Who can provide some classic jokes?

One day, I was watching VCD when my mother came in with a book.

Mom: "What does this mean?" I don't know. Mean? '

I said,' I don't know.'

Mom:' I sent you to college for several years. Why don't you know anything? ! '

I said,' No! Just "I don't know!"

Mom: "Still mouth shut!"

Then my mother slapped me.

People often say:' learning is a painful process.'

But I don't understand why I always get hurt.

My mother's enthusiasm for learning English is growing, and my pain is getting deeper and deeper.

Today, she asked me again

My son! Mom:

What do you mean, "I'm announcing, don't drag me." Mean? '

I said,' I'm bored. "Leave me alone,"

Mom:' I need to be beaten! Talk to your mother like this.

So I got slapped again.

Mom learns English-Continued 2

Mom asked again,' What do you mean,' I didn't hear anything, but I got something'? '

I said,' I didn't hear you clearly. Say it again.

Mother said again, "I didn't hear anything, harvesting."

I said,' I didn't hear you clearly. Say it again.

Me:' oh ~ it hurts!'

Mom learns English-Continued 3

Mom asked again, "What do you think?" What does this mean? '

I said,' What did you say?'

Mom threatened to hit me,' Forget it! Ask another question. Mom:

What is "looking up the dictionary" mean? '

I said, "Look it up in the dictionary."

Mom:' Tell me to look it up in the dictionary? Then why should I ask you? ! '

This time, I was slapped twice.

Mom learns English-Continued 4

My mother asked again, "You'd better ask someone else."

I said,' You'd better ask someone else.'

Mom:' You are my son, why should I ask others? You're itching again.

I said,' Ah! "God help me!"

Mom:' Dare to fool your mother? God can't save you!

Mom slapped me again.

Mom learns English-Continued 5

Let me ask you one more time. Mom:

Think with your head, what's the use. What do you mean? '

I said,' Use your head and think again.'

Mom:' Go to hell, how dare you fool me? ! Then we must do it again.

I quickly said,' it means that only mothers are good in the world.'

Well, that's more like it! Mom:' I'll make you something to eat later and ask you next time'

I am relieved. ...

Jokes during physical examination (laughing to death)

As soon as one of my colleagues got on the X-ray machine, the doctor shouted to other doctors, "Come on, come on, I've been doing it for 20 years, and today I finally met one-look, the heart is growing on the right!" "

Doctor: "Really ~"

At this time, my colleague turned his head from behind the X-ray machine and asked weakly, "No way, why didn't anyone tell me about Nie?"

"Mama of, who let you turn your back on me? Turn around! " Dizzy! ! !

2. Test your listening. Use headphones to make sounds with different volumes and frequencies, and test whether you can hear them. One of my colleagues can't hear anything. The doctor kept raising the volume, but he still couldn't hear. So the female doctor asked, "Have you ever had sex?" Suddenly, the room was silent ... my colleague blushed and had a thick neck and whispered, "Yes, but what does it matter?" ""Oh, I mean, are you a veteran? "I fainted again ~ ~ ~

Every year, the driver's license has to be reviewed by many nurses in military uniforms. Once a military guard touched my stomach-my liver was full for 3 minutes, and my face turned white with fear, especially fatty liver! The woman chuckled, took off her mask and looked at me with big eyes-it turned out to be one of many MM when I was young. Then we had a meal. She got married, and I drank too much. ...

4, primary school physical examination, another class of students to check the vital capacity, the doctor asked to wipe the mouth with alcohol cotton, referring to the mouth of the machine, as a result, this classmate wiped his mouth. In addition, I heard that the last short classmate stood late, and the first few were all big classmates. When the chest is X-rayed, the doctor works mechanically, one comes up, the light is turned on, and the next one is changed ... When it is his turn, the height of the machine has not changed, and the doctor thinks it is still high. As a result, when turning off the lights, he saw a big skull! Scare herself! !

Once in primary school, I was dizzy by penicillin and fell on the street. After being sent to the emergency room, I was unconscious. At that time, the female doctor pinched my ear with her finger, which was very painful. I thought it was a rescue method such as pinching people, so I silently endured it. As a result, the doctor said, "The child is dying, so he didn't respond when he squeezed it ..." My mother was so scared that she sat on the ground and cried!

6. Before graduating from high school, the teacher informed each student in advance to put their edges in a matchbox and take them to the hospital the next day. A male classmate went to the hospital the next day because he was not in when the teacher informed him. When I got to the gastroenterology department, the doctor gave my classmate a cotton swab and told him to go to the toilet ... It took nearly ten minutes for the classmate to come out of the toilet. The doctor went to the toilet door and asked, "Are you ready?" I only heard the boy inside answer in a very painful voice: "I can't pull it out!" " "At this time, I only saw the female doctor roll their eyes and shouted," Who let you really pull? Just stick a cotton swab in it! "Shit!"

7. A long time ago, one of my classmates stood in line to take X-rays. Suddenly, this guy exclaimed, "Come and see, why are there two steel wires in this guy's chest?" Even when I saw them, I almost fainted. Everyone should know that they are two "steel wires". Then, the X-ray room came out a millimeter, and the guy was still insisting. He greeted him. "Everyone saw two steel wires on your chest, okay?" MM seconds later, it was another slap in the face!

8. In junior high school, one of the physical examinations was color blindness. Take a notebook for example, each page is a pattern made up of small pieces of different colors. I don't know if everyone is the same. Some are numbers, some are stick figures.

. We went up one by one and reported what we saw to the doctor. It's usually nothing serious. After all, we have started physical examination since primary school. As a result, a classmate usually studies super hard. He went up and got a notebook, adjusted his glasses and said something that made us all fall.

"A pile of broken glass."

9. When we were in high school, we once had to have a urine test. We gave everyone a plastic cup and told them to go to the toilet to get some. We all went, and a brother ran away after urinating, cursing "grass, I forgot to pick it up."

10 is also a junior high school listening test. . . The man in our class went up.

The female doctor said that if you hear me, repeat what I said. . He was given two earplugs (for hearing test).

Then tell the guy to stand a few meters away. . The doctor said, "Bring earplugs."

That guy just said. . "Put on earplugs."

The doctor was in a hurry and cried, "Did you hear me when I said to bring earplugs?"

The guy kept shouting, "Did you hear me say put on earplugs?"

Everyone in our queue laughed for a few minutes.

1 1, during the college entrance examination.

Test listening comprehension

The doctor said, "Soviet Union."

The boy replied, "First love."