Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - How can I get married if I don't know?
How can I get married if I don't know?
What do men and women do on their wedding night?
Friend, if you are not married, I don't know if we can understand. If you are married, ask this question. . ?
What are you doing? According to national regulations, the * * * in the bridal chamber does not belong to * * *, and this problem is solved by half. What will be done? According to zoologists, cats will call spring at this time (marriage time is usually in the middle of the night), so if cats call spring, people's learning will be more important, so we think:
One: Blow out the candles to prevent a fire from happening behind. Then firefighters will be sent to break the world between them!
Two: Playing with pig's back daughter-in-law makes your lover more excited at home.
Three: take off your clothes and appreciate each other, because you haven't seen it boldly before, so you can watch it safely at this time!
Four: * * *, this night, what you want most has arrived (I don't have this idea, I suggest you. )
Five: when you're done, give the red color to * * and you can have a rest!
thank you
I don't know what to prepare when I want to get married. What should I do if I get married?
Sweet, eager, expecting, nervous, anxious, busy.
All these mixed emotions make you dizzy.
Now sit down and let's make a countdown plan for the wedding. I believe everything is under control. Answer.
Six months before the wedding, you should do the following eight things: (1) Decide the wedding date. (2) Decide the wedding form and budget.
(3) Draw up the guest list, and you'd better think clearly before screening. (4) Choose the location and photographer of the wedding photos.
(5) Choose dresses or fabrics and listen to the opinions of designers. (6) arrange honeymoon trips. If you need a passport, you should apply now.
(7) Check before marriage, choose a fitness plan for yourself, and make unremitting efforts to exercise for the good feeling at the wedding. (8) Start decorating the new house, which is the place you should pay the most attention to.
B. Five things to do three months before marriage: (1) buy wedding rings and jewelry; (2) Try on the wedding dress. If it doesn't fit, you can change it again.
(3) Choose veil, shoes, bags, wedding cars and other accessories. (4) Do a whole body beauty care and consult what daily maintenance should be done within three months.
(5) Handling honeymoon air tickets or bus tickets C. There are four things to do two months before marriage: (1) Choose a makeup artist and a hair stylist and try on clothes.
(2) take wedding photos. (3) Determine the best man and bridesmaid, and pay attention to unmarried men and women.
(4) Carefully choose several sets of underwear for yourself. d .
1 month ago, you should do four things: (1) Send an invitation to the officiating party. (2) Determine the details of the wedding and think about whether there are any omissions.
(3) Determine the on-site photographer and cameraman, and fully communicate with them. They will create memories of your life. (4) Buy items needed for honeymoon.
E. Two weeks ago, you should do two things: (1) Do all the confirmation work, including: banquet, number of people, on-site photographer, makeup artist and wedding car.
(2) Send an invitation letter to inform the guests to confirm whether to attend. f .
A week ago, you should do three things: (1) get your honeymoon luggage ready. (2) Make sure that a person handles the return of things or check-out after the wedding, and gradually get rid of the role of project manager.
(3) Relax yourself as much as possible. g .
The day before the wedding, you need to do three things: (1) do a hand beauty treatment, and a pair of beautiful hands can bring you unexpected happiness. (2) Take out all the clothes to be worn tomorrow and spread them on the back of the chair.
(3) Eat well and sleep well. h .
On the wedding day, you only need to do one thing, and that is to enjoy every moment! The wording of wedding invitations formal invitations follow a set of fixed wording formats. The more formal the wedding, the more formal the wedding invitation: 1. Full name: No nicknames or abbreviations.
2. Write the order of family members clearly. 3. The word "and" should appear.
4. Write the date, week and time clearly. 5. The year doesn't have to appear on the invitation.
6. Attach the location and time sequence of the wedding banquet to the corner of the invitation or attach another page to the card. Did you hear me clearly? Don't make a mistake! Wedding day is the most important day. The bride must be beautiful, but don't whitewash it too much.
So here we talk about what the bride's beauty needs to pay attention to. First of all, one month before your wedding, you should go to a beautician, ask them to help you choose the cosmetics you need, and ask them to make up for you in advance, so as not to feel that the cosmetics and the effect are not good on the wedding day, and also ask the hairdresser to do your hair first and see the effect.
Then, one week before the wedding, you should take good care of your hands, trim your nails, apply some hand cream every day, apply more before going to bed at night, and wear cotton gloves to sleep, because many people will see your wedding ring on the wedding day, and rough hands will not look good. During this time, you should trim your eyebrows and clean your teeth. If you don't wear high heels often, try them on at home for half an hour every day from now on, otherwise the new shoes will hurt your feet on the wedding day.
