My thoughts after reading "When I weighed 145 pounds, only my mother still loved me"

As a child, I always wished I was sick.

Because I am sick, I don’t have to go to school or do homework, and I can get more attention from people around me. How great.

Maybe God heard my voice. When I was in fifth grade, this weird wish actually came true.

At that time, I got up to go to the toilet more than ten times at night, and even simple warm-up exercises in physical education class could make me sweat like rain. To put it in current terms, I feel like my body is being hollowed out all the time.

My mother noticed the abnormality and immediately took me to the hospital for examination. The doctor took my report and read it carefully for a long time.

Pushing open the glass window behind him, he shouted to the building opposite: "Laboratory Department, is the urine protein of the girl named Zhang Xiaoran just now 40?"

Get affirmed After the reply, the doctor looked solemn, wrote a few lines of words, put the report in the case and returned it to the mother and said: "Hey, take the child to West China to see it, we can't see it here."

West China Hospital He is famous for treating difficult and complicated diseases. Upon hearing this name, my mother frowned and became uneasy.

My mother, who usually saves money, jumped into a taxi when she went out. Her serious expression made me feel a little nervous.

At West China Hospital, the doctor explained to my mother that everyone’s kidneys are a filtration system, like a funnel with screening capabilities. It leaves nutrients for the body and eliminates waste, but my kidneys had problems and it sent the protein away too.

I didn’t understand it at the time, but I just thought in my mind, great, now I don’t have to go to school for several days.

I held my mother's hand and ran downstairs. As soon as I walked out of the hospital door, my mother actually cried.

This was the first time I saw my mother cry. From then on, her tear glands seemed to have been completely blown open.

Because I had to go to the toilet dozens of times every night, my mother prepared a urinal for me so that I could relieve myself in the bedroom in the middle of the night.

I said shyly: "I am already in fifth grade. If my classmates know that I still sit on the urinal, they will laugh at me."

She said: "I will keep it secret for you. You won’t let your classmates know, and your mother won’t laugh at you.”

My mother has never laughed at me, but when I clean the urinal every day, I will see her secretly wiping it off with her sleeves. tears.

I don’t know how many similar sleepless nights she has experienced over the years since I was sick. All I know is that my mother learned to smoke and smoked for more than ten years.

After I came back from West China Hospital, my mother helped me ask for a long leave from my teacher. I was admitted to the hospital, and my mother guarded me 24 hours a day.

Smoking was prohibited in the ward, so she stood on the balcony at the end of the corridor and smoked.

At that time, she began to become very superstitious, thinking that because she did not wear red underwear in her birth year, red underwear brought bad luck.

In front of the hospital bed, she and her aunt muttered: "Hey, it's my birth year, but why is it my daughter who suffers?"

My mother spent a lot of money to buy me a small golden Buddha. Tie it with a red rope and keep it around my neck at all times.

After I entered junior high school, I started studying at school at noon, receiving infusion treatment at the hospital in the afternoon, and going to the hospital for outpatient examinations on weekends.

I felt that I had grown up, so I refused to be accompanied by my mother and shuttled between the hospital and school alone. When I met the doctor, I also pretended to be mature: "In the past week, every night I still have frequent urination, urgent urination, inability to urinate, and no color."

After hearing this, the patients around me exclaimed: "You can actually speak such professional words at a young age, and you look like an old patient. "This actually made me a little proud at the time.

At the first medical examination in the second semester of the second grade of junior high school, the doctor suggested that I switch to hormone therapy and asked me to invite my mother to finalize the plan together.

I proudly said: "My mother didn't come, so I came to see the doctor alone every time. I can make the decision about my own body, and my mother listens to me!"

< p>The doctor said: "You two, mother and daughter, are so strange. Every time you come here one after another, after I have told you once, you have to tell your mother again."

I Only then did I realize that my mother had never been worried about passing by and had been following me silently. This made me furious.

