Modern humor stories and jokes

Andy Lau took Zhang Huimei to drink water at Zhou Xing Pool. Suddenly a wind blew, and a Wu Qilong emerged from the water. Wu Qilong held Zheng Yijian and rode Huang Jiaju, and snatched Zhang Huimei away; Andy Lau held Zhou Hua Sword and rode on Wen Zhaolun, I climbed over Zhao Benshan, passed through Guan Zhilin, jumped over the Pan Changjiang River, snatched back Zhang Huimei, returned to Aaron Kwok, and even hung a flag in the city called the Ren Xian Flag! There were two counterfeiters. They made a 15-yuan coin and couldn't change it, so they went to the mountainous area to spend it. They saw a candied haws seller in the mountainous area and bought one for 1 yuan. When they came back, the two of them cried. It turned out that the old man had found two 7-dollar coins. Give it to him. . . . . 1 I'm like a fly lying on the glass with a bright future and no way out. 2 If you have a long bun, don't blame the dog for following you. 3 Boss, don't you want beef noodles? Why don't they call them wife cakes when they don't have beef? Why don't you give me a wife when you buy it? 3 About the thong before. Take it off *** and see *** Now, pull it off *** and see *** 4 What is an optimist? Just like a teapot. *** Even though it was burning red, he was still in the mood to whistle. 5 Why are pears the hottest fruit? Answer: Pears (ion). 6 Who is the darkest anime character? Answer: Doraemon, because he can’t see his fingers and is the most compassionate. Answer: Or Doraemon, because he always extends his round hand to people 7 A wolf came to the North Pole and what did it become? Answer: Betel nut (ice wolf) 8 Which chicken in the world runs fast? Which chicken is slow? Answer: Ken German Chicken Nuggets (Fast) Nicole Kitman (Slow) 9 Which animal is a master? Answer: Pig, because pigs (abacus) are masters in arithmetic 10 When triangular trees are sent to the North Pole to be planted, what kind of tree will they become? Answer: Trigonometric functions ( Hanshu) 11 Mr. Banana took off his clothes when he was walking on the street. It was very hot and he fell down. 12 Why did Adam and Eve secretly eat the forbidden fruit? Because Adam was not castrated. 13 Teacher: Why is the body cold after death? : Because the mind is calm and naturally cool. 14 Xiaoqiang: Dad, am I a stupid boy? Dad: Silly boy, how can you be a stupid boy? 15 The ant fell from the Himalayas. But he did not fall to death. Why? Answer: He was Starved to death. Because it is too light, it takes a long time to float down. 16 Why does the puppy get smaller and smaller? Answer: Because it goes further and further away. 17A picked up a mirror, looked at it and said: The people here look familiar. B: Right? ? Let me look (take the mirror), it’s me! You don’t even recognize me anymore. 18 The white cat fell into the water, and the black cat rescued him. What did the white cat say to the black cat? Answer: Meow 19 The hen hatches the egg There is an egg coming out of its butt. Hen: What are you doing? Egg: Your fart smells so bad. 20 The white horse is a white horse. The black horse is a black horse. The black and white horse is a zebra. The black and white horse is a zebra. I am shy. Having slept all night, Afanti couldn't sleep, so she simply sat up and stayed awake. His wife asked him strangely: "Afanti, why don't you sleep?" "I have already slept." Afanti replied. "When did you go to bed?" the wife asked again. "Last night I dreamed that I was sleeping, and what I slept at that time might be the same sleep I had tonight." Avanti replied. The men's and women's toilets in the school are adjacent to each other. A girl forgot to bring toilet paper when she went to the toilet. She was at a loss when suddenly toilet paper came from next door. The girl's face turned pale and asked: "Who is it?" A deep and powerful male voice replied: "Lei Feng!" 1. The old couple went to take pictures. , the photographer asked: "Uncle, do you want side light, backlight, or full light?" The uncle said shyly: "I don't care, can you leave a pair of underwear for your aunt?" 2. Wife's Quotes: Allow you If you are drunk, you are allowed to seduce girls, but you must return to my team at night. If you dare to hurt my heart and hurt my lungs, I will cripple your third leg and make your bird sleep forever.

24. On the plane, a parrot said to the stewardess: "Bring me a glass of water." The pig also imitated the parrot and said to the stewardess: "Bring me a glass of water." The stewardess was furious and threw away the parrot and the pig. Plane. At this time, the parrot said to the pig: "You are stupid, I can fly." " 25. An old farmer was hoeing in the field. A crow flew by and dropped some shit on the old farmer's face. The old farmer raised his head and cursed: "CAO your mother!" I don’t even know how to put on a pair of underpants when I go out! "The crow said: "CAO! You, ah, are wearing underpants when you poop! " v 26. Xiao Ming told his mother that when the guests came to play at home today, his brother put a thumbtack on the guest's chair, and I saw it. Mom said: "Then what did you do? "Xiao Ming said: "I stood aside, and when the guest was about to sit down, I took the chair away from behind him. 27. A conversation on a crowded bus one day was as follows: A standing pregnant woman said to a man sitting next to her: "Don't you know I'm pregnant?" (She wanted him to give up her seat. ....) The man was very nervous and said: "The child is not mine!"