A cold joke on a hot day

A song: "Recalling childhood, the happiest thing is Children's Day."

Apa: "Youth Day is in ten years."

A song: "Father's Day is in ten years."

Apa: "It will be the days of the elderly in a few decades."

A song: "In a few decades."

Appa: ". Tomb-Sweeping Day. "

A Japanese is eating in a restaurant in China. When the waiter brought a panlong shrimp, the Japanese asked, what should I do with the remaining shrimp shells? ""Of course, "said the waiter." Don't! Don't! Don't! "The Japanese shook his head and said," In Japan, leftover shrimp shells are sent to factories, made into shrimp cakes, and then sold to you in China. "After a while, the waiter brought another plate of fruit. The Japanese pointed to one of the lemons and asked," What should I do with the remaining lemon peels? ""Of course, "said the waiter." Don't! Don't! Don't! The Japanese shook his head and said, "In Japan, the leftover lemon peel is sent to the factory and then sold to you in China. "

When checking out, the Japanese asked the waiter with a smile while chewing gum, "What do you do with the leftover gum?" "Of course, spit it out," said the waiter. "no! Don't! No! " The Japanese shook his head and proudly said, "In Japan, chewed gum is sent to the factory, made into condoms, and then sold to you in China." The waiter asked impatiently, "Do you know what to do with used condoms in China?" "Of course I threw it away." Japanese humanity. The waiter shook his head and said, "No! Don't! Don't! In China, used condoms are sent to factories, made into chewing gum and then sold to you Japanese. "

On Tanabata, my brother asked my sister, What flowers do you like?

My sister said shyly, I like two kinds of flowers.

My brother asked eagerly, which two kinds? I'll give it to you!

Sister bowed her head and whispered: if you have money, you can spend it casually!

My brother said foolishly, you are so beautiful!

Sister asked charmingly, where am I beautiful? Brother said affectionately, good thinking.

There is a guy who is very handsome, has practiced bodybuilding and is a muscular man. It is said that Sanlitun is made in heaven and has many affairs. I want to take a chance and indulge. In the bar, I found a PPMM, which was amazing, so I stared at her from time to time. After a while, PPMM found him, too, so you looked at me and I looked at you. At this time, PPMM made a gesture to him and held out five fingers. This guy found himself in trouble. It's a pity, PP MM, but it's too expensive to think about 500 yuan. Although the quality is good, the latest jokes are not enough, so I held out three fingers, and PPMM paused and nodded doubtfully. I won't talk about the rest, hehe. The next morning, the buddy woke up and found that the Iraqi had left, and suddenly found that there was 300 yuan more in the bed.

A man committed suicide and went to see God.

God asked, "My child, why did you kill yourself?"

The man said, "I pursued a woman, and she said I didn't have a tall and handsome figure and appearance, so she turned me down."

God nodded thoughtfully and said, "This is true. Visual effects are very important in love. Well, I'll give you a beautiful shell that is unparalleled in the world. Now go back and pursue your happiness. " At some point, God said a spell, and with a whoosh, the man left.

A week later, the man committed suicide for the second time and came back to see God again.

God asked, "My child, why did you kill yourself again?"

The man said painfully, "When I went back, the woman said that although I was handsome, I didn't know her at all. I was rejected again. "

God nodded understandingly: "Of course, if you don't know someone, how do you know how to give her happiness?" Well, I'll give you superhuman insight and intuition, and you can go back and pursue your happiness. "God said, and read a spell, only heard a whoosh, and the man left again.

A week later, the man came back, which was the third suicide.

God was surprised and asked, "My child, why did you commit suicide again?"

The man said in great pain: After I went back, although I was handsome and knew her well, she said that she had given her body to another man. "

God looked at the unfortunate man sympathetically and finally said, "Well, since you like that woman so much, I'll let the man die, so that the woman is yours." Go home. God said he had a spell. Just in the middle of the spell, he heard "collapse 1", and God fell to the ground and died hard.

Zorro's death

One day, Zorro went to his mistress's house to meet her. The hostess asked Zorro, "What if my husband comes back?"

"Zorro said," it's okay. If your husband comes back, I will jump out of the window and my horse will pick me up below. "

The hostess said that if I heard three knocks at the door, my husband would come back.

Zorro said: I see.

After a while, it rained. Suddenly there were three knocks at the door: knock, knock, knock. If it's too late, it will be soon. Zorro jumped out of bed and suddenly jumped out of the window. When the hostess saw Zorro leaving, she went to open the door. I saw a horse standing in front of the door and said to her, "Tell Zorro it's raining outside and I'll wait for him in the corridor."

Cold jokes can make people laugh easily, but also make you humorous and make more people like you.

However, personality sometimes declines.

But when others feel sad and bored, they will say

If you show it to him or her, others will think you are friendly.

Your character will be driven.

mischief

1A: Besides people, what animals like to ask "why"?

I don't know.

A: It's a pig!

B: Why?

Ha! ! ! Finish it.

Is the English spelling of pig PUG?

-No, it's a pig

No, how do I remember it was you?

-You're mistaken. It's me.

-Pig, it's you

-Pig, it's me

Say to the buddy sitting next to you ~ ~ You are only one step away from genius ~ ~

increase

1 My deskmate has a cold and a runny nose, but she forgot to bring her handkerchief and kept sucking it into her nose. The Chinese teacher who was writing on the blackboard suddenly turned around and shouted, "That's enough! Stop it! Too noisy! " The whole class was silent. The teacher added, "Who steals noodles in class? What are you arguing about? "

Supplement:

1 A kebab was transferred to a firecracker and fired within a few days, because he always asked the family of the deceased: How would you like it cooked?

