Everyone has some jokes! ! ! !

Success requires three factors: hard work, wisdom and luck, all of which are indispensable. Of course, a genius like Zhuge Liang can save hard work, but luck is indispensable. Take the straw boat for example, if it's unlucky. ...

1. There are many arrows among the straw men on the straw boat, about100000, but if you count carefully, there are only 99999. As a result, Zhou Yu dealt with Zhuge Liang according to military law.

When the ship approached Cao Ying, Cao Jun shot many arrows, which filled one side of the ship. So Zhuge Liang threw the boat, and the boat lost its balance and turned over. Arrows, boats, helmsmen, drummers, Kongming and Lu Su all went to feed the fish in the river.

3. You asked Zhang Yimou to guide the archers, and the arrows were shot indiscriminately, and the grass boat armor was less. As a result (think about the scene in Hero in which Qin Jun attacked the city and shot through the wall brick), the arrow was borrowed, but the helmsman, drummer, Kong Ming and Amethyst all became hedgehogs, and the boat was shot through, so they all went down to the river to feed the fish (the fish improved their conditions and ate Kanto).

When the ship approached Cao Ying, Cao Jun shot many arrows, which filled one side of the hull. Zhuge Liang turned the bow in time and shot arrows at the other side of the hull. Zhuge Liang ordered the sergeant to shout, "Prime Minister Cao, thank you for your arrow!" When the fog cleared, Cao Jun found it and chased it. Kongming's fleet was too heavy to escape and was captured by Cao Jun. ..

When the ship approached Cao Ying, Cao Jun shot it with a rocket. When the rocket meets the grass, it immediately causes a fire, and at the same time, it makes the grass boat particularly obvious in the fog (just like the fog lights on the car in foggy days). Cao Jun continued to aim at the fireboat and shoot arrows.

6. When the ship was sailing near Cao Ying, it suddenly saw Cao Jun pushing dozens of trebuchets. ...

7. In other words, Zhuge Liang and Lu Su led the fleet through the fog to Cao Ying and ordered them to beat drums and shout. Unexpectedly, Cao Ying also beat drums and shouted, Zhuge Liang was guilty and ordered the fleet to shoot arrows. As a result, Zhuge Liang didn't borrow an arrow when he came home at dawn, but lost tens of thousands. The soldiers behind Cao Cao shouted in unison, "Thank you, Mr. Kong Ming!" Back in the barracks, Zhou Yu was furious and beheaded Zhuge Liang.

8. Zhuge Liangliang and Lu Su led the fleet to Cao Cao's camp, beating drums and shouting, but there was no response from Cao Cao for a long time. Zhuge Liang was furious and ordered to shout with all his might, but there was still no response. Zhuge Liang was furious and ordered the beheading of those who didn't shout with all their strength. The soldiers were afraid and shouted loudly. But Cao Cao still did not move. It was only after dawn that the fleet went in the wrong direction and headed for the wild. Zhuge Liang fainted.

9. Cao Cao heard the shouting and killing outside the water village and sneered in his heart: "Even tens of thousands of troops of Wu Dong dare to challenge?" Immediately ordered the whole army to attack. When Zhuge Liang and Lu Su saw that the situation was not good, they turned around and fled, and finally escaped Cao's pursuit in the dense fog. They didn't want Cao Cao Jun to refuse to let go, so they came to Zhou Yu's water village to make a hullabaloo about. Zhou Yu was afraid and ordered all the archers to be moved to the river, so it was easy to shoot Cao Jun back and shoot all Wu Dong's arrows. Zhuge Liang heard that the situation was not good, so he did not return to Wu Dongjun camp and fled directly to Xiakou.

10. The grass boat borrowed arrows perfectly, and Zhuge Liang borrowed more than 65,438+10,000 arrows. Although Zhou Yu regretted not getting rid of Zhuge Liang, he also had to admire him. The next day was still foggy. Zhuge Liang was drinking and having fun with Zhou Yu and Lu Su in the village when he heard Cao Jun beating drums and shouting outside the village. Zhuge Liang said with a smile, "cao thief ate my straw boat and wanted to do the same, but I am so smart, how could I be cheated by him?" The order was ignored ... after dawn, Cao Jun really started the game, and Wu Dongjun camp was occupied. I saw Cao Cao solemnly walk up to Zhuge Liang and stretch out his right hand: "Mr. Kong Ming, have you returned the arrow you borrowed from me yesterday?"

The letter from a thief to the owner is very funny.

Hello, buddy (used to it, you don't agree to take it off):

Read words like a face (better not)

First of all, I apologize for opening your door without your permission. However, compared with my peers, I am very particular. No destructive tools such as electric drill and axe were used when unlocking. If you don't mind, you can still use the original lock from an economic point of view. I promise on my honor that I won't steal repeat customers. First of all, you are a small family.

Dude, tell me how I felt when I entered the house. Don't keep it from me. You just got married now. It's not something I can pinch and calculate. It was the decoration in the house that told me. I'm getting married soon, too. To this end, although I am very busy and nervous at work, I have always been very caring and have not carried out large-scale sabotage activities.

I really like the layout design of your new house, elegant chandeliers, beautiful and warm screens, and charming artistic photos of your wife by the bed. I can see you're lucky, man. In a word, everything seems so enviable. When, my buddy can get mixed up like this and quit this business.

Dude, tell me about my working procedure, which will help you check and tidy up the battlefield.

There is a small safe in the living room. I had a hard time opening it, which made me quite disappointed. There are only ten letters there. I opened one and looked at it several times. It was a love letter you wrote to a little girl many years ago. If it weren't for the tight time and heavy task, I would have to take a closer look. I, besides this line, like literature, for your privacy and not to be discovered by your wife. Later, I opened it and found that there was no US dollar, only to find that you were really talented. Your love letter is really good, sour and full of hook words between the lines. No wonder your wife is so beautiful. Besides, I drank a bottle of juice from the refrigerator, which was delicious. I really forgot what brand it was.

The south room, which is your bedroom, is my key place to take care of. Because I was in a hurry, the bedspread and sheets were thrown on the ground. But don't worry, I walked back and forth in your new socks, so I didn't get those things dirty. The TV and stereo are good and heavy, and I didn't take them away or destroy them (for this, you should thank me. Some people in our business can't take it with them.

I rummaged through all the drawers in the North House. I only found a diamond ring, which may be your wedding token for your wife. I didn't want to take it with me at first, but my brother really needs to get married. I have no choice but to accept. I didn't touch the rest of the things, such as toothbrush and key chain.

The East Room is your bookcase. I thought you were a book lover, but when I turned it over, it was full of prop books, only leather and boxes, but no real books. I was disappointed, but I still took the DVD "world without thieves" at the bottom of the bookcase. On the one hand, I have long heard that this is a good film, so I have no time to see it. I just took it home to have a look. Secondly, I want to learn new technologies from my peers. What age is it? Knowledge explodes and updates too quickly.

I could have done my work more carefully, but because people kept walking outside and I didn't want to fight, I ended up in a hurry. This gain (including your loss, of course) is as follows:

Cash: 36,700 yuan

diamond ring

A DVD

a bottle of juice

Ten love letters

The total price cannot be estimated because of the love letter.

Although I really want to write more to you to comfort your helpless heart, I can't sleep at night because I have a new task. See you later (sorry, copy a sentence from your love letter at the end)! !

Forgive me for not leaving my name

X year x month x day, under the lamp, in a hurry.