Selected humorous animal jokes

1, the centipede was bitten by a snake, so it must be amputated to prevent the spread of virus liquid! The centipede thought: fortunately, I have many legs ~! ! The doctor comforted him, brother, relax, and you will be an earthworm in the future.

2. "Mom, despite your objection, I still can't forget him. I only have eyes for him. " "Silly boy, don't fall in love. We are mice, but he is a mouse! "

3. Xiaoren said to Xiaoyang: I found ten dollars at the corner of the lane. Xiao Yang: It must be the one I dropped yesterday. Xiao Ren: But I found two fives! Xiao Yang: I must have broken it when I fell.

The giraffe married the monkey, and a year later, the giraffe filed for divorce: I will never live such a life of jumping up and down again! Monkey is furious: leave! Who has seen kissing and climbing trees!

The fish said, "I kept my eyes open to leave you." The water said, "I have been flowing tirelessly all day, surrounding you and holding you tightly." The pot said, "It's almost fucking ripe and there's still so much nonsense."

6. The elephant put shit in the middle of the road, and an ant just passed by. Looking up at the misty mountain peak, it couldn't help singing: Alasao, this is the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau! ~~~~

7, you have grown up, there are some things you should know: the sky is used for wind and rain; The land is used to grow flowers and grass; I used it to prove how great human beings are; You are used to stew vermicelli.

8. A village woman went to town for the first time and wanted to go to the toilet. She didn't meet for a long time, so she asked the policeman, Comrade, there is a public toilet in front. Where is the mother toilet?

9. The farmer drove the donkey into the city and met a rogue. The rogue asked: Have you eaten? The farmer said he had eaten. The rogue said I asked the donkey. The farmer turned to the donkey, slapped it on the face and said, "It's not kind to Lao Zi. There are relatives in the city who say nothing. "

10, a couple went to register for marriage. "Have you ever had a premarital examination?" "Yes, his house and car are gone." "I'm going to the hospital." The young woman blushed and whispered, "Yes, it's a boy."

1 1. A patient with indigestion complained to the doctor: I have been very abnormal recently. How to return to normal by eating cucumber, pulling cucumber and eating watermelon? The doctor is silent for a moment, then you can only eat shit.

12. The chimpanzee accidentally stepped on the stool pulled by the gibbon. After the gibbon cleaned it gently and carefully, they fell in love. Others asked how they got together. Chimpanzees said with emotion: ape dung! It's all ape shit!

13, the lion and the bear shit by the tree respectively. A month later, the lion found that the tree next to his stool was thicker than the bear's, so he said a philosophy full of vicissitudes-lion shit is better than bear shit!

14, Mouse: I am in love with bats now, and my children have lived in the air since then, not afraid of your cat. The cat sneered, pointed to the owl in the tree and said, look, she is pregnant with my child!

15, you always fart in the office, and your colleagues can't help asking if you can keep quiet. Then I saw you sitting there shivering and asked what you were doing, and you replied that I was shaking!

16, have a good meal.

Before eating peanuts, monkeys should put peanuts in their buttocks before taking them out. The administrator explained: once someone fed it peach kernel, but the peach kernel could not be pulled out. Monkeys are scared, so they must be measured before eating now. ...

17, little penguin

One day, the little penguin asked his grandmother, "Grandma, am I a penguin?" "Yes, of course you are a penguin." The little penguin asks his father again, "Dad, Dad, am I a penguin?" "Yes, you are a penguin. What's wrong? " "But, but why do I feel so cold?" ...

18, the purpose of the cat and mouse to get married

A lazy cat went crazy after a mouse and finally got married. After marriage, the cat took care of the mouse in every way, and the mouse soon became fat. The mouse was very moved: "Dear, why are you so kind to me?" The cat smiled and said, "You'll know when you get fat. ....

19, plain clothes

A police dog saw an ordinary dog coming on the road and suddenly ran over to ask it: I am a police dog. What are you? The ordinary dog took a disdainful look and said, idiot, look clearly, I am plain clothes! ...

20. Interview a group of penguins

A reporter went to the South Pole to interview a group of penguins. He asked the first penguin, "What do you do every day?" Penguin said, "Eat, sleep and beat peas." ...

2 1, hilarious female mouse

After the two mice got married, the mother mouse became more and more arrogant. One night, the male mouse wanted to scare her, so he went to the door to learn to meow. His wife was not afraid, but said softly, "Mao Ge, stop screaming. My husband hasn't gone on a business trip yet." ...

22, funny parrot

The parrot can only say 1 to 9, and the owner teaches it: ten, ten ... The parrot just doesn't say it. Master scolded: I don't know how many times I have taught you, but you just can't learn? Stupid! The parrot suddenly called: 25 times! 250 ....

23. You are crazy.

One day, on the vast Australian grassland, two cows were discussing the European mad cow disease. One cow said to another cow, "I heard that mad cow disease in Europe is terrible." I wonder if we have it here? " Another cow shouted, "Are you crazy? Are we kangaroos? " ...

24, crabs and spiders

Crabs fell in love with spiders at first sight, and asked scorpions to be matchmakers. When the scorpion came back, he told the crab, "Other girls may be resistant to pulling, and they are online every day! You are not qualified to see the bathhouse ~ ...

25. The bull fell in love with the cow

The bull and the cow fell in love and agreed to go for a walk by the river. When passing a restaurant, the bull suddenly heard someone say that he wanted to eat a bullwhip. The frightened bull turned and ran. . . Soon the cow followed. The cow looked at the cow and said,' Honey, I won't run until they eat the bullwhip. "Why are you here?" The cow sighed. "They should brag after eating the bullwhip.". . . . . . ...

Finishing: zhl20 1702