Let's talk about the national football team of China, and have fun together.

The whole country satirizes the national football team and is in harmony.

(Category: default category)

Official comments:

1, white

Today, China won four more gold medals, full of joy and smiles. In order not to affect people's mood of watching the Olympic Games, the China Men's Olympic Team decided to quit soon ... Meanwhile, I believe no one wants to say goodbye to them!

2. Lu Jian

The bottom line of our national football competition is not to be ashamed or uneasy, but they broke this bottom line!

3. Sha Tong

Let's watch another strange game-China Men's Football Team.

4. Shang Ruihua

Our two strikers performed very well in three games. I even joked with them that after playing today, I can lend it to the men's football team to continue playing tomorrow.

5. Female football players

What's there to say? Can't praise them for playing well?

6.Yan Shiduo and Xie Yalong

In the 2002 World Cup, China completely swallowed nine eggs. Yan Shiduo said: You have won the respect of people all over the world.

At the 2008 Olympic Games, China said to Belgium and Xie Yalong: I see the hope of China football in you.

Folk comments: (the master is in the folk! ! ! )

1

A. The goal of the China men's soccer team tonight is to leave Brazil in Beijing tonight and participate in the upcoming Paralympic Games in Beijing.

B, Zheng Zhi's biggest role is to kick his opponent into Zheng Zhihua on the court.

C. I was in a good mood last night because the national football team lost heartily!

2. Double seat

A, Huaan and touts

Popular: one draw, two losses, three losses, four stops, five injuries and six wastes. It is bold to mention 789.

Hua 'an: Ten shots and nine misses, eight passes, seven breaks, six stops, five losses, four noble, half-hearted.

Favorite: rough in rough, rough in rough, lose in lose.

Huaan: Indifference and mediocrity fail every year.

Favorite: You can't run and shoot on the court. The small national football team is ridiculous.

Huaan: His opponent punched him in the stomach and kicked him in the crotch in front of him, calling on outsiders to be careful.

B, Li Yu. Meiren Yu

Part I: How worried is the China Men's Football Team?

Bottom line: it's like a group of eunuchs going to a brothel.

Horizontal criticism: no one will shoot.

Matching volume

The first part: Ask China how worried the men's soccer team is.

Part two: It's like a group of prostitutes guarding a brothel again.

Horizontal criticism: always shot

3. Famous aphorisms

1. Cherish life and stay away from the national football team.

2. Smoking is harmful to health and watching the national football is harmful to life.

3. watch the premier league ask for money to watch the national football die.

4. Correct use of digital TV can effectively prevent the national football team.

5. I'm dying because the national football team is not sick.

6. If China can score, I will turn myself in! -Osama bin Laden

If China can score, I will stop nuclear weapons! Ahmadinejad

If China can score, I will reform and open up! Kim Jong Il

If China can score, I will tear down the Yasukuni Shrine! -Junichiro Koizumi

If China can score a goal, my name is michel platini! -Bush

If China can score goals, I will believe in Buddhism! -God

If China can score, I believe in God! -Sakyamuni

If China can score, I will come back! -A-bian

If China can score, I will be resurrected immediately-Arafat.

If China can score, we will resign! -China Football Association finally said.

If China can score, I will go backwards! -Earth theory

China: Yes, if I can score, I will come out from the west! -the sun said.

China: Yes, if I can score, I will be the maid of honor for the cat! Said the mouse

China: Yes, if I can score, I will explode again! -the universe finally said.

7. Fenqing said: China football comes from China. Are you from China? It is traitors who are unpatriotic.

The elite said: Only China football is qualified to represent the dark side of society.

Wu Mao said: It is obvious that foreign players beat our players' feet with testicles.

The soy sauce party said: We admit that the national football team is darker than soy sauce, and soy sauce has absolutely no rancid smell of the national football team.

According to industry sources, China Men's Football Team is a commando of Chinese urban management.

4. Jingle

The present situation of the national football team: the age is basically fictional, the appearance is basically ugly, the brain is basically rusty, the attack is basically based on walking, the passing is basically based on watching, the stopping is basically based on hands, the passing is basically based on shouting, the defense is basically based on hugging, and there is basically no shooting. The scared goalkeeper kept shaking, the goalkeeper basically had no hands, and losing was basically worrying, just like a group of mad dogs.

5, a laundry list of jokes

A, watch porn

In the evening, I am alone at home. I closed the door, closed the window and drew the curtains. I turned on the TV and tuned to CCTV-5 to watch the China men's football team. I only watched it for five minutes. At this moment, I suddenly found the sound of opening the door. I got up and turned off the TV immediately. At this moment, my friend came in. Seeing my embarrassment, he said, Wow, are you watching porn? I quickly said no.

He turned on the TV and saw the men's football team playing. He said, huh? Are you watching the China football team? My face turned red in an instant and I immediately said, no, no, I'm watching porn! ! ! ! !

B. National team

I heard that your brother plays for the national team?

B: Your brother just played for the national team! Your whole family plays for the national team.

