Interesting things about Putonghua

Once I bought an apple and sold it to two people. I asked what kind of apple it was. One of them answered "hard ball". I said to myself, I have never heard of this name. Another bought an apple and asked what it was. Another replied "Welcome to autumn". I suddenly realized that people who say "hard ball" can't speak Mandarin, which made me wonder why Apple is called "hard ball".

Fun, super funny ~ ~ ~

Cheng Xiao met Mr. Qian in the toilet. Cheng Xiao should wash his hands, so should Mr. Qian. Cheng Xiao said, "Teacher, please die first. Teacher Qian knew that Cheng Xiao's pronunciation was wrong, so he scolded (X) and died (S). He hoped that Cheng Xiao could find this mistake by himself and said, "I won't die. Unexpectedly, Cheng Xiao still didn't find his mistake, so he went on to ask, "Why don't you die? Teacher Qian said, "I don't want to die. Cheng Xiao, why haven't you found out that you misspelled the word "wash" and called it "death". 」

Xiao Wu is an employee of the Beijing office of a Hong Kong company. One day, the company sent him and two other colleagues from Beijing to meet people at the airport. Xiao Wu calls his colleagues in the street. As he walked, he said, "When are we going to hijack the plane? Shall the three of us grab it together? When a policeman heard this, he asked Xiao Wu, "What did you say you were going to do? Hijacking? " Xiao Wu said, "Oh, I'm sorry, I made a mistake. I mean to pick up the (ji) plane, not to rob the (ji) plane. 」

On the bus in Beijing, a foreigner took out a ten-yuan ticket and said to the conductor, "Did you see it?" ! Have you seen it? ! The conductor ignored it; The outsider said, "Have you seen it? ! Have you seen it? ! "The conductor suppressed the fire and still ignored it; Repeatedly, the conductor finally flew into a rage, took out a 50 yuan ticket, poked it in front of outsiders and shouted, "Did you see it? "Outsiders are surprised and scared, and they say," How can a conductor in Beijing do this? "

Everyone is puzzled, only after asking: foreigners want to buy tickets and say "Jianguomen, Jianguomen"!

B.i'm in a hurry! A funny little story about Mandarin.

Story 1: A prosecutor in Shanghai went to the Northeast on business. When he checked in at the hotel, the receptionist at the front desk saw him wearing a uniform and asked him, "Is there a man?" The Shanghai guest was surprised and replied, "I have no housework." The waiter said, "Who asked if you had any housework? I mean, do you have a boyfriend? " The guest was angry: "My home is in Shanghai. What are the chores here? " ? Without rhyme or reason! "Guy" means "tools and weapons" in the northern dialect. The waiter asked the guest if he had a gun. If he has a gun, he must register.

Story 2: Communication failure leads to misunderstanding. Aunt sleeps at night with an axe. There is an aunt Lin in Xiacheng District of Hangzhou, 8 1 year old. My wife died young, and I lived alone for many years. There is an 80-year-old Chen in Huangtan Town, Wenzhou. His wife died young, and he lived alone for many years. Later, someone matched the bridge. Aunt Lin moved from Hangzhou to Wenzhou and registered marriage with Chen. Late one night, Aunt Lin felt that something had scratched the soles of her feet. When she opened her eyes, Uncle Chen knelt by the bed and gestured at the soles of her feet with a knife in his hand. Because Aunt Lin can only speak Hangzhou dialect, while Uncle can only speak Wenzhou dialect, the two of them are getting more and more confused until midnight. Aunt Lin firmly believed that Uncle Chen was trying to hurt her, and put a chopping axe under her pillow while she was sleeping. Later, Aunt Lin took Chen to the local * * to make an evaluation. After the staff asked Aunt Lin and Chen, they all laughed: Chen is a sculptor. He saw that the hard skin on Aunt Lin's sole was cracked, and he was distressed by his wife. He wants to help her repair the soles of her feet. Because of the language barrier, there is such a big misunderstanding.

Story 3: Country noodle restaurant In a remote rural area, a tourist passed by and walked into a noodle restaurant because he was very hungry. He said, "What's delicious? Burn it quickly. I have to hurry after eating. " However, this small noodle restaurant is closed today for special reasons, so the answer is: "Mi-" means "no", and tourists have heard that it is noodles. He thought, "Noodles are OK", nodded and sat there waiting. After a while, nothing happened. I got angry and said, "Noodles, don't do this. Are you afraid I won't pay?" People in the shop said "winter melon noodles", which means "I'll tell you, no". Another person said, "Winter melon noodles are very good, why not make them for me?" ! "One said," Mimi, noisy Mi- ",which means: no means no, no quarrel. One said, "There are fried noodles. Why didn't you say so earlier? " .