I don’t know what I was angry about. I probably felt that she had destroyed my vanity of being the leader. I did not seek my mother’s opinion and chose to receive hormone treatment.

I take 12 prednisone pills every day just because I think I will look better if I gain more weight.

At that time, I was 1.58 meters tall but weighed only 70 kilograms, so some relatives joked: "When you look at me so thin, you know that my family is poor."

But I don’t feel that the word “poor” has anything to do with me. While other classmates were catching the bus or riding bicycles, my mother had already bought me a battery car worth more than 2,000 yuan.

She was afraid that I would not be able to contact her if there was an emergency going to and from the hospital, so she bought me a mobile phone. Later I learned that these luxuries for junior high school students were obtained by my mother working overtime all year round and all night long.

I felt very distressed, but my mother said: "Hey, I can't sleep anyway, so I might as well do some work to earn more medical expenses and avoid my random thoughts."

Hormonal treatment is very painful. Not to mention the 8 hours of infusion every day, the side effects are very strong.

Just five minutes after the infusion, the overwhelming feeling of vomiting came over me. My intestines were vomited to the point of colic, but the ferocious momentum could not be stopped.

It’s because I hate whatever I eat. Even my favorite chicken feet with pickled peppers made me vomit immediately after smelling it.

One day, my mother prepared three dishes, one soup and roast duck for my lunch. She raised the duck leg to my mouth and said, "You haven't eaten for two days. You have to eat as much as you can." Just take a bite."

But as soon as I smelled the fatty smell of the duck legs, I immediately spat it out and subconsciously pushed it away with the hand that was injecting it: "Take it away, take it away!"< /p>

The infusion bottle was accidentally torn off and hit the back of my hand. Blood spurted out from the wound.

While calling the nurse, my mother hurriedly used tissues to stop my bleeding. I felt a burning pain on the back of my hand. Unable to suppress his anger, he grabbed the duck's leg and threw it out as hard as he could.

The mother was stunned for a moment, then threw all the white foam lunch boxes into the trash can and said, "I'm serving you in different ways. What do you want to do? I won't eat it!" Then she turned and left the ward. .

There was a buzz in my head mixed with huge grievances, and I sat on the bed and cried. But when my mother returned to the ward, I saw her carrying the same meal as before, and also brought back a can of Coke. She said with red eyes: "I haven't eaten for a day or two. Eat as much as you can. Mom bought you a Coke. You have been thinking about it for a long time. After dinner, Mom will find a way to give you a drink."

< p>The doctor has not allowed me to drink drinks since I fell ill. I didn’t expect that my mother, who respects the doctor’s advice the most, would take the initiative to buy it for me.

My mother borrowed the tin lunch box from the patient next door, filled it with boiling water, and then put Coke in the boiling water, hoping to raise the temperature.

However, the can suddenly exploded with a bang. Through the crack, the cola juice sprayed in all directions. The mother quickly picked up a paper towel and squatted on the ground to wipe it repeatedly.

I suddenly realized that my mother was no longer the super mother in my impression. She was just an ordinary woman, but she had protected me for so many years.

A heavy feeling of guilt came over me, making me feel extremely guilty.

The side effects of hormone treatment were so severe that I never grew taller, but my weight increased to 145 pounds, and my body expanded to twice its previous size.

When I went to the toilet late at night and saw myself in the mirror with an exaggerated and extremely fat figure, I woke up from my dreams countless times and then suffered from insomnia until dawn.

When I returned to school after the summer vacation, the boys in the class would scream when they saw me: "Oh my god, what did you eat to become so fat?"

I was regarded as I was the class beauty and never lacked friends around me, but after I gained weight, many people began to deliberately keep a distance from me. I often stood alone next to my mother, as strong as a bear's hand, and I would get out of breath after walking a few steps.

My mother didn’t mind it either, and would always introduce her to everyone she met: “This is my daughter.”

