Classic jokes on college campus

One of my classmates won't say anything in case of emergency. One day when he was washing in the water room, someone spilled water on the ground, which made him jump several feet: "Be careful! Don't get my water wet! "

Coincidentally, another classmate once saw water on the table and said calmly, "Hey? Why is the water here so wet? " There are some wonderful theories in this student's mouth, such as "there are pursuers before" and "ivory can't spit out the dog's mouth"

Chemistry teacher, a native of eastern Sichuan, has a bad temper but a sense of humor. One day in chemistry class, when I was making sulfur dioxide in class, I first said with a serious face, "This sulfur dioxide, it is, is toxic." Then he gave us a mysterious wink: "I put it at the back door of the opposite class …" Then he really lifted the iron shelf and went out. Everyone laughed and thought he was very proud. A few days later, I chatted with mm in the opposite class about the teacher. I was just about to tell the truth. Mm said first, "Yesterday in class, Teacher X was so funny that he made sulfur dioxide, and then he told us,' I put it in the back door of the opposite class ...'"

The political teacher, who is old and not sober, makes people sleepy in class. One day, when the outline was listed on the blackboard, some students had problems coming to the stage. He waved and said, "Wait a minute. I'll tell you when my outline (anal fissure) is written. " Everyone is surprised at first, and then everyone is defeated.

Mr. Mathematics, who is obsessed with mathematics, often says "Mathematics is the most beautiful" and "Mathematics is in my heart", and he also says: "There is a sign hanging at the entrance of the university, which says" Those who don't know mathematics are not allowed to enter ". Every time I sleep soundly in class, my husband gets angry. After drinking it, he asks, "Do you remember the sign at the entrance of a university? Ignorant, he pondered for a long time and replied, "Small traders and vendors are forbidden to go in and out. "

In the dormitory, people from the outer dormitory broke into houses and provoked us. We shouted, "Close the door and let the dog go!" "Suddenly, I saw a brother binge drinking and pouncing on him ... Another time, it was even more ingenious: a gentleman finished washing before going to bed at night, took a washbasin towel and went to the front of the dormitory and shouted," Open the door and let the dog go! " Come out, the whole dormitory was silent.

Many perverts get together to talk about beautiful women, and one of them says, "Kristy Yang is really beautiful." Everyone agrees. Someone was full of praise: "Yes, yes, it's beautiful." After thinking for a while, I suddenly asked, "Who is Kristy Yang?"

The math teacher is good at assigning homework and often sends out a bunch of information, which makes people breathless. One day, several sets of exercises were distributed, and the answers alone were dozens of pages, which were posted on the blackboard at the back of the classroom. In class the next day, Mr. Wang looked at the answers posted on the blackboard and was satisfied at first. Looking closely, he was furious on the spot: "Who did it?" ! "The answer on the blackboard was spelled" +∞ "(positive infinity).

Every morning in the dormitory, the life teacher knocks on the door to wake up, and people often feel sleepy and disobedient. Playing cards all night in the dormitory can't afford to stay in bed. The life teacher got angry and scribbled in the notebook: "One morning, I called a dormitory to get up, but the dormitory ignored the teacher and stayed in bed collectively ..."

China old man, full of knowledge, has trained a provincial champion. I tried to hold the test paper, and the old man asked, "What's the answer?" Right: "Choose B" The old man then began to gush and explain why he chose B. After more than ten minutes, I suddenly felt that the answer was wrong: "Sorry, teacher, I made a mistake just now. I should choose C. The old man kept a straight face: "All right, let's say this C." So it was another ten minutes. ...

