Jokes about adventure, myth, desert island and ogre (healthy, not yellow)

1. The chimpanzee accidentally stepped on the stool pulled by the gibbon. After the gibbon cleaned it gently and carefully, they fell in love. Others asked how they got together. Chimpanzees said with emotion: ape dung! It's all ape shit!

2. The elephant put shit in the middle of the road, and an ant just passed by. Looking up at the misty mountain peak, it couldn't help singing: Alasao, this is the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau! ~~~~

Money can buy a house, but not a home; Marriage, but not love; Clock, but can't buy time. Money is not everything, but it is the root of pain. Give me your money and let me suffer alone!

4. The lion and the bear shit by the tree respectively. A month later, the lion found that the tree next to his shit was thicker than that of the bear, so he said a philosophy full of vicissitudes-lion shit is better than bear shit!

The Tortoise and the Hare

The tortoise and the rabbit race ... the rabbit quickly ran to the front. ..

The tortoise saw a snail crawling slowly .. and said to him, come up, I'll carry you. ..

Then, the snail came up. ..

After a while, the tortoise saw another ant and said to him, come up, too. ..

So the ants came up. .

When the ant came up, he saw the snail on it and greeted him.

Do you know what the snail said?

Snail said: hurry up, this turtle is so fast. ...

Many of them are from the Tianjin volume "Vision"-who called this topic too confusing!

1, Sima Qian was imprisoned many times, but he endured the pain again and again and wrote a great historical record with tenacious perseverance.

(over and over again? )

2. Some people say that there are three major hates in life: firstly, crucian carp is prickly, and secondly, begonia is tasteless. I forgot the third hate, but I think the third hate should be: the third hate of ruined vision.

(Although it rhymes, I tell you that this is what Zhang Ailing said, and finally I hate that A Dream of Red Mansions is a big pit ...)

3, no vision, just like a barren wild ghost. /Without a vision, you have no home like a ghost. A life without vision is like a dish without monosodium glutamate, which can be eaten but not fresh. A person who has no vision, just like having no spine, can't stand straight and can't stand back. He can only crawl on the road of life. The sun can't shine on him, and the goddess of fortune won't care for such a person.

Vision, you are more important than air! I haven't found it yet ...)

My father loves me like a relative.

What's more, you are always picked out of the trash by your father? )

The sun is getting closer and closer to us, just like a golden cake.

(this classmate ... did you come to the exam without breakfast? )

6. I hope to have healthy legs and a smart brain. ...

7. There is a kind of inferiority called self-confidence, and there is a kind of falling called getting up.

This classmate is a philosopher of the new era.

8. A neck without self-esteem cannot support a confident head.

I want to know what kind of neck is called a "neck with self-esteem"! )

9. Without background, run to the front desk.

At first glance, I don't know what I'm talking about. When I think about it, it seems a little picky ... but when I think about it, I don't know what he is going to say ... just to rhyme? ! )

10, why do eyes grow on both sides? Because they are used to looking forward.

Classmate, your logic is beyond my rational scope ...

1 1, life is like a cup of boiled water, bland and faint; But it is like a cup of boiled water with sugar, sweet; Also like a cup of boiled water with salt, salty.

(This ... or boiled water? ! )

12, the horse has fine hair and fat hooves, and the son steals the father but not the thief; Blind uncles and aunts have lived for half their lives, and no one has seen anyone.

Classmate, are you Mr Degang Guo's son? )

13 years, Montesquieu was born into a noble family. Although he lived a comfortable life since childhood, he looked at the changing clouds in the sky and suddenly made a decision that shocked history, that is, he devoted himself to the revolutionary torrent of the bourgeoisie.

It turned out that Meng's night view of the sky suddenly had an epiphany ...)

14, life is precious, love is more expensive; If it is a matter of life and death, both can be thrown away.

(Just because petofi has passed the 50-year copyright protection period can't be so bad ...)

15, entered senior three, and lived a life of "getting up earlier than chickens, sleeping later than dogs, eating worse than pigs and doing more than cows". Although eating is much better than pigs, cooking is more than cattle. At this moment, my vision is ...