On the day before your wedding, you should get a manicure and then apply nail polish. Pay attention to the color of nail polish to match your lipstick, try on clothes and shoes of the same color again, and modify the inappropriate places. On the wedding day, before you go to make up, remember to drop a few drops of eye drops into your eyes, which can make your eyes bright all day. Pay attention to the fact that the oil in the food will melt the lipstick when eating.
As long as you are fully prepared in these places, you can become a beautiful and charming bride! Eight points to pay attention to when choosing bridesmaids. Are you a little depressed about choosing a bridesmaid? Then the following seven factors can make you no longer embarrassed. 1. Family comes first. How is your family relationship? If sisters or aunts are close, why not ask them to be bridesmaids? Don't invite you if you don't return the favor, because someone invited you to the wedding. You must invite her to get married this time.
3, location factor You have to think about what the bridesmaid will do for you. Do you just give you moral support, or do you expect them to be your right-hand man? In the latter case, don't invite friends who live far away or are too busy.
Because they may not be able to help you do these things in time. 4, don't be stingy, don't think that individual friends may not be able to afford a dress and reject them.
If the friends you want to invite happen to be short of money, you can buy them a dress at your own expense. 5. A bridesmaid is not necessarily a woman.
If your best friend is a man, don't immediately list him as an unqualified candidate. At present, many peer teams have members of the opposite sex.
In this case, the man on the bride's side is called the bride's best man and the woman on the bride's side is called the groom's maid of honor. 6. Other things you should also realize that your friends can do other things at your wedding, such as reciting poems, distributing schedules or letting them sing for fun.
7. Release the news Once the list of bridesmaids is confirmed, it can be released. The only bad thing is that invited colleagues take it for granted that they want to be bridesmaids.
Don't worry about hurting her feelings, a sincere friend will eventually understand any decision you make. Once you have made a decision, cross this item off your marriage list. These marriages never seem to be happy.
This task was accomplished by such a project. Remind the groom to wait immediately after getting engaged.
My boyfriend and I are married, and I don't know how to make a bridal chamber (please, teach me).
1. Both parties should take a bath, and of course their private parts should be washed dry. This is the etiquette between husband and wife!
2. Don't be too active for the first time. It is best to be affectionate and silent. Being too active for the first time will make men think that women are not serious.
3. Do some foreplay (that is, kissing and being touched). What women have to do is to cooperate!
4. Generally, men take off your clothes. Of course, you'd better not wear clothes that are too difficult to take off before sex, otherwise the foreplay you just cultivated will be wasted on understanding clothes and you will have no interest in sex! Of course, women still have to cooperate with men's movements. For example, to make it easier for men to undress, they can straighten their hands on their heads.
5. Don't be too nervous and relax. You can cooperate with that person. Generally, the best posture for the first time is: the man is in the upper position (that is, the woman lies on her back, her legs are naturally separated, and her feet are bent to make the * * * somewhat separated, so that the man can enter more easily. If the man is inexperienced, you can guide him in by hand. Of course, it should be noted that you must wait until your ass is wet before letting the man in, otherwise both sides will.
6. When he goes in, if the woman has * * *, she should appropriately call out to encourage the man!
You can learn other skills slowly in the future. Make love!
4. How to get married?
The bridal chamber is not only happy for the family, but also for the relatives and friends who make trouble in the bridal chamber. They are also willing to take the opportunity to make a scene and use all kinds of new tricks to make the bride and groom "sleepy and worried" in distress and distress. The latest trick is to make a scene in the bridal chamber, and the bride and groom took photos. The first trick: On Kibo's wedding day, the bride is dressed thinly, and the guests can try to make the couple fight each other and lose one punch to take off their clothes or jewelry.
The second measure: high-heeled glasses encourage the bride to let the groom try to let him use high heels and drink three cups in a row to show his love for her. The third measure: The Round Table Warrior lets the bride and groom sit on a table with stools and drink concentric wine.
The fourth measure: the apple of love, in order to show lasting love, requires the bride to peel the apple and feed it to the groom, but the apple peel is not allowed to be peeled off. If it is broken, the bride will be punished for kissing the groom for ten minutes. The fifth measure: I want you to look good, let the groom guess what color the bride's wedding night is, and if it is right, the bride will present a treasure, as long as she shows a little, it means that she is right; Guess wrong. I want the groom to run the bridal chamber three times with * * * "Naked".
