Why don't some parents pay attention to their children's depression?

According to the incomplete statistics of the World Health Organization, there are currently 350 million people suffering from depression in the world. Among them, China has the largest population and the largest number of people suffering from depression, with nearly 90 million people suffering from depression.

The only difference is that northern Europeans take medicine, while China people choose to ignore or insist. We have never faced up to depression.

Why doesn't China take depression seriously?

"I will behave like a normal person and hide in the corner when I am sick, otherwise you think we are' melodramatic'. Don't worry, I won't let you find out that I have depression. "

In recent decades, the history of depression in China is very complicated. In the past, mental, psychological and emotional diseases did not exist, and people could not even understand that besides physical diseases, psychology would also get sick. Foreign psychiatry is strongly questioned, and mental illness is considered as the consequence of capitalism.

China people will only bury, deny and ignore their feelings. Therefore, the parents' generation only knew their physical symptoms, such as insomnia, headache, low back pain and so on. And entrust them to folk circulation and traditional therapy, and even deify them, pray to God and pray for improvement. They don't directly express their inner feelings and emotions.

The cognitive gap between parents and children can no longer be bridged. Apart from depression, many needs, emotional expressions and corrective debates do not exist. The older generation only cares about whether they are respected and respected, and the performance of these compliance is "always follow their own wishes." Based on their growth experience, education level and social background, their understanding of the boundaries between seniority, filial piety, collective and individual, and their acceptance of new things are hard to change, which makes it difficult for them to communicate smoothly with the next generation and understand their feelings and emotional expressions.

So, we are very unhappy.

From a psychological point of view, many psychological problems come from inner disapproval. Things that have become a fact, the more you resist, the more you escape, and the farther away from happiness, the worse your psychological feelings. Accepting the facts and releasing emotions are the antidote to psychological problems.

In the generation that joined their parents, some people suffered from depression, and their grandparents will certainly know them less and label them with various negative labels: timid, introverted, unable to speak and unable to work. ...

Today's parents are actually victims, but they just don't know how to treat their children better and how to make them feel happy. Because intergenerational transmission, no reflection, no growth, the next generation will suffer the same pain.

For details, please refer to WeChat @ Yang Jing Psychology "Why do China people turn pale when they talk about depression, especially when they hear their own children? 》

yj-stu

For this problem, I think the bigger reason is: insufficient understanding of depression.

In life, many people don't have a clear concept of depression and don't know the harm of depression. Even if some children get depression, parents seldom think about it. Some parents don't care much even if they are diagnosed with depression by professional institutions or experts, because they don't know how much influence depression has on people.

For example, when you face a poisonous snake, you don't know it is a poisonous snake, so you think it is as harmless as the snake you usually see. Even if it bites you, you won't care, and you won't rush to the hospital, because you don't know that it is a poisonous snake and don't understand its toxicity. If you know that this snake is highly toxic, you will go to the hospital to inject the corresponding serum as soon as possible.

Similarly, if parents understand and know that depression is a disease, just like a human body disease, it is a normal disease, then they will pay attention to it. Even if they don't pay attention to it, at least they can treat depression as a disease, rather than what we call "acting" and "melodramatic".

If parents cognitively treat depression as a disease, then if a child has depression, they will know that the child is sick and needs care and care, instead of treating the child as a healthy person.

Even if parents think that no matter how humiliating the disease is, no matter how humiliating it is, I believe parents are more inclined to care about their children's physical and mental health than their children's health.

Therefore, I think that the biggest reason why some parents don't pay attention to their children's depression lies in their ignorance of psychological knowledge and depression. It is not a question of "face" or lack of money for treatment, because the attitude towards children's depression has nothing to do with money. If you don't have money, you don't have to go to the hospital or seek treatment from a psychological counselor, but it doesn't affect parents' understanding and companionship with their children.

If you want to take it seriously, you must first know what depression is. For a long time, China people only cared about their physical health, knowing that they would go to the hospital when they were sick, but they never cared about their mental state, just thinking too much.

