Dirty funny jokes _ humorous jokes highlights?

We live in the modern new media world. We often smile at a witticism and are surprised at a witticism. Every time a social hotspot breaks out, we all expect a subtle paragraph to comment. Next is the "dirty joke" I carefully prepared for you. Welcome to watch!

Yellow funny jokes * * * Hot articles * * *

1. When cooking tonight, I poured oil before the water in the pot was dry. The result is a fire, the flame is so high and big, just like the chef of New Oriental! I was in a panic. What should I do if there is a fire? I'm so nervous! There are many ideas in my mind: 1, splashing water, instinct to see fire ... 2, cover the pot, but my first reaction was to turn off the kitchen light! I am simply * * *. . .

After meeting with friends, Xiao Li walked alone in the dark alley. Suddenly a figure ran up to him and said, "Take out the money!" " "Xiao Li said timidly," money ... money is just ... eating ... invalid; Used and discarded ... exhausted. "The shadow smiled and said," I know you have no money. Take a taxi if you have money. " "Then why are you scaring me!" "I don't want to scare you, you are still burping." Say that finish carrying a knife disappeared in the fifteenth moonlight.

Never be kind to your girlfriend as you are to your daughter. Maybe one day I will bring you a son-in-law. Well, I will continue to go to the theater next door during the Mid-Autumn Festival.

That year, when I was in Grade Two, a new teacher came. She is very beautiful. I fell in love with her the first time I saw her. That night, I walked to the door of the dormitory where the teacher lived alone, but I didn't know how to express it. I picked up half a brick on the ground, which said "I love you for ten thousand years", threw it in and ran away. The next morning, the headmaster with a bandage on his head publicly announced the dismissal of Li Wannian, the security guard at the door.

I was shocked to see a beggar in Xinjiekou. It's my classmate He saw me, too, and was surprised. He asked me: Isn't your site on Hunan Road?

6. A friend sent Weibo: Is there anything worse than a girlfriend leaking air? Reply: Yes! It's my boyfriend who leaks electricity. It's really hard. God replied: boyfriend leaks electricity. Is that called * *? .....

7. When my hair grew, my mother gave me thirty yuan for a haircut. I found a shop with few family members, and the lighting was fine, purple, and the two aunts were still fashionable and smiling! ...........'s father came out of the house and asked, "What are you doing here?" ? Me: a haircut! Dad: Why bother? Go home for dinner.

8. The blackboard in the classroom says, black, white, pink, blue ... and then every name is written below ... the teacher comes in. The teacher doesn't understand ... who wrote this! What do you mean! The teacher wants to erase it ... looking for the blackboard eraser for a long time ... so the monitor said: teacher, the blackboard eraser is on the ground ... the teacher bent down to pick up the blackboard eraser ... Xiaoming stood up and shouted: monitor! You liar! The teacher didn't even wear a bra! Teacher: This class is over! Everybody out! Xiao Ming and the monitor stay. ...

9. Driving a taxi at night, a sister who was drunk and unconscious came over and looked at her sleeping face. I thought the door-to-door price was not for nothing, and then I drove in the direction of the Woods ... when she woke up, she would never find that I overcharged her by detour. hahaha.

10. When playing mahjong, I want my wife to play chicken, so I pointed to my crotch. As a result, my wife got the message and shouted, Eat!

Yellow funny jokes * * * classic articles * * *

1. Husky scientific name Siberian sled dog, looks like a wolf. Friendly, naughty, outgoing, wandering. Rarely bark, occasionally howl. Little Hado, female, neurotic, often crazy. Don't let go of the rope when you take it out The probability of calling it back after escaping from sight is below 30%. It has the reputation of "giving up" among dogs! Extremely enthusiastic, regardless of the enemy and the enemy, the thief may even help the thief move.

The bar was drunk, so I picked up the phone and opened the phone book. Looking at these strange names, I don't know who to call. I suddenly felt that I was a failure and couldn't help crying all night. The next morning, I found that the mobile phone was not my own.

3. Drink with your buddy. If you drink too much, send him home. I had to go to the bath center on the way, so I told him I would be there soon. When I got home, his wife and I helped him to bed. When we left, the goods came. Is this the only lady? Why don't you go first? * * *, I am excited.

