Are there any funny jokes? I'm in a bad mood and want to see it ~

1. One night, a naked man called a taxi and the female driver stared at him intently. The naked man was furious and roared: You have never seen a naked man! The female driver was also furious: I see where the fuck you lost! 2. Boyfriend and girlfriend sleep in the same room, and the woman draws a clear line: animals cross the line. Woke up and found that the man really didn't cross the line, and the woman slapped the man hard: you are not even as good as an animal! 3. One day, I met a foreign guest. He said, I'm Hong, and the foreign guest said, I'm Fang Qi! Zaizai was repaired by his father. He went to his mother to complain: "Mom, what would you do if someone hit your son?" Mom: "I want to avenge his son!" " "Aberdeen:" ... "5. An old lady can't read, but she likes listening to the radio. The weather forecast must be listened to every day. One day at dinner, I asked my family, "I have a question." Do you know where it is? It rains there almost every day. "6. A little mouse on the cliff waved its short front paws and jumped down again and again, trying to learn to fly. The mother bat next to her looked at it and said anxiously, Dad, don't tell it, it's not ours! 7. My friends and I went to the top of Mount Tai to watch the sunrise. A friend pointed to the sky and said, "I see it!" " "I also saw it! "At this time, someone came out with trousers in the distance and scolded:" See it when you see it! "What are you yelling about!" 1. Ghost: God, I want to be as white as an angel and have wings in my next life, but I still want to suck blood. God: Then reincarnate as a nurse. 2. A friend sold popsicles in the park for the first time, so he was embarrassed to shout. Then suddenly someone shouted "sell popsicles ~ ~ ~ sell popsicles ~ ~". Hearing this, my friend shouted happily, "Me too ~ ~ Me too ~ ~". Ants and elephants died soon after they got married. While burying the elephant, the ant wept bitterly: "Dear, why did you leave so early?" I will bury you if I don't do anything else in my life! " "4. If your boy has a crush on a girl, you dare to ask her what kind of boy she likes. The girl answered, and even asked several times, the answer was the same. The boy was discouraged and said, "How about a flat head? "One day, I was out of breath to catch the last bus and shouted: Master! Master, wait for me ~ Suddenly a passenger poked his head out of the window and said to me slowly, Wukong, stop chasing. One day, I took part in a test, and one of the questions was to guess the name of a bird by looking at its legs. A student really couldn't understand it, so he tore up the paper in a rage and was ready to leave the examination room. The invigilator was very angry and asked him, "What class are you in? What's your name? " A student lifted his trouser legs and said, "You guess, you guess. "7. After the performance of the beautiful Mongolian actress, the leader came to the stage to receive her, and then her hand asked her if she was cold or warm. She refused to let go for a long time and kindly asked, what's your name? The actress replied excitedly, "Mara Gabe Matsumoto". 8. A man bought a parrot that can only speak two words. One day, when the master was not at home, a ventilator knocked at the door. Parrot: Who is it? A: Parrot breathes: Who is it? Answer: gas converter ... the owner was lying at the door when he came home. The master wants to know who it is. Inside the door: gas exchanger 9. A man saw a pile of things on the road, squatted down to smell it, said it might be poop, touched it with his hand and licked it in his mouth. It was really poop, but fortunately he didn't step on it! ~ 10. The doctor asked the patient how the fracture happened. A: I thought there was sand in my shoes, so I shook my shoes with a telephone pole, and I shook them ... A man thought I was electrocuted, so he picked up a wooden stick and gave me two. 1 1. A professor is giving a lecture on the spot: "Don't be afraid of being dirty in scientific research. . . "Then he squatted down, poked the cow dung on the ground with his finger, and then put his finger in his mouth and licked it clean. A classmate quickly said, "I'm not afraid of being dirty." . . "Then I poked the cow dung on the ground with my finger and licked it in my mouth. Professor: "Besides, I should be good at observation. I