People will use "mental illness" to refer to some people with mental illness, and of course it is also used to call names. But in fact, "mental illness" and "mental illness" are different. "Neuropathy" refers to an organic disease that occurs in the peripheral nervous system. "Mental illness" refers to the clinical manifestations of mental activities such as cognition, emotion, will and behavior caused by brain dysfunction under the influence of various biological, psychological and social environmental factors.

How can China people who don't even understand the most basic concepts expect them to take their children's depression seriously?

Why did the girl's family take her to Daxian, but didn't remember to take her to the doctor? Because in China people's consciousness, only when there is something wrong with their health will they think of going to the hospital. Emotional problems are not a problem, just self-regulation.

This happened ten years ago. Compared with the public's current understanding of depression, the awareness at that time was lower.

Although these parents don't understand depression, they are good at accepting other people's opinions and are willing to cooperate when they are helpless.

The biggest fear is that parents are still desperately denying that their children's problems are serious.

Such parents are the most terrible. They risked their children's suicide and refused to admit that they had depression, because if they did, they would prove the failure of their education, which they could not bear and face.

Depressed children are full of pain and despair, and their parents who can't understand and refuse to take them seriously deeply hurt their fragile hearts.

Just like the child who was slapped by her parents mentioned in the last article, even though she finally got rid of depression, she still bears a grudge against her father. Because she was so fragile and helpless at that time, that slap made her unable to let go.

Ten years ago, depression was unknown to ordinary people.

Ten years later, with the overwhelming news and publicity, almost everyone has a smart phone, and it is very convenient to obtain information, but has people's concept changed?

I hope this tragedy won't happen again!

To look at this problem from multiple angles, depressed children are uncomfortable and parents are also very sad:

First, parents don't pay attention to it, but they don't know how to treat it. Children are the pride of their parents, and they would rather bear the pain of their children themselves, and their work lacks relevant psychological knowledge;

Second, some parents think that depression is not a big problem. They always comment on children from their own point of view, thinking that children can't endure hardships, so they can survive hardships, while children feel sorry for themselves for a little problem;

Third, the feelings of depressed children, they look down on themselves very much, even if they are given care and support, they will not understand, no matter what their parents do;

Fourth, because of face, parents think that their children's depression is a mental illness and worry that people around them will point fingers.

In short, depression should not be underestimated, regardless of adults and children, it must be taken seriously.

Why don't many parents take depression seriously? As far as the current situation is concerned, ignorance and unwillingness to understand depression are the main reasons.

The main reason for not understanding depression is that psychology is not popular enough. When psychology just recovered, everyone didn't realize the importance of popularization. Now they realize that it will be popularized, but some people don't take it seriously. Many people think that psychology graduates can be popularized, but it turns out that popularization is the most difficult, and it should be easy to understand and cover knowledge points. Graduates without practical experience can only follow the book at most, which can not achieve the expected results; The authorities are too busy with teaching to popularize it; Some media reports are taken out of context and irresponsibly stigmatize psychological problems ... all of which are the reasons why psychology is not popular enough at present. Because it is not popular, naturally there are so many people who don't understand depression.

At the same time, some parents don't want to know, thinking that "it's no big deal", "just sleep", "what's wrong with the child" and "thinking too much" ... all kinds of incorrect attitudes exist.

It is also a reason that people often lack the patience to face their loved ones. This may be the most serious family problem in the mainland at present-trying to please the outside world and establish your own image; Lack of patience at home hurts each other.

The reasons for not taking it seriously may be as follows-

1 I don't understand.

I don't understand the common sense of depression and the actual needs of children, and mistakenly think that children are just fragile but not strong.

2. fear.

I am afraid that my child's illness will bring shame or stigma, and I can't face it. I am also afraid to face my guilt and powerlessness.

Only when parents fully understand their children can they fully support them.

Children's symptoms will promote parents' growth.

A shameful father, a shameful mother.

Suffering from depression is not terrible, but the stigma and shame of depression.

In the crowd, 90% people think that depression is not a disease. We often hear the saying, "XXX is so much worse than you, and you are not depressed." How can you be depressed? " . "Cheer up, it's no big deal, there is no hurdle." "You want to be depressed, aren't you doing it?"

The stigma of depression is essentially that depression is not a disease at all.

