24 life jokes that will make you laugh to tears

1. “What unforgettable lies have you experienced since you were a child?” “We will collect the New Year’s money for you first.”

2. “In today’s society, we really only care about Appearance? Do good-looking people deserve good treatment? "They are also good-looking and lazy. Just look at the treatment of pandas and pigs."

3. When you get to my age, I will whisper in your ears. Singing softly, liking your body, and giving you bags, only mosquitoes are left.

4. The strangest thing in the world: My mother took my father’s salary card, but asked me to be smart and not give the salary card to my future wife.

5. The most annoying thing is when the shopping guide chases me and asks: "Hello, how can I help you?" To be honest, I just want him to help me pay!

6. Losing weight is actually very simple. You have to exercise hard every day, avoid eating greasy food, and persevere, day after day, year after year. When you look in the mirror again, you will find that you are right. For you, plastic surgery is more important than losing weight.

7. There are many ways to destroy friendship, the most thorough one is to borrow money.

8. When it comes to gaining weight, the belly and legs have the most say. Only the breasts seem to be an outsider and have nothing to do with it.

9. I see the vicissitudes of life between your eyebrows, I see confidence in your eyes, I see the years on your forehead, I see leeks between your lips and teeth, go and brush your teeth. !

10. I will not do things that I regret, I will only do things that make you regret.

11. If you are woken up by the heat at night, don’t forget to cover your roommate with a quilt.

12. If someone asks you why you gained weight, just say you forgot. Don't explain, the more you explain, the sadder it will be.

13. The person who is affectionate with you in the chat window may be working hard to shit behind the window.

14. What kind of TV do we watch? At the end, the hero and heroine get married, and the TV show ends. What does this mean? Explanation: As soon as you get married, there will be no future.

15. I took the subject three test again and again, but today I failed again. The coach finally shouted to me impatiently: "Are you afraid that if you pass the test, you won't be able to afford a car?" I couldn't. Words are right.

16. The tragedy of life is that after a night of hard work and beautiful dreams, you can’t remember them all when you wake up the next morning.

17. There will always be someone who will love you, your small eyes, your small nose, your short legs, your weight that won’t drop, and your shameless character.

18. Go to the pizza shop to buy pizza! The waiter asked me if I wanted it cut into 8 pieces or 12 pieces? I thought about it and said: Let’s go for 8 yuan! 12 yuan is too much to finish!

19. If a man doesn’t have a partner, others will comfort him by saying that today’s women’s demands are too high; if a woman doesn’t have a partner, others will definitely say that her demands are too high.

20. Robbery in ancient times: I opened this mountain and planted this tree. I want to pass by here and leave money to buy the road. After hundreds of years of civilization, in today's society, robbery is like this: There is a toll station 500 meters ahead, please slow down.

21. A person who has money and time will have a good body, which is a top quality; a person who has money and no disease and no time will be a treasure; a person who has no money, no disease and time will be a top quality; a person who has no money and no disease will have no problem. Time, defective products; people who have no money, time and temper, are waste products.

22. I couldn’t unscrew the bottle cap of the newly bought sauce, so I asked my boyfriend to help me, and he said smoothly: "Here, open the bottle." The boyfriend said faintly: "Although I am also a male, I am not a peacock!"

23. Interesting girls are single, because they can support the boring years alone. It's hard to find someone more interesting than yourself.

24. Wu Zetian proved that success has nothing to do with gender, Jiang Ziya proved that success has nothing to do with age, Zhu Yuanzhang proved that success has nothing to do with origin, and Jack Ma proved that success has nothing to do with appearance, and I am better, I It proves that success has nothing to do with me.