Are there any jokes that can't speak Mandarin well?

One of Master's colleagues is from Yanhe County, Guizhou Province. Mandarin is like bulk high-alcohol liquor, and it started well. It is often said that "making money" is "estrus", "boat" is "bed" and Yanhe County is "Galaxy". Recently, this senior invited a girl she likes to dinner.

Sitting in the restaurant, the girl asked angrily, why did you invite me to dinner?

Brother replied: You are lucky, and you just caught up with my estrus today.

The girl was frightened and blushed like an apple.

In order to further cultivate their feelings, they discussed going boating in the park after dinner. Hired a boat, my brother climbed on the boat first, and then loudly said to the girl: I'm ready, you can go to bed. In the surprised eyes of tourists, the girl ran away.

When breaking up, the girl politely asked her brother, Where is your hometown? "Galaxy", my brother answered confidently. "It's too far away, I feel dizzy." The girl said and roared off.

My brother is still unmarried.

Buy dialect

When the unit leader came back from a recent field trip, he suddenly gave a dead order: everyone from the top leader to the handyman should speak Mandarin. If he finds a dialect, he will be deducted a dollar. The director of the office is an old comrade in his fifties. He has never spoken Mandarin, and his intestines are cracked when he listens to it. One day, the director reported his work to the leader. He spoke word for word in half-baked Mandarin for half an hour. Finally, the old director got angry and took out a hundred dollars from his pocket and patted it on the leadership desk. He straightened his neck and said, I'll buy a dialect with 100 yuan.

ask the way

After passing the test of Putonghua with N points, Master thought he had stepped into the ranks of masters and vowed never to speak another dialect. One day, I went back to my hometown to interview the adjustment of industrial structure, but I couldn't find the village head anywhere. Suddenly I saw Uncle Liu herding sheep on the roadside, and I was anxious. The master then asked the old man in N-minute Mandarin if he knew where the village chief was going. The old man didn't seem to buy my advanced Mandarin with N points, and he didn't say anything for a long time. Instead, the sheep that bowed their heads and ate grass suddenly raised their necks and made a "baa" cry. The old man whipped the sheep. I asked Uncle Liu why he beat sheep for no reason. The old man said angrily, since this guy has been dragged to the city and come back, don't scream.

The master is ashamed.

misunderstand

Tang Xiao went to Guangzhou on business. When his money ran out, he went to the bank to withdraw money. A woman in her early forties works for Tang Xiao. Tang Xiao shouted through the glass in Mandarin, which she had just trained for two weeks: Elder sister, I have withdrawn money. The female staff of the bank immediately changed their faces and began to tremble like a sunken ship. Tang Xiao thought, I'm so excited to call my sister. I'm so handsome! So he shouted even more arrogantly: elder sister, I withdraw money. Suddenly, I heard my head humming, and Tang Xiao was knocked down by the bank security guard with a stick.

In the hospital, the police asked Tang Xiao, who just woke up, why did he rob the bank? Which bank did Tang Xiao say I robbed? The lesbian in that bank pointed to Tang Xiao in the hospital bed and said, Bastard, shouting "robbery, I am short of money" through the glass. Isn't this robbery? Is it a deposit?

Tang Xiao now reminds us once a day: Brothers! Speak mandarin well, so it's safe!

I want Zhang.

A friend's side sound and nasal sound can't be distinguished. I have reminded him many times, but this man doesn't agree. The man was on a business trip the day before yesterday. He was knocked down by a motorcycle in the street and the accident car escaped. The man was badly hurt all over his body. After the police arrived, they asked the perpetrator, and the friend snorted and reported the situation: a man and a donkey (female). The policeman asked several times and answered a man and a donkey. After a long time, the policeman suddenly realized that he turned to another policeman and said that he would send an investigation report immediately and issue a wanted order to Zhang.

Withdraw money from the bank

Tang Xiao went to Guangzhou on business. When he had no money, he went to the bank to withdraw money. A woman in her early forties works for Tang Xiao. Tang Xiao shouted through the glass in Mandarin, which she had just trained for two weeks: "Elder sister, I'll get the money." The female staff of the bank immediately changed their faces and began to tremble like a sunken ship. Tang Xiao thought, I'm so excited to call my sister. I'm so handsome! So he shouted even more arrogantly: "Sister, I withdraw money!" " Suddenly, I heard my head humming, and Tang Xiao was knocked down by the bank security guard with a stick.

In the hospital, the police asked Tang Xiao, who just woke up, why did he rob the bank? Which bank did Tang Xiao say I robbed? The lesbian in that bank pointed to Tang Xiao in the hospital bed and said, "Bastard, you shouted' robbery, I am short of money' through the glass. Isn't it robbery? Is it a deposit? "

Tang Xiao now reminds us once a day: Brothers! Speak mandarin well, so it's safe!