As we all know, due to the historical culture and understanding of the nature of the disease, the public often holds an exclusive attitude towards mental patients.

A survey on American public's attitude towards patients with mental illness shows that in the sample of 1444, 63% of the respondents are unwilling to associate with schizophrenics, and 47% refuse to associate with patients with depression.

Shame is a negative emotional experience shown by mental patients, and now it has spread to people around. Include social stereotypes, prejudice and discrimination.

China people's "face" and China's traditional contempt for mental illness make the experience of shame more intense.

Shame is reflected in all people to varying degrees.

Therefore, stigma and shame have caused harm to patients with depression. Without exception, they are ashamed of their illness, which makes them fall into heavy self-blame, regard their illness as a shame and have no chance to breathe.

When this re-injury comes from the person closest to you, its lethality is fatal to people with depression.

However, the most ridiculous thing is that this kind of injury often comes from the people closest to you.

Although people with depression don't want to face it, they have to admit that it is their parents who hurt them the most.

When hedgehogs hold a group to keep warm.

? Interpret emotions and analyze him?

~ Zhao Xiaoming Psychological Team Hai Xia

Parents like to use our time very much. At that time, we didn't have these to prevaricate questions that we didn't understand.

Mainly from their ignorance of mental illness and lack of knowledge.

First of all, depression is mostly manifested as depression, doing nothing, eating, studying, working and socializing.

In the eyes of parents, this is not a disease, but a child who is lazy and makes excuses. My parents went through that hard time and felt that they were decadent people and social moths if they didn't work hard and shout slogans.

Secondly, parents have limited knowledge of people all their lives and feel that there is no such person around them. If you don't understand, look at depressed children with your own shallow and ignorant eyes.

I think they are moaning and moaning, and they are not strong at all. Parents don't understand that this mental illness can't heal itself. If you don't comfort yourself, adjust your mood and be comforted by others, you can get better.

However, parents of this age feel that their knowledge is not low, and they don't want to listen to scientific explanations, thinking that these are all deceptive. I don't want to believe in science and think that hospitals are cheating money. Therefore, we are more stubborn to resist treatment and point the finger at the "disappointing" children.

I don't know my stubbornness, selfishness, prejudice and narrowness, which hurt my children.

Yi Xin Yi Yi Zhu Bituan

Answer 1

Francesca:

Many parents in China think that depression means thinking too much and being too sentimental. They think that their symptoms are simply looking for trouble and ignoring their children's mental health, which has caused irreparable consequences with development.

In the real society, especially in China, where psychological problems are not widely valued, when children are diagnosed with depression, many parents in China do not take depression seriously, which can be analyzed from three aspects.

1. Different life experiences lead to a cognitive generation gap.

Both parents have had experiences that their children have never had, and these experiences have formed their basic cognition of happiness: the satisfaction of material needs. In their view, today's children are the happiest generation, and their material conditions and living environment are getting better and better, which will not be related to depression in any case.

2. People lack a correct understanding of mental illness in the big environment.

According to the survey data report, the number of people with depression in China has reached 90 million, but many people have insufficient understanding of depression and it is difficult to treat it.

According to statistics, the recognition rate and effective treatment rate of depression in China are less than 10%. Most patients with depression go to various non-psychiatric departments for medical treatment and examination, or even have no medical treatment at all, which indirectly leads to some negative behaviors such as suicide. Coupled with the lack of professional psychiatric medical resources in China, it shows that people in the big environment do not seem to pay much attention to depression, and parents will of course be affected by the big environment. When children seek help and express their pain, they will feel that they are "melodramatic" and will not face up to depression.

3. Parents' sense of shame about depression

According to the online questionnaire survey initiated by the World Psychiatric Association, more than 80% of the respondents think that they are prone to depression. At the same time, more than 45% netizens said that they would "not see a doctor" when suffering from depression; More than 36% people choose to go to a "general hospital, diagnosed by a general practitioner"; Less than 18% people choose to go to a special mental hospital. From this, we can see that many people have an "avoidance" mentality towards mental illness, and many people have a "sense of shame" towards depression. Therefore, many parents in China feel embarrassed and ashamed when they are exposed that they or their children suffer from depression, which has been explained.