2

The teacher handed out papers, and the girl at the back took an extra one, shouting "Teacher, I have it, I have it". As a result, the boy sitting next to me said, "It's mine, it's mine", and the whole class was shocked ~ ~ ~

three

One day, the platoon leader went to Class Two to check the internal hygiene, and he smelled a foot odor as soon as he entered the door.

The platoon leader asked; Who didn't wash their feet last night? '

Soldiers; All washed! '

Platoon leader; Yes, it smells terrible. How did you wash it? '

A said; Soak hot water! '

B said; Cold water stimulation! '

C touched his forehead and said shyly, "I want to dry clean my clothes." ....................\

four

Ming owes 200 thousand to the underground bank,

Xiao Ming begged him to stay a few more days.

The banker said, "Be sure to return it tomorrow, otherwise ... chop off two fingers; The day after tomorrow ..., chop 4 more; On the third day ... "

Xiao Ming: "There is no need to return it, right?"

Banker: "no, then you will become a tinker bell." 」

five

Mr. Huang loves revolution. He named his son Jun in memory of the Red Army. One day, he sent his son to class. When he saw the No.8 bus coming into the station, he shouted to his son, Huang Jun, run! Here comes the 8th! ~~~

Radish also has ideals.

1. When riding a motorcycle, a person likes to wear his clothes backwards, that is, buckle his back to keep out the wind. One day, he drove under the influence of alcohol, overturned and fell headlong on the side of the road. When the police arrived ... Policeman A: What a terrible car accident. Policeman B: Yes, I hit my head in the back. Officer A: Well, he's still breathing. Let's help him turn his head back. Policeman b: ok ... one, two, push, it's back. Officer A: Well, I'm not breathing. ...

2. The woman is ugly and can't get married, hoping to be trafficked. Finally, my dream came true, but I couldn't sell it for half a month. When the kidnapper brought it back, she insisted on not getting off the bus. The kidnapper gritted his teeth and stamped his feet: go, don't take the car! ! !

3. The men's and women's toilets in the school are connected. A girl forgot to bring toilet paper to the toilet. When she was embarrassed, toilet paper came from the men's room next door. The girl turned pale and asked loudly, "Who?" . The boy next door replied with a deep and powerful voice: "Lei Feng."

4. The orchard found a child stealing apples, so he cursed: problem child, wait, I'll tell your father! The boy looked up at the tree and shouted, Dad, someone is looking for you.

5. A man pursues Jane Doe and plays Er Quan Yue Ying with erhu. Afterwards, the woman said: The erhu is not very good, but people look like blind A Bing.

6. A gentleman caught a cold and went to the hospital for intravenous drip. The nurse quickly inserted the needle into Mr. Wang's body and hung physiological saline. 1 more hours passed, and the water in the salt bottle was finished. The nurse came over and immediately changed a bottle. The gentleman was puzzled and asked the nurse, "Miss, isn't there only one bottle on the prescription list?" The nurse pointed to the empty bottle cap behind the salt water and said, Sir, you are so lucky. This bottle won the lottery-another bottle ~!

7. The prisoner was shot. The first shot didn't go off because of the poor quality of the bullet, and then the second shot was fired. . . The third shot. . . At this time, the prisoner cried and hugged the bailiff's thigh and said, eldest brother, you strangled me! It's fucking horrible. ...

8. One day, a person met God, and God suddenly showed mercy and planned to give that person a wish ...?

God asked, do you have any wishes? The man thought about it and heard that cats have nine lives. Please give me nine lives. ?

God said: well, your wish has come true. ?

One day, the man was idle and bored. He said he would die. Anyway, he has nine lives, lying on the tracks ...

As a result, a train passed by ... and the man was still dead. Why? Because that train has 10 cars. ?

9. A child once said to me, "Brother, you are so handsome." I slapped him hard and said, "You are talking nonsense."

10. A farmer's daughter was too ugly to marry, so the farmer had to let her work as a scarecrow in the corn field to scare crows. As a result, when she got there, she not only scared away the crows, but even scared three crows to send back the corn they had stolen before.

A dog climbed onto the table and crawled towards the roast chicken. The farmer was furious and said, I will do whatever you dare to do to the chicken. So the dog licked the chicken's ass.

1 1. A man pursues Jane Doe and plays Er Quan Yue Ying with erhu. Afterwards, the woman said: The erhu is not very good, but people look like blind A Bing.

12. A neurotic patient grabbed a gun from somewhere. One day, he pushed a young man to the ground, pointed a gun at his head and asked: 1+ 1 What is it? The man thought for a long time and said that it was equal to 2. He was killed, and then the psycho stood up and smiled coldly: you know too much.

13. The priest wrote a letter of condolence to the thief: He is a diligent man, and he is still working when others are sleeping. When others wake up, he uses what others don't use.

14. A kindergarten child smokes in the toilet. When the teacher asked him why, he bowed his head and replied deeply: the motherland is not unified, and he is very depressed.

15. One day, a kangaroo was driving on a country road and suddenly saw a white rabbit in the middle of the road, with his ears and body almost on the ground, as if listening to something. ...

So .. Kangaroo stopped the car and asked curiously, "What are you listening to, Little White Rabbit?"

"A big truck passed here half an hour ago ..."

"Wow .. so God! .. how do you know? .."

"He XX! That's how my neck and legs are broken .. "

From: www.kloc-0/26ke.com.

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