The second-rate daughter-in-law was pregnant for three months, and one day her stomach was uncomfortable. Take her to the hospital for examination. The doctor asked him if he had shared a room recently, and I immediately answeredno. The doctor said, don't interrupt, not you, but your wife. Shit, what does that mean?

I got off the train, stopped a taxi, got on the bus and ran for about ten minutes, and then said to the driver, "Master, you made a detour." The driver blushed and felt a little embarrassed: "Hey hey, how do you know? Local? " I am too lazy to explain anything. I looked out of the window and just replied faintly, "I think so."

6. "Mr. Rowan Sebastian Atkinson CBE * * * Bean * * is a doctor, so why does he play * * *?" "Why didn't you say Kim Soo Hyun was a professor?"

7. My buddy's wife is pregnant and went to the hospital for a B-ultrasound. A young intern said with a serious face: get ready. This may be a freak. He has two heads and four hands. . This guy collapsed in an instant. . . . At this time, the director came over, slapped the young man on the head and swore: I don't fucking know, don't talk nonsense! Those are twins! . . .

8. Netease's five unsolved mysteries: 1 excavator school is stronger? 2 where is the broken screen of 2iphone repaired? Who taught Yi You's math? 4 clearly shows that there are thousands of post areas that are haunted by * * *? Why is America the hope of mankind? Tencent's five unsolved mysteries, 1, have been forwarded more than a million times. Did Koreans apologize to He Jiong? Why did hundreds of millions of people read the crying log and I didn't cry? When was the Japanese film Sadako released in China? When is the horse's birthday? Why didn't he come from China?

9. Tenderness is an unfair kindness. I helped others and wronged myself, but I was regarded as * * * by others!

10. In the history class, the teacher talked about Dayu's water control and asked, "Why didn't Dayu enter the house three times?" A boy in the back row replied, "There must be someone outside."

Yellow jokes * * * Selected articles * * *

1. Teacher: Which John is the least angry in history? Student: Hengshui! ! Teacher: Get out.

A man asked his father, "Why did you choose a good day to get married?" Dad said, "Because you won't have a good life after marriage."

The so-called "the older you get, the better you understand" is actually only for those elderly people with higher IQ and good thinking. For some old people who don't like thinking and are self-righteous when they are young, they can only say that "the older they get, the more wrong ideas they have in their minds, the stronger they become."

Only two close friends can swear at will, and they can talk and laugh without hurting their friendship. But when two strangers meet, they take advantage of other people's shortcomings, swear words, and always use the excuse that they are straight, joking and teasing the active atmosphere as a cover. This is purely a psychological obstacle. Familiar people are joking, unfamiliar people are * * *. How can anyone not understand this truth?

I heard that the company was going to lay off employees, so I quickly bought two boxes of China gifts for the leaders. He was very angry: "* * * might as well concentrate on his work if he has this leisure time." Then two boxes of toothpaste fell in front of me.

6. Nowadays, young people are too open. Out of the night market near the university town, a couple of college students came to eat skewers. The girls ordered food and pretended to be shy and said, Master, give my husband some compensation ... you know! I saw that the girl was so ugly and the man was so handsome, so I gave him a plate of baked brain flowers.

7. A classmate who hasn't contacted for a long time suddenly sent a message, "How have you been recently?" I said, "Fine, but I have no money to lend it to you. I don't want to get rich and buy Amway. If you get married, I'll go next time, and I won't become a dog alone. " What do you want from me? "

8. I just saw some good poems: 1. The vine is faint, the air conditioner wifi watermelon, and the online game has not arrived home yet. You are ugly and I am blind. 2. You can't make money if you are a dead vine and an old tree. I'm still alone, and no one wants to be blind if I'm ugly. 3. Dead vines, yellow crows, desserts and snacks, watermelons, only if they are fat, I can only hope that he is blind. It feels really catchy after reading it. .

I saw a naked girl in the street today, so I couldn't help touching her. She called me a hooligan angrily. I explained: I'm sorry, I touched you out of professional needs. The girl instantly relented and asked with a smile, what is your occupation? I touched her again, and then ran to answer, rogue.

10. Don't think too much. He probably didn't return your message because he accidentally slipped when he went to get his mobile phone, and then his head hit the corner of the table, bleeding too much and his head was dizzy. When he stood up, he accidentally fell to one side, knocked over the vase, shattered the glass, cut his face, poked his eyes, tore his mouth and crushed his chin. [insidious]