Classic funny quotations in sketches

The success of a good sketch will certainly bring happiness to everyone. The following are the classic funny quotations I collected for you, hoping to help you!

1, eyes, spinach in autumn.

I'm sorry to make you laugh.

3, low-key! It's the best b show!

I said you are not particular!

5, the year of the pig is popular, I wish you brilliant: you are so talented!

6. How important it is to master a foreign language.

7. Don't be nervous. Take my forehead as a lens.

8. I not only have a car, but also rely on myself. ...

9. Who am I? I am a security guard.

10, ah, what an honor to have a canopy and come all the way!

1 1. Who are you calling a girl? She is a pure man.

12, look, who opened the widow's door.

13, come on, kid, then you two split up.

14, do you have more than a kilo of lobster? Yes or no?

15, legendary, detective, ironic and humorous.

16, I don't know you in a vest?

17, you are a waiter, you look very tactful.

18, for appreciation, entertainment, education and eye-opening.

19, God, God, please help me!

20. Legal newspapers, story newspapers and newly published TV newspapers.

2 1, a smile is more like a photo of your grandfather when he left, and a smile is more like it.

22. Looking for a husband? There's no time to catch him in a wedding dress.

Our safety is a gray landscape in the capital.

24. Miss Bi, why don't you take a picture with me?

I don't know? Pregnant women are afraid of pain and don't want to give birth!

26. Although people are parallel imports, this heart is definitely licensed.

27. Ask me which nanny I am, as beautiful as flowers and pure as jade.

28, don't say you are not qualified to drive, you look illegal.

29. This dog dares to bite you. He is very proud.

30, big head and thick neck, not rich or a cook.

3 1, you see, 17-year-old' girl' will be gone if she says no.

32. Take a look, take a look, stop and stand.

33. It's normal for their family to disagree when they grow up like you.

34. Say people are like flowers in a pot; Life is a mess!

35. I never hold grudges. I usually report it on the spot.

36. The pig hit the tree! You hit a pig! Rear-end collision!

37. Then we will visit three more people at the same time tomorrow. (Applause)

38. Give one away. You said you didn't order one, but I want one.

39. Wait, they have to give an acceptance speech. Get ready to start.

40. Grandpa, I didn't expect you to be old. Why are you full of flowers and intestines?

4 1, public security equals security, public security has guns and security guards have sticks.

Why do 42.70-year-old women remarry? You can tell at a glance.

43. Well, let's go to a restaurant in the village for dinner first. It's a long way.

44. Grandpa, do you want us to have it? Uncle, are you going to use us?

45, you don't follow the routine! Guess the sharp turn, you press 3!

46. Village head, why are you sitting in the box again? Do you want to be a township head?

47. A man's words are like an old lady's teeth. How much is true?

48. If you are in a hurry, how much does it cost to have a meal in your hotel?

49, Scottish noodles with gravy, halogen is free. Have a bowl of brine and taste the salt first.

50. Grandpa, don't talk nonsense. Didn't you make me cry?

5 1, right, there's nothing wrong with it, just money. I recommend you two for free, with an agency fee.

52. The child's spirit has been stimulated a little. It's different. You cry and laugh.

53. Who made you cry? You see, the child is very ill and still talking nonsense.

54. Zhuge Liang never took a single soldier before he came out of the mountain! Why do I need work experience?

55. Grandpa, are you not satisfied with what we said? Then how do you say thank you?

56. Braised mushrooms with chicken with small leaves. No. You can take this. This is really not.

57, his brother zha this bastard, his brother? You are an excellent young man.

58. Very good, brother. Did you recommend my literary backbone this time? .

59, the pig thinks so ... what should I do if I choose a pig! That's what the donkey thinks.

Lei Feng did a good deed without leaving a name, but everything was recorded in his diary.

6 1, the back waves of the Yangtze River push the front waves, and each wave is stronger than the other. My father is taking pictures on the beach.

62, the distance has opened, and the beauty is gone! Don't shout when eating, call-hello!

63. What does it mean to be full of flowers and intestines? Cooperate with me in the future and improvise.

64. The army is green with pine branches, the air force is blue in the sky, the navy is white with waves, and our security guards are cement dust.