C. A few short stories about Mandarin

1. Once I bought an apple and sold it to two people. I asked what kind of apple it was. One of them answered "hard ball". I said to myself, I have never heard of this name. Another bought an apple and asked what it was. Another replied "Welcome to autumn". I suddenly realized that people who say "hard ball" can't speak Mandarin, which made me wonder.

On the bus in Beijing, a foreigner took out a ten-yuan ticket and said to the conductor, "Did you see it?" ! Have you seen it? ! The conductor ignored it; The outsider said, "Have you seen it? ! Have you seen it? ! "The conductor suppressed the fire and still ignored it; Repeatedly, the conductor finally flew into a rage, took out a 50 yuan ticket, poked it in front of outsiders and shouted, "Did you see it? "Outsiders are surprised and scared, and they say," How can a conductor in Beijing do this? "

Everyone is puzzled, only after asking: foreigners want to buy tickets and say "Jianguomen, Jianguomen"!

3. A county magistrate with a strong dialect went to the village to make a report:

"Rabbit, shrimp, pig tail! No pickles, pickles are too expensive! ! "

(Comrades and villagers, pay attention! Stop talking and have a meeting now! ! )

After the county magistrate finished speaking, the host said, "Please give me sausages and pickles!"

Now, please ask the flight attendant to speak! )

The township head said, "Rabbit, the dog ate today's meal, and everyone is a big jerk!" "

Comrades, that's enough for today. Let's make a big bowl! )

"Don't be a cantaloupe, I'll pick up a shit and lick it for you. . . "

Stop it. I'll tell you a story. . . )

"Someone may eat this shit."

Someone may know the story. )

"Don't worry if you can't eat."

I will give it to you now.

4. Once upon a time, there was a small official who made a living by teaching after retirement. He looks down on craftsmen. one

On the Dragon Boat Festival in 2008, a student invited him to dinner. The students are hiring two teachers, a tailor and a carpenter.

Fu works, and the students' father asks them to sit at the same table. The gentleman thought: these two "reds"

Foot guy ",stained with my light, to ridicule them. At dinner, he said, "Today's East.

This is a family gathering. How about we sit at the same table and read some poems to help us wake up? "Two teachers.

Answer: "All right."

He proudly said: "From one o'clock, senior officials, distinguished guests, birds, chickens, ducks and geese, without me."

Sir, how to eat chickens, ducks and geese? "

Hearing this, the tailor continued, "Under the word rain, frost, rain and dew, next to the word clothes, shirts and coats,

Pants, I don't sew shirts, jackets and pants. How can I resist the frost and snow, sir? "

The carpenter's master also said slowly, "First, raw, cow, wooden characters next to it, lattice,

Iron fences, buildings, carpenters don't build iron fences, where is your husband's cow! "

Hearing this, the retired junior official blushed and was short of breath, and there was nothing to answer.

Once upon a time, there was a rich man who wanted to open a hotel, so he spent three cents to buy a new store.

Lian.

A scholar went to apply. The rich man said, "couplets should praise my wine, acetic acid and pig fat.

It's crowded and there are no mice in the shop. "

Picking up a pen, the scholar quickly wrote:

The first part is: raising pigs is like a mountain, and the mouse's head dies.

The bottom line is: the jar is good, but the vinegar jar is sour.

The horizontal recognition is: more people, less illness and more money.

After the scholar finished writing, he shook his head and read the couplet as:

"Raising pigs is as big as a mountain mouse, and my head is dead."

"The wine vat is good for vinegar, and the altar is sour."

"There are many sick people and less wealth."

6. During the summer vacation, my mother took Longlong to visit my grandfather in the country. Grandpa was very happy and asked with concern.

Longlong: "How are you studying?"

Longlong: "I'm in grade one."

Grandpa thought for a moment and said, "Study hard. I have to study on the first day, the fifteenth day and even the next day. "

Only by studying in the sky can you study well. "

7. I met a fellow countryman at the airport one day. He asked me what I was studying abroad, and I said:

"Solution chemistry." He said, "You're welcome, man. There is no simple chemical reaction. "

8. A commodity salesman went to Guangzhou on business. After arriving in Beijing, he wanted to fly before.

I used to send a telegram to the manager, fearing that the manager would not agree to the reimbursement: "Seize the opportunity."

No? "The manager received the telegram and thought it was an" opportunity "to clinch a deal. He immediately called back:" You can take it.

Multiply "

The salesman came back from a business trip to reimburse the travel expenses, and the manager took a plane with insufficient level.

The provisions of the plane will not be reimbursed, and the plane ticket fee will not be reimbursed. The salesman killed the manager and came back.

Electricity, the manager was dumbfounded.

