Zhang Xiaoxian: When you fall in love with someone, you become lonely. Why?

Zhang Xiaoxian wrote in "Encounter": Loneliness is not born, but starts from the moment you fall in love with someone.

Some people may have doubts. Love is beautiful. How can you become lonely when you go from one person to two people? It’s gentler to have someone by your side!

In fact, I believe that everyone who has ever been in love feels this way. After falling in love with someone, not only will your personality change from an optimist to a sentimental one, but you will even experience unprecedented loneliness and loneliness at many moments.

On reflection, this is not a paradox, because love is like an insignificant object in life. When we don't have it, we don't feel we lack it, nor do we feel we need it, but once we have it, we expect it. If this expectation cannot be realized, we will have a sense of gap in our hearts and a sense of loneliness will arise.

The same is true for loving someone. When we don't fall in love with this person, even though we are single, we sometimes feel very idle, but our hearts are very relaxed. We may sometimes envy those lovers who are in pairs, but we still find what we are willing to do and what we want to do. Things, so that this feeling of loneliness can be easily washed away.

After falling in love with someone, we will inevitably have expectations for this person and this feeling, but true love cannot develop completely in accordance with our expectations.

My friend Yu Lan was once a lively and cheerful girl. When she was single, she liked to give advice to her roommates, how to put on makeup and dress up, and how to be cautious in front of her boyfriend, so that her boyfriend would pamper her more.

Although Yulan is single, she never feels lonely because she has too many things to do. In addition to her full-time job, she also works as a yoga instructor in her spare time.

Such girls are not only financially independent, but also busy doing things they like to do, so they are very fulfilling.

However, since Yu Lan got a boyfriend, she has become like a different person. She feels that with love and her boyfriend's company and care, she should be happier and happier. However, she became anxious and sometimes hysterical.

Yu Lan and her boyfriend met at a friend’s party. The outgoing and beautiful Yu Lan quickly became the focus of the audience's attention. Of course, this also caught the boy's attention.

After the party, the boys asked for Yu Lan’s contact information and got in touch with Yu Lan. At first, Yu Lan didn't expect that the two would become lovers. She thinks it would be nice to have one more friend so that they can eat and travel together.

After a long time, the boy came into Yu Lan's heart, and the two established a romantic relationship. We are all happy for Yu Lanqing. Such an outstanding girl finally found the person she likes.

Maybe if you answered that sentence, you won’t cherish it if you get it, and so will boys. Before establishing the relationship, he took good care of Yu Lan, was considerate and attentive. Every time Yu Lan works overtime, she always gives her favorite snacks. When Yu Lan is sick, she promises to deliver medicine to Yu Lan within an hour.

What touched Yu Lan the most was that boys would accompany her to yoga classes. Although other girls in the class were making fun of him, the boys never cared because he just wanted to spend more time with Yu Lan.

However, after the two became boyfriend and girlfriend, Yu Lan discovered that the boy began to change and often went out to drink and party with his buddies. Even if he is dressed up and waiting for a date with a boy, the boy may be called away at any time.

Magnolia worked overtime late and it rained. However, when she left the company, she didn't see the boy coming to pick her up, so she called the boy and asked him to pick her up. The boy impatiently said that she should take a taxi back. He's playing a game and can't leave.

The moment I hung up the phone, Yu Lanqing felt lonely and helpless as she had never felt before. This feeling never occurred to her when she was single. Even though she was soaked by the rain, she wasn't so sad now. Why?

What I have experienced. Why do I feel different when that person is around? One person's happiness becomes two people's loneliness. Is this the tragedy of love or your own tragedy?

After a long time, Yu Lan felt that this kind of outpouring of love was so meaningless. She knows she has a boyfriend, but she still has to struggle and bear a lot of things. It would be better to go back to her once single self, but make herself more relaxed and happier.

So, after thinking for a long time, Yu Lan broke up with the boy, and the boy stayed symbolically.

The two eventually parted ways and became strangers.

In fact, the reason why Yulan still feels lonely after having a lover is because all her expectations in love have not been realized. When the gap between fantasy and reality is too great, her inner loneliness will intensify.

Originally, I was able to spend an ordinary day safely. Although there were no waves, I felt very calm and had no negative emotions.

However, if you expect that person to accompany you, how to accompany you, how to read your heart, and that person happens to be unable to satisfy yourself, you will feel emotionally alone and lonely.

Of course, from another perspective, the reason why we feel lonely and lonely also shows that we have fallen in love with each other, so we have this emotional need.

But as Zhang Xiaoxian said, when you have no partner, even if you are lonely, you can be very happy, because loneliness is a state.

We can make interesting friends in our own free social circle, and we can freely control our time and do things that interest us.

So, a person’s loneliness is not terrible, and there is even a little happiness in it. It is really comfortable for a person to enjoy a state of laziness and freedom.

What scares us most is that we are alone when we have a partner. When we have someone we love, we should feel the warmth and security of companionship. But because that person disappoints us time and time again, even being with that person makes us feel lonely.

Of course, we can never lose hope and beautiful expectations for love, because healthy love can make us no longer feel lonely. Such beautiful love needs to be pursued and controlled by ourselves