Oh God

Embarrassed God

In 20xx, when an old man was dying, his lips trembled and he said to his grandson, "When the children ... wait ... China football ... qualify, you must write it on ... paper ... and burn it for me. I am also happy below. "

The child said, "Don't worry, Grandpa, I will try my best to live to that day." Grandpa closed his eyes with satisfaction after listening to his grandson.

In 2 1xx, an old man who was dying knelt in front of his grave and burst into tears: "grandson, I have been waiting for the World Cup for so many years, and I am ashamed of my ancestors!" Say that finish, anger toward, the whole body quiver two quiver will not move. Those eyes are still wide open and die unsatisfied! !

Grandson died and went to heaven. One day, he met God, and God said, I can grant you a wish.

He said, "Can you sink the island of Japan?"

God said: this is too difficult, change it.

Sun Tzu added: Then I want China to qualify for the World Cup. "

God wiped the sweat from his head and said, "What's your last wish? Give me the globe and let me have a look.

Crying God

Koreans ask God when they will win the World Cup. God said, 50 years later, Koreans shook their heads and said, not in this life.

The Japanese asked God when he would win the World Cup, and God said, 100 years later, the Japanese shook their heads and said that there was no next life.

China people ask God when they will win the World Cup. God cried and said, I can't see either.

D, national football vest

A man was found dead in the street, wearing a national football vest and feminine underwear with heavy makeup on his face. . .

Before the family recognized the body, the police took off the national football vest in order to safeguard the last dignity of the deceased.

E. extorting confessions by torture

The captain asked the police officer, "Did the prisoner confess?"

The policeman said, "No, the prisoner has a hard mouth."

The captain said, "Did you show Princess Pearl to the prisoner?"

The police officer said, "Yes, even the meteor garden. The prisoner did not confess. "

The captain said, "Did you show the prisoner the articles written by beautiful writers?"

The police officer said, "I saw it, too. The prisoner vomited and still refused to confess. "

The captain was annoyed: "Then show the prisoner what Xiaozi wrote."

The policeman said, "Brother, I showed it to the prisoner, too. The prisoner fainted three times, but they all survived. "

The captain was furious: "Then show CCTV's Heroes of the Condor and the legendary swordsman to the prisoners! Put a TV on the left and right. "

Policeman: "Big Brother, this is, this is a bit harsh."

Captain: "No way, tough guys have to fight hard."

A day later,

The captain asked again, "How's it going? Have you confessed? "

The police officer said, "The prisoner was incontinent, but he didn't move."

The captain growled, "Play China football."

Policeman: "Brother, people will die. Do you want to change another one? "

Captain: "Either the prisoner dies or I die."

A day later,

The captain asked again; "Well, did you confess?"

The policeman said, "The prisoner is biting his tongue ..."

6. Media coverage

A, "Walking into Science" and "The national football team washes their feet by the river"

The creatures in the river will die, the residents downstream will get strange diseases, and the plants along the coast will constantly mutate. Is it pesticide residue or biochemical attack? Please pay attention to the special program "Into Science" to be broadcast tonight: "The national football team washes their feet by the river"

B,,, and C Ronaldo in the British "Sun" said nothing and exclaimed that the national football team was invincible.

British Sun You reported (today's newspaper) 1 1: China stubbornly retaliated with two red cards in the men's soccer group match between China and Belgium in the Beijing Olympic Games, but only after the game did China players find that two red cards and two goals were not the same concept, or they lost the game. The players felt aggrieved and expressed the hope that FIFA would change the rules and equate the number of red cards with the number of goals scored. FIFA has not decided whether to apply for this. A FIFA official who asked not to be named said: China's application was very successful.

Ronaldo, a former world footballer who is vacationing in Brazil, was shocked to learn that the Belgian player was kicked in the testicles by a China player, and the fat on his stomach shook unconsciously. C Ronaldo told reporters: "I can feel the feeling of injury. I have been troubled by a knee injury for a long time, but I think I am lucky. In the group match against China in 2002, because I didn't score too many goals, I was still able to pick up girls and have a threesome. Before that game, many players said to me, Ronnie, if you want to win the Golden Boot in the World Cup, the game against China is the key. But I didn't listen to their advice, because before that, China's "Sir Shovel" Zheng Zhi broke Cisse's leg. I didn't want to suffer such a disaster, so I wisely chose to score only one goal. Now it seems that my decision is correct. "

Cristiano Ronaldo, the world's top star who currently plays for Manchester United, also accepted an interview with Sun You after the game in China. Facing the reporter, he revealed for the first time the reason why he refused the invitation of Real Madrid and insisted on staying at Manchester United. "You know, no one wants to lose their testicles," Ronaldo said with a worried expression. "I'm only 23 years old, and my future is still very great. At least I don't want to be a disabled person. Why did I stay at Manchester United? Thanks to Sir Alex Ferguson, he said to me,' Chris, if you insist on moving to Real Madrid, I will send you to play in the Super League instead of hanging you in the stands like I said before.' To tell you the truth, I'm really afraid of jazz. You know, Jazz is a man of his word, and no one can change his decision. "

