Hoo ~ looking for a joke ~

Two loving corn kernels decided to get married, but there was no bride at the wedding. The groom asked a popcorn that he always carried with him. Popcorn said shyly, bah, people are wearing wedding dresses!

Colleagues go to other places on business, and local colleagues are very hospitable. That night, they held a banquet in a private room in characteristic hotel.

The wind. After sitting down, a dozen men and women have been chatting, and only one person is ordering. Click and ask everyone.

Opinion: "The order is ready. Is there anything else to add? "

In this case, in Beijing, we usually ask the young lady to quote the name of the dish she ordered. So a Beijing resident

The buddy said, "Miss, report."

Miss saw his one eye, nothing happened.

"Miss, report it!" Dude, it's a little urgent.

Miss face flushed, still nothing happened.

"What? Let you report that you didn't hear it? " Dude, it's really urgent.

A female colleague hurriedly dozen circle field: "Miss, you have to report one by one, ah. ?

The young lady mumbled something and asked, "So, so ... is it okay to hold a woman instead of a man?"

"poof!" A female colleague just took a long sip of tea and sprayed it all on the person in front. A dozen people laughed and did it.

Miss Qun, I'm at a loss.

It's time to serve Let's have a mixed face lift first. A large plate of lapis lazuli was served, followed by several dishes of ingredients and sauces.

Son or something Miss didn't pay attention when serving, and a drop of sauce spilled on a buddy's pants. That friend

It was also a deliberate ridicule, pretending to be unhappy and asking the young lady, "What should I do?"

The young lady said calmly, "Whatever you want."

"What do you say?"

"What do you want to do?"

"What do you usually do here?"

"Why don't I help you?"

"Very good."

I saw the lady holding chopsticks in one hand and chopsticks in the other, and quickly poured several dishes of ingredients and sauces on the rapier.

hand

Spoon, just brush it a few times and mix it. Then he said to his buddy, "Sir, you can eat."

Yes "

My buddy stared at the plate for a long time without saying anything, and another colleague told the lady for him.

Say "thank you".

The main course is served-roast leg of lamb, a big plate of meat bones and a plate of salt and pepper. A Beijing buddy loves this.

Mouth,

You're welcome to grab a leg of lamb, click it is a bite, eat it loudly. Miss a look and said

Way:

"Sir, this should be dipped."

The elder brothers looked puzzled at the young lady and then at the local colleagues. My local colleague said, "Dip it.

Eat better. "

The buddy then stood up with a leg of lamb and clicked again.

The young lady hurried over and asked, "Do you need anything, sir?"

"ah? No. "

"Then please sit down and eat."

The buddy sat down and muttered, looking at everyone, lost. Carefully put the leg of lamb in your mouth.

Edge, bite carefully.

The young lady added, "Sir, you should dip this."

Buddy stood up, waved a leg of lamb and shouted angrily, "You have to eat standing and sitting."

Eat, how to eat! ? "

The table is full and the leaders are here.

The house was full of greetings.

The lady next to the party is very beautiful, new, inexperienced and quite nervous.

Everyone sat down, and someone called, "Miss, tea!" "

Miss hurried forward and pointed her finger: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, * * * seven!"

Everyone laughed, and the leader went on to say, "pour the tea!" "

Miss busy "down" again: "7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, or 7."

Someone asked, "What are you counting?"

The young lady hesitated and whispered, "I am a dog."

Everyone was very angry and shouted, "Call your manager!" After the manager went in, he put down his hand and asked with a smile, "Ladies and gentlemen, excuse me."

What is this? "

The leader said, "Don't ask any more questions. Ask about the age of this young lady."

The manager thought for a moment and answered according to his orders: "18 years old, a dog!" " "

The leader smiled and everyone laughed. It is not convenient for everyone to pursue the massive failure of leaders.

Miss and manager are like falling into the clouds.

After 30 days of drinking, a dish came up: "Stewed tortoise!"

Everyone was happy, but they didn't forget the rules. Someone dialed the king with chopsticks and said, "lead, lead!" "

The leader looked at the tortoise's flustered head and was unhappy. He doesn't want to reconcile the ending of this statement, and he doesn't want to go against the public.

People were very happy, so they tasted the soup with a spoon and said, "OK, OK! Please feel free. "

Someone said, "Yes-a turtle should have soup!" " The leader almost spat with anger.

After a while, the soup was almost finished, and a round thing surfaced and asked, "Miss, what is this?"

The young lady quickly replied, "It's an asshole." Everyone was surprised and happy: "Leaders eat first, leaders eat first!"

The leader was happy not to hear the words of "bad luck". He called the young lady: "Give it to everyone!"

For a long time, the young lady didn't move, and the leader asked angrily, "Why, is this unclear?"

The young lady said awkwardly, "How to divide seven people and six bastards?"

Everyone looked at each other, full of delicious food, hard to swallow. `

If you smile. Give me a hand. Let others laugh, too

Once upon a time, a man named Shuang died. On the day of the funeral, his family shouted his name: "Shuang Shuang ... Shuang Shuang ... Shuang Shuang ..." Then a passerby saw this scene and asked, "What are you happy about?"

The cool family suddenly burst into tears: "It's so cool!"

Chief: Hello, comrades!

Soldier: Hello, sir!

The chief patted a soldier's chest and said, how well this muscle is trained!

Soldier: Sir, I'm a female soldier.

A gentleman visited the home of a millionaire.

Servant: "What would you like to drink, sir?" Do you want juice, tea, coffee, milk or chocolate drinks? "

Sir: "Tea, thank you! ! "

Servant: "Sir, do you want green tea, black tea, iced tea or China tea?"

Sir: "Give me black tea."

