Are there any jokes that can make people gush out?

1 Confucius, Mencius and Laozi slept in the pigsty at the same time and found that the sow was pregnant. According to the DNA test, this is definitely not Confucius or Mencius. Who did this? . . .

2 Q group chat, talking about borrowing arrows from grass boats, why didn't Cao Cao put rockets? A person who was puzzled by the group owner explained to the whole class: This is an article written casually by Shi Naian for the development of the plot ... Then N worshiped qq expressions said that the group owner was amazing and I worshipped you ... The last young man said: the group owner nb, Shi Naian wrote the Water Margin. The group was quiet for a while, and qq showed that the member was removed from the group by the administrator. ...

There is a boy in the class who is so ugly, really ugly. I often stare at him in class and think: How can there be such an ugly person in the world? Unexpectedly, he told people everywhere that I liked him. ...

After research, I discovered the secret of McDonald's: a cheese egg in 6 yuan, a double-layer pork chop in 13 yuan, and a pork chop stuffed into the cheese egg can get pork chop eggs in 13 yuan and pork chop buns in 10 yuan. I won four dollars!

One more word in the masterpiece will be a tragedy: the madman is recorded in the diary, the overlord is not gay, Harry Potter is older, his sexual life explodes, swans jump into the lake, the Twilight manager knocks on the anus when happiness comes, the real field battle, camellia * *, death can't come, 300 warriors on Sparta Day, an affair story in Wulin, Doraemon, happiness as a chrysanthemum, the brothel of Notre Dame de Paris. . .

A classmate asked me loudly when eating, "Why do you wash your hands every time you finish eating?" I inexplicably answered him: "Wash your hands before and after meals" ~

Dad said, "Why are your answer sheets like lottery tickets now?" A: "In fact, it is basically the same. . . ~"

Every time I get sick, I go to infusion and ask the nurse what the rubber tube is tied to her wrist ... just to hear a "pulse pressure belt" .........

Ps: ah, destroy the disk?

nine

The exam is coming. . Ask Kobe to control the ball, single subject 8 1 point, rocket control, 22 consecutive subjects, McGrady control, damn it, you can copy 13 points in 35 seconds. . Aha, hahaha. . . . . . . . . .

Yesterday 10 went to the matchmaking agency to register for marriage, and my aunt asked me to fill out the marriage certificate. After thinking for a long time, I raised two points: women and being alive. Aunt glanced at it. Coldly said: you are not young, how can you still be so harsh!

1 1 I talked to my colleagues about the house price at noon yesterday. I also said: the house price is so expensive now. If I have a piece of land, it will be really developed! He said: If you have a piece of land, I will recognize you as michel platini at once! Just after reading it, the little girl at the front desk called me: XX~ You have a courier! . . . Later, my adopted son refused to talk to me all afternoon. . . . . . . . . . . .

12 It is said that a China man died and fell to the ground ... ~

13 A female colleague was eating ice cream, and a male colleague said to her, "Can you photograph your intoxicated appearance and send it to Weibo?" She said, "All right! But remember to mosaic ... "The next day, she angrily found a male colleague:" Who told you to mosaic the ice cream! ! ! "

14 concert, a buddy excitedly said to the stars on the stage with a microphone: I am your most loyal fan. I have attended almost every concert of yours, and today I finally have a chance! Can you take a picture with my girlfriend? The star felt very moved and agreed without hesitation. Then the buddy listened happily and asked the audience: Great, so ladies, who wants to be my girlfriend?

15 all kinds of dreams of sun and god translation-sisters; Fate-no sisters; Marriage-How can I have a sister? Mission-Opera Girl; Fate-kill your sister; Hello-your sister; Sorry-hook sister; No-hit a girl; Don't-crush your sister; Don't-put pressure on my sister and father; No problem-a gentleman has a big chest; Loneliness-awesome ~ ~ ~ (note: "Xi" please draw a long tone)

16 When studying in the evening, if the teacher hears a classmate's cell phone ringing, he should give that classmate an encouraging, supportive and affirmative look. Because there is still electricity in the mobile phone for self-study at night, it fully shows that this person is an affirmation of teachers, schools and education. . .

It is illegal to deduct points for students in the 17 exam, and the criminal law stipulates that it is a crime of fraud to use others' ignorance to cause losses to others.

18 Just now, a child said that China's four classical novels are Journey to the West, Dream of Red Mansions, Palace and Legend of the Sword and Chivalrous Man, which makes me very worried about the future of my country. It's terrible to have no culture Did he take Princess Pearl seriously? ! ! !