About the author: Francesca, after zero zero, is studying applied psychology, and likes to observe and analyze things around her, hoping that psychology can be widely valued and applied by the public.

Answer 2

Song Yang:

Children are parents' unconscious, and children will certainly inherit or inherit their parents' things. Parents don't take depression seriously, which is largely a manifestation of "because they can't see themselves, they can't see their children". It can also be said that parents can't face the heavy burden that they can't feel but exist, so they avoid it.

From the perspective of social changes, there are obvious differences between parents' times and contemporary young people or children. It can also be said that each era has its own characteristics. Times are different, and the potential requirements of society for this group of people are obviously different.

For example, when our country's economic development is relatively backward, we will attach importance to economic development. When the economy develops to a certain extent, such as now, it begins to emphasize the construction and continuation of spiritual aspects such as culture and inheritance. From this change alone, the focus of the first group of people is "bread" and the focus of the second group is "spirit".

Depression is a mental or internal state change. For the first batch of people who value "bread", there is a pre-existing difficulty in understanding it. This is a chain reaction, and social changes will also affect the shape of the relationship. A person's energy is always limited, so the first group of people spent a lot of time and energy on getting bread, and little energy on "spirit".

Parents should treat their children's depression "seriously" on the basis of understanding "what is this". The premise of understanding is spiritual encounter, which is simply "I can understand you", which depends on the need to invest energy in your inner truth (including feelings and thoughts). People who focus on bread experience relatively little time, making it difficult to understand. Rather than saying that parents don't take depression seriously, it is better to say that they rarely experience it themselves and are too busy to realize what is going on.

About the author: Song Yang, a national second-class psychological counselor (psychoanalysis direction), has signed a contract as a psychological counselor wholeheartedly, and now works as a psychological counselor in the psychological department of a mental hospital. Personal motto: Pain is a personal beacon.

Answer 3

Fiji mulberry:

On the one hand, most parents know nothing about depression, which is closely related to the education and knowledge level of the previous generation. Even many elderly people will think that depression or other mental diseases are "rich diseases", and people with superior living conditions will begin to "melodramatic".

Parents' lack of knowledge about depression can change their views by giving them popular science knowledge. It is effective to show parents popular science videos about depression or take them to lectures on depression.

On the other hand, based on the differences in growing years, the "generation gap" is relatively large, and it is difficult for parents to replace their children's roles to feel the pressure they bear.

For example, adolescent depression is mostly related to school bullying and domestic violence. Parents may think that all children on campus will not have so many dark sides and will be isolated at most. In fact, the actual situation is much more serious than they thought, and the malice between children is not less than that between adults.

On the family side, the most common thought of parents is "We all grew up like this, why can't you accept it?" In fact, this kind of "all grew up in this way" should be compared with peers with the same background, and cannot be copied to the next generation in the way that the previous generation grew up.

Regarding the misunderstanding caused by the generation gap, parents can communicate more to enhance understanding, and communication is the first step to open the door to understanding.

About the author: Fei, study applied psychology, author of psychological science popularization. May words and communication open the window of the soul and bring sunshine and warmth to more people.

1, lack of knowledge about depression. Many parents have never been exposed to the popularization of basic knowledge of mental health, and even have never used depression in their lives. I have contacted some of these parents and told them that their children may have depression. He asked me: What is depression?

2. Parents are lucky. I think the child's "depression" is only temporary, and it will be fine after a while. Many people who develop severe depression in the later stage are for this reason.

3. The disaster caused by "face". Our cultural legend is that our faces are beautiful, and there is also a saying that "it's a shame to wash our dirty linen in public". We think this is a "dirty laundry" after depression, and we dare not show it to the doctor, let alone let our relatives and neighbors know.

4. Economic pressure. Relatively speaking, the recovery period of depression is longer and more economic investment is needed.

To sum up, according to the observation of consultation in recent two years, there are more and more data of patients with depression, and the popularization of mental health knowledge is imminent, especially for parents. Only by understanding the psychological development law and psychological needs of children at different stages can we better accompany children to grow up.

Thank you. I'm Zhong Haijing, the teacher of Qidu.