An interesting travel story

A. Mark Twain's humorous short stories

Mark Twain is in France.

Mark Twain, a famous American writer, traveled in France. Once he went to Dijon by train. He was tired that afternoon and wanted to sleep, so he asked the conductor to wake him up when the train arrived in Dijon. But first he explained that he was a sleeper. "Maybe I will protest loudly when you wake me up, but in any case, just ignore me and push me out of the car."

Mark Twain went to bed. I woke up in the middle of the night and the train had arrived in Paris. He immediately realized that the conductor had forgotten to let him off at Dijon. He was so angry that he found the conductor and shouted at him. "I have never been so angry in my life!"

The conductor looked at him calmly and said, "Compared with the American who got off the train in Dijon, your fire is not half as big as his."

Looking for a ticket

Mark Twain, a famous American writer, is famous for being absent-minded. One day, the conductor asked him for a ticket, but Mark Twain searched his pockets, but he couldn't find it. The conductor recognized him and comforted Mark Twain.

"It doesn't matter. If you can't find it, it doesn't matter. "

"alas! Why don't you get in the way? I must find this damn ticket, otherwise how will I know where to go! "

Mark Twain's Statement

When Mark Twain answered a reporter's question at a reception, he said, "Some members of the US Congress are dogs." The reporter told the public what he said, and lawmakers in Washington insisted that Mark Twain leave a message in the newspaper to apologize. Mark Twain wrote this revelation:

"I once spoke at a banquet, saying that some members of Congress are dogs. After careful consideration, I think this statement is inappropriate and untrue. The special issue stated that my words were revised as follows: Some members of the US Congress are not dogs. "

Books and lawn mowers

Once, Mark Twain borrowed a book from his neighbor, and the neighbor said, "Yes, yes. But I made it a rule that books borrowed from my library must be read on the spot. "

A week later, the neighbor borrowed a lawn mower from Mark Twain. Mark Twain smiled and said, "Sure, no problem. But I made a rule: the lawn mower borrowed from my house can only be used on my lawn. "

Mark Twain and the Pastor

There is a priest preaching at the forum. Mark Twain hated it so much that he wanted to play a joke on him.

"Reverend, your speech was really wonderful, except that I once read it in a book, and everything you said was on it."

Hearing this, the priest replied unhappily, "My speech is by no means plagiarism!" " "

"But that book is verbatim."

"Then lend me that book." The priest said helplessly.

So, a few days later, the priest received a book from Mark Twain-a dictionary!

rain

One day, Mark Twain and a friend came out of the church. It was raining outside.

"Do you think the rain will stop?" The friend asked.

Mark Twain looked up at the sky and replied, "It has stopped before."

Keep calm in times of danger.

Once, a new tenant came to Mark Twain's apartment, and they paid a special visit to their new neighbor the day after they moved in. Courtesy is reciprocated. It stands to reason that Mark Twain and his wife should pay a return visit as soon as possible, but it is either for this or that. This matter dragged on day by day and has never been done. Finally, one morning, Mark Twain saw from the window that the house next door was on fire and the fire was burning upstairs. He hurriedly ran to knock at the door. When their neighbors came out to open the door, he said:

"I'm very sorry, I shouldn't visit you at this inappropriate time and disturb your breakfast. Please forgive me. But I have something to tell you-there is a fire upstairs. "

B. An interesting foreign movie about a family traveling in a caravan. That's hilarious. I forgot my name. Please give me some advice! thank you

Recreational vehicle

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C. Travel humorous stories of foreign celebrities

Sell pens

The great writer Hugo once traveled abroad to the border. The gendarme wanted to check the registration and asked him, "Name? Genus "

"Hugo." "What do you do?"

"writing." "What do you do?"

"pen."

So the gendarmerie wrote in the register: "Name: Hugo; Occupation: selling pens. "

Magpie pie

On one occasion, the British satirist jonathan swift went on a trip and stayed in an inn. The hostess who recognized him was bent on pleasing the celebrity.

He went up to him and asked him enthusiastically what he wanted for dinner: "Would you like some pulp pie? Or gooseberry pie? Or plum pie, grape pie, cherry pie ... "

"Anything but a chirping magpie, madam." Swift interrupted her.

Eve tasted the forbidden fruit.

When the Pope's ambassador went to France, the future Pope Pope John XXIII (1881-1963) was also invited to France.

Attend a banquet. At the party, a lady who wore too many topless clothes happened to sit next to Pope John XXIII, but he just pretended not to.

Pay attention to this lady's dress. When dessert came, he picked a red apple and handed it to the lady, but she politely refused.

"Please have a taste, madam." He advised, "Eve didn't know she was naked until she ate the forbidden fruit.

Physical. "

D. What interesting stories did you meet during your trip?

That is to know a very interesting friend. I think every time I communicate with him, I will be very happy and fun.

E. Introduction to humorous stories

Humorous and funny tour guide's words one

Dear friends:

Hello everyone!

There is a song called "Go home often", and there is a desire to go out often. To put it bluntly, it is tourism.

I stayed in the city for a long time, listening to the noise, inhaling tail gas, busy with housework and work, eating and drinking Lazar every day. It can be said that my heart is broken, my mouth is worn out, and my body is almost exhausted! (Laughter).