D. jokes about putonghua

The country wants to promote Putonghua, and the county party secretary and county magistrate of a county in Ningbo, Zhejiang Province actively responded to the call of the country and decided to speak in Putonghua at the county rural work conference, which made a good start. County Party Secretary: "Rabbit, shrimp, pigtail! Without pickles, pickles are too expensive! " Attention, comrades and villagers! Stop talking and have a meeting now! After the secretary of the county party Committee finished speaking, the host said, "Please give me sausages and pickles!" (Translation: Now please speak to the county magistrate! The county magistrate said, "Rabbit, the dog ate today's meal, and everyone is chinemys reevesii!" " "Comrades, that's enough for today. Let's make a big bowl! County magistrate: "Don't be a pickle, I'll lick a piece of shit for you." Stop it, I'll tell you a story. County magistrate: This shit may be eaten by someone. Some people may know this story. County magistrate: Don't worry about not eating (don't worry about not understanding) County magistrate: I'll pull it for you now-

A new headmaster with a strong accent comes from a university in Guangxi. One day, he walked into the office and said to his secretary seriously, "I'm going to kill someone!" " "The words sound just fell and a female assistant from Ningxia turned pale with fear. After a long time, it turned out that the principal couldn't distinguish between "sand" and "check", but actually wanted to say "I want to check someone"

Miss Shi, who works in a certain unit in Lu, is on a business trip and shares a hotel room with a lady in another unit. In the evening, the lady smiled and asked her, "Are you dead? I'll die first if you don't die. " Miss Shi was shocked at once. After some gestures, she realized that the lady had made a mistake in her "dialect version" of Mandarin. She read "xi" for bathing as "si" for death. What she really wants to ask is, "Did you take a shower? If you don't wash, I'll wash first. "

E. jokes to promote putonghua

The country should promote Pulaihu. The county party secretary and county magistrate of a county in Ningbo, Zhejiang responded positively to the national call and decided to speak in Mandarin at the county rural work conference, which made a good start. County Party Secretary: "Rabbit, shrimp, pigtail! Without pickles, pickles are too expensive! " Attention, comrades and villagers! Stop talking and have a meeting now! After the secretary of the county party Committee finished speaking, the host said, "Please give me sausages and pickles!" (Translation: Now please speak to the county magistrate! The county magistrate said, "Rabbit, the dog ate today's meal, and everyone is chinemys reevesii!" " "Comrades, that's enough for today. Let's make a big bowl! County magistrate: "Don't be a pickle, I'll lick a piece of shit for you." Stop it, I'll tell you a story. County magistrate: This shit may be eaten by someone. Some people may know this story. County magistrate: Don't worry if you can't eat (don't worry if you don't know). County magistrate: I'll pull it for you now.

F. A Complete Book of Putonghua Jokes

When I was eating food stalls yesterday, a little brother at the table was already half drunk. He talked nonsense all over the world (Mandarin is not standard) and said, "Outside, foreigners are here. Now, locally, it's all pigs, pigs, pigs. . "

Haven't say that finish, next to a table a big fellow stood up and a mouth fan in the past. . The little brother blinked and continued: "Rent, rent, rent." Then bang, I fell to the ground.

A southerner came to a snack bar in Beijing and said to the waitress, "How much is it to sleep for one night (a bowl of jiaozi)?" Hearing this, the waiter changed his face and screamed, "Rogue!" Hearing this, the southerner said, "It's only sixty cents, which is cheap. Come for one night (bowl). "

The reporter interviewed the citizens on the streets of Tianjin: "What do you think of the current situation in the South China Sea?"

Citizen: "Can I use Tianjin dialect?"

Reporter: "Yes."

Citizen: "What are you talking about? Flying donkey is a star-shooting thing, but Hammer climbs his feet and doesn't bite others. The interface should be 88 for BK! "

Reporter: "Can you explain it in Mandarin?"

Citizen: "Treat bilateral relations calmly and strive for common development!"

Xiao Xie is a shop assistant in a savings office, and her Mandarin is not standard.

One day, a group of aunts lined up at the window. She saw an aunt with money and a passbook in her hand. She said, "Auntie, are you in love?"

Aunt said: "Little sister, I am very pure, and I have never had the idea of cheating in my life."

The next aunt has money. She asked, "Aunt, what are you going to do?"

Aunt said, "I want to send money to someone."

She said, "If you want to meet a lover, what is his card number?"

Aunt said, "I don't have any lovers, sister."

She said, "I didn't mean that. I know you want to stimulate (send) love (money). "

Aunt said: "I see, you sent' money' to' love'."

Men and women in the rented house next door often quarrel.

Once I can't take it anymore,

Rushed to the next door and shouted to them, "Can you speak Mandarin?"