When I was shopping for clothes, the salesperson looked her up and down and said she didn’t have anything in the right size. Disgusts me.

The largest size clothes look even more ridiculous on me.

After noticing my resistance, my mother pretended to be relaxed and teased me: "What a bargain for us. We spend the same money to buy the same clothes, but we have more fabric than others. We make more money."

”

When she said these words, she always carefully observed my expression. If I smiled, she would be relieved.

After my sophomore year in high school, with the prednisone The less I eat, the fat on my body gradually disappears. I can integrate into the campus collective life again, and I have a boyfriend.

At a parent-teacher meeting, the teacher criticized the class by name. As a student with puppy love, I received word that I was on the list and thought it was over.

But when I got home, my mother not only didn’t question me, she didn’t even mention it for several days.

In line with the principle of frankness and leniency, I wrote a letter, painstakingly describing how good that boy was to me. He helped me boil Chinese medicine in boiling water every day and urged me to take medicine.

Buy me breakfast, we will learn and grow together. I will take good care of myself and promise not to do anything inappropriate.

I put the letter under my mother’s pillow. Three days later. When she plucked up the courage to ask her mother what she thought, her mother hesitated and asked, "Does that boy know the full story of your illness? You listen to your mother, you have to tell him the truth, you can't hide it from others. "

I was just happy that my mother had acquiesced to this relationship, and quickly said: "He knows, he knows everything. "But she didn't consider my mother's worries at all.

Soon, this worry came true. In my senior year of high school, my mother began to make plans for my further studies. Although I missed a lot of homework, my grades were pretty good. Male But his friend was a bad student.

Therefore, when the teacher persuaded him to become a soldier, it was not his wish, so he directly refused.

Then the teacher called his boyfriend’s mother. , said bluntly: "Your son gave up his great future because of Zhang Xiaoran. Then he vividly described how my boyfriend took care of me who was seriously ill, and then advised: "Your son must go to the army, otherwise there will be no way out in the future." ”

Not long after, one night after self-study, my boyfriend and I walked out of school. He put his school uniform on me, put earphones into his ears, and dialed the phone so that we could chat on the road.

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Suddenly, someone ripped off the clothes on my body with great force, and my hair felt a strong pulling sensation. When I came to my senses, I saw my boyfriend’s mother pulling him to her electric car. .

On the way, a harsh voice came from my headphones: "She is sick, she will drag you down, can you afford to support her?" You must serve as a soldier for me. She will drag you to death. If you let her go, your life will be over! ”

For the first time, I realized that my mother’s concerns were correct, and tears flowed down unsatisfactorily.

I called my mother and just called her “Mom” , I felt like my throat was choking on something and I couldn’t speak anymore.

I cried so much that my mother kept telling me not to cry, and she cried with me. .

Hearing my mother’s cry, I made up my mind not to tell her good things or bad things in the future.

My condition kept recurring throughout my senior year of high school. The plus sign behind protein, Like an eagle catching chicks, the string of chicks behind the hen would not let go no matter how hard I shook them.

My mother was very anxious and saw a small advertisement in the corner of the newspaper: It was from a certain person.

She dragged me to the top hospital for kidney disease. The doctor there promised to cure my disease, and then prescribed a high medical fee, 500 yuan for a single pair of traditional Chinese medicine. , drink two bottles.

A month’s treatment costs nearly 8,000 yuan, and my mother’s monthly salary is only more than 1,000 yuan. My mother pulled the doctor’s sleeve: “Doctor, please, make it cheaper. The doctor took out his notebook, pointed to the patient's age and amount, and said coldly: "Look, there is another pair of medicines that cost 1,200 yuan. I feel sorry for your child who has been sick for many years and only charged the cost price." ”

On Mother’s Day, she had no choice but to compromise. She first bought a pair of Chinese medicines, found a Chinese medicine pharmacy in the city, and asked the Chinese medicine pharmacy staff to help pick up the medicine according to the order.

