands.

The rich man asked him who he was. Why? The servant replied: "I brought toilet paper today..."

Third, a man saw a sale in a store and walked in. "What are you buying?" "I want to Buy dog ??food." "We have regulations. You must prove that you have a dog."

"Where is there such a regulation?" "This is what happens with discounted goods." The man spent a long time with the salesperson, but the salesperson still said They didn’t agree to sell it to him. There was no other way, so the man had to go home and bring the dog with him, and then he bought dog food. A few days later, the man went to this store to buy cat food again. “Give me two boxes of cat food.” “We There are regulations that you must prove that you have a cat. "It was the same salesperson. The man spent another long time with her, but in the end he had to go home and bring the cat over to buy cat food. A few days later, the man held the cat and dug out some food. A big cardboard box with a hole in it came to the store and found the salesperson. "What are you buying?" "You'll know when you put your hand in." The salesperson put his hand in: "What is it? It's sticky." "I I want to buy two rolls of toilet paper."

Fourth, a man took his friend to visit his grandma. While he was talking to his grandma, his friend began to eat the peanuts on the coffee table. The peanuts were all eaten. When they left, his friend said to grandma, "Thank you for the peanuts." Grandma responded, "Oh! Uh-huh! Alas! Since I lost all my teeth, I can only suck off the outer layer of them." It's just chocolate. I'm old, cough...

Five, someone liked the dish "Spicy Vermicelli Pot". Once, he went to a restaurant and ordered this dish again. But the waiter told him, This dish has been sold out. "Is it really sold out?" he asked disappointedly. "Sir, it's really sold out. You see, the last one was sold to the gentleman at that table." The waiter replied. The man Following the waiter's instructions, I saw a very respectable gentleman sitting next to him. The gentleman had almost finished his meal, but the portion of "Spicy Vermicelli Pot" was still full. The man felt that the gentleman was wasting delicious food, so He walked up to the gentleman, pointed to the "Spicy Vermicelli Pot" and asked politely: "Sir, do you want this?" The gentleman shook his head gracefully. So the man immediately sat down and picked up the spoon. He started gobbling it up. After a while, half of the food was eaten. Suddenly he found a very small mouse with full fur lying on the bottom of the casserole. He felt nauseated and vomited back all the vermicelli he had eaten. In the casserole. When he was turning his stomach there, the gentleman looked at him with sympathy and said: "It's disgusting, isn't it? I was like this just now..."

Six, today, The hotel owner was inspecting the lobby. A beggar came up and said, "Can you give me a toothpick, boss?" The boss sent him away. After a while, another beggar came, also asking for a toothpick. The boss thought to himself that this beggar now Why did you ask for toothpicks instead of rice? He also sent him away. Not too long ago, another beggar came. The boss said to him: "Are you also here to ask for toothpicks?" The beggar said: "Someone vomited." , but I'm a step too late. The two beggars in front have already eaten everything I can eat, and now only the soup is left. Can you give me a straw?

Seven, the boss, the second child take the plane The second child got airsick and kept vomiting. One bag was full of vomit, so the boss had to go get the bag. When he came back, he found that everyone on the plane was vomiting non-stop. The boss asked the reason, and the second child said: "I saw this The bag was also full of vomit, so I had to drink half of the bag, and they all vomited."

If you haven't vomited yet, then I have to admit that you are a master, then I It’s time for a special move

8. Special move-----

One day, the boss and the second child

I went to the theater to watch a play again and saw the two of them arguing about the development of the plot and making a bet. The boss pointed to the row of spittoons in front and said, "The loser has to take a sip of what's there." Unfortunately, the boss loses. , so the eldest brother frowned and took a sip. The two then bet on the following plot. This time, the second eldest son lost. The second eldest son picked up a spittoon and drank fifteen big gulps in a row. The eldest brother was shocked. He fell to the ground in admiration and said to the second child, "You are amazing, you can actually drink fifteen big gulps in a row!" The second child shook his head, "I don't want to drink, the phlegm in the spittoon is too thick, I just can't stop biting

1. Are there any dishes? --

In chemistry class, the teacher explained the relationship between solvents and solutes: "A certain solvent can only dissolve a certain solute. For example, if you eat one bowl of rice, then another, and you are full after the third bowl, can you still eat it? ”

A student asked: “Are there any dishes?” "

2. Calculation check -

During the exam, a student took out a dice and shook out the answers to ten multiple-choice questions. At the end of the exam, he suddenly took it out again and shook it. The invigilator finally couldn't bear it anymore: "What are you doing? "

The student replied: "I am checking the calculation. "

3. Where to go--

One day, a lady called for a taxi. Lady: "Hello! I'm at a certain intersection and I want to take a taxi. ”

Driver: “Then what are you wearing?” Miss: "I'm wearing a white top and a blue skirt." "

Driver: "Where? ”

Miss: “Up to the knees.” "driver :". . . . . . ”

4. People in Egypt and India don’t use toilet paper. After they responded to the call of nature, do you know what they were like? They used their left hands to clean, and then rinsed them with water. Look, how dirty it is, but every time I pass by a certain building and see the long queue to buy Indian pancakes, I hide my face and walk over with a smile. You know, the hard pancakes can be shaken with one hand. You can't get up.