G. What are the short stories about Mandarin?

A short story about Putonghua

Cheng Xiao met Mr. Qian in the toilet. Cheng Xiao should wash his hands, so should Mr. Qian. Cheng Xiao said, "Teacher, please die first. Teacher Qian knew that Cheng Xiao's pronunciation was wrong, so he scolded (X) and died (S). He hoped that Cheng Xiao could find this mistake by himself and said, "I won't die. Unexpectedly, Cheng Xiao still didn't find his mistake, so he went on to ask, "Why don't you die? Teacher Qian said, "I don't want to die. Cheng Xiao, why haven't you found out that you misspelled the word "wash" and called it "death". 」

Xiao Wu is an employee of the Beijing office of a Hong Kong company. One day, the company sent him and two other colleagues from Beijing to meet people at the airport. Xiao Wu calls his colleagues in the street. As he walked, he said, "When are we going to hijack the plane? Shall the three of us grab it together? When a policeman heard this, he asked Xiao Wu, "What did you say you were going to do? Hijacking? " Xiao Wu said, "Oh, I'm sorry, I made a mistake. I mean to pick up the (ji) plane, not to rob the (ji) plane. 」

On the bus in Beijing, a foreigner took out a ten-yuan ticket and said to the conductor, "Did you see it?" ! Have you seen it? ! The conductor ignored it; The outsider said, "Have you seen it? ! Have you seen it? ! "The conductor suppressed the fire and still ignored it; Repeatedly, the conductor finally flew into a rage, took out a 50 yuan ticket, poked it in front of outsiders and shouted, "Did you see it? "Outsiders are surprised and scared, and they say," How can a conductor in Beijing do this? "Everyone is very puzzled. When asked, they know that foreigners want to buy tickets and say' Jianguomen, Jianguomen'.

One day by bus, there were a lot of people. The last person who got on the bus managed to squeeze his head and feet in, but * * * was outside the door. As a result, the conductor accidentally caught his * * * when he closed the door. I heard the man shout, "I've been arrested, open the door!" " "Although the conductor didn't know who Mao was, he saw that the man was caught and quickly opened the car door. After a while, the conductor asked the man, "What is hair? That's called * * *. " " *** ? The place where I live is Mao. "That man has a point." You are in Beijing now, not in your hometown. Who can understand you? Remember in the future: only * * *. "The conductor is not to be outdone. The man was silent. After about three stops, the bus arrived at Andingmen. The conductor shouted, "Here is the Andingmen. Please get off. As soon as the voice fell, the man approached the conductor and said, "You are wrong. You just said it's called * * *, so why isn't Andingmen called * * *? The conductor and the whole bus laughed in surprise.

H. jokes or stories to promote putonghua

County Party Secretary: "Rabbit, shrimp, pigtail! Without pickles, pickles are too expensive! "

Comrades and villagers, pay attention to power! Stop talking and have a meeting now! )

After the secretary of the county party Committee finished speaking, the host said, "Please give me sausages and pickles!"

(Translation: Now please speak to the county magistrate! )

The county magistrate said, "Rabbit, the dog ate today's meal, and everyone is a big jerk!" " "

Comrades, that's enough for today. Let's make a big bowl! )

County magistrate: "Don't be a pickle, I'll pick up a lump of shit and lick it for you ..."

Stop it. I'll tell you a story.

1. Are there any jokes about Putonghua?

The country wants to promote Putonghua, and the county party secretary and county magistrate of a county in Ningbo, Zhejiang Province actively responded to the call of the country and decided to speak in Putonghua at the county rural work conference, which made a good start. County Party Secretary: "Rabbit, shrimp, pigtail! Without pickles, pickles are too expensive! " Attention, comrades and villagers! Stop talking and have a meeting now! After the secretary of the county party Committee finished speaking, the host said, "Please give me sausages and pickles!" (Translation: Now please speak to the county magistrate! The county magistrate said, "Rabbit, the dog ate today's meal, and everyone is chinemys reevesii!" " "Comrades, that's enough for today. Let's make a big bowl! County magistrate: "Don't be a pickle, I'll lick a piece of shit for you." Stop it, I'll tell you a story. County magistrate: This shit may be eaten by someone. Some people may know this story. County magistrate: Don't worry about not eating (don't worry about not understanding) County magistrate: I'll pull it for you now-

A new headmaster with a strong accent comes from a university in Guangxi. One day, he walked into the office and said to his secretary seriously, "I'm going to kill someone!" " "The words sound just fell and a female assistant from Ningxia turned pale with fear. After a long time, it turned out that the principal couldn't distinguish between "sand" and "check", but actually wanted to say "I want to check someone"

Miss Shi, who works in a certain unit in Lu, is on a business trip and shares a hotel room with a lady in another unit. In the evening, the lady smiled and asked her, "Are you dead? I'll die first if you don't die. " Miss Shi was shocked at once. After some gestures, she realized that the lady had made a mistake in her "dialect version" of Mandarin. She read "xi" for bathing as "si" for death. What she really wants to ask is, "Did you take a shower? If you don't wash, I'll wash first. "