Therefore, we should often travel, go to bigger cities, go to Tieling, cultivate our sentiments in the green mountains and green waters, and broaden our horizons in historical cities. What is the most important thing in life, not money, not power, I personally think it is health and happiness! Do you agree? (Everyone understands)

When traveling, you must find a travel agency. It is convenient and economical to go out with the travel agency.

But to find a good travel agency, it is best to meet a good tour guide, and a good tour guide can bring you a pleasant trip. Everyone agrees!

But to find a good tour guide, it is best to find a female tour guide. In the green mountains and green waters, there is also a lady who has opened a companion. What a wonderful feeling! Everyone agrees! (Laughter).

But it is better to find a male tour guide than a female tour guide. A strong male tour guide can not only be a tour guide for you, but also be a half bodyguard. If there is an emergency, we will pick it up and leave.

It is better to find a versatile male tour guide than a male tour guide;

It is better to find a versatile male tour guide who can sing and dance.

It is better to find a versatile and eloquent male tour guide than to find a versatile and eloquent male tour guide.

It is better to find a versatile, articulate and well-proportioned male tour guide than to find a versatile, articulate and well-proportioned male tour guide;

Looking for a versatile, articulate and well-proportioned male tour guide, it is better to find a versatile, articulate, well-proportioned and handsome male tour guide!

Do you know how many tour guides there are in China? I tell you, there are 350,000 tour guides in China.

But among these 350,000 tour guides, there are 250,000 female tour guides and only 65,438+10,000 male tour guides.

Among the 654.38 million+male tour guides, only 654.38 million+male tour guides can be called generalists.

1000 among the versatile male tour guides, 1000 can be called versatile and can sing and dance well.

Among 1000 all-round male tour guides who can sing and dance, 100 male tour guides are all-round, good at singing and dancing, and articulate.

This 100 versatile, eloquent male tour guide can be called a versatile, eloquent and well-proportioned male tour guide.

This 10 male tour guide is versatile, good at singing and dancing, eloquent and well-proportioned, and can be called 1.

Among the 300 thousand tour guides, it is very unlikely that we can meet so many talented, good at singing and dancing, eloquent, well-proportioned and handsome male tour guides when we go out.

But today, you are lucky! (Everyone is in an uproar and then laughs.)

I find my friends are very smart now! Next, I will introduce myself.

F. What are the most interesting cultural stories you heard during your trip?

The reason is that the most interesting story I have ever heard is the story of a shepherd boy pointing out Xinghua Village.

G. Warm or interesting stories encountered during the journey

Where is it?

H. I need some stories and jokes from the station wagon. Help me! Thank you!

A female ghost farted to death. Why do mice like to count meters? Because Mickey Mouse's ants have black teeth. This is because of ants. Hey, a man invited a guest to tea. As there was no tea, he borrowed it from his neighbor's house. For a long time, the neighbors didn't send it, and the water was boiled, so I didn't bring it. No choice but to continue to add cold water to the pot. After a long time, the pot was full of water, and finally the tea was not delivered. The wife said to her husband, "You can't drink tea. Let him take a bath."

Tell me an interesting story about your trip?

After coming back from Qinghai, I took the train for about 20 hours. I should have fallen asleep in Hebei and got off at Henan. Fortunately, the old man next door stopped me and said, "Girl, this is Henan, aren't you from Hebei?"

J. stories about travel

The chance to meet her was very accidental.

Soon after graduation, several animals in the dormitory came on a trip.

The target is Hailing Island.

After a long journey, you must find a suitable hotel.

After all, the seaside? I just want a room facing the sea and in full bloom in spring.

I forgot which APP it was. Anyway, it's either Ctrip or Meituan. ...

I saw a holiday apartment in qi zhou with a sea view, and the price was not bad.

At that time, the standard room was about 100 yuan. ...

Just about to make a reservation, the animal on the upper berth said to make a reservation at the hotel first.

It's right to think about it.

When I saw this place and thought it was ok, I was going to the front desk to ask if there were any vacant rooms.

Then I saw a group of young ladies arguing at the front desk.

I saw her at a glance, super sweet! ! !

There are only four of them, but she wants to live in a villa.

Others think it's too expensive. Just stay in the standard room. Anyway, you can see the sea.

Suddenly I couldn't control myself.

In a few cattle surprised eyes walked over and said

Sister, why don't we spell a villa?

There are four of you, four of us and eight people, which is about 20 1 person.

No, no, let's stay in the standard room.

Several young ladies were obviously frightened by me.

I immediately realized what I was doing. .....

Then I took out my student ID card. ......

That's right. Student ID! ! ! !

Classmate! ! You misunderstood! ! ! We also want to live in a villa. ......

We are all students with limited budgets! ! ! We are not bad people! ! I get a scholarship every year! ! !

Maybe my later behavior was so grandiose that I amused them. Maybe they really think I didn't.

Other intentions

Finally, I finally got what I wanted.

When I paid, I used the opportunity of transfer to secretly add it to her WeChat.

We split up during the day.

Chat with her on WeChat during the day at night.

Let's go out for a drink

And then it was like this for three or four days.

Until one time I felt cold behind me and looked back. ....

(′? Д? Three small animals and three other little sisters followed us.

I grabbed her hand and ran away. After running for a long time, we got rid of them, and the two of us sat on the ground silly.

laugh

Then I asked her to be together, and I approved it.

In the next few days, our two groups will act together.

Now think about it! Hailing Island! Great!

If we can finally be together, we will definitely come to Hailing Island again and stay in the sea view room again.