Ronaldinho, who is attending the Olympic Games in China, has been feeling a little depressed recently. He felt desperate at the thought of facing China on 13. He complained to the reporter: "I don't know what to do. I just want to do something for my motherland and let the Brazilian Olympic team win the Olympic gold medal for the first time. " But I don't know what to do if the price of doing so falls to China's China Kong Fu. I hope the coach won't send me on the day of the game. I have deep feelings for testicles, and I don't want to be elbowed by Zheng Zhi to break my front teeth. They are all symbols of my fame. I'm negotiating with the coach these days, but the situation is not optimistic at present. "

It is reported that UEFA is considering making a new regulation to allow players to wear iron crotch as armor in competitions. UEFA President Platini said: "We believe that with the development of modern football, the appearance of iron crotch is inevitable, especially when facing China." However, FIFA did not respond to this matter. It is unconfirmed that FIFA is considering whether to put pressure on the China Football Association to dissolve the men's soccer team in China, so that the worldwide "soccer phobia in China" can be solved once and for all.

7. advertising. Sexy advertising words

After Ali's defeat in South Korea, "Viagra" found a national team player to advertise: the player held the football in his left hand and pointed at the screen with his right hand and said, "Who can not shoot for more than 90 minutes, I can!"

The condom manufacturer was deeply inspired by the advertisement of Viagra, so he found a group of players from the national team and made an advertisement: all players blew up the goal, and the slogan was: "No matter how many times you shoot, you can't shoot!"

Manufacturers of birth control pills also want to advertise, but birth control pills are mainly aimed at women. What should I do? ! Or the China Football Association has a way: let the red whistle of the Super League wear black, blow the whistle, wave, and proudly say, "It doesn't matter how much you enter!"

8. Poetry. Pear style

A poem dedicated to the Olympic national football team

Zhao Lihua

The legendary China men's football team.

With the advantage of 1 1 ratio 10, New Zealand was tenaciously tied.

And then lost to Belgium by 9 people 1 1.

Although our Olympic team

This is a team that has lost many battles.

No technology.

No passion

noncooperation

Have no physical strength

Have no fighting spirit

No targets

recoil

Have no power

No soul

Desperate

We will still be in regret, disappointment and complaint.

Watch them hit people.

9. Song string

First, China Kung Fu

Original song: Tu Honggang

Kick the ball without attacking.

Shou is also very relaxed.

Walk sideways with your hands akimbo.

We have magical powers.

Nanquan and Beitui

Zheng Zhi and Wang Song.

The two masters rushed forward.

The Olympic Games showed magical power.

(rap) Elbow the corner of the eye and sweep the leg.

Football is like a swallow in the clouds, but you can't see it.

Practice thick skin on the outside and turtle spirit on the inside.

All point guards are like Henry, and we have an emperor in our hearts.

(Rap) If you are ugly when playing football, you will look away with your elbow.

China kung fu move will know whether there is.

Kung fu is deep in your hands, but there is no root under your feet.

The match-fixing and the black whistle awakened shaolin soccer's soul.

Xie Yalong is the boss of the company, and there are many English bears under his command.

After years of martial arts training, the Olympic Games showed its magic.

The Olympic Games is magical!

B. China Men's Football Edition Song of Hao Han

The national football team is advancing.

The hearts of fans all over the world are shaking.

Gnome male-",my heart is shaking, and it stinks every time. )

Just leave. Wow.

Kicking and hugging.

(gnome male-",you have a hug, 90 minutes don't score. )

Not as good as people Shout wow

Elbow when it's time to elbow. Wow.

Wind and torches throw people away.

Hey, Ilya.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, Il.

Not as good as people Shout wow

Elbow when it's time to elbow. Wow.

Wind and torches throw people away.

C, "Welcome to Beijing" and "Welcome to the national football team"

Singing: Xie Yalong, Yin Tiesheng, Li Weifeng, Zheng Zhi, Tan, etc.

Xie Yalong: My goal is to always be open-minded and inclusive of the world.

Zhao Xuri: One or two is not unusual, and you can afford to pay more.

Zheng Zhi/Tan: Please don't mention it for two red cards.

Li Weifeng: Sleepwalking on the court is a routine, and it's awesome off the court.

National Football Team: The national football team welcomes you to touch you with the goal difference, and all points are given to you. It doesn't matter. The national football team welcomes you to advance, even if you meet a lucky amateur team.

Yin Tiesheng: It is always polite to meet another competitor.

Shengjiong Qiu: The face has changed, but the result is still the same. You can lose, but you will never win.

Liu: My goal is to be open forever. You can enter as much as you want.

Lv Jianjun: After the confrontation, there will be a bottom. You'll like it here.

Chen Tao: No matter far or near, you are a guest. Please make yourself at home.

Zhou Haibin: Don't worry about making it up to you next time.

Dong Fangzhuo: My family lives in every legend written by Xie Yalong.

Jiang Ning: It doesn't matter if you don't know football. Business comes first.

Han Peng: Please make yourself at home when all the guests come to the stadium.

Feng Xiaoting: It doesn't matter if you pass someone. No one is defending you.

All national football teams: The national football team welcomes you and creates a world for you. No matter how weak your strength is, you may win. The national football team welcomes you to give you all the goal difference, even if you rank at the bottom of the world.