I'm going to make a duty report soon, and I want two English jokes (the best)

Don't shoot yellow! ! !

Good news and bad news.

The doctor is talking to a woman in the hospital bed. "I have some good news and some bad news to tell you. First of all, the bad news-we amputated the wrong leg. Now there is good news-we found that your other leg doesn't need to be removed at all. "

Good news and bad news.

The doctor said to a woman lying in a hospital bed, "I have good news and bad news for you." Let me tell you the bad news first-we amputated your good leg by mistake. Now let me tell you another good news. We found that your other leg doesn't need amputation. "

Doctors know better.

A man was hit by a taxi in the street. He was taken to the hospital. His wife stood by his bed and said to the doctor, "I think he is very ill." "I'm afraid he's dead." The doctor said,

Hearing this, the man moved his head and said, "I'm not dead. I am still alive. " "Be quiet," said the wife. "The doctor knows better than you!"

Doctors know more.

A man was knocked down by a taxi in the street and was taken to the hospital. His wife stood in front of his bed and said to the doctor, "I think he is badly hurt." The doctor said, "I'm afraid he's dead."

Hearing the doctor's words, the man turned his head and said, "I'm not dead, I'm still alive." The wife said, "Be quiet, the doctor knows more than you."

This painting is half good and half bad.

An artist painted a child with a basket of fruit. One of his friends appreciated the painting and wanted to show its perfection. He told some people that the fruit looked so natural that birds came to peck it. A countryman who heard these praises said, "If this fruit is described as well as you say, then this child is different, because he won't scare the birds."

A painting with mixed praise and criticism

An artist painted a picture: a child carrying a basket of fruit. His friends appreciate the painting very much. He wanted to tell others the beauty of the painting, so he told several people who were looking at it carefully that the fruit in the painting was so lifelike that even birds would peck it. A villager heard these praises and said, "If the fruit is really as good as you say, then the child must not draw very well because he didn't scare the birds."

How to find a seat by the fire?

On a very cold day, a gentleman came to an inn. He couldn't find a room near the fire.

He asked the groom to get some oysters to feed his horse.

"Can your horse eat oysters?" The groom said.

"Try him," said the gentleman.

People immediately ran to see this spectacle. Only this gentleman stayed in the room. He chose the best seat by the fire and sat down comfortably.

How to find a seat near the fire?

On a cold winter day, a gentleman came to a small inn and found that there was no room by the fire. So he asked the hotel groom to get some oysters to feed his horse.

The groom said, "Does your horse eat oysters?"

"You try to feed it," replied the gentleman.

Soon, people ran to see the spectacle, but the gentleman stayed alone in the house. He found the best seat by the fire and felt very comfortable.