But there were some medicinal materials. They were all crushed on purpose, so I couldn't judge accurately and was rejected. After coming out of the seventh pharmacy, I asked my mother what to do. She first held my hand and said firmly: "It's okay, we'll go back and get it." "

After I drank it for three or four days, we went to the hospital for a review. The main reason was that we still didn't feel better. The doctor blamed us and said, "Why are you so anxious? You must persist for three months."

"

But in the second month of taking the medicine, the newspaper published a list of black hospitals, and the name of the hospital that prescribed Chinese medicine to me was also on it.

When we went for a review again, The building was already empty. I felt sorry for the money I had been defrauded of, so my mother went to comfort me and said, "It's okay. Don't you complain about motion sickness on the bus because it's too far?" This way we don't have to suffer. "My mother said it easily, but I knew she had no money.

She signed a temporary contract with her current company, and she worried about being fired every day. At this time, I began to hate that I only know how to spend money. Later, when she had no ability to make money, she began to become very stingy. Her mother laughed and said: "My daughter is obsessed with money. ”

I was hospitalized again in the second semester of my senior year of high school. I chose to have a kidney biopsy to find out the exact cause. I had a vent for half a month before the operation.

In order to prevent my mother from having to work too hard. , I refused her company, and we would talk on the phone every day to tell her that I was very happy in the hospital and not to let her worry.

On the fourth day of hospitalization, a young lady came to the next bed. , she was found to have blood in her urine during the premarital examination. When we chatted about her husband, she said: "Little sister, I'm telling you, you may not understand. I heard my mother-in-law say to my husband before I was hospitalized. If it is found that there is a problem, leave as soon as possible before you have children. I've only been married to him for more than a month, how could he do this? ”

At that time, I fully understood all the worries that my mother had. After the operation, I needed to be completely balanced for 24 hours. The doctor repeatedly emphasized that I should urinate as soon as possible. Because I couldn’t adapt to lying on the bed to use the toilet, and the anesthesia wore off. The pain hit me, and I felt like I was being cut off at the waist, shouting: "I can't stand it anymore!" ”

My mother bought me a diaper pad for babies and put it under my butt. She also turned on the faucet in the toilet and let me listen to the sound of water flowing to stimulate urination.

Listening to the sound of water flowing and watching my mother secretly turning her back on me and wiping her tears with her arms, I suddenly felt that the sound of running water in my ears was like a dam releasing flood, and it collapsed with a crash. I burst into tears on the hospital bed. .

The report came out that I had mesangial proliferative glomerulonephritis. The doctor said that although my course of illness was the longest among the patients on the entire floor, due to my long-term treatment, I was able to maintain my condition. My kidney, so I was the most optimistic among the patients who participated in the biopsy that day.

The doctor said that all the credit should be given to your mother. Fortunately, she has not given up even a day in these eight years.

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Now my body is gradually recovering, and I have been reviewed from weekly to monthly, and now once a year.

Last year, the clinical lady contacted me again and said: "I rented a car in front of West China Hospital. I bought a house and stayed in the hospital to get pregnant. In fact, I can't remember your appearance, but you gave me strength. ”

The reason why she told me this is because she knows that I am also a mother and gave birth to a healthy and lively baby. After having the baby, I understood all the mother’s mental journey. .

I love my children just as my mother loved me when I was 145 pounds.

Li Li said: This article is called "When I was 145 pounds, I was the only one." My Mom Still Loves Me". This is an article I saw on a certain platform, which particularly touched me.

It tells the story of a mother who went through hardships and persisted in treating her sick daughter. .

We will all grow up, we will all grow old, and we will all transform from being children to being parents.

Judging from this article, mother’s love is great. It’s really sad to take care of your daughter’s emotions.

When I saw my mother put the Coke can in boiling water to make it explode, I discovered that my mother is not omnipotent, and neither is my mother. Superman, but like a superman, she defeats all the "monsters" and "diseases" around her daughter.