(The poor child ... touched it sympathetically and said to Gao Yubao: You saw the wound! Zhou skinned is actually very human to you! )

16, my biggest vision is to have the habit of swearing. Although I have to abide by the five stresses and four beauties, I am afraid that only sitting on the roof for three hours without repeating the same thing can I solve my grievances. Writing here, my palms are sweating, because I complain about this paper, because it determines my future and prospects. I'm not satisfied that my 12-year study career is decided by this test paper less than half a meter and some ink marks. But I don't have to divide it.

17, God gave us worldly desires, but we turned them into pornography and violence.

(deep! )

18, my vision is to get into a good university and find a good job, so that my son can get into a good university and find a good job in the future.

Why do I think of the passage that a reporter interviewed a shepherd boy in a political book? ! )

19, many of my classmates are willing to do their eyes in order to be admitted to military schools or police schools.

(do? ! Shake ... why are you doing this? ! )

20. Haizi said: I want to find a house, facing the sea and blooming in spring.

(You old save it! Now the seaside garden villa is expensive, and you can't afford it if you find it! )

2 1, Tagore said: The night gave me black eyes, but I used them to look for light.

Do you believe Gu Cheng will come to you with an axe in the middle of the night? )

22, miluo river, xiang yu holding a sword on his neck, he shouted. ...

He shouted: Qu Yuan's little kiss, why did you leave me so early? ! ! )

23, drunkards know: there should be no hate, when it grows round. ...

(Su Shi to Ouyang Xiu: Everyone is familiar with it, so I will sue you for plagiarism! )

24. Tao Yuanming, who lives an idyllic life in the Peach Blossom Garden, wrote the famous sentence "The shadows are shallow and the fragrance floats at dusk" ... (Hmm ... I admit ... actually, I can't guarantee that the old man in Lin Bu won't be Tao Yuanming's neighbor. )

25. When Yu Pingbo practiced the piano for Zhong Ziqi, he was looking for mountains and rivers, and the sound of the piano was his vision.

26. Han Yu went to war with Liu Bang. One day, ...

Madame Curie invented fish radium, and her idea came true. ...

Madame Curie, you died unjustly ... who knew this torpedo had radiation! )

28. After being brutally castrated, Sima Qian endured humiliation and put it off again and again, because he knew that "there are three unfilial things, and nothing is great", so ...

(So ...? ! )

29. After suffering from castration, Sima Qian had to endure the pain of breaking his leg. ...

I beg you! It's bad enough that grandpa Sima was castrated again and again! Stop abusing him! )

After the 30-year-old Sima Qian was executed for corruption, regardless of the decay of his body, he wrote the "Historical Records", the eternal swan song. ...

(outrageous! I am completely speechless ...)

3 1, seeing Sima Qian's great achievements and overall situation after being imprisoned, I can't help but sigh: 360 lines, each line is the champion.

(fuck, right! And eunuchs can also be the number one scholar in this line! )

32. Sima Qian, a generation of men, voluntarily accepted castration because he was far-sighted-that is, Datang did not have a history book of his own, so he endured humiliation and completed historical records for Datang.

(lift the table! Who did Sima Qian recruit and provoke? I can't believe you won't let him out of this mess! He was abused from the Han Dynasty to the Tang Dynasty-please, classmates, have pity on the old man, he has had enough ...)

33, because pigs = eat+sleep,

I = eat+sleep+study;

So, I = pig+study.

(Really ... I am very touched, this is the simple and profound dialectics of the working people)

Time is like a cup of concentrated sulfuric acid, which can corrode everything. ...

Classmate, are you the representative of the school chemistry class? )

35. Friend, face your vision with the feeling of death, and it will be closer to you.

(Who dares ...)

36. My name is Zhang San. I do my homework at home at three o'clock, but I'm thinking about three apples in the cupboard. My aunt knew about it and told my father. My father slapped me three times.

(Don't be "three"! I know you are a candidate in Hubei! )

(Hubei Volume Composition Title: Idiom: Think twice before you act, a threesome must have my teacher, and draw inferences from others ... What can you learn from the above idioms with the word "three"? )

37. It takes a few days for a hen to give birth to a chick.

I see, poor hen-I finally understand how cheap 2.8 kilograms of eggs are compared with your pain! )

38, our family of three, father, mother and sister.

(Dare to ask-who are you? )

In the distance, a girl came.

I want to know boys and girls ...

40. What is analogy? Just give one example and compare three examples.

Your Chinese teacher will commit suicide ...

4 1, three people into a tiger means that the strength of three people adds up to be as strong as a tiger, so we should unite.