All the teachers have taught us that we must not leave blank on the test paper, and we must fill in one if we don't understand it. Only the chemistry teacher objected and complained to us in class one day: "... this is simply irresponsible!" If you don't understand, you'd rather open the book and sneak a look at it than fill it in! "

Everyone laughs at the gross weight of a lifetime. The weight at the physical examination was 140 kg, and everyone questioned: "This is gross weight, not counting. I have to shave and weigh the net weight ... "

Both chemistry teachers and physics teachers are good at smoking, drinking and playing mahjong, and they are called three good teachers. The chemistry teacher boasted to us in class: "You and Mr. Zhang (that is, the physics teacher) are golden partners every time they play mahjong, so it's really you and me, and I have you ..." Eight people in my class were punished for drinking in the dormitory and were named "Ding Chou Eight Gentlemen". At the New Year's Party of Grade Three, Eight Gentlemen invited two teachers, Zhan Lihua, who came home in a fiasco and got drunk. The two gentlemen were leisurely and carefree, which attracted the attention of countless girls for a time.

In order to brag about his big appetite, a classmate preached in the classroom: "I ate not only six or two meals at noon today, but also six or two meals."

The physics teacher said that Zhang Dayan was a heavy smoker. Students are often surrounded by problems during class, so they can't enjoy themselves. So when the bell rings, they will shout, "class is over!" Hurry back to your seat! " Then he ran to the corridor, lit a cigarette, and soon finished smoking in ten seconds, which surprised everyone. Smoke suddenly rose from a staff dormitory, and everyone was in unknown so. At last, everyone reached a unanimous conclusion: the geese began to smoke. Later many people went to college and went to Beijing. On New Year's Day of the first year, they collectively sent cards to the school. I personally wrote a card for the physics teacher: "Dear Mr. Zhang Dayan, in this icy place of Beijing, we can't help thinking of the stars on your cigarette butt ..."

Junior high school Chinese teacher, female, extremely pungent, outspoken. When I was awarded the sentence "The Story of the Nuclear Ship", I snickered in class. The teacher suddenly said, "What are you laughing at? Never seen it, have you? Go back and see your mother! "

The head teacher of senior three is indecisive. I made a new hairstyle for studying at night, and everyone stared at him as if they saw aliens. The news spread quickly, and people outside the class filed in under the pretext of asking questions. Later, the teacher went out to go to the toilet and met a girl who was late at the door of the classroom. The girl screamed and threw away all the books in her hand. The teacher washed his hair all night.

The math teacher was in class, solving problems on the blackboard, and suddenly picked up his life: "Do you think this step is classic?" The living party rambled and didn't attend the lecture at all. He had to bite the bullet and answer, "Classic." The teacher was overjoyed: "Well said, sit down."

A doctor in the infirmary is ignorant and likes to wear heavy makeup, which everyone hates. One day, two students were caught in the rain and had a high fever, so they went to the infirmary in tandem. The doctor prescribed vitamin C to the first person and vitamin E to the second person, and no one dared to enter the infirmary from then on.

The teacher speaks with a strong accent, which students often imitate. One day at noon, several students imitated the teacher in the classroom and said "weightlessness, wet weight, focus". Suddenly, the door was pushed open by a director, and everyone was shocked. The director glanced strangely: "Hey? Clearly hear the sound of the teacher zheng ... "

A classmate likes to pretend to be an emperor on weekdays, but he keeps his mouth shut. One day, I had corns on my feet and sighed in the classroom: "Alas, I have a longan on my feet ..." The student once shouted in the classroom: "I saw the astronomical phenomena last night, which is ominous!" For a moment, the listener looked askance.

Geography teacher, famous for her big breasts and fat buttocks. I am good at asking questions in class, and I like to ask handsome male monitor best. Once the male monitor was absent-minded and couldn't answer. The teacher got angry and patted his chest with his hand: "Look at me here!" " "

A girl went to the boys' dormitory to borrow something, and a brother fell asleep with his head covered, showing one leg. Roommate reprimanded him: "behave yourself, your hair is showing!" " The girl blushed: "What did you say?" This fellow had to explain: "I, I said leg hair." ... "The girl turned and left.

I went home in the summer vacation in my third year of college and went shopping with a high school classmate. The mm suddenly remembered that her sister was pregnant, so she shouted at me happily: "Go! Come with me to see maternity clothes! " Everyone in the mall immediately turned to stare at me, and I quickly pulled her away, which was more wronged than Dou E's mother.