just poked dung with my middle finger, but I licked my index finger. . . "12. In a public toilet, Mr. A was constipated and couldn't pull it out for a long time. Then another man, Mr. B, rushed in, just squatted down and pulled happily. After listening, Mr. A said, "Dude, I really envy you. You are so happy." Mr. B said, "What is there to envy? I haven't taken off my pants yet ... "65438+ stop!" The pedestrians stopped in a daze. But a gentleman rode so badly that he knocked down a pedestrian. Pedestrians got up and got angry: "You told me to stop! You have a good aim, don't you! " 14. Beautiful sister, 2 years old. One day, I called her mother and the little guy answered the phone. Out of courtesy, I also want to say hello to her. "Honey, where's mom?" "Go to Huaguoshan!" "..." "Honey, what are you doing?" "Aunt, you are so funny. I'm not calling you! " My colleague's son, 4 years old. Classic sentence: "When I was young ..."15. There was a car accident on the expressway-a turtle trampled a cow to death. The police are investigating the cause of the accident and say, snail: How did the tortoise hit you? The lying cow in plaster recalled sadly: I don't remember, he was too fast! 16. A polar bear stayed in a daze on the ice, and when he was really bored, he began to pull out his own hair, one ... one ... one ... one ... one ... one ... one ... one ... ............... When she comes back from kindergarten, her mother often asks her, "Beauty, did anyone call you that today?" The little girl sighed: "I guess they see me too much, so they think I'm not beautiful." 18. A couple gave birth to a little boy after contraceptive failure. When the baby was born, he clenched his fist and kept laughing. The nurse broke his fist and found birth control pills in it. Then the little boy said, "It's not that easy for you two to kill me, hahahaha …"19. Two people went to the mountains to play. I only heard the person who fell answer "I don't know, I'm still falling ~ ~ ~" 20. I also stood up. A man was riding a bicycle with his hands on his chest. A traffic policeman saw it and said, "Good palms!" " The man replied, hello, comrades! 2 1. The monkey asked the fox how to describe the elephant's fart with a song. The fox said: Ku Kuiji's Ant said: "Fuck, I thought it was a power train." : when > yes. "22. The two brothers were chased by tigers, and the younger brother couldn't run any further, so he said," Brother, let's stop running and kill this beast. "Brother said," Don't talk nonsense, I can't run it, just run past you. "23. Noodles were beaten by steamed bread. I asked my cousin for instant noodles for revenge. When I saw the bean bag, the instant noodles were beaten to pieces. When I came back, I said to the noodles, don't worry, I beat the shit out of it. 24. A fashionable woman got on the bus and saw that the seat was empty, so she took out a tissue and wiped it for a while. Just about to sit down, she accidentally farted. A man next to her smiled and said, "I'm Kao Hua, and I have to blow it when I finish cleaning it." "25. Penguins are bored, so they want to go to the North Pole to play with polar bears. I have been walking for many years, and it's almost time. Suddenly, they remembered that the gas at home was not turned off, so they returned and walked and left. Come out and play! Polar bear:-No more playing. 26. In junior high school, a math teacher talked about equation transformation. On the podium, he rolled up his sleeves and shouted: Attention, students! I'm going to change! ...... 27. A judge squinted and tried three suspects, A, B and C, in one day. The judge said to A, "Did you steal anything? "B replied," No, "and the judge was very angry." I didn't ask you. "I didn't say anything," C. 28 said. On the plane, the crow said to the stewardess, "Give me a glass of water", and the pig said to the stewardess, "Give me a glass of water, too!" After hearing this, the stewardess threw the crow and the pig out of the plane together. The crow smiled and said to the pig, "Don't be silly, I can fly ~ ~ ~ 29. A rabbit walks into a shop and asks the boss, do you have any carrots here? The wife said: no, after a while, the rabbit asked again, do you sell carrots here? The boss impatiently said no! After a while, the rabbit asked again, and the boss finally couldn't bear it: if you make trouble again, I'll cut your ear off with scissors!