Servant: "Do you want milk or sugar, sir?"

Sir: "milk!" " "

Servant: "Sir, do you want goat's milk, horse's milk or milk?"

Sir: "milk!" " "

Servant: "sir, do you want milk from the south or from the north?"

Sir: "I'd better add sugar."

Servant: "Do you want black syrup or sucrose, sir?"

Sir: "Sucrose!" "

Servant: "Do you want white sugar, rock sugar or yellow sugar, sir?"

Sir: ".........., I'd rather have plain water!" "

Servant: "Would you like mineral water or boiled water, sir?"

Sir: "Mineral water!" "

Servant: "Sir, are you going to be angry or not?"

Sir: "555 ... I don't want anything, I just want to go home!" ! ! ! "

A beautiful woman decided to spend a lot of money to lose weight. Spent hundreds of thousands, she felt very satisfied!

On the way home, at the newsstand, she bought a newspaper and asked her boss, "Excuse me, how old do you think I am?"

The boss said: 32.

She is so happy: 47!

Then she went to work as a laborer's salesman and asked the lady at the counter the same question.

Miss said, I guess 29.

She is so happy: no, 47!

In high spirits, she went to Uni-President Supermarket on the corner and bought a pack of chewing gum. She couldn't help asking the counter lady there. The lady said, well, I guess 30.

She is so proud: 47, thank you!

While waiting for the bus, she asked the old man next to her.

The old man said: I am 78 years old and my eyes are not good. I do not see any at all. However, there is one way to be sure when you are young. If you let me put my hand in your bra, I'll definitely know.

Your age!

After a long silence, in the empty street, she finally couldn't help thinking: OK! You have a try.

The old man reached into her shirt, then into her bra and began to grope slowly and carefully.

A few minutes later, she said, guess how old I am?

The old man squeezed the last one and pulled out his hand. Ma 'am, you are 47 years old.

The beauty was surprised and asked in surprise: awesome! How did you know?

"Promise not to get angry?"

"Don't be angry!"

The old man's answer let beauty passed out:

The old man said, I was standing behind you when McDonald's stood in line.

%$%$$%@#! # $ & amp%$##@

Cao Cao and Liu Bei drink and talk about heroes. After a few drinks, Liu Bei suddenly farted, which was embarrassing. When I was embarrassed, I heard Guan Yu behind me calmly say, "Don't take offense, fart comes from feather (rain)!" "

As Guan Yu's voice dropped, Zhao Yun stepped forward and said, "Don't take it amiss, fart comes from the clouds!"

After Zhao Yungang finished, Zhang Fei went on to shout, "Where did the fart come from just now!"

Everyone burst into laughter. Liu Bei has also returned to normal.

Cao Cao didn't laugh. He is deeply touched by this. After seeing Liu Bei and others off, Cao Cao said to his subordinates, "When Liu Bei's subordinates saw the master's mistakes, they rushed to take responsibility and make up for them. It's really loyal. If it is your turn, can you do it? "

Everyone was indignant and thought, "It's nothing, what's difficult!"

A few days later, Cao Cao invited Liu Bei to drink again. During the dinner, he wanted to fart and see how his men reacted. After holding back for a long time, I finally managed to hold back a small Pi. Everyone has been waiting for a long time. When they heard a "goo", the general quickly shouted: "Chu (pig) put the fart!"

The waiter Wang Lang immediately said, "Lang (Wolf) farted!"

As soon as Cao Cao stared, others thought that Cao Cao was too slow and rushed to take care of himself. Xia Houdun insisted: "Fart comes from London!"

"no!" Huang Xu heard a retort, "I'm shaking my ass!"

Xun You said, "You let the fart out!"

Man Chong said, "Fart is a pet!"

Jiang Ji said: "Fart comes from the economy!"

Guo Tu said: "Fart is a picture (vomit)!"

Zhong Youdao: "Fart is coming!"

then ....

Taurus: "Fart is gold!"

Cao Hong: "Fart is red!"

Zhang Nan: "Fart is south (blue)!"

...........

Cao Cao was already flushed and was about to get angry.

Counselor Guo Jia shouted, "None of them are right, none of them are right! Everyone is wrong! " ..... deserves to be my number one strategist. Cao Cao secretly thought.

Guo Jia went on to say: "The fart was released by Jia (clip)!"

Liu Bei and others have laughed stagger. ........

Cao Cao fainted with anger.

A man saw a store having a big sale and went in. "What do you want?" "I want to buy dog food." "We have a rule that you must prove that you have a dog." "Where is such a rule?" "This is the case with goods on sale." The man has been grinding with the salesman for a long time, but the salesman still refuses to sell it to him. No way, the man had to go home and bring the dog before buying dog food. A few days later, the man went to this store to buy cat food. "Give me two boxes of cat food." "We have a rule that you must prove that you have a cat." It was the same shop assistant, and the man dawdled with her for a long time. As a result, he still has to go home and take the cat to buy cat food. A few days later, the man came to the shop with a big cardboard box with a hole and found the salesman. "What do you want?" "Just put your hand in and you'll know." The salesman put his hand in: "What is it? Very sticky. " "I want to buy two rolls of toilet paper."

Once upon a time, there was a horse. Just say "My God" to it, and it will run at a speed of thousands of miles. But all you have to do is say "My God" to it, and it will suddenly stop. A businessman bought it, rode on horseback and said "Oh, my God", and the horse began to fly. Before long, the businessman suddenly saw the precipice ahead and wanted to stop the swift horse at once, but he forgot the password to stop the horse, "My land, my ancestors …", that is, he forgot "My God". At the critical moment, he finally said "My God". The horse stopped only a few centimeters away from the landing point. The businessman sighed and said with emotion, "My God!" ……