65. Nobody taught you. Whether sticky bean bags fall from the sky/cats walk in a straight line depends entirely on mice.

66. I broke the letter and my mouth, and I was almost not tired ~ ~ I also carried water for the widow. ...

67, you want to possess me, I want to possess you, comrades-in-arms, for comrades.

No matter how well the house is repaired, it is also a temporary residence! That little box is your permanent home!

69. Stop, what you just said is very painful. I think this word should be used to describe pregnant women.

70, come down, because of what, corruption! /A mouse is a cat's companion-making money is not fatal.

7 1. With the progress of society, the train speeds up. Yao Ming is a big boy. He can walk when he has a son.

72. Look at your figure, look at your image, look at your eyes, oh, my mother.

73. What is Beijing, the capital of the motherland? You are a security guard in your heart. That's breast meat. How valuable it is.

74. Life is only a few days, up to 36,000 days; There are thousands of houses at home, and it takes three feet to sleep.

75, the last meal, the next meal, and finally with gastroptosis/use the cup first, then use the cup, and blow the bottle with a small mouth.

76. I don't want your money. I want it from Grandpa Bi. The key is relatives. I can't get through.

77. This foreign beer is really strong. /The foot of my bed is shining with such bright light that the glass loves frost. If you don't rub it often, you have to dirty yourself.

78. Without the working people, what you eat and wear will not touch the people, and you also boast that the working people are the greatest!

79. The child is so poor. Do you think you CCTV have the heart to bury such talents? What do you think he lacks?

80. Alas, alas, what are you two doing? Why are you so rude? Let go and invite Mr. Bi in.

8 1, no, no, I ate it when I passed through the city. Let's hurry. I have to go somewhere else this afternoon

82. Grandpa, as long as you can lead us to the road, kill and set fire, no, go through fire and water.

83. Yes, we have no money now. Grandpa, for the sake of Lord Amen, have mercy and help us both.

84. Miss Bi, I will miss you forever. I'm a ghost. No, I dreamed of you in my dream. Your portrait is all over my house.

Long Min: An agricultural farmer, too talented: a gifted student with no social background, the son of a government official.

86. As soon as I opened the door this morning, the old sow ran at a speed of 80 miles per second and ran into a tree-dead, why?

87, the young man told you, don't be afraid of being used, I'm afraid I'm useless. So that when Lao Bi comes, you two can cry.

88.oh, I see. Then you two perform for Mr. Bi. Come on, introduce yourself first and sign up. Which one of you goes first?

89. Everyone said that you two are so well matched. Look at your figure, your image, your eyes. My heart aches.

90. Who says my face looks like a shoehorn? This is a typical pork loin noodle /leer, that is, spinach/rice in autumn is ok. Come down and give it to the big lady.

9 1, 2008 is so abnormal, everything is abnormal! At this critical moment, China Men's Football Team stepped forward and proved to the world that China Men's Football Team is still normal!

92. The peddler crippled him, and the peddler cheated him. If I don't finish him in ten minutes today, I can't be a teacher with you two!

93. No, what this child means is that he worships you too much. I hope you will live forever. Well, her grandfather, my Ya Dan misses you, and looks at her grandfather's photo and cries every day.

94. Grandpa, if I am angry, you are my God, Jesus or something, and you are my rebirth, Grandpa. No, you are my clairvoyance. No, it's a thousand miles.

95. Ruthless diseases are devouring healthy cells in your brain, and a brand-new vegetative state is about to be born. Don't do that, just dig out this IQ and weigh it, which is two kilograms heavier than you.

96. Just because you young people are jumping and hugging, we old people can only rely on each other/have sex. As we all know, under normal circumstances, if you say the word idiot, that's 80%.

97. Listen, I know you without a bulletproof vest. /I have been praying for happiness all my life. When I am old, I understand. What is happiness? Answer: Happiness is pain/leaving, which hurts self-esteem.

Oh, well, young man, don't be so sad. Come on, I'll give you 200 yuan and buy some rice and noodles to go home. Then go to the Avenue of Stars with me. With your talent, you will have a bright future.

99. If you let a blind man go to the South Pole, he can't find the North at all. You let the cerebral thrombosis on the fork, he can't hook his leg at all; You let the monkey wear cheongsam, it can't see beauty at all; You asked Pan Changjiang to kiss Zheng, but he couldn't reach his mouth.