The sixth trick: the passionate ice cube asks the groom to pick up the bride first. Then, two or three friends will pour the prepared ice cubes into the groom's arms, and then everyone will hug the new couple together, so that the new groom can get enough cold and jump up and down to avoid being too enthusiastic when consummating the house. The seventh trick: ambush on all sides, try to sneak into the bridal chamber in advance, hide in an imperceptible corner or wardrobe, then turn the alarm whistle recorded in advance to the maximum, and let it out at the right time to surprise the couple, while the hidden piles hiding everywhere make trouble in the bridal chamber for a while, and then wish the couple an "early birth".
The eighth trick: Love Balloons Put some balloons under the sheets so that the bride and groom can lie down together to show their loyalty and go to disaster together. The ninth trick: the chocolate cheongsam is put into the bride's cheongsam by the female VIP. "Of course the bride is sitting", and then ask the groom to take all the pieces away, and no one is allowed. Otherwise, the groom needs to retrieve them one by one with his mouth.
Tenth trick: Su Xiang Ke Qiao, a female friend, squeezed a heart-shaped sweet * * on the bride's chest with chocolate juice and then let the groom lick it in public to show her soul mate. Eleventh measure: lock the bridal chamber. Lock the cave door in advance, hide the key somewhere or on a good friend, and then let the groom find it. Every time he can't find it, the bride wants her guests to kiss him once until he finds it.
Twelfth trick: the wrong love crystal deliberately put the borrowed baby on the bed, causing a short misunderstanding. Thirteenth trick: Old love lets the couple repeat the most authentic original scene when they propose marriage in public.
Fourteenth trick: warn the runaway wife to hide the bride somewhere, and then the groom will look for it again until he finds it before being sent to the bridal chamber. Fifteenth measure: the old love is not over, and the new love should tell the number, appearance and history of the past male and female friends respectively, otherwise they are not allowed to share the same bed.
Sixteenth trick: Birthdays (Birthdays) Let the groom guess the correct date of birth of the bride in the lunar calendar, and if it is wrong, make a horse for the bride to ride. The seventeenth trick: speechless, buy "Seeing Jokes" published by Horn Press, and test new people with innovative riddles. If you can't answer, each male guest will kiss the bride for one minute.
The eighteenth trick: compare the game of "gestures" to test the tacit understanding between the two sides. The more embarrassing the question, the better. Like are you still virgins? Her measurements? Do you love me? I wear red today and go to bed at 20 o'clock. You are so beautiful today (without a condom) and so on. The nineteenth trick: the mole of love. It is said that the bride has a mole three centimeters above her navel. I wonder if it's true. Can you ask the groom to unveil the mystery for the bride? The twentieth trick: yesterday, the new couple was asked to repeat the dating scene in front of everyone, including affectionate, cuddling, holding hands and other actions until the guests were satisfied.
Twenty-first trick: the seven-step poem is titled from head to toe and various organs of the body. The two take turns to write poems or words, such as chest: have a well-thought-out plan; The examiner is a guest. If the guest is not satisfied with the answer, you can ask the other person to kiss the part! The 22nd trick: Peppers flying in advance are mixed with fireworks. When the bride and groom enter the bridal chamber, the gunfire is released violently, and the consequences will be cleaned up. Measure 23: The new measure requires the groom to put his arm around the bride's body and cut it three times. Only if it is not bad can he pass the test. Any one of them is wrong, and the groom will be punished for walking around the bridal chamber three times with the bride in his arms.
The 24th trick: protect the flowers with spring mud. In order to show the groom's love for the bride, the groom is required to wrap two people in a big scarf in public and put on simple household clothes for the bride. If the bride dresses abnormally, the groom will be fined three glasses of wine. The 25th trick: The groom should give the wedding candy (soft candy) to the bride with his mouth. A * * * costs 30 yuan. Of course, the groom can help the bride eat. If the groom doesn't eat, other men can take his place! Twenty-sixth trick: Three-inch golden lotus lets the groom guess how many centimeters the bride's feet are. If he guessed wrong, he asked the groom to put on new high heels and walk three times in the bridal chamber.
Twenty-seventh trick: there is love in spring. In order to show that the groom is powerful, he can manage the family in the future. Therefore, the groom is required to carry the bride into the bridal chamber and walk five times on the spring bed. Brides are not allowed to fall. If the groom is weak, another man can take his place. The 28th trick: Pick up the love songs and prepare some sentimental love songs. Guests will take the lead in singing, and then the groom or bride will relay. If you sing wrong or can't sing, the bride will punish the male guests for kissing, and the groom will be fined three glasses of wine, ya! .
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