5. You can tell people by looking at their legs--

In an animal exam at a certain university, the exam professor announced the test question: There are ten birds in front of the classroom. , each bird is covered with a cloth bag, and only the legs are exposed. Please observe the legs of each bird carefully, and then tell them their common names, habits, categories, etc.

The college student observed the legs of each bird, but the birds seemed to be no different to him. The more he looked, the more annoyed he became. He stood up and said to the professor: "This exam is so boring. Who can identify birds by looking at their legs?"

The professor was surprised by his words and deeds and asked quickly: "Which class are you in and what is your name?"

The angry college student walked to the podium, pushed up his trouser legs, and yelled at the professor: "Guess, guess!" "

6. Beggars and Stingy--

A beggar came to the door of a stingy man's house to beg.

Beggar: "Please give me a Small pieces of meat, cheese or cream. The miser: "No!" ”

Beggar: “Bread crumbs will do, too.” ”

Stingy guy: “No!

Beggar: “Then give me some water to drink!” ” Scrooge: “We don’t even have water anymore. "

The beggar was angry: "Then why are you still sitting at home? Come and beg for food with me! "

7. Prisoners and horses--

A cavalryman was unfortunately captured during the battle.

"We will kill all the prisoners. "The enemy leader said to him, "However, because you performed bravely and admirably in the battle, I can kill you in three days and satisfy your three requirements before that. Now, you can make your first request.

The cavalryman said without thinking, "I want to say something to my horse." "The leader agreed. Then the cavalryman walked over and whispered something to his horse.

After hearing this, the horse roared and galloped away. At dusk, the horse came back, carrying a beautiful girl on its back. That night, the cavalryman spent the night with the girl. The leader marveled: "What a magical horse!" He said, "However, I still want to kill you. What is your second request?"

The cavalry asked again to speak to the horse. . The leader agreed, so the cavalryman whispered to the horse again, and the horse roared again and galloped away. At dusk, the horse came back again, and this time the girl on its back was more sexy and moving than the last time. That night, the cavalryman and the girl spent another night of fun.

The leader was greatly impressed: "You and your horse are eye-opening, but I will still kill you tomorrow. Now you can make your last request." The cavalryman thought for a moment and said: "I want to talk to my horse alone." The leader felt strange, but he nodded and left with his entourage. Only the cavalry and his horse were left in the tent. The cavalryman stared at his horse, suddenly grabbed its ears, and said angrily: "I say it again, bring a brigade, not a woman!"

8. Quick Answer---

A man went to the restroom at a highway rest stop. There was someone in the first room, so he entered the second room. As soon as he sat on the toilet, he heard someone next door say: "Hey, how are you? Is everything okay?"

The man felt that it was weird to talk to others while going to the toilet, but in order not to be rude, Still reluctantly answered: Not too bad!

Then, the person next door said: "What are you busy with?" "

The man was shocked and even more surprised, but he still replied: "I am going to Taichung on a business trip.

At this time, he heard the person next door say: "I'll call you later." There is a psycho next to me, and every time I talk to you, he rushes to answer. "

9. Interval station ---

A passenger said to the flight attendant: "I want to go to Doncas"

The flight attendant said: "This trip The train can't stop in Kas on Tuesday, but, man, when we change tracks in Don Kas, the speed will slow down. I'll open the door and you can just jump out. Although the car doesn't go very fast, you have to run forward after you jump out, otherwise it will get you caught in the wheels. "

When the train arrived at Donkas, the carriage door opened. The man jumped off the train and ran forward. Because of his nervousness, he ran to the doors of the first two carriages. Right there At this moment, the carriage door opened, and a conductor dragged him into the carriage again.

The conductor said: "Man, you are so lucky, we have this train on Tuesday." It's non-stop in Doncas! "

10. Brag ---

A farmer boasted to others about how big his estate was. He said: "If I drive around my estate, That would take a week. "

An audience member said sympathetically: "Yes, I also had such a broken car. ”

11. Our multiplication tables are very good... Several scientists were having a meeting together. Someone asked what 11 times 11 equals. The American scientists wanted to use their feet to count, but the Chinese scientists immediately answered 121. The American scientist immediately criticized seriously: How can you fool me in mathematics? Science is a very serious topic. Then he took out his calculator and pressed it for a long time. Sure enough, it was 121. He couldn't help but be surprised: Damn, you are really accurate.

12. No matter what kind of car a person takes, he must sit by the window. One day, he was going to take a plane. When he was getting his boarding pass, he told the lady that he wanted a seat by the window, and the lady told him. No more.

After boarding the plane, he found a window seat and sat down. Suddenly a man came and said to him, this is my seat. He said that I like this seat. , I just wouldn’t let him, and the man begged to no avail, so he said angrily: “Okay, you can fly the plane!” Turn around and leave!